January 28, 2013. 6:00 pm.
The house was spotless, the true definition of perfection. Misa had gone over it with a vacuum twice, and she had scrubbed the windows until her manicured nails had chipped. Not one chair was out of place, and the kitchen floor shone brightly as the sun glinted off of the tiles. Her muscles ached and her hair was in disarray, she'd have to fix that. Everything had to be perfect for Raito's return. She knew her beloved liked everything to be in tip top shape.
The poor dear had been stuck at work for days, trying to catch someone she had once looked upon favorably. She still did, though she would never admit that out loud. Raito would be ashamed, and she hated feeling the tortuous burn of his shame. He worked tirelessly trying to bring justice to this world, and she supported him with every fiber of her being.
Kira was still her knight in shining armor, in many ways. He had brought her vengeance; he had soothed the pain of her parent's untimely death. Kira had been there for her when no one else had. He had believed in her, he had seen the true evil. Misa thought his ideas, his shining standards, were perhaps the most sensible laws she had ever seen. He was purifying the world, he was taking the evilness away from the righteous. Why wouldn't she support that? She knew she wasn't as wise as Raito, but surely someone who punished evil deeds couldn't be in the wrong.
But her love for Kira was a flickering flame compared to the brightness of her love for Raito. Ryuzaki, that horrible pervert, had asked her once who she would choose. She had been young and thoughtless at the time, but she had immediately latched onto Raito's arm and made her pick. Even now, even after all of these years, she had never regretted her words of adoration and loyalty. Raito was her prince, her sweetheart, the Romeo to her Juliet. Raito was the only person she had, and the only person she needed. Despite being an idol with many adoring fans, they could never love her like Raito did. She could hardly explain the depth of her devotion to the brunet, she could only feel it overwhelm her with its intensity. Their love wasn't for the faint of heart.
Many interviewers, many friends had asked her about her relationship. Many wondered about the charming brunet and the bright girl that stuck to his side. Being who she was, she was drowning in a world of promiscuity and adultery. Raito was her raft, but no one could seem to understand that. Celebrity relationships were short and fleeting, and were only for publicity a majority of the time. Many of her collogues shared their bed with a different partner every night. She knew everyone thought it would fail, everyone had doubted her faithfulness, but it was one of the most steadfast things she had possessed.
They just didn't know Raito like she did. Even that foolish Matsui, who was supposed to be a friend of them both, had tried to lessen their bond by whispering wicked insinuations into her ear about Raito and that Takada girl. She hadn't of believed it for a second!
Okay, well, as much as she was loathe to admit it for a fraction of a second her heart had fallen into the pit of her stomach and darkness had blinded her. For a mere moment, nothing more. It was only natural, Raito was quite the prize. He was everything men wished to be, smart, talented, handsome, perfect, charming, sweet, filled with goodness and grace. It wouldn't be a stretch to believe that he would leave her, because who was she? Sure, Misa knew she was beautiful, it would be insulting to be humble about such matters, but she knew she wasn't as smart as him. She wasn't as brave as him, and she didn't share his effortless glamour. She knew that she could never compare to Raito, he was the shining star out of their relationship. He could have anyone he wanted. She was more than aware of her faults. Her laugh was too loud, her lips weren't big enough, she was clingy, she could fall prey to sorrow. Raito would never purposely hurt her, but maybe Takada had tricked him. Maybe she had lead him astray, maybe she had forced herself upon him! Maybe Misa wasn't doing a good enough job of servicing him, though she tried her best. It would always be her fault, she knew, because Raito had no sin and for a moment she had let these delusions overtake her.
But when she, in all of her tears and sadness, confronted Raito about the issue, he had assured her Matsui was reading into something that wasn't there. He had told her Takada was a friend, an acquaintance really, and that he was using her for his investigation. He had given her a look, a look that spoke of disappointment, and Misa had hung her head in shame. Where did she find the nerve to question Raito? He would never sink so low as to let his eyes stray to another. He had honor, had she forgotten? She had sworn she would never doubt him again, she had promised them both that she wouldn't let silly insecurities warp her manic mind.
