I'm not on Tumblr, so I didn't know about this ficfest until I saw the stories pop up on AO3 on Monday. But I looked up the original prompt post, and some of the prompts piqued my interest, so I figured better late than never.
So I wrote this in a few hours, so please forgive any spelling mistakes or janky prose.
Prompt #16: "Uncle Ron said something about Harry knocking Ginny up, but I don't know what he means," Teddy said.
CHAPTER ONE
Ron was still huffing grumpily as he stepped forward and pushed the door of their flat open for Hermione, so she wouldn't have to adjust Teddy in her arms. His gracious show of chivalry clashed hilariously with the sour look on his face.
"Honestly, Ron," Hermione laughed, shaking her head at him, "One would really assume you'd be used to it by now."
"I have gotten used to it!" he said defensively. "I keep getting used to it, over and over, but then they just keep getting worse! If you want to snog your girlfriend, snog your girlfriend, if you want to talk with your best mate, talk with your best mate, but it's downright rude to try to do both at the same time. But was there a single moment today where they weren't draped all over each other? No! I don't even want to think about what their hands might have been doing under the table. I mean, shit…"
"Ron!" Hermioned hissed harshly, quickly covering Teddy's ears.
But it was too late. "What's shit?" the three-year-old asked innocently. Hermione shot Ron a murderous glare.
"I've told you Ron, for once in your life, watch what comes out of your mouth! Teddy is at a stage in his development where he's very observant and curious."
"What's curious?" asked Teddy.
"That just means you're growing up to be the most clever boy in the world!" Hermione told the toddler sweetly. She lifted up his shirt and blew him a raspberry, causing him to erupt into giggles. She put him down and he ran off to sit on the sitting room rug and start playing with the toys they had brought out before taking him today.
Ron was still grumpy as he plopped down on the sofa and watched Teddy absentmindedly. In hindsight, Hermione saw that she should have given him some time to cool off between ending their double lunch date with Harry and Ginny and picking Teddy up from Andromeda, to give her a night off to spend with other adults unencumbered. But if they had delayed at all, Harry would have jumped at the chance and taken Teddy himself. He was always using his role of godfather to indulge his martyr complex, but Hermione had steadfastly reminded him that Ginny was off for the first time in weeks after the intense conclusion to the Quidditch season, and she deserved to have her boyfriend all to herself.
Hermione sighed as she sat next to her fiancé on the sofa, leaning her head against his shoulder. "You have to remember, Ron, that Harry is still learning how physical affection works. He grew up without anyone ever touching him except to control him or hurt him. It's called being touch-starved, it's a real phenomenon in psychology. It's understandable if he over-corrects in the other direction and doesn't understand that public displays of affection come with boundaries.
She turned her head to look at him kindly, but found him giving her a deadpan frown.
"Seriously, Hermione? Not everything is related to something you read in a book once but somehow remember years later. This has nothing to do with Harry's Tragic Backstory, they get more and more handsy because they know that it drives me up the wall, they're just fucking with me."
"What's fucking?" asked Teddy.
"Sorr—Ow!" Ron helped as Hermione elbowed him hard in the side.
"Behave yourself," she told him. "And don't sell Harry short, that is not why he does it."
She settled back into leaning against him, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
"...That is absolutely why Ginny does it, though," she added, making Ron snort with laughter.
They lapsed into a comfortable silence, content to just watch Teddy play with small smiles on their faces.
"Thanks for volunteering us to take him," Ron said softly into Hermione's ear. "Having him around, this time of the year….it helps."
Hermione nodded somberly. "I know what you mean." The next day was May 2nd. Three years to the day since the Battle of Hogwarts.
Hermione sniffed as she felt all-too familiar tears threatening to break free again. "Being around someone so young, someone who won't ever remember how bad things had gotten, who would only know the new world we fought for. It reminds us that none of them died in vain."
"Yeah," Ron agreed quietly. "I think the rest of the family feels the same way, they always get super clingy with Vic this time of the year. Me too, I'll admit."
"Oh yes, I've definitely noticed that," Hermione nodded. "Even more so than with Teddy, since she's a Weasley. She represents your family's survival and healing, I suppose."
Hermione chuckled at something she remembered. "The worst of them all is your mother. She's really been cranking the doting up for Victoire, and between you and me, it's driving Fleur absolutely mad."
Ron sat up a bit to face her, smiling mischievously at the gossip. "Oh yeah?"
