Exodus to Revelations
This is a tag challenge by IlikebigficsandIcannotlie for the season four, episode fifteen "Exodus"
Elizabeth slipped quietly from the Recovery room with a sense of overwhelming sadness, disappointment and abject failure. She'd just finished explaining to Leo why they'd had to amputate his arm despite her promises and valiant efforts to do anything but. What a day, she thought to herself. What should have been a routine ride along with the paramedics had quickly spiralled out of control and resulted in her risking her own life.
Their very first shout was to a partially collapsed building where a man was still trapped inside, underneath the rubble. Despite concerns that the site was becoming even more unstable, she'd not for a moment hesitated to volunteer herself to go inside with a firefighter and see what she could do to help. Never in all her life had she been as scared as she was crawling through the rubble of twisted broken steel and concrete; the building had continued to groan and strain around her as debris continued to fall, hitting her at least once. Adrenalin and training had fortunately combined once they'd reached Leo, and that had allowed her to focus her attention solely on the patient and temporarily suspend her fear.
He was still conscious, scared witless and very, very vocal that he did not want his arm, which was trapped underneath heavy concrete, to be amputated. This was the course the firefighter recommended; a field amputation would allow them all to get out of there as quickly as possible. A horrified Leo had begged her not to and she'd agreed to explore every option available to try freeing him before going down that route. Time however was against them, and as the building neared the inevitable point of no return, the call had come through for them to evacuate and leave the poor man to his fate. Well, not on her watch she'd sworn to herself. There was no bloody way in hell that she was going to simply abandon the poor man to die and she'd refused to leave him, forcing the Fire Chief to go the extra mile. Another plan was hatched, which allowed just enough leeway to free the trapped limb. They'd all barely got out alive as the site began to fully collapse. Her jubilation at finally freeing him however was quickly dashed as it became apparent in the surgery that they would have to take the arm after all...it was just too badly damaged. Romano had warned her before they even entered the O.R that would be the case, but she'd still dared to hope and they'd fought together like hell to change his prognosis.
She made her way to the locker room looking forward to at least meeting up later with Peter. As she'd put it, she needed a 'debriefing', or in plain speak she needed a good, long bloody shag. Changing quickly into her street clothes, she checked out the bruise forming around her eye where she'd been struck by falling debris. Already a mixture of deep purple and greens, it promised to be one hell of shiner! She pushed the locker door shut and made for the exit, keen to get home and indulge herself an a very long, luxurious bath. As she rounded the corner she spied Romano stood by the nurses station talking to Shirley. Nothing unusual there but she was surprised to note he was still dressed in scrubs, and wondered briefly if he'd been unlucky enough to get sucked into another procedure. Not wanting to suffer the same fate, she hoped she could slip by unnoticed, and tried to make herself invisible as she all but tried to tip-toe past. However, luck, it seemed was determined to not be her friend today. She didn't know how he did it, but the man seemed to have a sixth sense where she was concerned. He turned and she forced a half hearted smile onto her face.
"Still here?" she said breezily. "I thought you'd be long gone by now."
Expecting a smile and flippant retort as per the norm, she was instead met with cold silence and a stony expression. Elizabeth groaned inwardly and felt her luxurious bath slipping away from her.
Eventually he spoke, breaking the uncomfortable silence. "Doctor Corday...the very person I seek. I need a word with you."
Not Lizzie...not even Elizabeth, she noted. No. It was Doctor Corday and he was using his 'I'm seriously pissed off' voice. Great she thought, just what she didn't need! She'd only ever seen him angry a couple of times when they worked together in London, and had always escaped any such treatment herself, until last month. She'd managed to incur his wrath when she'd gone behind his back regarding how to treat Alison Beaumont. They'd gone toe to toe and well, she'd won that one, hadn't she? He'd apologised and allowed her to proceed. She didn't know what particular bug had crawled up his ass, but she was positively certain it had nothing to do with her. She'd barely even seen him today, other than working together in the O.R.
"Actually, I was just on my way home. It's been a rather a long day for me," she said, pointing at her black eye, hoping to play the sympathy card and deflect. "Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait until tomorrow?"
"I wasn't asking," he enunciated slowly, in a low voice. He registered her half smile slip quickly away and turned, marching off towards the Doctors lounge.
Elizabeth stood frozen to the spot momentarily watching his departing back. "What the hell is His problem?!" she muttered to Shirley, hoping to find both an explanation and an ally. Shirley's eyes however, were watching her and something in her expression told her not to cross him. The slight shake of her head confirmed her suspicion, and so with an elaborate huff, she followed him towards the lounge. As she reached it, two unhappy residents were leaving, having obviously been just ejected by Romano, who stood holding the door open.
She had a feeling of walking into the lions den and the fight or flight instinct kicked in. She chose to fight and immediately went on the attack. "What's so bloody important then, that you have to keep me here?" she said huffily as she passed him by. The sound of the door slamming shut made her spin on her heel in surprise and she turned to find an angry finger pointing at her.
"You really don't know when to keep that shut do you?"
"I beg your pardon?" she spluttered, indignantly and stared at him. "How dare you speak to me like that!"
"Oh you can beg alright Lizzie, you can beg me not to fire you right now!"
"What?!" she spluttered. This conversation was quickly becoming both uncomfortable and surreal. She had no idea where his anger was coming from, or more importantly, why it was directed at her. Earlier in the O.R, things had been fine between them. They'd battled together to save Leo's arm, working well as they always did, despite the unfortunate outcome. Something must have happened since she last saw him. She forced herself to breathe and try and calm her growing indignation and anger. Still convinced that somehow she'd been targeted as collateral damage for someone else's fuck up, she thought she'd try and switch gears. Try and appeal to the charming man she'd met in London; the one who'd successfully wined and dined her in his desire to bring her to America.
"Robert," she began in a disarming voice that she always found got a mans attention. "I don't know who or what's upset you today, but I can promise you, mines been worse. Do you have any idea of the hell I've been through today?"