But that wasn't really true, was it? No, sometimes when Raito wouldn't return her calls she would only assume the worst. It was in her nature, unfortunately. She could hardly trust anyone, though that wasn't necessarily her fault. While outwardly Misa was bubbly and affectionate, inside her heart had been petrified into stone. Before Raito, when she was younger, she had been surrounded by users who would only take and take. It was self-preservation, her cynicism, because she never knew who to trust. Whether it was the cute model who had asked her out on a date solely for paparazzi shots, or friends who only wanted her for likes, or managers who wanted to bleed her dry, no one had liked Misa for what she had inside. They liked her appearance, her image, what she could do for them. No one wanted to be with her when her face was bare, and she laid in bed on rainy nights. No one wanted anything real.
Until Raito. Since they had met so many years ago, she could hardly recall where and why they met, but she did remember the first time she had laid her eyes upon his face. She had been in a coffee shop, and she had glanced out of the window while idly daydreaming she supposed. And, suddenly, it was as if the clouds of bleakness had lifted and a shining ray of golden light had appeared. It was as if God himself had offered her a reward on a silver platter. She had gone to his house, not that she had stalked him, she must have somehow found his address through innocent means, and it had been true love at first sight. Not just wanton lust or mere infatuation, she had almost been locked into a trance when she had decided to give her heart to the brunet. He had just been, good. He had been so good. He had been perfect. The deep timbre of his voice when he had greeted her had been music to her ears, and his soothing touch had warmed her from the inside out. He had broken through her layers of protection, and he had claimed her soul because he was the only one fit for it. She had believed someone as special and splendid as Raito wouldn't be her's for long, but she had decided to cherish all of the time he gave her. But, somehow, fate had smiled upon her as Raito never left. He stuck by her side, even through that horrible time they had both been under suspicion as Kira, he had been there. And even after, even when he had no obligation towards her, he had stayed by her side. He had gotten so attached to her that he had even suggested they move in together! And what else could it be but love? Who else would have stood by her side while wrapped in chains? Who else would have defended her innocence against Ryuzaki and the Task Force? And even after all of these years, who wouldn't have gotten bored by their blissful and quiet life? Raito had not been one of those slimy, sleezy men who had used her for a quick fuck. He had stayed for the love-making.
Though it seemed too good to be true, the only reasonable explanation was that he adored her too. At first, she had been disheartened by his lack of touch, his lack of outward closeness. She had feared maybe she wasn't pretty enough to him, that maybe he was only with her out of obligation and responsibility. But she had quickly learned that Raito was quiet, and thoughtful, and kept his heart locked away. One could not see his love with simply a naked eye, it took work to search for it. But if you put in the effort and time, if you were devoted, you would uncover something truly magical. She had done that, she had looked deep into his eyes, and she had seen true love there. They sparkled for no one but her, those deep russet orbs had only held love for her. Raito was conservative, he had much more important things to think about then fornication. That was what he had told Misa. He wasn't an average young man, he was more mature. Misa had been confused at first, because she had only been taught the physical properties of love. Before her mother had passed, she had uttered the sage words of wisdom that you had to prove to men that you loved them. Sex was all that she had known, and when Raito didn't demand those duties of her, she had simply been lost. No one had taught her that love wasn't a bargaining chip, she had always thought that it was conditional based on your performance as a lover. Raito had enlightened her, and now she knew about an even more precious kind of love. Their physical encounters were few and far between, but that just made it all the more memorable. They had something real, something that could only be expressed telepathically. They held each other's hearts, which was world's better than anything else. They had a soul connection, a bond no one could understand unless they had experienced it firsthand
Misa flounced into the bathroom to blot her face and reapply her pink lipstick. She reminded herself that Raito hated sticky lip gloss, he preferred pale pink lipstick. He didn't like heavy eyeliner or bold lashes, so she swept away spots of mascara that had crumbled under her eyes. He liked soft, neatly brushed hair and bright blushing cheeks. She knew she would be a sight for sore eyes when her weary fiancé appeared, she had to look her best.
