I, I, when I was younger

I, I, should have known better

And I can't feel no remorse

And you don't feel nothing back

(Ophelia by The Lumineers)

Teddy:

Teddy Lupin was, as many would notice, a very happy child.

For once, he had something not many wizards, and especially no one in his family, had: He was a metamorphmagi. If he wanted to look like that old man who kept coming to buy things at his Nana´s Potions store, then he could (Even though he mostly avoid it, because apparently it was creepy) or if he wanted his eyes to look like the ones from his godfather, or his godfather´s wife, or the whole Weasley family then he could.

He normally kept them brown, though, because they were similar to Nana´s eyes and he liked to make her happy.

Because he was a happy child, but he knew not everyone in his family were constantly smiling. They hadn´t told him many details about it, just vague conversations about an evil man his godfather had to fight against a few years ago; according to the many details he had listed, it had been pretty awful and it was the main reason none of them wanted to smile these days.

It was the reason, first and foremost, of why Teddy had to go all the months to visit his parents at a Graveyard.

The first time he went he was only three years old. He understood that sometimes his Nana would leave him with the Weasleys or with Harry because she enjoyed to sit next to the graves in complete silence and Teddy wasn´t exactly a quiet baby; he didn´t mind, really, because Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur had a baby recently and he could play with her, even when she was mostly bawling or spiting.

When his Nana had took him, though, he had behaved very well. It was as if he had somehow understood that whatever it was written on those weird shaped rocks was important to him and her in the same level. He didn´t knew how to read, not yet, but it was the first time he felt something was missing.

The first time he understood what being an "Orphan" meant, he was four.

"When are they gonna come?" He had asked, playing with the small Snitch his godfather had given him.

"Who is going to come, Teddy?"

He hadn´t really thought about it, but he was feeling very jealous of Victorie "My Mamma and Pappa. Vicky has hers to take her to the park and braid her hair in those ridiculous and horrible things and to kiss her and hold her" He added, mentioning each thing while counting with his small fingers "When are mine going to come?"

His Godfather went terribly silent, those sparkling green eyes watching him with attention. Teddy knew his Godfather never went into nervous fits because he was the bravest man he had ever known; his Godfather would check under the bed to make sure the monsters weren´t there to haunt him and tried to teach him how to fly even when Teddy was already a disaster with both feet on the ground or when he tried to stop Teddy from eating a stapler. But that day, when Teddy´s little hands were fidgeting with the golden snitch, it was the first time his Godfather seemed near to be afraid.

"Teds" He began, running a hair through his messy hair "Sometimes the people we love the most can´t exactly be here with us, no matter how hard they wanted to. Sometimes things happen and people have to do things they weren´t expecting, things to protect others"

Teddy wrinkled his nose "And can´t they just do the things and come home?" The snitch had gotten out of his tiny hands, flying around.

Harry catched the snitch easily, looking at it as if it hold the secrets of the universe "There are times when they have to stay in a determined place but that doesn´t mean they left us"

"I don't even know them" Teddy hadn't meant to sound so miserable and angry, but he couldn't help it. Why did Victorie spent time with her parents when he had never even met his? Why could she hug them and spent time with them when all he had were photos?

Harry must have felt it because he sit closer and put an arm around his shoulders. They fell silent for a few minutes, Teddy trying to keep his attention on the golden snitch and Harry possibly meditating what to say. At the end, his voice was no higher than a whisper "A wise person once told me that those who loved us never really leave us. They loved you, Teddy, so much that they wanted to give you the best future they could and, even when they aren't present they are here with you everyday"

Teddy only smiled and the subject wasn't touch for a long time. His Nana explained him a year after what had happened with his parents, the first time he had heard about the Battle of Hogwarts, and told him as sweetly as she could why they would never come home and explained the reason why the Graveyard was the only place where he could see them.

Teddy had undeniably felt sad and hollow for a few weeks, but his Godfather´s words had helped him realize he wasn't alone. He had his Nana, the Weasleys and most importantly, Harry and Ginny for himself.

He was the little boy for everyone. Molly always had extra food for him when he came to visit, Arthur enjoyed showing him all his Muggle artefacts, Bill told him stories about his job at Gringgotts, George gave him free products from his shop, uncle Percy loved to read him some boring books, Ron gave him sweets when no one was looking, Hermione had taken him to muggle cinema and Ginny called him "Her precious boy". Even when he sometimes shared the attention from the rest of the family with Victorie, no one could deny he was Harry and Ginny´s favourite boy.

And then the most horrible, terrible, horrendous news arrived to him.