"Ohh, boo hoo Lizzie, go cry me a river!" he said to her stunned expression. "I've a counter question for you...do you know what kind of a day I've had? Do you realise where I've just come from? No? Well, let me enlighten you! I've just come from Anspaugh's office where he just tore me a new strip and handed me my ass! He wants yours by the way, on a sacrificial platter and served up to the Chicago Fire Department."
"What?" she said, dumbstruck. What on earth was he talking about? "Why would Donald..?" she started confused, only to be cut off by him.
"That little action hero stunt you pulled today? The Fire Captain just lodged an official complaint against you with Anspaugh for reckless endangerment!"
"Wh-what?" she stammered, all of the wind in her sails suddenly gone.
"That's right," he said, watching her deflate in front of him. "Your ego is writing cheques this hospital can't cash! Luckily for you, the Press are already sniffing around wanting to write a hero piece on you, but have no illusions...what you did today was not heroic...it was downright irresponsible, selfish and stupid!"
After all the pain and discomfort she'd gone through today, and this, this was her reward?! Being balled at like some naughty child! She felt her own temper rising to match his.
"You or Doctor Anspaugh CANNOT possibly comment on what I did today, because you weren't there...you have NO idea how much stress I was under! They were going to leave him and I had to make a judgement call...I chose to save that man and I'd bloody well do it again in a heartbeat!"
He moved so quickly she took an involuntary step backwards. He didn't quite raise a finger to her face, but he might just as well have done.
"That's a shitload of 'I's' you're throwing about there Lizzie! You got lucky today, is what you did! If it had gone the other way, you'd be dead along with your patient and you'd have taken three firefighters out with you! Two of them are family men...why don't you think on that for a moment!"
"I think you're being totally unreasonable is what I think…"
"Are you so bloody minded that you can't see, or are you just so used to doing what you want, when you want and to hell with the risk? To hell with the consequences? You're not at your fathers hospital now Lizzie! He can't protect you, and if you keep pulling stunts like this neither can I! You've had two strikes. One more and you're out! Do you understand that?!"
The door opened and both their heads snapped round to see who the unfortunate intruder was.
"GET OUT!" he yelled at Dale Edson.
Edson bristled visibly at the rebuke and backed out of the room, but not before Elizabeth caught the gleeful smirk he threw in her direction before the door closed. Great she thought! Now everyone is going to know she was getting a roasting.
She became vaguely aware her mouth was hanging open in shock. "What do you mean? What was my first strike and why would you need to protect me?" she asked stunned.
"Appendectomy ring a bell? Alarm going off anywhere in there yet?" he snapped, reaching across and tapping a finger against her head for effect.
She whipped her head away from out off his reach and stared at him, not sure how to respond. Quite frankly she was stunned. She had no idea that Anspaugh was so unhappy with her. Yes, she'd messed up when she'd performed the appendectomy solo, but they'd spoken about it afterwards and she'd taken the bollocking and thought that was the end of the matter. None of this made any sense.
"Robert, start from the beginning. What exactly did Donald say? And if Donald is upset with me, then he should take it up with me! I'll go and see him and make it clear this has nothing to do with you..."
"It has everything to do with me Lizzie! Don't you get it? You are MY responsibility! I'm your sponsor and your poor choices reflect poorly on me. Now he's questioning my judgement in even bringing you here."
She'd certainly never considered how it might have reflected on Robert, but the more she thought about it, yes, she supposed her actions did reflect upon him. He was her sponsor, he was responsible for her being here, so yes, logically it stood to reason that any negative exposure on her side would also reflect poorly on him and his judgement. The fact that he'd already had to defend her not once, but twice now explained his current tirade against her.
She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath before letting it out again slowly. She'd never considered seeing how things looked from any other angle, other than her own. "I'm sorry," she sighed heavily.
It was said with enough sincerity, that she could see some of the tension leave his shoulders at the acknowledgement he was finally getting through to her. He ran a hand over his cheek and scratched briefly at the six o'clock stubble. A reminder of just how long a day it had been for everybody.
He waited for her to say more but instead watched as she slumped down into a chair and start to absently chew on a finger as she contemplated things.
"Do you even realise your six month review is coming up?" he asked and she glanced up at him.
He met her eyes with his. "I'll be honest with you Lizzie, right now I'm struggling to put anything good in there."
"I didn't realise I was such a bloody disappointment!" she snapped out sulkily.
"Look Lizzie, don't get me wrong," he said holding his hands up in a placating gesture. "I'm your biggest fan, but it just seems lately you've been distracted.
"Distracted?"
"Yes distracted. You came here to learn trauma and today you nearly became one! All you seem to be interested in of late is fixing up Paramedics or playing super hero. I don't know what's going on with you any more."
"Well you can't blame me for that," she snapped angrily, then refused to look at him. She wasn't prepared to get into the fact that she felt he'd all but abandoned her since her arrival in America.
She blew out a heavy breath and brought her hands up to her face to rub her eyes. She flinched and let out an involuntarily yelp as she made contact with the painful bruise forming around her right eye.
"Let me take a look at that," he said, his hand reaching down towards her eye.
"Its fine, Peter already checked it out," she said, but flinched as his fingers made contact with the blue and green.
"Sorry," he said withdrawing his hand on reflex. "Sore I take it?"
She pulled a childish, 'duh' expression before she found herself blinking as he shone his penlight in her eyes. "Follow the finger Corday."
She bit back telling him where to stick his finger and obediently followed the digit. "Did you lose consciousness?"
"No," she snapped and batted his hand away.
"Steady there Tyson. How about a headache?"
"I. Have. A. Black. Eye...That is all!"
He placed his penlight back in his pocket and looked down at her. She'd clearly had enough today, and he felt a pang of guilt for adding to her woes. Butting heads and arguing with this women certainly hadn't been part of his plan when he'd proposed she come to Chicago with him.
"Lizzie, you look beat," he said softly. "Let me take you home, okay?"
"No!" she blurted out, regretting it instantly as she saw the hurt look in his eyes.
