Trigger Warning: referenced sexual assault, PTSD nightmares, referenced animal abuse and emotional trauma.
You have been warned- though there is Jay\Carlos\Evie either romantic or family fluff depending how you want to think about it
Evie had long ago decided that her favourite sound was silence. She didn't have to hear the knocking of the headboard, or the ragged breathing of whoever her mother allowed on top of her that time. She didn't have to hear her own heart breaking as they took another piece of her, sucking up any light that shyly grew inside her despite the darkness she was surrounded by. She didn't have to hear the poison her mother spewed at her, or listen to how it polluted our own mind and perception, turning her own emotions against her; seducing them out of her control and weaponizing them for her mother's twisted pleasure. In the silence she could hear her own mind whirling, and sink into the delicious bliss of nothingness. It allowed her time to recoup, acting like a shield so she could piece together the shards of her heart so they could break again. It was loyal, it was dependable, it was her achor that kept her from descending into the depths of insanity.
She had no idea when she had woken, all she knew was that the sound of silence was more soothing than any lullaby she had ever heard. Her eyes traced patterns on the ceiling above her, distracting her frazzled mind and giving her time to smooth the jagged edges. The memories slid over each other in her mind, highlighted in technicolor. Each touch, each scrape of straggled facial hair on her exposed skin, each grunt was embossed in her mind, clotting the good memories she was cultivating in their brand new world. It didn't matter that she was no longer physically there, her mind was still trapped, caught behind barriers that not even magic could break.
Sighing, Evie gently moved the blankets, not liking the feeling of anything against her skin. She pushed herself into a seated position, her eyes flickering to the unslept in bed beside her. A part of her was glad Mal wasn't there, she hated appearing weak. The other girl's spirits had been warped in the acidic fire of her mother yet hadn't broken, so why was she still so rattled from her past? It was embarrassing, just another flaw to mar her already imperfect existence. She sat there dazed and considered her options. She could slip back into bed and surrender to her traitorous mind. She could have a shower and pray that unlike the last time she could wash off the memories that infected her soul, and hope they infused into the water before disappearing down the drain.
Instead, Evie dug her polished nails into her hand, relishing in the slight sting. A flicker of a smile slipped onto her face as she remembered how Carlos had painstakingly coated each nail in the bright candy apple red polish, sensing her downtrodden mood. He could always sense her moods; it was almost like he had own personal hotline to her tumultuous emotions. Frowning, she thought of how unhappy he would be with her for ruining them, after he had put so much effort into each stroke. She unfurled her hand, hoping she didn't do too much damage. "I always ruin everything," she whispered, her voice echoing around the empty room.
Deciding that sleep would be an elusive dream right now, she daintily stood up, placing her carefully crafted wall around her mind. It wasn't perfect, like everything she did, but it would be enough to allow her to get dressed and make a plan, hopefully.
Evie retreated into her own mind, trying to curl up in the unpoisoned corner and guard the small piece of light that still flickered defiantly. She went through her usual routine, not even realising she was standing bare in the room until she pulled on a black hoodie jumper that swallowed her small frame, ending in the middle of her thighs. Distantly, like she was looking through a one way glass, the alert part of her brain recognised the scent, masculine, spicy and decidedly Jay. She let her hair hang loose, her automaton mind not having the prowess to command her fingers to weave it into an imperfect braid. Her makeup remained untouched as she slipped on the first pair of socks her fingers touched, the primal part of her that desperately wanted to stay safe, to be protected, recognised the white fluff as being the ones she made for Carlos. Wearing her friends clothes as armour, Evie stood lost in the middle of the room, her glassy eyes flickering around unseeingly.
The next thing she was aware of was she was closing the door to her dorm behind her, clad in only the fluffy socks and large hoodie. Acting on pure instinct, and the burning desire to feel safe, she fled her room. Teas slid down her cheeks as she stumbled, coating her cheeks in a never ending waterfall. She cried for her innocence, for the girl who was forced to feel her heart being shredded as she felt yet another man's hands echo over her flesh. She increid for herself, and all she could've been.
Quick as a waif, she scurried through the halls, her mind set on her new destination. It was like she had tunnel vision, her heart, her soul and her instincts all spurring her forward. She dug her nails into the tender flesh of her palm whenever she saw them outside her field of vision; the logical part of her mind screaming fruitlessly that it wasn't real. It was like she was locked in a vacuum, all sound greedily being swallowed along with her ability to reason.