"A baby?!" He had yelped, the Christmas dinner Molly had made falling out his mouth.

"Edward, some manners for Merlin´s sake" His Nana had replied, apologizing to Molly.

"Isn´t it wonderful?" Ron had started "I have to be the Godfather, Harry. And I will give its first broomstick, we will take the baby to all of Ginny´s games, we will teach the baby how to be a wonderful Gryffindor, it will love the Chudley Canons, yes Ginny and the Holyhead Harpies, when the baby gets into the Gryffindor team we will go to all its games…"

"Let the poor child be born, Ronald" Hermione had told him kindly, even when she was smiling brightly.

Ginny, his Ginny, was smiling brightly and Teddy couldn´t understand it. Where was the baby? What did Hermione meant by ´letting the child be born´? Why was everyone so happy right now?

"When is the baby going to arrive?" He asked, distressed all over his face. Perhaps, if the timing was good, he could convince Harry and Ginny to give the baby back.

Ginny, still smiling, only answered "First weeks of July, we think"

"It´s surely wonderful, Ginevra" Nana, his Nana who should be by his side in this terrible matter, said with that warm smile she always wore when remembering the good times "At least we can hope he is going to be as calm as Harry"

His Godfather started laughing, especially when George started to molest Ginny about how they were probably going to have all eyes on the poor baby in case he suddenly decided to make someone float out of a house. That night, he couldn't understand why, was full of people constantly congratulating and admiring how good for the family was to have a new member.

Was Teddy the only one who couldn't seem to understand the fuzz? Why being excited about a baby that wasn't coming until July? And why did they all have to wait until July?

Not even playing with Victorie made him feel better that night and he decided to sit by the stairs at the Burrow, looking sadly at the family portraits while a song from Celestina Warbeck resounding and helping him with his sad mood. Even his hair had turned a boring black, meant to show all the family that he wasn't particularly happy about the baby.

It was a few minutes after that his Godfather had come, smiling and beaming, to sit beside him. Teddy hide his face in his knees, not wanting to hear a single thing regarding that future baby everyone was excited about.

"Is everything alright, Teds?"

"Hmmm"

"Do you want a biscuit?"

"Mmmm"

His Godfather had sighed "Can we speak with more than noises?"

"Why is the baby so important?"

Harry looked confused for a few moments but he must have suddenly noticed something Teddy ignored because he put his arm around Teddy´s shoulders, hugging him "Teddy, you don't have to worry about the baby. No matter how many children I have with Ginny, you are MY godson and will always be my first baby too."

Teddy hadn't meant to feel so relieved at hearing that, but knowing Harry and Ginny weren't going to change him for that baby felt somehow relaxing. He lowered his gaze, fidgeting with his hands "Do you swear it?"

"Of course! You´re going to be a great big brother"

Teddy smiled. Babies couldn't be so bad, now could they?

Teddy had gotten nervous over the months. For some strange reasons, Ginny´s tummy was getting bigger and bigger as if she had eaten tons of Molly´s food. She was also more sensible, organizing the house and talking with Harry about the colour of the walls from the new room the baby was going to have.

Teddy had helped Harry with the furniture and toys they were getting for the baby, who was now getting referred to as "Him" since they had found out it was going to be a boy. His Godfather had even told him that the baby was going to be named James Sirius, after Harry´s death father and Godfather, and asked Teddy to paint the name against the door.

Teddy didn't want his insecurities and fears to overcome him but it was exactly what was going on. Since he didn't want to talk about it with Harry and Ginny in order to not disappoint them, he talked with the only person who could understand him.

"Babies are horrible!" Victorie claimed while they both were making mud cakes.

"Are they?" Teddy evidently believed everything his best friend said. Victorie's parents had had a baby a few months ago and if someone knew if his situation was horrible, as he expected, was the blond girl.

Victorie nod violently "Oh yes, yes they are. The only thing Dominique does is cry and bawl and drool and smell ugly when she does her pop." Teddy´s expression was getting more and more terrified by everything Victorie said "On top of all, you should wait until Uncle Harry and Auntie Ginny start asking you to be the example."

"The example?" Merlin´s sake, his situation was worse than what he had imagined.

Victorie signed "Yes, the example" She said, her expression grim and dark "They won´t like when you speak to high or when you scream or when you jump. No more jokes, no more bad behaviour. It´s si terrible."

Oh Merlin´s balls, she had spoken in French. Teddy Remus Lupin was officially dead.

"But don't you think my Godfather might be different?" He asked hopefully "I mean, they must not want James so much if Ginny ate him."

