Sleep evades Kanan tonight. It is the part of the reason he wanders the Ghost if the past finds a way to haunt him during his waking hours. Meditating keeps his mind off what he lost most of the time but, sometimes, even that does not work. When that happens, the crews' presence reminds him the Empire has not torn them apart. No matter how much he tries, his old fears find him in the worst situations.
The Jedi willed his eyelids to droop, but his mind refused to shut itself off. No missions were planned tomorrow as a precaution until everything settled down. He and Hera decided it was best to avoid Lothal a few days after what happened down in those sewers. Trayvis's betrayal still has them in shock. Some more than others, unfortunately.
Kanan stared up at the dark ceiling.
Looks like it is going to be another long night.
He leaned down to feel for the compartments lining the bottom of his bunk. Over the years, the Jedi has collect parts and items that were considered illegal under Imperial law. The most obvious were his lightsaber and holocron, relics of a bygone era. Thankfully, nothing was suspicious about one data disc.
Standing up, Kanan slipped the disc into his back pocket before walking over to the closest. He left his hair down since everyone was sleeping at this hour. The only person outside the crew to see him like this was dead at best if what the Senator implied was true. Just thinking about that possibility made him sick. It was bad enough the Bridgers were taken from Ezra at such a young age, but the first thought was too much.
We all lost enough family, he mentally sighed.
A part of him was relieved Hera did not know about his sister. Their partnership was complicated enough as it was. He did not know when it turned into friendship or how they formed their family, but he was glad it happened. It meant they were no longer alone.
The sound of a door opening and closing, followed by footsteps, pulled the Jedi from his thoughts. Everyone was supposed to be in bed the last time he checked. Who else could be up this late?
On the way to the common room, he stopped by Hera's cabin. Her bunk was empty when he opened the door. If she was not resting, she would either be running ship diagnostics, stargazing in the cockpit, or being briefed on a last-minute mission. They both suffered from insomnia. Between evading the Empire and staying alive, the stress was bound to get to them.
She was sleeping when Kanan quietly opened the door and leaned against the frame. Her worn-out face made his chest tighten seeing the effects of how this lifestyle her. He never understood why Hera tried to shoulder the weight of the whole crew; he was doing that for all of them.
He closed the door and continued down the hallway. The soft hum of the ship ventilation system filled the silence rounding the corner to the galley when a small figure bump into his chest and regain balance. The disheveled boy in front of him had bags under his eyes.
"Kanan?" Ezra shuttered. "What are you doing up?"
It has not been long since they began his training; he could not ignore the feeling that the Force intended for him to be his master. The kid has been making an effort to distance himself from anyone who wanted to help since Empire. Sabine painted him an extra birthday present after his efforts to cheer Ezra up failed. During times like these, he wondered why he had to be the only person who could train the teenager.
"Nightmares?" Kanan asked worriedly.
"I just can't sleep," Ezra said.
Kanan wished there was something he could do to make this bearable. Physical wounds healed in weeks; emotional injuries were different. It could take years for him to get over this bout of depression.
"Want to talk about it?"
The teen slowly met his master's blue-green eyes before brushing past him. "Really, Kanan." he insisted, "It's nothing."
The Jedi gently squeezed his student's shoulder. He vaguely remembered Mira acting this way when he was younger. The exact age the conversation took place was lost to him over dinner with a Jedi charged with recruiting young force-sensitives. She was not happy hearing the final decision.
That was the night before he was official inducted into the Jedi Order.
It was not just the helplessness in his Padawan's voice; it was the memories of what he had to go through himself. This was one way how Ezra followed in his mother's footsteps. The last time they saw each other was on Lothal years ago when they both went their separate ways.
"Just know we are all here for you," Kanan reminded him.
"Now can I go to bed?" he nodded tiredly.
Kanan let go of his shoulder and sadly watched the teen walk down the hall. Sighing, the Jedi headed towards the common room as the guilt crushed him.
If you only knew, Kid, he thought. If you all knew.
A holodisk skidded across the metal floor into the foyer. He walked over to the opposite wall to pick it up. It did not take long to realize that this was the same disk Ezra found in the basement of his old house; Sabine supposedly cleaned it up. He did not know whether to be worried or relieved. The Jedi still could not wrap his head around how his Padawan, let alone his sister, knew Tseebo.
Another wave of guilt hit him as tears sprung to his eyes. He should have pulled the Rodian to the side before they left for Fort Anaxes. Maybe now he would not be feeling this heavy.
Mira, what would you have done if you were here?
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Wars: Rebels.
Author's Note: This is CloudyRaven. Due to issues with both my previous fanfiction and email account, I have opened new ones. If you have followed or favorite any of the stories I have written, please be patient as I will reupload them after proofreading each one.