Hermione nodded and smiled back. "She won't say anything until she figures out a way to phrase it passive-aggressively instead of bluntly, but Fleur is clearly feeling smothered by the pressure of being the mother of the only grandchild."
Ron's smile faltered a bit, and the same grumpy mood he had when they returned home seemed to return.
"Well, she probably shouldn't worry," he grumbled. "If my best mate and my sister keep being as insufferable as they are, it's only a matter of time before Harry's knocking Ginny up—"
"Ron!" Hermione growled angrily, shooting Teddy a sideways glance, but fortunately he seemed too busy playing with his toy dragons. She breathed a sigh of relief, then started giggling.
"What on Earth makes you assume that?" she asked him incredulously.
"Hermione, if they can't control themselves in the middle of a sodding café, what makes you think they can when alone in their flat?"
Hermione snuggled back up to him, pouting her lip playfully. "Well if that's the case, why them and not us? I'd like to think that we're similarly….out of control at times…" she slowly brought a hand to rub up his thigh. Then, suddenly, her eyes narrowed dangerously, she stood up, and put her hands on her hips.
"Unless you're saying that you're just not as attracted to me as Harry is to Ginny?"
Ron just raised a skeptical eyebrow at her. "You're trying to trap me because you think I'm adorable when I'm nervous, but you have to be less transparent than that, love."
"Shoot, it was worth a try," laughed Hermione, sitting back down.
"You know that I meant that you would never allow that to happen," pulling her close again. "You can't even make noncommittal plans for drinks in a pub without triple-checking your schedule and giving it a color-coded entry in your planner, there's no way you'd ever let something as important as….that just slip your mind. But you know how reckless those two are, is it really hard to believe they would neglect the charm once?"
Hermione bit her lip thoughtfully. "No, I really don't think so. There are some things that Harry and Ginny do take seriously, one of them is family, they wouldn't be blasé about it. And don't be so disgustingly modest," she said, lightly swatting his leg. "I am not always meticulous, you know damn well you're capable of turning me into a scatterbrained piece of goo."
She wasn't looking at him, but she could feel Ron grinning proudly at that.
"Oh yeah?" he murmured in her ear, and Hermione felt goosebumps erupt on her neck. He pulled her closer and Hermione felt herself blush scarlet as he whispered all sorts of things he planned to do to her to prove her right.
"What's knickers?" asked Teddy, who apparently had very good hearing. Hermione blushed harder than ever as she elbowed her fiancé again.
It was after dark when Ron and Hermione finally stepped through the fireplace of the Burrow. They could hear the large, loud gathering in the kitchen before they saw it. They found Andromeda talking and laughing happily in the kitchen with Molly, Arthur, Bill, Fleur, George, and Charlie, all drinking either tea, firewhiskey, or some combination of both. But as pleasant as the evening had been, she still beamed when she saw her grandson running towards her.
"He wasn't too much trouble, was he?" she asked apologetically as she scooped the toddler into her lap.
"He was a delight!" said Hermione cheerfully.
"Yeah, this kid stuff is easy!" said Ron dismissively. "And yes, that's a git thing to say, feel free to saddle us with him until I regret it."
Andromeda laughed and thanked them again. After Ron and Hermione returned home through the fireplace, Teddy rested his head on Andromeda's shoulder. He was clearly very tired and was starting to get fussy.
"Well," Andromeda sighed, "I guess I should get this one home. Thank you so much for having me, all of you."
But then, Teddy spoke up in a sleepy voice.
"Grammy, what's knocking up?"
There was a loud crash as Molly dropped the teapot onto the kitchen floor. Fleur gasped dramatically, Bill coughed and sputtered on his firewhiskey, while George just erupted into laughter.
Andromeda pulled the boy off her shoulder and looked at him sternly. "Edward Remus Lupin, where did you hear that?" she asked.
"Oh, I believe we know where" Molly growled as she flicked her wand to levitate the shrapnel on the floor and started to reassemble it into a teapot, "I honestly don't know where these sons of mine got such foul mouths. I have half a mind to go after Ronald and remind him that he's not too old for me to wash his mouth out with soap. I am so sorry, Andi."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that," said Andromeda. "Harry can swear just as well as any Weasley."
She addressed Teddy again, more gently this time. "Go on, Teddy, where did you hear those words?"
"Uncle Ron said something about Harry knocking Ginny up, but I don't know what he means," Teddy said.
The kitchen of the Burrow had never before fallen so quickly, completely silent. The only sound was another crash as Molly dropped the teapot again.