Stepping back to look at herself appreciatively, she deemed herself appropriate for Raito's return. She was wearing a light, blush colored tank top and a matching miniskirt that hugged her curves nicely. She was wearing the thin gold bracelet he had bought her for her twenty-third birthday, and the necklace with his name scrawled across the small heart-shaped pendant. She looked like a vision, like the perfect house wife he had always dreamed of her as, and she was pleased. Surely they would celebrate tonight, maybe she would even suggest they begin to try and form a family of their own! She had been hesitant, as she didn't want to suggest something so monumental prematurely, but she was ready to begin a new chapter of their lives. She was ready to promise herself to Raito for an eternity, and she wanted to carry his child inside of her. It would be her biggest honor, and something she could finally give him. His mere existence had already gifted her with so much, and she wanted to return the favor. Though her body would go through its womanly trials and tribulations, she'd sacrifice everything if it meant Raito's happiness.
She beamed at herself one last time before she went back into the living room to wait for his return. She hoped he wouldn't be cross with her, for truthfully, she wasn't supposed to be back at the house. For the last few days, she had been stuck with Mogi in some hotel room while Raito worked. Something about 'keeping watch over her'. She knew Raito had probably organized it, for they were quite close to catching Kira and he was probably concerned with her safety. This morning she had been taken to a pent house suite to wait for his return, but she had just felt so antsy! This day felt important somehow, and she had known their house probably looked a mess. She had decided it would be best to go and clean, so she had left the hotel to return back to their home. She had texted Raito of her location a few minutes earlier, but he hadn't responded yet. It was okay, though, she knew Raito didn't much care for text messages. He was always so focused on his work. He was probably driving home now, and didn't have time to look at his messages. He was of course the most responsible driver.
The clock ticked by slowly and her toes wiggled restlessly inside of her thigh-high white stockings. She could only focus on the scent of Raito's cologne, and the feel of his arms around her. She could only imagine the dazzling smile he would bestow upon her while revealing how he had missed her so. It was taking all of her willpower not to get up and start jumping on the couch like an excited child on Christmas morning. She just couldn't wait for her eyes to lay upon his handsome face.
And when the orange light of the sunset started bleeding in through the open blinds, there was a knock on the door. A knock? How peculiar. Raito had a key, oh, perhaps he had accidentally lost it. Not wanting him to wait outside in the January cold, she leapt up from the couch and raced over to the door. Her fingers were shaking with anticipation as she undid the lock and swung open the door to find-
Matsui, and Aizawa, and Ide, and Mogi. The Task Force members were regarding her with forlorn expressions drawn onto their faces. They looked at her, their eyes brimming with unshed tears and pity, and she frowned. There were four of them. None of them were the man she loved. Where was Raito? He wasn't standing behind them or walking down the sidewalk. Why did they all look gutted? Why was Matsui shaking? He must be cold.
"Hi you guys!" She chirped nervously, shifting on her feet. "Where's Raito?"
Aizawa cleared his throat uncomfortably and looked away, and Misa immediately cursed herself for her bad manners. "Oh, come in. Come in!" She beckoned them in with a finger, retreating back into the warmth of her house as they shuffled in. An awkward silence fell upon them, and even through her confusion, Misa knew she must fill it. They all looked so out of place, out of sorts, out of their minds. She had never seen any of them this upset, not even Matsui when his girlfriend had broken things off.
"I wasn't expecting guests." She chuckled anxiously, sitting back down onto the couch. "Did Raito invite you all over? Is this a celebration?"
Matsui let out a choked sob, covering his mouth with his fist. "I can't tell her." He mumbled thickly, a tear streaming out of his eye. Misa frowned.
"Tell me what...? Don't cry Matsui, it's okay." She immediately sprang up, going over to rub his arm soothingly. He flinched away from her touch, as if she had burned him, and he hastily turned away. His shoulders shook and heaved, and Misa felt a pit form in her stomach. Something was wrong. Something must be horribly wrong.