He recovered quickly at the rejection and hardened his expression. Was the idea of spending any time with him now so repulsive that she wouldn't even accept a ride home from him? He shook his head sadly and turned away just as she opened her mouth to speak. She watched him stalk off towards the door and slam it shut once again.
'Well done' she thought, chastising herself as she buried her head in her hands once again. The last thing she needed was Peter bumping into Romano at her place! That would almost certainly count against her as strike three if it got out they were sleeping together! What a God awful day this was turning out to be! The sound of the door opening again made her glance up, relieved to see it wasn't Robert coming back for round Two. She really didn't feel like she had any fight left in her right now.
Peter Benton sat down in the adjacent chair and regarded her before speaking softly. "Are you okay? I heard Romano was in here chewing you out?"
'Bloody Edson,' she cursed. He must have hot-footed it out of the lounge and spilled his guts to all and sundry, the little weasel. Between him and Shirley, the whole hospital probably knew she'd received a five star bollocking!
"Yes, he was."
"He's an idiot," Benton muttered. "My advice is just ignore him."
"Normally I'd agree," she started.
"I sense a but?"
"He erm...he may have made some valid points," she conceded. "Peter, I think I might have jeopardised my working here," she sighed heavily.
"Nah, I wouldn't sweat it." He waved his hand through the air in a dismissive gesture. "Romano's an egotistical asshole who gets his kicks out of yelling at people. He'll be fine tomorrow."
She shook her head unconvinced. "I'm not so sure. He wasn't totally wrong about me screwing up and now Anspaugh's not happy with me."
"Anspaugh? Why is he not happy with you?"
She let out a mirthless chuckle. "That would be down to you!"
"Me?" he exclaimed, suddenly looking concerned and she had to stifle a giggle as he actually looked over his shoulder, and lowered his voice. He waved his hand to indicate them both. "Elizabeth, I thought you understood that this was strictly casual! What exactly have you told him?"
Elizabeth openly gawked at him not knowing if to laugh or to be offended, as she watched his face resemble a deer caught in the headlights at the prospect of people thinking they were together.
"Relax Peter, I haven't told him...or anyone else for that matter, about our little arrangement," she snipped, and he breathed a clear sigh of relief. "Though I'm obviously thrilled with your reaction! It's nice to know, you'd be horrified if, God forbid someone thought we were an actual couple!"
He shrugged her comment away like it was water off a ducks back. "So what am I supposed to have done to make Anspaugh pissed at you?"
"Apparently, I'm still in his bad books because of that little stunt you pulled when you conned me into performing solo surgery."
"Oh that,' he laughed. "Is that all?!"
Elizabeth gave him a filthy look and he waved it away. "What?" he said, still laughing and held his hands out innocently. "It was your own fault...you had it coming!"
"I bloody well did not have it coming! As I recall, it was all down to a giant overreaction brought on by your delicate, paranoid ego," she snapped and took a small amount of glee as it wiped the smile from his face.
"My what now?" he said.
"Oh, you heard me just fine," she said and he scowled at her. "The point Peter is, it wasn't funny then, and its certainly not funny now! I could have been fired!"
"Yeah, but you weren't," he said dismissively. "Romano saw to that."
"How do you know that?"
"Elizabeth, everyone knows that! You're his little protegé. You're flameproof as far as he's concerned."
"Oh really? Tell me did it sound like I'm flameproof just now when he was bollocking me!"
"Elizabeth, don't make this into something its not. So you got called out today. Tomorrow he'll be all smiles for you again and Anspaugh will get over it in time."
She sank back deeper into the armchair and crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes at him. "Were you aware of just how much trouble you could have caused me when you played your little prank?!"
"Calm down Elizabeth. Nothing happened right?"
"Answer the question!"
He shrugged. "I didn't think about it, okay? I just did it."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Here she sat, naively thinking that their competitive relationship was cute. That it could only drive the both of them on, and help them improve and horn their professional skills. She realised now with hindsight, Peter had indeed thrown her under a bus that day. He was in no way stupid and he must have known or suspected that she could have lost her fellowship; and yet he'd manipulated her into performing an appendectomy without an Attending present. And not just any Attending. Anspaugh of all people!
What's more, he seemed awfully proud of himself and clearly had no regret. Which meant everything Robert had just told her was true. He had indeed already gone gone out on a limb for her. It didn't explain why he hadn't told her until just now? Why had he not at least rubbed it in her face and missed out on the chance to make her feel beholding to him? Peter Benton had been willing to sacrifice her career on the alter of his ego and she'd been completely oblivious.
To make matters worse, she'd thought they were friends. He'd purposely, with malice tried to screw her over and then ironically, she'd then chased him like some silly schoolgirl with a crush and spread her legs for him, and literally let him screw her. The realisation hit her hard. What on earth must he think of her? How little must he think of her?! Right now, she didn't think very much of herself!
Peter watched her for a moment, then glanced at his wrist watch. "Look, this is all water under the bridge, right? Lets get out of here and get something to eat...I need to check in on Reese first, but I could come round to yours in an hour or so? I'll bring dinner."
She stared at him open eyed, seeing him properly for the first time. Did he seriously think they were okay after that little exchange?! "You know what, I'm knackered...I think I just want to have a shower and get my head down. Busy day and all that."
He smirked and slapped his hands on his thighs as he made to stand up. "That works even better. I'll come to yours first and give you a quick 'debriefing', then I can spend more time with Reese."
She felt her temper rising. While she accepted their relationship was mainly fun, she had thought it came with a modicum of mutual respect. Clearly she had misjudged that and she was literally no more than a shag to him. She looked down at her hands which by now had clenched into fist-balls and had to fight the urge to beat him round the head. She forced herself to calm down as she wasn't about to jeopardise her career over beating a man who clearly didn't give a toss about her.
"I think I'll stick to the shower and bed if its all the same. That would be me alone, just in case you're not getting the message." That wiped the lewd grin off his face and he leaned back in the chair. She rolled her eyes as he unconsciously man spread his legs wide.
