AN/ Hey guys, this is going to be my first finished story here. Hope some of yall enjoy, little darker than what I normally write. Just going to be a one shot, may be multiple chapters, but no more than three. Hope ya enjoy, Ja Ne!

Warning: Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Self Harm, Abuse, Depictions of Blood and Violence.

CHAPTER 1: SPIRALING

Please help me, I don't know why this hurts soo much! I just want it to stop… somebody… please.

Flashes of images soared through the child's mind, death of his friends, death of his Jiji, screams of the villagers dying slowly. The one thing that stuck, was Sasuke's lifeless body.

Ever since Naruto joined the academy and began to tap into his chakra, something within him began to torment him. At first it was just dark thoughts, things he should do to the people around him. Then, it escalated. The boy began getting visions and hearing things during class. This caused the poor boy to drop academically, he just couldn't concentrate with everything going on in his head.

Most of the time he was able to hide his stress, hide how it made him feel. Because if anyone found out, they would think he was crazy. The villagers already didn't like him, and he didn't know what Jiji would do to him.

Lately, the tormenting kept getting worse and worse. Ever since Sasuke almost died at the bridge, the visions began getting worse. The thing inside him finding new ways to torment the boy.

Naruto was curled up in his bed, light just barely beginning to show outside. His entire body was shivering, even while underneath the covers. Tear streaks stained the boy's whiskered cheeks, his eyes red and puffy from crying during the night. There was nothing he could do, all he could do was suffer.

He was facing the wall but wasn't actually looking at it. Eyes clouded with the visions, and his hearing deafened from the screams. The boy continued to sob, all of it becoming almost unbearable.

Please, Kakashi, Sasuke, Sakura. I need help, I don't know if I can keep this up anymore!

Naruto cried out into the early morning, wishing someone, just one person would hear his cries and help him. No one ever did.

A couple of hours passed and the sun had shone its rays of lights through the cracked windows. Birds were chirping and the streets were busy with people going about their day. A new day had started.

Naruto lay on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. His arms and legs sprawled out, he had tossed off his shirt a while ago and was just wearing his bottoms. The boy's body did not look the way a thirteen year olds should look. Especially for a ninja.

Naruto's stomach was slightly caved in from malnutrition and some of his ribs could be seen underneath the skin. There was some muscle definition on his arms and stomach, but because he wasn't eating properly the muscles weren't getting enough energy to properly show.

His arms were small, but there was more muscle definition there due to the amount of work they were forced to do. What would be surprising to most was the boy's face. The usual cheery attitude and bright smile was replaced by sad eyes and a tired expression.

Luckily the boy didn't have nearly as many problems with the villagers since he became a fully-fledged ninja. It didn't stop some of them, but the attacks and glares did lessen and the boy was grateful for that.

A few scars from training and…. other events laced the boy's skin. When Naruto was just a little too slow, a kunai would manage to impale his shoulder or leave a large gash on his back. He knew Sasuke didn't mean to hurt him so much but couldn't help but think the raven-haired boy enjoyed it.

Unlike Sasuke, Kakashi knew how to control himself. If he was about to injure Naruto or any of his underlings, the white-haired man stopped himself.

Sakura was too slow to even land a blow on Naruto, but the boy would always pull his punches with her. He never wanted to hurt her because he cared too much. When it came to Sasuke though, Naruto knew he couldn't pull them. If he did then the boy would suffer more injuries than he already had.

Naruto turned his head to the right, trying to see what time it was. His entire body felt sluggish from the emotional stress.

The green glow from the numbers on the clock read 7:48a.m., just two hours until the team has to meet up again. It was only half a week since the wave mission, half a week and the images from the battle still raging through his head.

Naruto sighed, the boy knew he had to start getting ready for the day. Even if he didn't get any sleep. He slowly swung his legs to the side of the bed and sat up, his head still feeling fuzzy. Blinking his eyes a few times, Naruto stood up and made his way to the bathroom.

None of the lights were on in the apartment, but because none of the windows had covers on them, the sun lit up the space.

Naruto slowly walked down the hall, his body swaying back and forth with each step. The floor creaking with age, and dust flying up from never being cleaned.

When Naruto entered the bathroom, he flipped the light switch up and the lights blared to life. The entire bathroom was covered in the bright rays of light.

Naruto squinted his eyes, it took him a moment to get his eyes adjusted. After a few seconds of squinting, Naruto opened his eyes all the way and looked into the cracked mirror.

There was nothing impressive about his body, the boy held no good nor bad thoughts about it. He was indifferent.

