Ahsoka walked on the battlefield amongst the bodies scattered on the ground. They were everywhere and she had already counted almost a hundred fallen. This wasn't right, this wasn't okay. She could feel herself start to hyperventilate as she scanned the field for Rex. She had found no sign of him. Nothing. No helmet, no pauldron, no body. It was terrifying.
She tripped over a body and looked down. There was a pauldron on the left shoulder and for a moment Ahsoka feared that it was Rex. But there was a pauldron on the right shoulder too. Ahsoka almost breathed a sigh of relief, but she quickly realized that this soldier wasn't just anyone. (Well, none of the troopers were). It was Fives.
She screamed as she knelt down besides the body, checking for a sign of life. She reached for his wrist to check for a pulse, but she could find nothing. She grabbed her forehead and shook her head. This couldn't be happening, this couldn't be right.
How could she have failed to protect her men? How could she have let this happen? Fives was one of the best soldiers they had. If he was down, then pretty much everyone else must be too...Except maybe Rex. Rex was the best they had and he had to be out there.
Ahsoka swallowed her panic and got up to continue her search. Rex has to be somewhere.
She ran through the field, trying desperately not to count the dead, but that was to no avail. She quickly reach over a hundred, then a hundred and fifty. She stifled a cry as she began to run faster. She tried to ignore the bodies of the fallen, but the number only grew higher and higher.
Then she found it.
Rex's helmet was lying in the ground at what appeared to be the forefront of the battle- and the front of the men.
Ahsoka swallowed. This couldn't be. She rushed forward and picked up the helmet, scanning the area for his body. But she couldn't find it. His body was nowhere. Nowhere.
She screamed and fell to her knees. It should be that since she couldn't find the body it was a sign of hope. But in her heart she knew -she felt- that it was already too late. She couldn't save him and he was gone and she had failed to protect her love and her men.
Ahsoka curled up over the helmet and her tears fell. She let out a scream of raw and utter loss as grief and despair consumed her...
Ahsoka sat up straight, cold sweat dripping off of her everywhere. She was panting and couldn't focus. She tried to breathe properly, but found she was unable to. She groped next to her, trying to find Rex who was always by her side. When she found nothing, her heart sank.
"Rex!" Ahsoka yelled in desperation, unable to comprehend that he was not there. The ever faithful captain was nowhere to be found just like in her dream.
And it must be her fault. She wasn't around to protect him and now he was gone and all the other troops must be too and-
Stop! A voice shouted at her. Be reasonable!
Ahsoka took a shaky deep breath. That was right. Rex was just on a relief mission. She had talked to him before she had gone to bed and he had been fine.
But what if he wasn't?
It's a relief mission, not a battle. He would be fine. He could handle himself, and he had other troops with him. It would be okay. Rex would be okay.
Ahsoka took another deep breath as she tried to shake away the clammy feeling the nightmare had left her with. She put her hands to the side of her head and then ran them down her lekku in an attempt to calm herself and refocus. It did little and the clamminess came in a strong wave bringing with it nausea.
Completely unprepared to deal with it, the togruta rushed from the bed to the bathroom and threw up.
She grimaced as she walked back to the bed and took a sip of water. She wasn't entirely convinced that she wouldn't vomit again, but as long as she expected it, she could handle it.
Ahsoka sat on the bed and pulled the blankets over her lap. She was still unsettled and didn't feel safe. Rex wasn't here with her and it made it harder to shake her panic and fear. But despite that she made an attempt at meditating, hoping it would help.
She closed her eyes reached inside herself and tried focusing her mind in her energy. Everything was buzzing quickly and it seemed harsh. She breathed in and out, knowing she must remain calm
After a few minutes of breathing, trying to slow her heartbeat and reduce the harshness of the buzzing, Ahsoka could feel herself beginning to relax. She allowed her shoulders to loosen and she took a deep breath. Time to think about the dream. And that feeling.
She shuddered as the clamminess seemed to return and settle over her like a fog. She could feel her heart rate begin to accelerate and the nausea return. She pulled her pointer finger up to mouth and bit down on it. Everything was okay.
But Rex isn't here.
No, but he is alright.
But what if he's not? What if he's gotten injured? What if he's having bad dreams too and needs her? What if it had been a trap and-
"Shut up!"
She hadn't meant to shout out loud and she broke out of her meditation. She took a shaky deep breath. If he was injured there would be people to take care of him. If he had bad dreams, he could deal with them. He could before he was with her, so he'd be fine. And the people he's helping certainly wouldn't want to hurt him. It was completely irrational. Rex would be fine.