"So what...you're uninviting me over now? Make your mind up Elizabeth, I don't like teases!"
"I'm not being a tease. I'm telling you straight I don't want you to come over tonight…or any other night for that matter."
He stood up and shrugged. "Whatever," he said clearly unfazed, taking the rejection in his stride as he walked away without a backward glance.
Her ego joined the dull ache around her eye as she watched him leave and thought to herself would the day ever stop giving.
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Once home, she leaned against the door she'd just closed and sighed. Kicking off her shoes she went to the bathroom and opened the faucets. As the tub started to fill, she threw in a bath bomb and went back to the lounge, picked up the phone and ordered a pizza. Next, to the fridge which yielded a bottle of chilled Chardonnay. Not bothering with a glass, she proceeded to glug as she walked to her bedroom. Stripping down she grabbed her robe, picked up the bottle and went back to the bathroom. Tentatively, she dipped fingers into the white bubbly water and smiled. Finally something was right she thought, and climbed into the tub and slid under the luxurious blanket of bubbles...
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Half a bottle of Chardonnay later the temperature of the water began to chill her skin, so she manoeuvred a toe to the hot faucet, and a steady stream of hot water began to warm her again. This dance continued until the wine bottle was not far from empty. She slid her whole self under the water, listening to the sounds of her beating body. When she came up for air, she cursed as she heard the insistent sounds of the door buzzer and realised it must be the pizza deliveryman. How long had he been buzzing she wondered, as she sloshed water everywhere in her haste to exit the tub and dry herself off. The buzzing stopped and she wrapped her robe around her as she headed to the lounge. A knock at her front door made her start until she realised one of the neighbours had probably buzzed the delivery guy in. She yelled out she was coming and grabbed her purse from out of her bag as she went to open the door.
Expecting to see a spotty youth holding out her dinner, she was shocked to see Robert Romano standing there instead. She was more shocked to see him holding a pizza box in one hand.
Gripping her dressing gown tighter she looked over his shoulder confused and brought her eyes back to him.
"Is that my pizza?"
"Really? I turn up on your doorstep unannounced and you lead with 'Is that my pizza?"
She smirked and shrugged. "I'm hungry. So, is it?"
"Yes Lizzie; this is your pizza."
"How and why do you have my pizza?"
"You didn't know I moonlight as a delivery driver? Times are hard, y'know? My dog eats more than I can earn," he said and smirked when she raised her eyebrow at him. "Okay, I snuck in behind the delivery guy and when we both happened to stop at the same door, it made sense to take it off his hands."
"And you would do that why? And why are you even here?"
"Well for one, I didn't like the way we left things earlier, but I also wanted to check you actually got home in one piece. How is it by the way?" he said nudging his head in the direction of hers.
Her hand reflexively went to her eye. "It's fine."
"Really?"
"Yes, really. Honestly, it looks a lot worse than it really is."
"Okay, good. Happy to hear that. So erm, these are for you," he said awkwardly and brought out a small but beautiful bouquet of flowers he'd been hiding behind his back and proffered them to her.
She reached out to accept them. "Thank you," she said, unable to keep the surprise from her voice. "They're lovely but...why?"
He gave a slight shrug of the shoulders and glanced down at his shoes. "Look erm...earlier in the lounge…"
"Yes?"
"I guess I didn't take kindly to being dressed down by Anspaugh, and as a result, I erm...may have been a little over the top with you?" He chanced a quick glance back up at her to gauge her reaction.
"Is that a question or an apology?"
"It's definitely an apology."
"Well then, apology accepted."
"Good."
"I should also apologise to you I suppose...and you should know, I have taken your comments on board."
"Good. I don't know why, but things seem to have got a little strained with us of late. I had hoped maybe we could have had a little chat about it, but I can see by your attire it's probably not the best time. Maybe we could grab a coffee tomorrow?"
"You know what Robert, I would like that very much," she said beaming at him.
"Really?" he said, pleasantly surprised she'd agreed so readily. "Great, well good then," he found himself babbling. "So, I guess I should erm, leave you to your dinner then," he said and handed over the box to her as well. They both grinned as her stomach let out an audible growl in anticipation. "Well, goodnight then," he said and turned to leave.
She watched him go and looked down at her laden hands. The flower arrangement really was beautiful, but it was what they represented that really made her smile. The small gesture of a peace offering, the fact that he'd travelled half way across the city to deliver it and check up on her, made them all the more sweeter. He really was trying to salvage their faltering friendship. It meant something to him. She meant something to him. After Peter's far too casual acceptance of her ending their relationship, if you could even call it that, she felt slightly overwhelmed.
She looked back up in time to catch him before he rounded the corner and called out. "Robert!"
He turned and looked back at her wearing a curious expression.
She lifted the pizza box slightly. "I wondered if maybe you'd like to come inside and help me eat this? I mean you did buy it after all."
He nodded and grinned as he walked back towards her, closing the door she left open for him.
Elizabeth placed the flowers in the sink and as she cast her eyes quickly around her untidy apartment, briefly regretting inviting him in. 'Oh well, too late now,' she thought and quickly placed the pizza on the coffee table before scooping up a pile of unfolded laundry from off the couch. "Take a seat, I'll erm, just get rid of this," she said and headed to her bedroom where she discarded the laundry and quickly exchanged her robe for some jeans and a light blouse.
When she re-emerged she saw he'd made himself at home and removed his jacket and draped it across the back of the couch. He'd also removed his tie, undone the top two buttons and rolled up his shirt sleeves. He looked relaxed as he sat leaning back into the couch with his eyes closed, but opened them as he sensed or heard her. She walked by towards the fridge. "Would you like some wine? I must confess, I've already started," she said, waving the bottle.
"Sure," he said.
"Please don't wait on me," she called out while pouring what remained of the Chardonnay into a glass. "Go right ahead and tuck in." Reaching inside the fridge she grabbed a new bottle and quickly opened it, filling another glass. As she prepared to walk both glasses over she heard him groaning and looked up puzzled. "What is it?"