Evie shut her eyes, not wanting to see anymore. She let tendrils of her magic pour out of her, letting it be her eyes. She turned when it told her, stepped when she had to. The magic was her guide, being more of a mother to her than her own flesh and blood. It cocooned her in it's embrace, whispering to her that it would get her safely to her destination. She surrendered to it, placing all her tattered trust in an empty promise.
She quickly scampered up the few steps outside the boys dorm, her magic telling her where to go. The door rattled stubbornly when she tried to pull it, crumbling another piece of her already broken soul. Her magic, her fierce protector, eased itself into the lock, forcing it open. Impulsively, Evie scampered inside, pulling the door shut quietly behind her.
She ran like the dogs of hell were right on her heel, threatening to drag her back into the cesspit of an Island. Her fractured heart hammered in her chest, as if reacting to her flight and wanting to escape itself; trying to spare itself anymore torment. She could feel their hot breathe on her skin, whispering things only a lover should, warping the sweet words into something insidious. Desperately she sprinted the rest of the way down the hall, her legs buckling outside the door.
She curled up in a shuddering ball, trying to protect herself from the hungry hands that mercilessly invaded her mind and body. The fighter in her screamed, begged and cajole her to raise her head, to rap her knuckles against the door. Do anything to get their attention, to allow her to slip into her safe haven and marinate in the calm.
She must've listened, because the next thing she knew a bare-chested Carlos was sleepily rubbing his eyes, his expression changing from groggy to horrified when he saw her trembling on the floor. "Jay!" He yelled, making his roommate leap into action, sprinting over to stand beside him.
"What's going on-" his words trailed off and he looked down, his heart dropping with his gaze.
Evie trembled, raising her quivering face up to the only two men she trusted. She opened her mouth to try to form words, but nothing came out. Is this how Ariel felt? She dimly wondered, the thoughts antched away an drepleced with waves of terror. She just looked up at them, her eyes dark with fright, her magic sheathing her in a protective cocoon.
Carlos had seen many things while living on the Isle of the damned. He had seen bodies rotting on the sides of the road, their stench polluting the already filthy air. He had seen children lying broken on the ground while people twice their size slammed their fists into them, the child's pain staining the cracked cement red beneath them. Though of all the things he had seen, this was the worst. He had never seen such undistilled fear in a person's eyes before, or heard such broken whimpers. It made his heart bleed and his soul darken with fury seeing what the animals reduced her to, her usually sunny personality covered in dangerous clouds of unveiled agony.
"Eve, Sunshine,what happened?" he soothed, giving her space and trying to keep his voice soft and prevent any of the molten fury he felt at the monsters who hurt her leak into it.
"I'm so sorry, please, please don't let them hurt me," she brokenly begged, looking up with eyes filled of shattered dreams,
He couldn't take it anymore, he pulled her into his chest and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her firmly as if he could squeeze out the painful memories. He felt sick to his stomach; his vision speckled with unshed tears. It took everything in him not to go destroy the people who had touched her, wanting them to feel even a sliver of the agony the girl in his arms was feeling. He pulled her into his lap, and she clung to him, her nails digging into his exposed back. He didn't care, she could scratch him as much as she liked if it helped her recover from some of the gouges in her soul. He could hear Jay breathing deeply and controlled behind him, no doubt trying to reign in his temper so he didn't traumatise the girl anymore. He could relate, he could barely see with the amount of hatred festering inside him.
"Evie, Angel, we have to get you inside okay? I need you to stand up, can you do that for me?" he asked softly, using one of the few terms of endearments they hadn't sullied.
She didn't reply but loosened her grip, which Carlos took as acceptance. He gently unwound her from his frame and gently propped her up against the doorframe, sliding back. Sharing a look with Jay, he moved to collect himself, otherwise he'd end up doing more damage than good to the already shattered angel.
Jay focused on his breathing, hoping the fresh air would dull the fury. It didn't but he managed to wrangle it back under his control by keeping his eye on the broken beauty. When Carlos had disentangled himself from her and gave him a pointed look, he had bent down, making sure to move slowly so it didn't startle her.
"Hey Angel, it's Jay," he soothed, his deep tone like a caress to her frayed nerves. "Is it okay if I pick you up? That doesn't look very comfortable," he said, watching her carefully for any reaction- positive or negative.
She whimpered, punctuating it with a slight nod of her head. Recognising that it was all he'd get right now, he gently scooped her up, holding her close to his chest. He cradled her like she was the most precious thing in the world, paying no mind to the fact her-his- jumper had risen up her legs, only focusing on getting her to somewhere safe and warm.