The seal on his stomach was constantly active, he had a few guesses but hasn't been able to confirm any of them.

He traced a scar on his left bicep, this one ran deeper than the rest since it was caused by the villagers instead of Sasuke. It ran from the middle of the bicep to the crevice of his elbow. When questioned by his team, Naruto had made the excuse of slipping on a rooftop while heading home one afternoon.

At the time, none of his team members showed any worry over it. Instead, Sasuke scoffed and turned away from him, and Sakura called him stupid for making an easy mistake. Kakashi didn't make any comment, instead chose to hum.

Naruto's tired eyes followed the path his finger went, he slowly turned his gaze to the rest of the injuries on his body.

After a few moments of inspecting himself, Naruto picked up his toothbrush and started to brush his teeth.

He had started to wash his mouth out, trying to get the toothpaste out, when out of nowhere, screaming pulsated through his ears.

Naruto immediately cringed at the noise, quickly bringing his hands to his ears to try and block the noise out. It didn't help. The boy could still hear the wails of people, the volume increasing and increasing.

Naruto let out a groan of pain, he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to block out the noise. The boy knew it was all in his head, but that didn't stop the thing inside him from hurting and tormenting its container.

The screaming continued, Naruto was barely able to move. All he could do was hold his ears and keep his eyes shut. It was rarely ever this loud and lasted this long, but Naruto knew this time of the month was always worse for him. Today was the night where the full moon would shine its light across the village.

For some reason when the moon was full, the tormenting was worse. Naruto never knew why, all he knew is when.

Naruto cracked one eye open and desperately searched for an object. He removed his left hand from his ear and began feeling around the drawers under his sink. Both of his eyes widened when he found what he was looking for.

Naruto pulled out the object and sat down on the toilet, his head cringing to the right from the pain of the screaming. But that didn't matter to him, all that mattered was what he was about to do.

The boy slowly inspected the blade, the edge shining from the sharpness. The handle was stained red, either from battle or the boy's actions. His breathing began increasing, his excitement, no…. his soon to be relief causing him to hyperventilate.

I'm… I'm sorry Iruka sensei, Kakashi sensei. I know you wouldn't want this but… but I don't have any help. That's all I need, and the only help I can find is through this. I'm so sorry.

The child slowly brought the blade up to his upper right chest. After a second passed, he pierced the skin and cut downwards, ending at the bottom of his right breast.

Physical pain and mental relief poured through his system, he let out a sigh from the screaming dying down. The boy slumped on the toilet as he began to calm down, blood streaming down his chest and staining his bottoms. But he didn't care, all he cared about was the fact that the screaming went away.

Naruto's left arm hung limply in his lap, the blood-stained blade still shone across the edge. His right was hanging down on his side.

Naruto closed his eyes as he let the relief wash through him, it had always helped him when the tormenting got worse. He figured if he could stand the physical pain, then it would be worth getting rid of the mental pain.

His breathing returned to its steady pace once again, some of the fuzziness stayed since he was losing blood. A lone tear ran down his face in disappointment. He knew what his old sensei and his new one would think about his actions. The boy's only excuse was that he needed help, and the only help he could find was self harm.

Naruto knew he should just ask them to help, but growing up alone without anyone to look after him made it where he was always extremely hesitant to ask for anything. That, and he feared their rejection. Rejection was always his biggest fear, rejection of becoming a ninja, rejection from his friends…. rejection of help. Because if they rejected his call for help, then that meant he was truly alone in the world. And the boy wouldn't be able to bear that.

So, the boy did the only thing he knew. He looked after himself and buried his problems to help others. Not once thinking about himself. This is how he grew up, and no one was there to correct the boy.

After a few moments pass, Naruto raised his right arm and gently poked the wound. Wincing slightly as it was still fresh.

He let out a tired sigh, knowing he was going to have to deal with the wound today. Naruto slowly sat back up and grabbed the first aid kit that sat onto the sink.

He opened it up and grabbed a small pad of gauze and rubbing alcohol to clean the wound a little. He always made sure to never let his self inflicted wounds get infected. That would just lead to more problems than what he already had.

After cleaning the wound some, the bleeding finally stopped. The boy knew that his advanced healing wouldn't work on these types of wounds. They never did.

Naruto put the bloodied gauze pads in the sink and slowly stood up. He took a moment to regain his balance, after a few seconds, he pulled off his bottoms and underwear, leaving him completely bare.