"You're one of those people," he said pointing at the innocent lumps of pineapple adorning the pizza and she rolled her eyes dramatically. "Not a fan of pineapple?"
"I love pineapple...in a fruit salad or a pina cola-da, but it has no place being on a pizza."
"Well then its a good job you're a big boy surgeon who's fully capable of picking the pieces off himself."
"But, the whole thing's been tainted Lizzie," he said in a mock whiny voice.
"Oh well...guess that leaves more for me then," she said grinning, and handed him a glass of wine. "Cheers," she said, clinking their glasses together as she sat down beside him.
"Cheers."
Reaching over she picked up a slice of pizza and took an extra large bite accompanied with an exaggerated moan of pleasure.
He pulled a face of repulsion but began to deconstruct a slice, throwing unwanted lumps of fruit back into the box, and she brought her hand up to cover her mouth as she laughed. She watched him take a suspicious sniff of the slice before taking a bite.
"So now I know what your pizza nightmare is, tell me what your ideal topping is," she asked as they munched on.
"Meat Feast. Why?"
"If you wanted to make a habit of turning up at my door with pizza, I suppose its only fair I let you occasionally pick the toppings."
"How very generous of you," he deadpanned, more than happy to interpret it as an open invitation to repeat the evening.
They continued to debate the merits of different pizza toppings as they ate and very soon it was demolished. Feeling much better at having eaten, she heard herself sigh heavily as she relaxed back into the couch, curling her feet up underneath her.
"You okay?" he asked and she smiled and fixed her eyes on him, nodding. "I am now. Been a bloody awful day truth be told."
He nodded. "Yeah, I guess you've had enough excitement for one day."
"That I have," she agreed. "But you know what, it turned out okay in the end."
He smiled and she watched as he wiped his mouth with a paper napkin.
"I've missed this," she said and he turned to look at her.
"What, eating pizza?"
"Nooo...us hanging out together," she said, jabbing him playfully in the ribs with her elbow.
"It has been a while," he admitted.
She watched him for a moment then reached towards to the table and picked up her glass of wine. Swirling it gently around she debated with herself if she should ask the burning question she was itching to ask him. He looked pretty relaxed as he sat there, and she didn't know when another opportunity like this would arise. She sighed heavily and he turned again to look at her with a raised quizzical eyebrow.
"What?"
"Why is that?" she asked.
"Why is what?"
She took a quick sip of Dutch courage, then placed the glass back on the table. "Back in England," she began. "I introduced you to my friends, I showed you all the good places to eat and drink..."
Robert nodded, and grinned at the memories. They'd spent some fun nights together trading stories and he'd been more than happy to meet more of her friends, especially those of the female persuasion.
"So, I guess I'm wondering why you haven't repaid the favour?" she enquired, failing to keep her voice neutral. It was a question she'd wanted to ask him for quite some time now, so she wasn't really surprised to hear the hurt tone, nor the hint of accusation levied in her voice. From the look on his face he registered it too, and he raised both his hands, palms open.
"Whoa, hold your horses there Lizzie. Are you pissed at me 'cause I haven't shown you around town?"
After the shit day she'd had and yes, the large amount of wine she'd drank she felt she needed to get this off her chest. She didn't know when she'd get another opportunity and it was a conversation that in her opinion, was now long overdue. She folded her arms. "Yes," she said churlishly. "How many times have we been out here? I mean outside of the hospital? I'll tell you Robert. It's zero, that's how many and I'll be honest with you, I've found the whole thing a little vexing."
He opened his mouth to speak and she raised a hand to stop him, pointing a finger. "You invited me here. You brought me to America, and then just ditched me! I thought we more than just colleagues! I thought we were friends," she blurted out, finally glad to get it off her chest. "Why are you so different here?!"
Robert blew out a small breath and bit down on his lower lip. "Lizzie, in England I wasn't your supervisor," he began slowly.
"So what?! What exactly are you saying?! That because now all of a sudden you're my boss we can't be friends?! We can't go out for after works drinks like we used to do? That's a ridiculous thing to say!"
"Lizzie, don't put words in my mouth; that's not what I said."
"Well, then what are you saying, because by my reckoning your actions since I've been here certainly speak to differ."
"How so?"
"You've distanced yourself from me. I thought at first it was simply because you were back on your home turf and were maybe catching up with old friends. Rather naively I had thought, you would have introduced me to your friends, just as I had with you. Instead I've had to watch as you go about your business and turn into, yet just another misogynistic surgeon...they're the main reason I left bloody Britain!" she said angrily. "I thought you were better than that!"
Robert let out a deep sigh and ran a hand over his cheek. "Lizzie...Lizzie, look at me," he said and reached across to take her hand. "You're right, but you're also so very wrong. Yes, we are friends and there's nothing more I would like than to take you out to dinner or go for a drink, but the fact is I am now your boss and that means we have to be careful. I have to check my behaviour around you. For your sake just as much as mine."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I don't want to be accused of favouritism again, or worse, be written up on charges of improper conduct or sexual harassment."
"But, I would never…"
He lifted his finger as she opened her mouth to speak.
"Lemme finish...Lizzie, you're an incredibly talented surgeon, and that puts a very big target on your back where your fellow residents are concerned. In the short time you've been here, you've managed to ruffle a few feathers and stomp on enough delicate egos to leave them feeling threatened by you. So much so, that they're itching for any excuse or opportunity to rubbish you and make you look bad...in the lounge earlier today, I told you I've already had to field favouritism comments where you're concerned, so trust me when I tell you this...you and I being seen out together, even for an innocent drink? Christ, that would not end well for either of us. People here love nothing more than a good gossip and before you know it, I'd be labelled as some sexual pariah and you'd never be taken seriously. Coming from the old boys club of your fathers hospital, you know better than most how hard it can be for a woman in that environment. So yes, you are correct when you say that I've kept a professional distance from you. But I've done that because I wanted you to shine. I wanted them to see what I see; an incredibly gifted, intelligent and ambitious surgeon with a skill set that's so far beyond most of them...Lizzie, I want you to be admired and respected on your own merits, and not hear comments that you're only where you are because they think I fancy you!"