"Didn't you guys catch Kira?" She asked softly, figuring that must be the source of their discourse. "Is that why Raito isn't home yet? Is he still at the office?" Poor Raito, was he still going over paperwork and plans and-
"No, Misa." Mogi spoke up, shaking his head as his eyes traveled down to the freshly cleaned floor. "We did..."
"Oh!" She beamed, clapping her hands together. "What's all the fuss then? Catching Kira is good, right?"
"I...it is." Aizawa fumbled, sucking in a deep breath. "It's just...who we caught-"
"Maybe you should sit down, Misa-san." Ide interrupted, sending her a broken smile, and her skin immediately because to crawl with invisible spiders.
"Sit down?" She huffed out an unsteady laugh. "Why? What's going on?"
"Misa!" Matsui suddenly blurted, coming to collapse on his knees in front of her. She watched with wide eyes as he began to grab at her legs and sob. "I-I'm so..so..s-so sorry..."
"Sorry?" She asked, her voice shrill and uneven. "Matsui, you guys, you're starting to scare me!"
"Matsuda!" Aizawa barked, pulling the trembling man to his feet and giving him a sharp glare. "Don't do this."
"I-I can't help it." He buried his face into his hands, letting out a pained moan. "I-It's all my fault...I know I shouldn't have shot at him...I-I didn't mean to! I was just so confused, and angry, and hurt-"
"Shot at who?" Misa whispered, nervously tucking a piece of blonde hair behind her ear. She was so confused, and she just wanted Raito. Where on earth was he? He would be able to comfort the Task Force better than she could.
"Misa..." Aizawa sighed, coming over to place a hand on her shoulder. She immediately stiffened, unused to such a familiar touch from an acquaintance, and he quickly withdrew his hand and hung his head. "This is going to be...upsetting, I know, and I'm sorry that we have to be the ones to tell you this..."
Misa cocked her head, her brain going haywire to try and make sense of this whole situation. "Are you guys worried to tell me you caught Kira?" She laughed, swallowing thickly past the growing knot in the back of her throat. "You can tell me! I'll probably hear it on the news anyway and, though I once supported him, I won't be upset! Besides, Raito wanted to catch him and I support-"
"That's just the thing though." AIzawa interrupted, biting his lip. "I...it was him."
It was who? Misa let out another laugh, though this one sounded more like an impatient sigh, and she ducked her head to meet Aizawa's averted gaze. "It was who?"
"I-It was Raito, Misa." Matsui choked out, furiously swiping at the water leaking from his eyes. "Raito was Kira."
What? Raito was...impossible. "No." Misa interjected, smiling, because what else could she do? That didn't make any sense! "No...n-no!" She stuttered, looking from face to face wildly. "Raito is trying to catch Kira, he certainty isn't Kira! Is...is this some kind of joke? It's not very funny, I mean, I think I would know if Raito was-"
"He admitted it." Mogi said, frowning as his eyes glazed over. "He...he said he was Kira, we confronted him when he tried to kill us-"
"What?" She gasped, instantly backing away as if she was a cornered animal. "Raito...h-he would never kill anyone! You...you aren't making any sense, w-what the hell is this? You all are his friends; he wouldn't try to kill you!"
"He did, Misa." Aizawa interjected, and the blonde felt her own eyes fill with tears. She couldn't believe it. No, she couldn't fathom it because it simply wasn't true! Kira only killed criminals, and the Task Force weren't criminals. Something was missing, something she couldn't understand.
"Where is he?" She asked. "He...I don't understand, this is a mistake. Where is he?"
Matsui sniffled loudly and Aizawa balled his fists. "He's...gone."
"I know that, but where?" She asked again, her faux smile slipping as she grew more and more agitated. "When is he coming back-"
"He's dead, Misa." Matsui wept, shaking his head. "Raito is dead..."