Victorie and him had also come to the conclusion that parents, apparently, ate a lot when they were expecting the babies and therefore got big tummys. It was less perturbant than Hermione telling them Ginny had ate James.

The girl shook her head, putting a muddy hand on top of Teddy´s shoulder "Trust me, things will get awful once Auntie Ginny and Uncle Harry come back home with a crying baby"

Teddy had refused to acknowledge that. Godfather had promised him he was always going to be important and that meant they wouldn't want Teddy to change a single thing.

But then, apparently, the baby decided he had to arrive early.

Teddy and Harry were playing in a muggle park near where his Godfather and Ginny lived, both of them laughing breathlessly while running around. His Godfather had picked him up and was tickling him when Uncle Ron appeared suddenly, grabbing Harry by the shoulders and smiling wildly.

"He´s coming!" Was the first word that had meant, once and for all, the terrible future that expected Teddy.

And the day had been so lovely.

Harry had took him immediately to Saint Mungo´s hospital, running all those corridors while searching for Ginny. In the last moment he had leaned towards a very scared six years old Teddy, hugging him and begging Ron to keep an eye on him.

"Yes, yes. I watch over Teddy. Now go and find my sister before she hexes you"

Harry gave Teddy one last look and resume his running, leaving him feeling like a void was eating him up. Ron tried to make him play "Guess who in this room we accidently sent here when we were at Hogwarts" but Teddy was simply imagining all the terrible scenarios his six years old mind could create. Where Ginny and Harry going to start ordering him to not even come near their house anymore since the baby was here already? Why did that baby couldn't wait until July to be born, like he was supposed to?

The time went by and it was already half past five when, happily, Harry announced that the baby was safe and sound as well as Ginny. Ron told his Godfather that he was going to call Hermione and that Teddy should be one of the first to see the baby. Teddy didn't see the appeal, but gave a fake smile and entered the room with his Godfather.

Ginny was sitting in the hospital bed with a small bundle in her arms. His Godfather pushed him in an effort for Teddy to come closer, even when the only thing the poor boy wanted was to run away as fast as he could. Finally, because the hospital room wasn't big enough for him to hide, he had come across Ginny and the bundle of blankets that had messy auburn hair.

"Look sweaty, he´s James" She had said softly, showing him the little baby "Isn´t he wonderful?"

Teddy wanted to say the baby looked ugly and wrinkled but kept his mouth shut and nodded. The baby though had opened his eyes that were the same chocolate colour of Ginny, and was looking at Teddy through long lashes. Teddy wanted to leave, but the bundle of wrinkles that was the baby had gripped one of his fingers as if his life depended on it.

"He already likes you" Harry announced, happily.

Teddy wanted to scream and jump out of the highest floor of the hospital. He didn't wanted the baby to like him. He didn't wanted to be the big brother who gave good example. He had once set a book accidently on fire, for Merlin and Morgana´s sake!

He spent the rest of those infinite and disastrous minutes sitting in a chair, watching Harry and Ginny giggle over that baby as if was the most marvellous thing. He wasn't even a metamorphmagus like Teddy!

The rest of the family started arriving soon, everyone also happy and congratulating Ginny and Harry because of James. Teddy wanted to tell everyone that the baby had only been sleeping and occasionally looking at Teddy in very creepy ways, as if reminding him how he was being slowly replaced, but it was no use. Only Victorie seemed to understand his distress and unhappiness.

"Can´t we gave him back?" Teddy had asked her, his anger showing around. Ever since that baby had been born his Nana hadn't allowed him to go visit his Godfather and Ginny because they were probably busy.

"I don't think it´s possible" Victorie had answered sympathetically.

Teddy threw a rock, imagining it was that baby who was now stealing all the attention "Where do babies come from, anyway?" Perhaps if he discovered that, maybe that baby could be sent away.

Victorie had rolled her blue shinny eyes "The owls bring them, obviously. Everybody knows that."

"Then, we can sent a letter to the owl who brought him and ask her to take him away!" It was brilliant! The solution to all his problems and miseries.

"I tried to do that with Dominique and I´m afraid it didn't worked. Once you asked the owl for the baby, you have to kept it"

Teddy wanted to cry! Instead he threw another rock with much force, still imagining it was that horrendous baby.

He had finally been able to visit his Godfather and Ginny at the end of July, the week of his Godfather´s birthday. It should´ve been a very happy week but thanks to the baby it was completely ruined.

First of all, Ginny and his Godfather were constantly paying attention to everything the child did. Even if it was only sucking his fingers, for them seemed to be the most marvellous thing and Teddy was just bored. Even while eating, Ginny was distracted by that bundle of messy hair that was constantly pushing his blankets aside.