Peters face and words suddenly flashed in front of her from earlier that day in the lounge. 'You're flameproof where he's concerned!', 'You're his little protege, everyone knows it!' As she contemplated his words, his behaviour suddenly made so much sense. "Why didn't you simply just explain this to me from the start?" she said quietly.
"Honestly," he said, a little incredulously. "I didn't think I needed to." She offered him a sheepish smile that he returned and continued. "But the cold fact here is, Lizzie I'm an Attending and you're not. Add to that, the fact I also happen to be your sponsor and it means I can't be seen to give you preferential treatment...I guess I've been trying to protect us both from accusations. I mean, I don't want to be an Attending at County forever...for starters I've got my sights on being Chief of Surgery so I need to be squeaky clean."
She nodded in understanding. "Well I'm glad you were finally honest with me. I guess when you put it like that, everything makes sense."
"Well since we're being honest with each other, you should know, you've really been making it difficult for me to walk that line of late."
She glanced at him and knew he was right. Between the appendectomy, going behind his back with Dr. Kocklowitz and today's misadventure, she realised she had indeed put him in an awkward position more than once. She'd never even thought about it, never mind in such simplistic terms before and had to acknowledge the truth in his words. She reached her free hand for her wineglass as she pondered what he'd said.
Robert released her hand and reached for his own glass. Realising it was near empty he looked around for the bottle.
"Over there," she said, nudging her head at the kitchen counter and she watched him get up to retrieve it, before filling both of their glasses.
"Maybe that is the problem," she said thoughtfully as he sat back down.
"You've lost me?"
"Maybe I'm having a problem reconciling the fact that you are actually now my boss. Back home, we were simply colleagues, equals..."
He nodded. "So what are you saying? That you don't see me as your boss?"
"No I do. Well, I certainly do now," she chuckled. "But I think maybe the problem has been that I haven't thought of you as my boss. I suppose I still think of us as just colleagues; as equals, and that in turn is why I've thought I could go around you when I wanted to."
He nodded in understanding. "Lizzie, lets get one thing straight. I think you're an amazing surgeon and for the record, I've never once thought of you as anything less than equal to me professionally. As a person? I suspect you pip me to the post there."
"Thank you."
"Hey, I mean it. I think you're great!"
She gave him a wide smile that he returned.
"Well, I shall endeavour to be more respectful towards the chain of command in future."
"Good to hear," he said. "So is that why you've been a little weird lately? You thought I was ignoring you or something?"
"I suppose so," she admitted.
"That's a relief," he said and she raised a quizzical eyebrow at him. "No, what I mean is, it's good 'cause I thought maybe the problem lay elsewhere."
"Elsewhere? What do you mean?"
"Well I kind of thought it was because I brought Benton into the team..."
At the mention of Peter's name, she felt her eye twitch and he must have caught it as he narrowed his eyes at her.
"Yeah, to be honest, I thought he'd bring something to the dynamic, but I dunno...seems to me, things sort of soured a little between us since he joined." He reached for his glass and took a large glug of wine to mask his discomfort. "Maybe I should have consulted you first. I mean, I know he conned you into performing that surgery Lizzie."
"It was all just a misunderstanding," she muttered. "He thought I'd poached a procedure from him and that was his idea of payback."
Romano looked unimpressed. "It was a shitty thing to do and you know it...I just figured you were more forgiving than me. Anyhow, the upshot is I should have asked you at the time if you were okay with him joining the team after that, so I'm asking you now...are you two okay working together?"
Speaking for herself she knew it wouldn't be an issue, and she hoped Peter would also continue to be professional despite their little break-up. The more she learned of him of late though, the more disappointed she was becoming with him. She'd badly misjudged the situation and was determined he was not going to cause her any more problems.
She nodded her head. "We're fine."
"Really?" he asked with a hint of doubt. "You seemed a little hesitant there. Is there something else going on that I don't know about?"
"What do you mean?" she asked cagily and reached for her own glass so she could look away. "We get on okay," she said quietly. If he knew just how well they'd 'got on', she felt sure that might just equate to strike three and she'd be on a plane home.
"Good. 'Cause he's a talented surgeon and I want him on the team, but not if its at the expense of our working relationship."
She nodded again.
"So, we're okay then?"
She looked up at him and smiled. "Yes, we're okay."
"Friends again?"
She smiled and confirmed with a nod of her head.
"Good, 'cause you're right...I have missed this," he said, motioning between the two of them.
"Me too," she agreed and pointed in the direction of her apartment door. "Can we agree that behind that closed door and within these four walls we can be ourselves again? I want Rocket Romano back...the guy who would let me vent about my awful day at 'Harrows' over an after works drink!"
He grinned and nodded. "You mean where I had to sit and listen to you bitch about everyone?"
"Hey, you bitched plenty too!" she laughed and nudged his arm gently with hers.
"Only on the rare occasions when I could get an actual word in."
Elizabeth laughed. "Well that's what happens when you hang out with me and my girlfriends."
Robert closed his eyes grinning and they sat quietly in affable silence as they both recalled fun evenings spent together.
"What was the name of that pal of yours who always felt the need to overshare absolutely everything?"
"Marie?"
"Yes, Marie!" he said, snapping his fingers. "What was with her? It's like she zeroed in on me and thought I was her own personal priest?!"
"She thought you were safe."
"Safe?"
Elizabeth nodded. "Safe."
"What does that mean?"
"She thought you were a safe friend that she could share with."
"Why would she think we were friends and two, why would she think I was even remotely interested in listening to the details of her inane, boring life?"
"Because you did."
"No, I didn't. She jibber-jabbered and I filtered her out."
Elizabeth giggled. "Did you ever tell her that?"
"No," he replied and accompanied it with a look of 'Do I look stupid?'
"Well, why not?" she asked, amused.