Ahsoka closed her eyes again and tried to get back into her meditative state.
All the bodies on the ground. It wasn't real.
Fives had been down. Fives! Fives was okay. She had seen him right before she'd come into the room for bed.
Rex's helmet had been lying at the front of the field, his body nowhere to be found. Rex has his helmet with him. He's safe.
But maybe the enemy had taken his body. If they had taken it they wouldn't treat it correctly. They wouldn't give him a proper burial. They wouldn't give him anything. He'd be disgraced and dishonored and that wasn't okay and she needed to find him!
The images from her dreams came flooding into her mind and she could no longer control her panic. She needed to protect Rex. She needed to protect her men.
Ahsoka flung the blanket off of her and rushed for the door. She stumbled as she heard an explosion that wasn't there. She had to find Rex. Her men need her protection.
She made it outside and shouted. "Rex!" It really came out as more of a strangled scream, but alerted the rest of the troopers from their all the same.
Ahsoka crouched to the ground and covered her head and face as another explosion went off beside her. She wasn't safe she needed cover. But she also needed to find Rex.
She stood up again and started running. She reached down to her hips to grab her lightsabers, but nothing was there. She could see her men around her staring at her as she ran. Why were they standing still? They needed to be moving!
Ahsoka turned on her heel and looked behind her, raising her sabers to deflect the onslaught of blaster bolts. She screamed out orders to her men. Why weren't they doing anything? It didn't make sense.
She felt her breath hitch in her chest as she recalled that she need to find Rex. He wasn't okay. He needed her. But so did the rest of her men and they weren't doing anything. They needed cover! But there was none.
Ahsoka turned around again and continued running, crying out and screaming for Rex. Then she ran into someone. He grabbed her arms and started shaking her. He was saying something to her but she couldn't hear over the blaster fire and explosions that kept going off. She tried to break free from the grip. Why wasn't this trooper in armor? Were any of them? This wasn't safe! They needed protection!
More hands came and gripped her shoulders and she was half turned around and pulled to the ground. Then there were hands on her face, but she brushed them away. She had to find Rex.
She tried to tighten her grip on her sabers, but then she realized they weren't there. More panic came and she tried to get up, but these two troopers wouldn't let her go. She could feel tears rise with her panic and she she shouted for Rex. Where was he? He wasn't safe and he wasn't all right.
Then, the whole world seemed to slow down very quickly. Her senses were blurred and for a moment she panicked more because now she couldn't tell what was going on around her on the field. Instinctively, she focused on what was right in front of her. It was a trooper. She blinked a couple of times.
It was Kix and he was talking to her. He was saying something. The same thing over and over again.
"Commander," it finally registered. "Can you hear me?" he was asking.
Ahsoka nodded. If Kix was calm she needed to be too.
"Alright then," the medic continued. "I need you to breathe. Focus on breathing. In through your nose. Out through your mouth."
It was something she had done countless times, yet falling into sync with Kix's breathing wasn't easy. She could feel her hands still trying to grab onto sabers that weren't there. A hand came into hers instead. She gripped it hard, turning her knuckles yellow, but she knew that whoever's hand it was, wouldn't be hurt.
But it wasn't Rex and she knew that. Rex! She needed to make sure Rex was safe!
"Rex!" Ahsoka shouted again, once again trying to escape from the medic's grasp (and the other trooper who was there).
"Commander!" came the sturdy voice of Kix again. "Focus on me. Eyes on me."
Ahsoka let herself be pulled back down, though she was really to weak to resist anyway. She looked Kix in the eye.
"Commander," he continued. "Talk to me. I need you to tell me about your surroundings. Where are you?"
Ahsoka's first instinct was to just answer "the field," but Kix always wanted specifics. So where were they fighting? She blinked and then looked around. The place seemed familiar. She took a good look.
"The barracks," she answered, her voice still slightly shaky. "We're...in...the barracks."
Kix nodded. "That's right. And who am I here in front of you?"
The question seemed stupid, but Ahsoka answered anyway. "Kix. You're Kix."
"Yes," the medic nodded. "And whose hands are you holding?"
Ahsoka looked down at the hands in hers (which were looking rather pale). They weren't Kix's hands. Where were his hands?
She looked at the hands then the arms and with her eyes traced them to the shoulder and then to the face. The tattoo on his right temple gave it away.
"Fives," she said, confidence returning to her voice. "These are Fives' hands."
"Good job," Kix responded, his voice as steady and calm as ever. "And where are my hands?"
