A Zero Amidst Humans
There were times that Louise wished she could just disappear with a flick of her wand.
From the moment she was born to now, she was expected- well, rather demanded- to hold up the Vallière name and prove that she was, in a way, worthy of being the daughter of Heavy Wind herself and that she carried the same strength and power that her mother herself carried through the years.
Her sisters proved their worth when they were her age, and thus, the same duty fell upon her when she was born, which was why all the tutors that have come and go were called and brought up from the moment Louise was already walking and talking.
Her mother and father thought that Louise would, like her older sisters, prove to them her own power. Prove to them how strong she was and what her strongest element was so that she uphold the family name among the rivals that scoffed and dared to look down on them and be the epitome of perfection that they believed she should be...
It was almost funny to Louise, that in a way if she had the time or patience to do so, she would probably laugh about it and treat it as nothing more than a joke or a test rather. Just something that she could brush aside and treat it as nothing more than a nuisance for her to conquer to be better and prove that she was indeed a better witch.
Sadly, in the 16 years that she had been alive, the "joke" was losing its charm and luster. What was once a funny and impossible thing was now becoming a cruel twist of fate for her as she constantly faltered. Her magic, rather than produce the awe and wonder of her classmates and family(save for Cattleya), instead caused them to grimace and shield themselves from the oncoming explosion that was rather produced from her efforts.
Every time that it would occur, her heart would constantly ache from the stinging of words being either whispered or thrown at her, from the laughs and snickers that her classmates often let out, and from her parents and older sister Éléonore being further disappointed as they simply shook their heads in complete disappointment...
Not even having Cattleya trying to comfort her would help her whenever this occurred, as it only fuels the self-hatred and disgust of pity that she hated being under.
When she was younger, Louise would often found herself running away either to the lake by boat and allowed herself to cry until eventually, someone had come to find her and return her to the house. Leaving her to stand in front of her parents, her mother scolding her on the problem while her father merely looked away, the disappointed clear on his face.
When her mother was done, Louise would be sent to her room and she would sit on her bed, crying some more as her heartache and her frustration built up from the pain of it all as Éléonore would have her due turn and all that sadness turned to pent-up frustration as she went around her room in a whirlwind of anger, grabbing at anything and tearing at the said items, leaving broken pieces and shreds as she stood in place, breathing heavily before Cattleya would come in and comfort her as best as she could, but at last, she could only do so little.
As she got older, Louise turned from crying in anger and frustration to just sucking it up and nodding quietly whenever her parents expressed frustration. As soon as they were done, she would be excused and she would simply walk out of her home too exhausted to even summon any tears as she went towards the boat and quietly drift off as the boat floated to the center, leaving her to stare up at the sky until she eventually had to return.
Even after she had begun to attend the Tristain Academy of Magic, the lingering self-doubt persisted in her head. From her first year as a student, she had been hoping to get a fresh start, clearly intending to get much better results from the professors there, and in the process finally prove to both herself and her family that she was the most powerful witch that her family expected her to be!
Unfortunately, it would seem that Lady Luck was not done messing with Louise, because, on the first day of her first year of class, she was asked to perform a simple fire spell. Lousie, with a mask of false confidence on and a building case of anxiety in her stomach, stood up with her wand in hand and ready, the words just on the tip of her tongue.
It would be one of many explosions that often plagued the school. And it was especially one of the many instances of her classmates giving her the embarrassing nickname of "Zero."
No matter where she went or where she ended up in the academy, the snickering and gossip would always follow and linger in the halls. Eyes full of wary and disbelief of how one of the daughters of the most prominent families be such a failure at performing the basic of spells with harsh whisperings going in and out her ears, with some worming their way deep into her brain, echoing into her thoughts as she would finish the day and go back up to her room.
It didn't help when that scoundrel of an Anhalt-Zerbst had become one of her main tormentors, fueling her frustration even more!
Who did she think she was, taunting her and acting all high and mighty with her stupid hair? Her stupid smug smile? And her stupid large chest?! She wasn't anything special! She was nothing! She probably only becoming a student for the academy by kissing up to some older man, which wasn't surprising considering her attitude!
Well, whatever the case was, Louise often found herself butting heads with her now proclaimed rival, words filled trick fire and steam spitting from her tongue and towards the current bane of her existence, who in return did the same. While their fights didn't get physical(thankfully, otherwise Louise would have to answer to her older sister Éléonore), it did leave Louise more than less exhausted, all of that steam just sputtering out of her body as she turned heel and went to her own devices.
Upon the end of her first-year and finding herself back home, Louise wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and hideaway. Her magic had not been approved, and right now her own mind wasn't feeling... right. She couldn't explain it, but currently, she just wanted to do nothing more than to just go away for good.
A small voice would often echo in her head, telling her how bad she was, how she was a failure, how better things would be if she would just vanish, and to go be a failure somewhere else. It would always repeat those same phrases, twisted her already depleting optimism as she struggled to ignore it as her continuing to practice her magic to less than stellar results. By the time her second year was to begin, Louise just felt angrier at herself, frustrated at the lack of improvement, and frustrated at this ever-growing sense of self-pity, something she had grown to despise with a passion.
She wasn't thrilled about going back to that damned academy and face another year of torment, but alas, that was not the Vallière way. And soon, she found herself on her way back into those stares and smirks, back to that smug Anhalt-Zerbst, back to it all. Hooray.
Lady Luck may have been a cruel mistress to Lousie so far, but right now she would give anything just for her to be sick and remain in bed for, perhaps, forever. And all because Louise just had to open up her big mouth and declare, after another day of explosions and scoldings, that she was going to summon an all-powerful familiar, something much powerful than what Kirche and Montmorency(another tormentor for her, though not on the same level as Zerbst) would ever summon in their lives.