"Because she was your friend…"
"So?"
"So I didn't want you getting mad at me for upsetting your friends."
"I'm touched," she said amused and drained her glass. He mirrored her movements and refilled their glasses.
"She actually asks after you…"
Robert grinned. "Well, she's not made of wood...you'll have to let her down gently and let her know she's not my type."
Elizabeth's grin grew into a broad smile and he felt his pulse quicken at how beautiful she looked sitting there, relaxed and happy.
"Oh, she knows that," she said slyly. "She's always known that. That's why she thought you were someone she could confide in so freely…"
Robert looked at her blankly and Elizabeth openly laughed at him shaking her head.
"What's so funny?" he asked confused. "Care to clue me in?"
"Robert, she thought you were gay."
He nearly choked on his wine. "What?! Why would she think that?! And why would you let her?!"
He looked suddenly serious. "Is that what you think?!"
Elizabeth continued to laugh at him and shook her head. "No, I don't think you're gay...but whenever she saw you, well for one...you were always out with me and my girlfriends….two, you might have noticed I never ever invited any other males into our little group? Three, you were always dressed immaculately. Four, well...you never asked any of us out, so she just assumed you weren't interested in..."
"How do you know I didn't ask anyone out?!"
"Well did you?" she said knowingly.
"Well no, but only because I didn't actually meet anyone worth asking out."
"So, none of my friends were worth asking out?" she said with full on faux outrage and he laughed.
"Forgive me, what I meant to say was I didn't meet anyone worth asking out who was available," he countered.
"You are forgiven. Want to hear something else funny?"
"You have something else funnier than me being gay?"
She nodded, grinning and he was almost afraid to ask but nodded imperceptibly.
"Before I left England, my father warned me off of you."
"Why?"
"He hated that we got on so well and doubted your motives for inviting me here...he was of the opinion your intentions were less than noble where I was concerned, and that you had a play in motion..."
"Really?"
"Yes, he was convinced that you fancied me and was certain you were luring me here under false pretences. Pretty ironic in light of how things have played out since I got here," she chuckled.
"Oh," he said quietly and drained his glass.
She shook her head grinning and reached for her own drink. "'Oh'…Is that all you have to say?"
He shrugged and reached for the bottle.
Elizabeth watched him and spoke in a teasing tone. "What, no cries of 'how dare he cast aspersions on your honour?"
He side-eyed her and waved the bottle in her direction, inviting her to move her glass closer so he could top it up.
"You're not denying it then I note," she said as he filled her glass.
"Hmm?"
"Really?" she chuckled. "You're really going all monosyllable on me? Well, no matter," she said emboldened by his proximity, and the large amount of wine she'd drank. "Unless my ears deceived me earlier, you already admitted that you fancied me."
He grinned at her wolfishly. "I said that to illustrate the point that that's what people would say and then use it against us."
"So what are you saying? Are you saying you don't fancy me?"
Robert bit down on his lip and looked sideways at her. She was teasing him and he knew he had to be careful, especially considering the speed at which they were both drinking. "Lizzie, everyone fancies you."
"So you do then?" she pressed on and grinned as he rolled his eyes heavenward.
"I have a pulse and a penis!" he heard himself blurt out. "What do you think?!"
"Well," she said snootily. "That's just charming!"
He shook his head exasperated and ran a hand over his cheek. "Elizabeth, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you that I think you're beautiful? Well, guess what...yes, I think you're beautiful! Are you happy now?!"
She smiled triumphantly and placed her glass of wine down on the table before leaning closer to face him. "So, if that was the case...how come you never asked me out when we were in England?"
Robert stared at her like she'd grown another head. "Call me old fashioned, but you had a boyfriend?!"
"Jeremy?"
"Yeah, Jeremy."
She reached for her wineglass again. "Somehow Robert, you don't strike me as the sort to let a minor detail like that have stopped you from at least having a go."
"Well that's where you're wrong then, because I don't poach."
Elizabeth raised an eyebrow and swirled the wine around in its glass before lifting it to her lips trying not to smirk. "What, you don't think sponsoring me to come to America would be considered poaching?"
Robert folded his arms and grinned as he leaned back against the couch. "That's not the kind of 'poaching' we were talking about..."
"Fair enough," she conceded.
Robert glanced at her. "So, erm...whatever happened to good old Jeremy then?"
"Oh, I finished with him before I left England. We weren't serious enough to even pretend a long distance relationship would work. Well, I wasn't anyhow."
He tried to curtail the smile forming on his lips. "Did you break his heart Lizzie?"
"I suspect I may have squished it, just a little," she said, wrinkling her nose and pushing her thumb and index finger together.
"Poor guy," he said. "But then some might say he was careless to let you go."
Elizabeth grinned and adjusted herself on the couch seating herself sideways. She leaned her back against the arm rest and extended her legs to rest on top his, curious to see what his reaction would be.
He glanced down at her legs as she laid them across his thighs and cocked an eyebrow at her. "Comfortable?"
She ignored the sarcasm and nodded. "Very much so...question is, are you?" she dared and watched as his mouth pull into a lopsided grin. His eyes were twinkling with bemusement and she suspected her own were too.
"So tell me then Robert, now that we are both sitting comfortably and are safe from prying eyes...are you saying that if I hadn't had a boyfriend in England, you would have asked me out?"
Robert grinned, his confidence beginning to grow with her widening smile.
"This would be hypothetically speaking?"
"It would be hypothetically speaking, yes."
"Well, then hypothetically speaking, if I had asked you out, what would your hypothetical answer have been?" he countered.
"Hypothetically if you'd asked?" she said and paused for effect enjoying the look on his face. "I should imagine if you'd asked, I'd have said yes," she said putting him out of his misery.
Robert tried to suppress the smile but gave up as he felt it stretching the full length of his face.
"So from your goofy smile Robert, may I be so bold as to presume that you wanted to ask me out?"
"Probably."
"Probably?" she exclaimed with both eyebrows.
He rolled his eyes. "Okay. Definitely."