He slowly turned to the shower and stepped inside, wanting to clean off the blood as much as possible before going out for the day. The boy winced as the harsh cold water pounded on his chest, the blood flowing once more from the contact.

Naruto sighed once more and began the process to clean himself off.

After a couple of minutes, Naruto finally stepped out of the shower. He let it run a bit longer to wash away the blood that was collected on the floor of the bathtub.

Naruto stood there right outside of the tub, just staring ahead, his eyes still holding the deep sadness from within. He grabbed his towel and patted himself dry, making sure to take extra care around the wound.

Once completely dry Naruto began wrapping up his chest to make sure if it bled then it would be covered up.

Luckily, today wasn't a training day. Kakashi wanted to let his charges get some team-building time since Sasuke was still recovering from almost dying.

Well, at least I won't have to do anything too physical today. This would be pretty difficult to explain to them.

Naruto's thoughts began to wander to what they were more than likely going to do today. Sasuke probably wouldn't want to do anything other than train, Sakura would stick by Sasuke the entire time because she was just in love with the raven-haired boy. Kakashi… he didn't know what Kakashi would do. That man was always a mystery to Naruto.

His thoughts started to center around Sasuke again, he still held a limp from all the needles and the beatdown he got. Before Naruto knew what he was doing, visions began swarming through his vision.

He immediately began seeing images of Sasuke's death once more, this time more bloody and gruesome.

/There was a large gash across Sasuke's throat and stomach, blood and parts of his intestines seeping out of his would. Naruto stood there shocked, unable to move, unable to speak. All he could do was watch the horror in front of him.

Sasuke looked right in Naruto's teary eyes and reached out to him, "N-Naru-to, pl-please help m-me."

Naruto fell to his knees, his arms hanging limp at his sides and mouth agape. "I-I'm sorry." he whispered.

Sasuke's outstretched arm was still up, still trying to touch Naruto. "W-why did you l-et m-me die? Why Naruto? I-I thought… I thought w-we w-were friends."

Naruto's eyes were wide with horror, he knew this wasn't real, but he was too frozen with horror to do anything.

Sasuke's arm fell to the ground with a thump, blood pooling around the limb.

Naruto was shaking, "No, no, no, no, no! This isn't real, STOP SHOWING ME THIS!"/

Naruto pressed on his chest where the bandages were to shock him out of the vision. His body shot forward and he caught himself on the sink, sweat and tears falling from the boy's face.

Naruto was breathing heavily as the vision slowly receded, he gripped the edge of the sink tightly while his other hand pressed onto the wound. He used the physical pain to shock himself, another thing he rarely had to do.

The boy pushed himself off the sink and walked backwards to the wall. He slowly slid down the wall and curled into a ball, crying.

1.3 hours later

Naruto was making his way down the streets of Konoha with his head held high and a small smile on his face. He wasn't one to completely mask his emotions, but he didn't want the others to know exactly how he was feeling. So, to cheer himself up a little, he had some of his special ramen cups that he stores for special occasions.

Ramen always made the young boy happier, the smell and taste was just too good to keep a bad mood going all the time. It was easy to make, tasted good, and was affordable for Naruto. Everything he could ask for when looking for food.

As Naruto was walking down the street, he failed to see a speeding object flying right at him. One second he was standing and minding his own business, the next he was knocked over by another person.

Naruto recoiled in pain due to the cut on his chest reopening, he sat on the ground for a few seconds to catch his breath. The object of the collision groaned out in pain as well, Naruto was surprised it sounded familiar.

"K-Konohamaru? What're you doin running into me?" Naruto winced trying to sit up to face the child.

Konohamaru was rubbing the top of his head and looked up, "Oww, sorry boss. I was just in a hurry to get to school. I didn't see ya until it was too late."

The little boy adjusted the goggles on his head as they were knocked out of place in the collision.

Naruto sighed, "Well, just" the older boy got back up, trying to not show the pain he felt from the cut on his face. "Just look out next time, will ya?"

Konohamaru stood back up next to Naruto, dusting himself off. "O-okay big bro."

The young child tilted his head after observing Naruto more, "Say big bro, are you alright? You look really tired."

Naruto finished dusting himself off and had a look of surprise on his face, "Uh well, just feelin a little down since our last mission. Nothin too big." That's part of it at least.

Konohamaru's eyes widened, "What, no way! Ain't nothing in this world that could get my big bro upset. C'mon, quit joking big bro." Konohamaru didn't want to believe anything could get his older brother figure down. He was just too… too happy of a person.