Aizawa lips began moving as his eyes filled with hollow anguish, but Misa couldn't hear the words that were being spoken. Everything was all at once just white nose around her, as if they were speaking in a foreign language, and their voices were muffled. It was as if a bucket of ice water had been poured onto her, and was temporarily paralyzing her muscles. But then she felt herself stumble back and her backside hit the soft padding of the couch. She mindlessly struck her hand out, blindly trying to grasp at something for support, and for a moment she couldn't breathe. Time itself seemed to have stopped ticking, and everything was frozen exactly in place. She couldn't even hear the beating of her own heart.
What had Matsui said? A pit formed in her stomach and dread pierced her heart as panic threatened to consume her. No, it would be embarrassing to break down in front of the Task Force. They were professionals, it wouldn't be ladylike to fly into a rage. Raito wouldn't like it if she suddenly lost herself in front of his esteemed coworkers. Silly Misa, she must have misheard Matsui. She was always overreacting and getting worked up over nothing.
"Kira's dead..." She finally spoke, the smile coming back onto her face as her vision refocused. "Kira is dead, you mean. Not Raito."
The men were frozen at place, giving her wary stares, so she decided she should clarify. "I didn't hear Matsui right, I couldn't have, because I thought he said Raito was dead."
"H-he is." Aizawa said, frowning so deeply that his lips nearly disappeared. He too was now shaking. "I'm...so sorry Misa, we found him and he wasn't breathing-"
Tears began to pour out of her eyes as she let out a muffled squeak, and she didn't know why. She was probably just overwhelmed. Did she have hearing problems? No, her last physical had checked out perfectly. They must be lying to her then. They had to be, because Raito couldn't be dead. He just couldn't be. She didn't believe it, and she knew they were lying, but for just a moment her heart froze over and her brain collapsed into dust. For a moment, she too was dead, and for a moment everything around her disappeared as the meaning of the words stabbed into her chest. For a moment, she was a numb, brittle bundle of nerves that was coming undone at the seams. But that was only for a moment, for she let out a strangled laugh and dabbed at the pool of tears forming on her cheeks.
"I-I don't understand." She stuttered, her trembling hands clasping together tightly. Her body was alive with fear, but she knew she couldn't show it. "This is a joke. This is a... I don't understand."
No one responded, they just stared at her uneasily, and a butterfly of rage flapped around wildly in her stomach. "Stop it!" She cried. "Tell me where Raito is...I-I want to see him!"
"Misa." Mogi's voice was soft but firm as he held his hand up and regarded her as if she was a fragile piece of shattered glass. "Please, I need you to stay calm."
"I am calm!" She snapped out in high-pitched cheeriness, her mind racing. "I-I just...don't understand...I need to see Raito. He'll...he'll explain everything."
"Misa, just take a deep breath-" Mogi tried again, but she leapt up from the couch and backed into the wall.
"Why are you all lying to me?!" She cried; façade shattered as she desperately inhaled air into her seemingly starved lungs. "This is cruel! Please! Please! I need Raito!"
The all looked at a loss for words, and that just made her hysteria grow. Her heart beat madly inside of her chest as she grasped helplessly at her tight throat, and her vision dimmed until she could only see stars. She wanted Raito! Where was he? Why were they keeping her from him, and saying these horrible things?
She felt someone grasp her hands tightly, and Aizawa's terrified face stared back at her pleadingly. "You'll hurt yourself!" He shouted; any shred of patience discarded. "Misa, breathe!"
"Don't touch me!" She shrieked, ripping herself away from his grasp to back into the hallway. "Where is he? Where is HE?"
"I think we need to call someone..." Ide whispered worriedly as they seemed to crowd around her, and all at once she felt trapped. These were bad men; they must have come home before Raito had left the office to hurt her. Why, she didn't know, but that was the only reasonable explanation for her inner turmoil. She was fearful, terrified, and in a passion all because of them and their awful deception. She needed to find Raito so he could protect her, so he could soothe her. She needed to feel his touch, it was the only thing left for her in this barren world. What was she to do? Everything was lost if she could not find him, and she needed to escape, but they were blocking the door!