"Well then, unless you have a cunning plan, I guess we have a problem all things considered."
He brought his hands up from where they lay by his side and raised them in the air. "Okay, cards on the table? Your father wasn't really that far off the mark when he said I had a play in motion."
"Really?"
"Yeah. When my tenure was coming to an end in Britain, I racked my brain for possible ways to keep working with you, and the BTA fellowship was the best thing I could come up with."
"Okay. Right well, you got me here then, so what happens next in this cunning plan of yours?"
"See, that's where my plan fell down, due to the reasons I've already outlined...see, I didn't really expect you to accept the offer, so when you did it threw me and I then had to rack my brain again on my next move."
"And that would be..?"
"I figured that maybe after a year we'd get you some different funding and I'd no longer be your sponsor. At which point, I'd be free to pursue you..."
"So let me get this straight. In your desire to pursue me, you convinced me to come to America but then planned to keep me at arms length for a year with no explanation. Robert...that's a stupid plan."
He gave her a cute little shrug and pulled his face.
"You really are crap at communication aren't you?! You could have just simply explained all of this to me!"
"Well it turns out when it comes to speaking about actual matters of the heart, I'm not very good and if I'm honest, you make me nervous. So now you know. What do you think?"
She reached for his hand. "I wish you'd told me this from the start. If I'm honest, I too had entertained the idea of us becoming somewhat more involved when I got here. It's why I was so upset when you became distant with me. I thought I'd got it completely wrong."
"Really?" he said grinning broadly.
"Tell, me. How many women have you asked to move to a different continent for you?"
"To date?" he said looking thoughtful as he held up his fingers to count. "That would be one."
"And?"
"I'm one for one."
"Well then? What does that tell you?"
"That I am in fact a master of cunning plans?"
She laughed. "Well, lets hope so, since its the only plan we have right now."
Robert grinned. "So you agree with me then? We should wait it out and see what happens?"
"I think you're right in that we have to, but equally can we seriously not find a way to see each other, even it's only as friends in the meantime?"
"Look, I was going to ask you this anyhow, but in light of tonight, well, if you agree it would give us a legitimate excuse to spend more time together and make you look very shiny to a lot of people."
"Agree to what?"
"Have you heard of HemoAid?"
Elizabeth nodded. "I think I read about it...basically boils down to fake blood, is that right?"
"In a nutshell...look, I'm going to be heading up a study covering several hospitals in the Chicago area. I can get you in on it if you like? It will look great on your résumé and like I said it would mean we'd have to work together. You'd coordinate all the hospitals in Chicago. It'll get you noticed and make you look good. You'd be able to make new acquaintances and maybe get your foot in the door somewhere other than County. What do you think?"
"It sounds like an ideal solution...but you know what? If we want to just hang out together, and get to know each other better, then we should. I understand the situation Robert, I really do...but well...surely a pizza, either here or at your house wouldn't hurt would it? No-one at work is going to see us sharing dinner together once a week are they?"
He smiled and approved at her logic. "I guess not."
"And since we are both adults, surely its up to us what we get up to behind closed doors?" she said playfully.
"Also true," he grinned leaning in towards her, but she put a hand out to stay him causing him to stop and look confused.
She took a deep breath in and looked him in the eyes. "Look, since we're being open and honest with each other, then there's something else I need to tell you."
Robert pulled back from her just a fraction. "That doesn't sound good."
"I'm telling you this because I don't want any more misunderstandings or secrets between us."
"Go on," he encouraged.
"It's about Peter and I."
"Peter?" he said not liking where this was going. "As in Peter Benton, Peter?"
She nodded and suddenly found her hands very interesting as she wringed them together. "Yes, we've sort of been having...had a...dalliance."
"A dalliance?"
"Yes," she said glancing up to watch his reaction. "It's over now, and it never meant anything, but I think if we're wearing our hearts on our sleeves, its only fair that you know."
Robert leaned back in the couch and blew out a breath. Fucking Peter Benton. Right now, he felt like hitting something, namely the taller surgeon. A wave of hurt and jealousy stewed within him and he knew it was irrational. He had no claim on Lizzie and he had only himself to blame for that. If he'd been honest with her from day one about how he felt about her, then things would have been very different it seemed. He felt her moving on the couch beside him, no doubt waiting for him to say something. He glanced his eyes to her face then let them drift down to his hands where they lay clenched tight, resting on this thighs, twitching either with nerves or agitation; probably a mixture of both.
"I'm sorry," he heard her sigh softly. "Seems I keep messing things up today."
He turned his face back to hers and saw regret there. Slowly, he unclenched a fist and slid his hand over to hers, letting it rest there. "You haven't messed anything up Lizzie."
"Really?"
He nodded. "Really...and I'm glad you told me."
She smiled and turned her hand over so their palms met and slid her fingers between his. She smiled again, as he squeezed it and let his thumb start drawing a small circle into her palm.
"The way I see it," he began. "We both now know what we want...and we have at least another six months to get this right and get to know each other."
"Six months? Why does that suddenly seem like an inordinate amount of time? Are you sure we can't speed things up? Is there not some other route for funding that you haven't thought off?"
"Let me think on it."
"Okay. But think fast unless you're happy to wait another six months...and in case you need inspiration or clarification…" She leaned her mouth closer to his and brushed her lips ever so slightly against his. The kiss was soft and tasted like wine as they both gently probed each others mouths with their tongues. When she felt his hand slip into her curls before settling on her neck, she felt herself melting against him as he pressed her closer. He pulled away far too soon for her liking and she tried to find his lips again. He leaned his forehead against hers.
"Sorry," he rasped, his voice a little breathless. "If we don't stop now, I won't ever want to and there's no way I will be able to hide that fact from people at work."
Reluctantly she nodded her agreement and sighed heavily. "So I guess we're back to the waiting game?"
He pushed some wayward hair away from her face and smiled. "Some things are worth waiting for Lizzie."
She returned the smile. "That a promise?"
He grinned. "I promise."
FIN