Although her senses were still blocked, she suddenly became hyper aware of herself and exactly what was going on. Ahsoka zeroed in on Kix's face and her hands went up to the side of her head. She gasped.
When her hands reached her lekku she met one hand on each one. She grabbed them and slowly pulled them away in utter disbelief.
Kix allowed his hands to be pulled away, knowing that he had successfully grounded the Commander. He smiled still keeping her gaze. "I'm sorry I had to do that. I know they're sensitive and...people don't just touch them. So, I am sorry, Commander. My behavior was perhaps presumptuous, but I knew it was going to help you focus on me, and that was what I needed."
Ahsoka didn't know how to respond. She simply dropped their hands into her lap and stared down at them. "Apology accepted, Kix," she managed to get out somehow.
"So," Fives said. "You doing better now, Commander?"
Ahsoka took a moment to register the question but eventually nodded. "Um...Yeah. I'm...I'm good. Doing better, at least," she laughed nervously.
"That's good," Kix said. "So, if you don't mind me asking, sir, what exactly happened?"
Ahsoka grimaced and looked him in the eye again. "I was about to ask the same thing." She sighed and looked down again. "Well, I was having a bad dream. Not just the general chaos one. Troops were on the ground, I was trying not to count them, but was anyway. I was trying to find Rex, but couldn't. I found Fives, but..." she took another shaky deep breath and shook her head. "So, I continued looking for Rex. But, I only found his helmet..." she choked as tears started to come up again. "At the front...of the field...and I knew that he was..." she wasn't going to continue and she knew the two troops with her understood where it was going.
Ahsoka wiped her tears away, resisting the urge to just collapse in Fives' and Kix's arms. "I woke up screaming and I panicked when Rex wasn't there beside me. I pretty quickly remembered where he was and I tried meditating, but I got caught up in the dream and got it confused with reality, and then...I lost it and panicked."
It felt good to talk it off. It always did. Ahsoka took a deep breath and looked up at Kix. "What happened when I got out here?"
Kix sighed. "Well, we all heard you scream Rex's name. All of us came rushing out. To be honest, it was a little disconcerting and I almost forgot what to do.
"You were running around and shouting out for Rex. You were crying and acting as if there was a battle going on. You kept crouching to avoid explosions and dodging blaster bolts.
"Then you were shouting orders at the men. Something about taking cover and letting you know as soon as someone had eyes on Rex. It was hard to make out everything that you were saying, or doing.
"You weren't even running in a straight line. You kept zigzagging, or going in circles. Sometimes you ran in a straight line, but it was completely unpredictable. But, I knew I needed to reach you, so I got Fives to help me catch you.
"Technically, I could have had all these men circle you in, but I didn't actually think that would help, so I just stuck with Fives. And it worked.
"You kept calling for Rex. You really wouldn't stop. I knew I needed to get you to focus on me, and so I pulled the card I had. I am sorry about grabbing your lekku, but I knew you would focus better if I did."
Kix took a deep breath. "I suppose it wasn't technically your lekku. Rather, the transition spot from your montrals to lekku."
Ahsoka nodded. "Yeah, technically. But, I'm not mad at you for doing it. It is a bit of an...intimate move, but it helped, so I won't hold it against you."
Kix smiled. "Thank you, sir."
Fives smirked and couldn't help himself. "An intimate move? Do you like to save it for the Captain?"
Ahsoka smacked his stomach lightly with the back of her hand and Kix rolled his eyes. "Shut up, Fives," the medic grumbled.
Ahsoka was slightly annoyed at Fives for the comment, but he really wasn't so far off from the truth, or the reality of their relationship status.
Ahsoka breathed in, steadily this time. "Speaking of Rex, do you think we can try and contact him?"
Kix nodded. "Yeah, I think that would be best."
The medic stood up and Fives followed, supporting their Commander. "Let's go," Kix said as he led the way back into Rex's room.
Fives turned on a light and led Ahsoka to the bed, sitting her down there. He pulled the blanket back over her lap as Kix set up a holocomm. The medic handed the device to Ahsoka and she clutched it in her hand as she waited for Rex's image to appear.
The togruta looked up at the two troopers still in the room. "Can you two come and sit behind me? Just having you here helps. Really."
"Of course, Commander," Fives grinned.
It was a bit of a tight fit, but the three of them managed to get comfortable and settled on the bunk by the time Rex appeared on the holocomm.
It was not exactly what he was expecting to see. His Commander, his medic, and one of his ARC troopers, all crammed onto his bunk.
"What's going on?" the captain asked. "Is everything okay?"