He went straight for Carlos's bed, the other boy having the warmest duvet of them both. He gently held her in one sculpted arm, using the other to move the blankets back so he could tuck her in. Immediately, she curled into a ball, her entire body shivering as if he had placed her in the antarctic not a cozy bed. He kept his eyes firmly on her frame, his wrath simmering and fighting against the urge to pull her into his chest and hold her until the pain stops, or at least dulls.
He threatened a hand through his knotted hair, the physical action steadying his brain. He ddin;t know who he was more furious with, those vermin who had laid their hands on her or Ben's father who had allowed this to happen in the first place; if he had taken the children from the Isle then she wouldn;t have been this upset. Sure, it may not be fair, but neither is what Evie had experienced, so he didn't really give a shit. He glanced out of the corner of his eyes Carlos coming back into the room, a sombre expression on his face.
"I want to go get her a tea but I don't want to leave her, not even for a second," Carlos confessed, gazing at the girl curled up in his bed.
"I know how you feel. God I want to tear those assholes limb from limb," Jay growled, his temper and magic flaring.
"Trust me I feel the same, I'd do what my mother did to puppies and skin them alive," Carlos growled darkly, fully agreeing with Jay.
The pair just stayed there for a while, just staring at the trembling girl. Carlos stayed standing, not wanting to disturb her while Jay stayed seated, his own body trembling from his rage. Eventually her breathing slowed and she succumbed to sleep, small whimpers escaping every few moments as her body flinched from the memories her mind tortured her with. Sighing, Jay gestured to Carlos to jump into bed with him, neither boy knowing how she'd react to either of them crawling into bed with her when she was feeling so fragile. Carlos agreed, making his way across the room. Jay began to follow him, pushing himself up only for Evie to whimper and reach an arm out, her eyes glowing with fright and residual magic .
"Jay, Carlos, don't leave me," she begged, "please" she whispered the last word, her voice breaking.
"Of course, Angel," Jay said, sitting back down and moving the covers so he could slide in with her.
She scooted over, moulding her body to Jay's bigger one. He placed his head behind her head, gently moving her head onto his broad chest. He heard Carlos making his way back across the room, and felt the bed dip and he sat down, clambering in beside them. He curled around Evie, wrapping an arm under her and around her protectively. She snuggled in, her body stilling as it absorbed the feeling of safety. The three of them stayed silent, just basking in the closeness, giving Evie's body and mind a chance to recoup after her traumatic night,
Eventually she stopped shaking and snuggled in, threading her fingers through Carlos's over her stomach and doing the same with Jay's hand at her side. "I'm sorry to bother you guys." she whispered, guilt eating her alive for her inconsiderate actions.
"Glam, look at me," Jay said softly but firmly, making the girl look up at him, the pieces of her fractured heart clear in her big, trusting eyes.
"Never apologize for that, our room is always open to you." He said, and she felt Carlos nod against her shoulder.
"You are never a burden, or an inconvenience or any of the bullshit that egg donor of yours claimed," he continued, meeting her spellbinding eyes with his own eyes.
"Jay is right," Carlos said seriously, using his arm to support his weight so he could look at her. "You are our Evie, and I know you probably go to Mal or Doug usually when you feel this way, but you are welcomed here any time. Hell, we can even get you a key if you need,"he said, determined to make sure she knew how cherished she was.
Evie sighed, tears welling in her eyes. "Doug and I stopped seeing each other a few weeks ago, and Mal doesn't know I have these… episodes," she said faintly, shame flooding her soft features.
Jay and Carlos looked at each other with matching incredulous expressions. What the actual hell? Sure, the two hadn't officially gotten together but he was smitten with her. Even a blinf person could see that. Did they have to go beat him up now too?
"Eve, what happened with Doug?" Carlos asked gently, shifting to give her space when he felt her sit up, slightly leaning against Jay, and pull the blankets up to her chin.
"After we chose good, we tried for a few weeks but it just… never felt right. I tried to tell him about the Isle but he just didn't get it. I felt like I was talking to a brick wall sometimes no matter how much he tried to understand. And it didn't help that he dented my trust with the whole Family Day incident, and we couldn't really get that level of trust of comfort back," she said, a single tear sliding down her cheek.
"Okay, does Mal know? And why didn't you tell her about your nightmares?" Carlos asked gently, knowing how uncharacteristic it was of the girls not to talk to each other about these types of things.
Evie nibbled her lip and played with the strings on Jay's jersey she was wearing. "She doesn't know, she's been so stressed with the whole being good thing and when we came here we both kind of had an understanding that we didn't talk about the trauma, so I guess I just never got around to it, and right now with everything on her plate i'd feel too guilty if tried." She said, her voice soft despite the scratchiness in her throat. "And I'm a silent crier, mother instilled that into me," she added, enjoying the sense of safety she felt when Jay curled his arm tighten around her and Carlos squeezed her hand in comfort.