Naruto internally winced at the words, he knew part of what the kid was saying was out of worry, but he felt like some of it was truthful. Almost as if Naruto shouldn't be as down about what he sees.

Naruto laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. "Oh, yah I was just pulling your leg. Since ya ran into me ya know."

Konohamaru smiled, "Yah, sorry bout that. Well, I'll see ya some other time then, big bro." he flashed a big toothy grin and ran off to his school.

Naruto waved to the boy, "See ya later brat!"

After a few seconds passed Naruto dropped his hand and his shoulders slumped. The smile that was once there disappeared, a look of weariness took its place. He slowly rolled his shoulder around trying to release some of the stiffness out.

Naruto reached inside of his jacket and behind his shirt to check the bandages. He wasn't too surprised to feel some wetness on his fingertips. After retracting his hand, he looked at his fingers to find traces of blood.

Naruto shook his head and sighed, Today is going to be a long day, I just hope I can hold off until we're done.

30 min later - 9:50a.m.

Naruto and Sasuke were both sitting at the training field where they first met as a team, both of them wondering if their sensei was going to be on time.

Naruto was trying his hardest to keep the visions and voices out of his head. With Sasuke right next to him, it was quite difficult. Ever since leaving the wave, Naruto hasn't been able to look his teammate in the eye. Something Sasuke noticed quickly but got the wrong idea from it.

Sasuke was leaning on a tree truck, enjoying the bit of shade to shelter from the heat. His mind was almost as chaotic as a storm's.

Dammit, I could be training right now instead of a stupid team bonding day! Such a waste of my time. I can't let Naruto one-up me like he did before, I wasn't even awake to see what happened. Sakura saw it and I don't even know if what she said was the truth.

Sasuke turned his gaze to Naruto, who held his eyes closed and looked like he was concentrating on something.

Naruto was concentrating on clearing his mind, it was pretty difficult because he felt someone staring at him but pushed the feeling away.

Sasuke shook his head, There's no way that dobe one-shot the ice chick. I couldn't even get close to her after she activated that ice prison. And what did Sakura mean about some 'strange' chakra from Naruto? Everyone's chakra feels different from yours, that common sense!

Sasuke grunted, he pushed himself off the tree and stood in front of Naruto. "Hey dobe, let's spar. It'll pass the time faster."

Naruto shook his head and opened his eyes to look at Sasuke, "Not today Sasuke, maybe some other time."

Sasuke scoffed, "What, is it because you think I'm still hurt. That doesn't bother me, it's not like you can hurt me anyway, so just get up and spar with me."

Naruto clenched his teeth, "I said no, Sasuke."

Sakura had just walked up to the group five minutes before the meeting time. "Hey Sasuke kun, what are you and Naruto talking about?"

Sasuke turned his head to Sakura, "The dobe doesn't want to spar with me."

Sakura tilted her head sideways, "Really?" she looked down at Naruto, who was still sitting. "C'mon Naruto, just do what he says. Can't be that bad to spar today, it is a team bonding day after all."

"Yah, Naruto. Just spar with me already, dammit!" Sasuke yelled, his fists clenched.

Naruto stood up and faced Sasuke, "Just leave me alone, teme! For once not everything is about you!"

Sasuke snarled, "And what does that mean dobe! Don't tell me you're upset that you know you'll never beat me, or is it because of what happened to that ice bitch at the wave!"

Naruto turned his head away from the duo, "It's none of your business teme." he said through clenched teeth.

"I don't care if it is none of my business, you're acting like a big ass baby! No one cares what you think or how you're feeling, just spar with me!" Sasuke shoved Naruto back, the younger boys back hitting the tree roughly.

Naruto gasped in pain as his cut was agitated twice that day within an hour, he felt blood spreading across the bandages. As his back hit the tree, he stayed there, leaning on it and trying not to fall down from the pain.

Sasuke scoffed at Naruto, "Pfft, if you're hurting from a little push then maybe you should reconsider being a ninja, dead last." He turned around and began walking to the other side of the field.

Sakura stayed there for a few seconds, deciding she didn't want to be around Naruto, she turned to leave as well. Before completely leaving, she turned her head to Naruto. "You know, that was pretty lame Naruto. You should at least consider what Sasuke kun is feeling instead of blowing him off, a good teammate would have happily sparred with Sasuke kun. You're so inconsiderate." The girl then turned back around and joined Sasuke.

Naruto just stayed there, tears building up around his eyes. He slowly slid down the tree, making sure not to agitate his wound any further. He buried his head in his shaking hands.