"Everything's good now," Fives answered. "The Commander just had a bit of a scare."
Kix snorted at the understatement. "Bad dreams. Panic attack -a bad one. She needed to be calmed down -big time."
The explanation was brief, and to some may have seemed rather incoherent, and also somewhat of an understatement. But the best way to tell the Captain what had happened without all the details was to be brief and hit the main points.
Rex nodded in understanding and looked at Ahsoka. "How are you?"
Ahsoka shrugged. "I'm...I'm doing better," she said a little shakily. "It helps having these two here," she said gesturing to Fives and Kix. "And I can see you're all right now too. I hope we didn't catch you at a bad time."
Rex shook his head and smiled. "No, we were just finishing up for the day and getting ready to eat. Besides, I'm always willing and ready to help you."
Ahsoka smiled and looked down at her lap. "I know. Thank you."
Kix started to rub small circles on Ahsoka's back. She relaxed more at the small motion and leaned against the medic. Kix stiffened at the familiarity of the position, but let it be. It wasn't hurting either of then and it was helping her feel better.
Rex turned his attention to Kix. "Thank you for helping her. It means a lot."
Kix shrugged. "You're welcome. But it's just what I'm here for."
"Well, you're good at your job," Rex stated. "And that's important. I appreciate what you do. We all do."
Ahsoka nodded in agreement. "It could have gotten bad if you hadn't been there."
"What about me?" Fives asked, partly to break any remaining tension, but also to get the attention.
Rex rolled his eyes. "We appreciate you too, Fives. And I promise I appreciate whatever it is you've done to help Ah- the Commander tonight." Rex felt his face go red and was grateful it wouldn't show through the holo-projection.
Kix snorted and Fives laughed at the slip up. "Were you about to call the Commander by her name, sir? Is that what was happening?"
Ahsoka gave Fives another light slap. "Be quiet! Or we might be less appreciative of what you've done."
Fives rolled his eyes and Ahsoka stuck her tongue out at him. Kix sighed. "That's enough, you two."
Ahsoka huffed but let it go and leaned her head against Kix's shoulder. Rex smiled. It was good to see that she seemed to be acting normal.
"Alright," the Captain said. "I think I should probably get going. You should all get back to sleep, and besides I think Tup is shouting something about leaving food for me. I should go. You'll be fine?" he asked.
Ahsoka yawned and nodded. "Yeah, I think so."
"Good," Rex nodded. "Then I'll be going. Thank you -both of you- for your help," he directed at Kix and Fives. The two of them nodded. Rex turned his attention back to Ahsoka. "Now you get some sleep, love."
Ahsoka smiled. "I will, sweetheart."
"Goodnight," Rex whispered.
"Goodnight," she whispered back.
Rex's holo flickered out and Ahsoka sighed, half content and half disappointed. But she knew Rex couldn't stay.
"'Love?' 'Sweetheart?'" Fives questioned.
"Shut up, Fives." Ahsoka said as she handed the holocomm to Fives and closed her eyes as she rested against Kix. "I'm really tired now," she mumbled.
"Well," Kix said rubbing her back. "Getting anxious and practically hallucinating will do that to you. But you can sleep now, Commander."
Ahsoka hummed sleepily. "That sounds nice." She yawned. "I like sleep."
It didn't take long for her to fall back to sleep. Kix knew once she was asleep, but gave her some time to reach a deep sleep.
By the time he and Fives stood up, she was too asleep to notice. When Kix tucked her into the bed, Ahsoka just relaxed more and hummed happily.
Kix smiled. He found it impossible not to just feel complete happiness by the pure bliss that was on his Commander's face. Not to mention the happiness and peace she brought to their Captain. It was a relief.
Before he had even really thought about it, he bent down and gently kissed the Commander on the forehead. He straightened up and left the room, Fives following closely behind.
"What was with that?" Fives asked.
Kix shrugged. "If you're referring to what I just did...I don't know. It was a spur of the moment thing. And it seemed appropriate. One strangely familiar gesture deserves another, I suppose."
"So, is it a thing you'll start doing to all your patients?" Fives asked with a grin.
Kix snorted. "Not on your life. And by the way, this stays between us."
"Alrighty, Doctor!" Fives said as he rushed off to his room before Kix could catch him.
Normally, Kix would yell at him and chase him down. But most of the troops had all gone back to bed and Kix was feeling tired himself. So, he simply rolled his eyes. He could get Fives later.
For now, Kix needed rest, much like their Commander, and their Captain; their finally peaceful and happy Commander and Captain.