"Get away!" She stammered, wrapping her arms around herself as if that would protect her. "Leave, or I'll call Raito!"
Matsui gaped, and Aizawa ran a hand through his mussed hair as Mogi placed a hand over his mouth. "Misa..." Ide started, but she could only shake her head as her eyes squeezed shut. She needed to escape this reality, and she didn't know how!
"He'll be mad!" She threatened, a salty tear trailing into her mouth. "He w-won't like it that...you're scaring me!"
"Misa, he's dead!" Matsui shouted desperately, and her heart snapped in two. She could feel it, she could hear it, and she wailed as she tugged on her hair. She needed the voices to stop! Who were these people? What did they want with her? Where was Raito? She turned and fled down the hall, slamming the bathroom door behind her as she sank down to her knees in prayer. Voices and thuds and screams sounded around her and she pitifully wailed. She wanted that solace, that quiet again. She couldn't think with all of these damn people! She needed to make a plan to find Raito, she had to be with him! Raito was the only person who could help her now, he was the only one who could protect her. She needed his soft hands to clasp around hers, and she needed his gentle kisses of reassurance. She needed him to look her in the eyes, and assure her that this was all just a huge misunderstanding. She needed her sweetheart to wake her up from this dreadful nightmare. This was all this had to be. A horrible, scary dream.
She hastily stood to pace around the small bathroom, the tiles had begun to burn into her knees, and she drug her hands over her face. A dream. That's all this was. It was imaginary, it wasn't real. What her eyes were seeing was not the truth, this was simply some hellish vision she would wake up from. She just needed to open her eyes. She needed her surroundings to contort back to normal. She needed the screaming to stop, she needed her heart to still. She needed to see Raito's face.
"Misa! Open up!"
"Go away!" She hissed, losing her footing and crashing into the counter. Her nails dug into the smooth, frigid surface and they chipped painfully as she stared back at her ghoulish face. Dark, thick black tears ran down her face and her mussed lips were parted to let out the most spine-chilling gasps and cries. She looked a mess! She was panicking, and she knew that, and she hated herself for it, but she couldn't put her panic to bed. She couldn't stop her heart from pounding, her knees from shaking, or her tears from flowing.
Her heart bled for Raito, she needed him now more than ever. He would be so ashamed that she had reduced herself to naught more than a blubbing mess of frayed nerves, but he would understand once she told him of the horrible lies she had been told. Thinking that her lover was dead was a fate worse than death for herself, and even though she knew it couldn't be true, there was that faint thrum of doubt that plagued her. Misa couldn't even formulate the true thought, too caught up in sorrow. She couldn't think of a world without Raito, she just couldn't. He was fine. He was fine. Why was the room spinning?
She needed to find Raito. Where was he?
Dead.
NO! No, not dead. Never dead. Raito was the shining light of the world, he was the only thing in the world that mattered. She could not simply just loose him so easily. Raito would not go without a fight, Raito wouldn't let himself curl up and die. He was so permanent, he was more real than anything. He was her forever. So what was this?
Her panic was deluding her, she reminded herself. But her tears never stopped floating, and her fears poisoned her.
The door rattled and shook and she shrank back against the wall as she called out pleas of desperation to the monsters trying to break down her walls. She had to be with Raito. She needed him. He was the only thing that had ever made sense to her, and in a moment of delirium she saw his silver razor blades still laid out from when he last used them three days ago. They shone in the lowlight of the bathroom, and they called to her. She had to stop the noise; the outside world had become too much. She wanted everything to be quiet. The door was knocked down but she had already snatched the wicked tool and drug it across her neck.
And she felt...nothing. She expected to feel pain, but one moment she was shaking and the next she was laid on the ground in silent bliss. The world spun, the corners of her vision blurred as hands came to defile her, but she couldn't feel a damn thing. The sound of rushing water was the only thing she could here as her eyes fluttered to a close.
She hoped the damage wasn't too extensive, she hoped Raito wouldn't be mad when she awoke.