The worst thing for Teddy was that the baby always wanted to be on top of him. His Godfather and Ginny had allowed him to carry the baby and the only things he had gotten out of it, apart from the constant urge to start demanding him why he believed himself with the right of stealing away the most important people for him aside from his Nana, was that the baby enjoyed leaving his clothes full of saliva after drooling on top of him.

And Teddy hated him for it.

But the worst, the tragedy that was written all over the stars, was the crying in the night.

The baby had such strong lunges that he could be heard even in Wales. And Teddy, who normally went grumpy around the time of the full moon, had to tolerate his constant cries even when he slept on the other side of the house; having inherited a really good hearing sense, who he later discovered it was because of his father´s condition as a werewolf, the noise was simply unbearable.

He might have started to cry with the baby if it hadn't been for that night.

His Godfather and Ginny usually took turns to go and check why the baby wasn't exactly sleeping but the day before his Godfather´s birthday both had felt in a very deep sleep. Teddy couldn't blame them, really, because the four of them hadn't exactly been sleeping well thanks to the baby. It was eleven sharp and the baby, for Teddy´s misfortunes, had started wiping so much it was surely going to become a war cry in any instant.

After realizing that his Godfather and Ginny were sleeping, therefore no one was going to go and try to calm the baby, Teddy started wondering about his life. The only options he had were to try and suffocate himself with a pillow until he could fall asleep as well or go and check that molesting bundle of blankets and messy hair.

"Babies are so gross" He muttered, getting up slowly and picking a lamp in order to not fall while walking to the baby´s room.

Teddy walked closer to the crib, the baby as red as his hair while crying louder and louder. Teddy wanted to have a serious conversation with him, asked him why he couldn't let them sleep just for one day. But the baby, of course, had other ideas that implied crying until he pierced the ears from everyone in the house.

"Won´t you just shut up?!" Teddy claimed, so angry and tired he assumed his hair must have been a vibrant red.

The tricked worked, because the baby had closed his tiny little mouth and was looking at him with intent eyes. Teddy felt somehow relaxed, clearing his throat to start his speech "Look, even if we can´t return you to the owl who brought you I would gladly appreciate if we could discuss a better…way of sharing Ginny and Harry" The baby had started to chew his pyjama, obviously ignoring Teddy. This certainly didn't made Teddy happy "I´m trying to be civilized here, you bundle! I arrived first!"

The baby let out a giggle, raising his arms towards Teddy. Teddy let out a low grow "This is not the time to ask to be carry! We are having a serious conversation."

The baby seemed offended and opened his mouth with the intention to start crying again, so Teddy was left with no options but to carry him with a special care. Once the baby was firmly settle in his arms, Teddy tried to reassume their talk but the baby started to try and reach Teddy´s hair.

"Stop it!" He had yelped "You´re not paying me attention" The baby giggled again and Teddy finally understood it was because his hair had turned orange. He thought for long seconds and then, with a little bit of effort, changed his hair to a turquoise colour which sent the baby into a fit of giggles. His abilities, though not yet control, always amazed people and he felt happy and strangely proud that the baby was also admiring them.

"I learned a few days ago how to grow a beak" He whispered, noticing the baby was finally paying him attention "Look" He concentrated as much as he could and felt a wave of proudness wash over him when the baby, James, had reached out his tiny hand to touch it and went laughing again.

They might have spent the rest of the night playing with Teddy´s abilities, falling asleep on the chair Ginny sat while feeding James. When Harry found them in the morning, James sleeping peacefully on top of Teddy, the boy had simply answered that they had a "Morning talk" regarding his lack of sensibility towards other people sleeping schedule.

"We also came to the agreement of entertaining if he allowed us to sleep" Teddy added, smiling at James "Right, buddy?" James giggle, his tiny hand encircling Teddy´s finger in a strong hold.

And even when Harry and Ginny had told them both to be quieter when Teddy started visiting more frequently, the couple had to admit that James enjoyed Teddy´s Company a great deal. And yes, Victorie was right about the crying and bawling and drooling but she was also wrong about babies being awful. For once, every single time Teddy had mastered a new trick James was his number one fan.

And Teddy could also say he was very happy of being the person who shared many things with James, such as seeing his first tooth and the first time he walked or the fact of hearing him trying to say "Teddy".

Even when the owl brought Harry and Ginny two other bundle of blankets along those years, and that Teddy infinitely loved them, there was something about James that made him especial. After all, Teddy thought, he hadn't talk to Albus and Lily the first night he went to stay at his Godfather´s house after they were born.