Why did she say such a statement exactly? Because of the summoning ritual, which was set to occur tomorrow for the second-year students. And because both Kirche and Montmorency were talking about the ritual and how Louise would probably bomb it, she had found herself snapping at the two of them and proclaiming such a thing before heading back to her room, given her the chance to sit down and slap her forehead at the pure idiocracy she had just portrayed right then and there. But she knew, she knew it was too late to take it back. She either had to prove to both herself and her classmates her claim was correct, or face their ridicule once more.
And she would not go through it again.
All she had to do was just try. Try and perform the summoning correctly and she could rub it in all her classmates' faces and laugh at their shock and disbelief... And maybe laugh in Zerbsts' face.
Would it have been unladylike? Absolutely. But she did not care at all. She felt that it was justified in a sense, a way to get back at her for all the times she was mocked and laughed at.
It was going to be perfect...
Until tomorrow had come, and suddenly all that bravado and courage that she had gathered had been replaced by a sense of dread. It felt as if Lady Luck was smirking at her, giggling maliciously as Louise got up and prepared herself for the day. That pit of despair only grew further in her mind and stomach as she stepped out and made her way to the center of it all, hiding between the rest of the student body and hoping not to catch a glimpse of Anhalt-Zerbst in the process as they made their way outside and to the courtyard.
As the summoning continued and more familiars of each and every size and strength were summoned for these said students, Louise could feel herself getting less sure of herself more and more, shrinking down in an attempt to hide and hopefully not get called on.
And, at first, it seemed to be working, until...
"Ok, is that everyone? Did everyone summon their familiar?"
" No Professor Colbert! I'm pretty sure Louise didn't summon her familiar!"
That damn Kirche!
Why couldn't she had just minded her own damn business and held her tongue?!
Now all eyes were on her as she just let out a nervous gulp before pointing her nose up and walking forward, trying to keep a confident front as she walked past the wary stares and the one mocking smile of Kirche herself as she stood in front, wand at the ready.
"Oh, Miss Vallière. I'm seemed to have missed you by accident. My mistake," Professor Colbert said apologetically as Lousie just gave a polite if strained smile.
"I-It is quite alright Professor," Louise responded as she tried to calm herself down before continuing with, "I must have gotten distracted for a bit. I guess I was still just feeling a bit tired."
"Ah, it's alright Miss Vallière. Are you perhaps ready to begin the summoning?"
"Yes Professor. I-I believe that I am ready sir."
"Then, you may begin."
Professor Colbert stepped back alongside everyone else as Louise pulled out her wand, took in a deep breath, and raised it high.
"My servant that existed somewhere in this vast universe," Louise yelled out the beginning, taking another breath as she said, "my divine, beautiful, wise, powerful servant, heed my call, I wish from the very bottom of my heart and add to my guidance and appear," Louise yelled out, her wand sparking and lighting up as everyone remained still, watching intently as the area itself corresponded with her. Louise kept her eyes closed as she held her wand tightly, refusing to lose concentration as she pleaded in her mind, hoping that her all-powerful familiar that she was begging for would finally show up and show everyone that she was-
BOOM!
Louise's thoughts were quickly interrupted as she fell back, dust blowing out from the area as everyone let out a scream, ducking to get out of the way as an explosion ranged out through the courtyard. Louise was left rubbing her butt as she got up, running towards the center to see if anything, ANYTHING, had been summoned correctly.
She had to see it before anyone else! If she didn't, how would she face them all? She wouldn't have been able to! She just had to know if it worked damn it!
Running towards the center, she moved her arms quickly, coughing as dust gathered in her lungs and in her eyes, blinking away the tears in her futile attempts to see if her familiar was there. Moving rapidly, she patted at the air, at the ground, reducing herself to crawling on her knees like a peasant but she did not care.
She was getting desperate, hot tears leaving her eyes as her mind started to scream at her, lungs demanding air as her pats slowed down and her arms fell to her side.
Nothing.
There was nothing there.
The space was empty. The space was empty. The space was empty!
'N-No. There must have been a mistake! There has to be a mistake! It should have worked! IT SHOULD HAVE WORKED!'
Louise could only grip at the ground below her, trying to stifle her sobs as her body shuddered, the sounds around her becoming just white noise as all of her hopes and dreams flew out the window.
She failed.
She had failed in doing the one simple task that could prove her worth, the weight of it all falling on her as she felt the smoke beginning to clear, glimpses of her classmates faces scrunched up, all of them letting out coughing fits. Suddenly, Louise felt her heart race, her eyes widened in terror as she took note of them.
They were going to see.
They were going to see that she failed and they were going to mock her.
She was going to be a "Zero" for the rest of her life because of this one thing! A "Zero"! There was no hope for her! There was nothing!
Suddenly, her mind started whispering to her, taunts ringing out in a way that felt truly suffocating to her. Small phrases were being repeated as she quickly got up, not paying mind to the dirt and grass clinging to her socks as she looked around.
She had to get out of there.
She had to leave!
She couldn't stay here!
Her heart thumped rapidly in her chest as she gulped and started running. Running through the courtyard, she could what sound like Professor Colbert calling out to her but she didn't look back. Running through the small corridors, pushing past the very few people walking to and from class as she paid no mind to their reactions as she only had one goal in mind: she needed to get to the main gate.
She didn't have a plan.
She didn't have anything.
What she did have was a wave of desperation as she pushed on, stumbling as tears streamed down her face, sobs racking through her body as she ran on, just wishing to vanish for good as she did not pay any mind to a group of people that were following her.