The voices and visions started to come back, more fierce than before. This time his physical pain wasn't enough at the moment to subdue them. Instead of the normal screams, they were just voices telling him he wasn't good enough.

You're a good for nothing pest!

How could you be so inconsiderate.

Your feelings don't matter.

You're a terrible teammate.

You should have died that night, demon!

That last one sent shivers down Naruto's spine. It wasn't the same voice as before, this time it was one he was all too familiar with. It had been so long since he heard that voice, and now the demon inside of him found it. Everything is about to get much worse.

Naruto began to whimper, scared for what the demon held in store for him.

The boy was too preoccupied with his thoughts and didn't notice that it started to rain, what he did notice was that Sasuke and Sakura started to walk off. He could hear the two talking with one another.

"Sasuke kun, what about Naruto? Do you think he is okay, he's just sitting there." Sakura asked.

Sasuke scoffed, "Pfft, who cares about him. He's just a dobe, no bother worrying about it."

Sakura nodded her head, "Whatever you say Sasuke kun. So, where are we going?"

"I'm going home, alone." He emphasized the last part.

Sakura looked dejected but perked back up almost immediately, "O-okay Sasuke kun. I'll see ya tomorrow."

The two didn't realize that Naruto had heard the entire conversation, the voices swarming around his mind even louder now.

Naruto's eyelids were both closed, but behind them his eyes were moving around crazy from the constant loud voices in his head. It was getting almost too much for the boy.

You're not good enough for them.

You're just a pest, a nuisance. How can you even think they care about you, about trash!

How dare you think that you're human, you're nothing! No one will ever love you!

Sasuke's words started to echo in his mind. The emotional Uchiha not once thinking before speaking.

Who cares about him, he's just a dobe.

I… I thought you cared Sasuke, Sakura. Please…. Please don't leave me.

Tears just started forming when a hand found a spot on Naruto's shoulder.

Naruto flinched at the contact, he looked up and was surprised to see Kakashi standing next to him with his hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Naruto, are you okay?" the man asked.

Upon hearing those words, Naruto's entire body tensed. Kakashi noticed the tension immediately build up in his student's body but chose not to speak of it.

The voices within Naruto's mind ceased, instead his own voice overruled the noise.

Am.. I… Okay? W-why would he ask that. He's never asked that, I don't understand! Why, why should he care about me. I'm lower than Sasuke, I-

The boy's thoughts were interrupted by Kakashi speaking once more.

"Naruto?"

This time, two hands were placed on the boy's shoulders. Kakashi was growing more and more worried.

Naruto's hands were scrunched up on his chest as he looked up at the man. The man who he thought was amazing and cool. The man he looked up to. Someone he thought genuinely cared for him.

Because of these thoughts though, Naruto feared greatly what would happen if he asked for help.

Please Kakashi, I'm so sorry. I-I can't tell you, I-I don't want you to leave me.

Naruto desperately wanted Kakashi to help him, he desperately wanted Kakashi to take his pain away. But he couldn't ask the man. He knew that the masked ninja in front of him has gone through hell and back many times, so why would his problems matter. Why would his pain matter? He doesn't deserve help if Kakashi didn't get it. Because if Kakashi went through all of that and is still standing, still breathing, still cheerful… why should Naruto ask for help. He doesn't deserve it.

All of this stormed through Naruto's mind until he spoke softly.

"Sorry, I'll go home now."

Naruto slowly stood up after Kakashi returned his hands to his sides and stepped back. The man giving Naruto as much space as he wanted.

Naruto wiped away some rain from his face with his left hand and looked back up at Kakashi. The boy smiled, putting as much effort into making it a happy smile. He was able to get the smile part down, but his eyes didn't reflect what his face did.

"Thank you Kakashi sensei."

The boy then turned around and walked away from the training field.

Kakashi narrowed his eyes, watching Naruto slowly make his way off the training field. The smell of fear and despair filling up his nostrils. The man shook his head and was about to leave via shunshin when a different odor hit him.

What is this, it smells…. Metallic.

Kakashi observed his surroundings, trying to find the scent. After doing a complete one-eighty, he came back face to face with the tree where Naruto was sitting at moments before.

The man knelt down once again and closed his eyes, concentrating to find the scent and finding out just what it was. It was familiar to him, but he couldn't put his finger on it since it was raining and extremely faint.

Kakashi leaned forward and all of a sudden the smell hit him.

Blood?!

BREAK: CHAPTER 2 NEXT

A/N:

So, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. Was trying to think about a good spot to end this chapter and I liked this spot. Constructive criticism and review are welcome.