"As for Doug, same reason really. Plus shame," she said, laughing bitterly. "Don;t get me wrong, I a, thrilled that she is so happy with Ben, but I can;t help but wonder what is wrong with me? Mother raised me to be a princess with the sole objective of marrying a prince, and I can't even keep a guy, let alone get a prince. I'm the biggest disappointment for my mother, and I guess I just felt that if I didn't say it outloud then it wouldn't be true, and I could keep on pretending she might actually be proud of me," the silent 'for once' was deafening.
Jay didn't say anything, just crushed Evie into his chest. She wrapped her arms around him, not caring about the crink in her neck she got from the awkward angle. She could feel the softness of his sweatpants on her exposed thigh, and the thumping of his heart below her head. He gently let her go, only for Carlos to pull her back into his chest, tucking her head under his chin and holding her tightly around her waist, trying to stop his own body shaking from the anger the words had caused him.
"Angel, you listen to me and listen well." Jay said, pausing to make sure she looked him in the eyes before continuing. "I'm not going to go near the Mall topic as you already know that she'd drop anything for you. You should never, ever, feel shame about Doug and you breaking up or whatever the Auradonians term for that is. Your worth isn't not subject to a relationship, your worth lies only in you. It doesn't rest in the status of the person you date or what people think of you. Though quite honestly what Carlos and I see in you is a drop dead gorgeous, kind, loyal, funny and wickedly intelligent woman who I for one am honoured to know," Jay said, his expression more serious than Evie had ever seen.
"Jay is right," Carlos said, gently moving her so they were sitting in a triangle, their knees brushing. "He is right about everything he said and I completely agree with it all. You are not your mother Eve, and thank all that exists for that," he added, making Jay snort in agreement. "You are not measured by who you date, or what you wear or anything like that. You are you and if I could I'd clone more of you because you are the epitome of perfection," Carlos said, making Evie well up with tears.
"I'm damaged goods, guys," she whispered and immediately the boys growled, infuriated by her even thinking that.
"You are not damaged. Hurt, yes, but damaged, no fucking way," Jay said, his tone harsh by filled with true care.
"Your past does not define you, the same way as who you date doesn't. Jay and I will be here for you, whenever you need us and will fight off those evil thoughts for you when you can't do it for yourself, without judgement. You are our Evie, and your past has just made you into the strong, empathetic and gorgeous woman that you are. So please, never think any differently, okay?" Carlos was practically panting at the end of his speech, but his eyes held so much sincerity, looking at her as if she was the entire galaxy rolled into one person.
"We will remind you every day if you need it, and once you are ready, we can talk about your dream and unpack that. But right now we are just going to cuddle up to you and make sure those memories stay far away because no one hurts our Evie while we are here," Jay said, smiling reassuringly at her.
Evie was overwhelmed by the sheer emotion the boys expressed. They both gazed at her as if she was made of the finest jewel, not the cracked cloudy glass she felt like she was made of. She found herself whispering a small okay, and before long she was wrapped back up in their arms. She felt safe, and for the first time in her life, after having a nightmare of that scale, her dreams were blissfully silent.
The next day, or the days after it, none of them mentioned that night. It was as if there was a silent agreement between them, their lack of words communicated by their gestures and the soft looks that boys gave her when she was feeling down. If Mal or anyone noticed, they didn't say, instead just baskedin the radiant smile Evie was finally gracing them with again. And if anyone noticed the extra key that had turned up on her key ring, no one mentioned it, remaining gloriously silent and just carrying on. It was all these little unspoken things that once against reaffirmed the beauty of silence, forever cementing it as Evie's favourite sound.
Hey guys, bit of a heavy one. I was just thinking about the things they wuld;ve had to experience to get into character for my other story, Rotten Apples, and this sprung up in my mind and wouldn't leave me alone. It is up to interpretation if you want it to be familial or romantic, I deliberately left it being vague. The names, Angel, Glam and Sunshine are all ones sued solely by Carlos and Jay for Evie, as they are some of the only ones the horrible people who hurt her havn't tainted for her. I might make a One-Shot Anthology of all Evie goodness, with multiple Evie ships or just Evie being a badass on her own. In the meantime, if you enjoyed this feel free to check out my other two Descendants fics, Smile and Rotten Apples (mentioned above) and until next time, Stay safe, and never be afraid to reach out for help, we are all humans.
TBP