C.C. looked back expectantly one more time, gripping her yellow plush tightly, her nails digging in perhaps a bit too roughly, as she struggled to keep it all in. She always had. Successfully too. Why was it that only now, she had to try harder to fight back the tears? To bite her lip and not fall victim to emotional outbursts? She'd been selfish, and she was well aware of it. And once again, she'd hide under that facade and leave everything.. everyone.. Lelouch too, whom she had only selfishly resurrected. For her own wishes, her own love. The words of Kallen were ringing louder than ever in her ears, "Did he really want this?", yes, did he? Hadn't she wrecked and destroyed enough? Even though he had told her everything else that followed was his doing, that he himself had chosen the path of blood and walked down it.. it could not be denied that she had brought about the starting point. She had ruined what could have been a much more peaceful life, one spent with all his friends and family.. one that did not include all the war and ruckus, tragedy and violence. But she'd ruined it all. She'd brought upon a wretched curse, after all, she was perhaps only a witch at the end. And witches were not meant to receive things like love or affection. Witches were destined to live a forlorn life, secluded from everyone, deprived of joy. The genuine heartfelt happiness that she had felt lately had probably just been an illusion.
A shattered glass.
After all, it had never once been her intention to revive him so that he could be with her. She only wanted him to be. She always wanted him to just be. But even then..
To think she would get even a sliver of the care, the warmth.. was a folly. A grave folly.
The least she could do now was to leave, without notice, without a sign.. leaving no traces behind. She would let go. Of the true lively human emotions she'd begun to harbour, and the one who made her feel so. She would not stay and disrupt any more peace, hadn't she done a lot of that already?
The wind swept the emerald hair off her face, revealing a single tear sliding down her cheek. It would be alright, she told herself repeatedly, perhaps she deserved a tragic ending. She could not see him cry anymore, to cause any more pain to him, even if it meant she would not be in his heart. She had promised that to herself, and she would stick to it. She had to.
Still, she could not help but turn expectantly when she felt someone behind her, when she heard her name in that voice she so wanted to hear desperately. Nobody. She was all alone.
And she was used to it.
Cursing herself for reaching out to a non-existent ray of hope, she walked on, the luggage heaved on her back, which could not hold a candle to the enormous painful burdens she felt on her shoulders, however.
"Goodbye, then. I won't be using your credit card for buying pizza anymore."
She could not see him in pain anymore, even if it meant she would no longer be in his heart.
Lelouch ran as fast as his stamina would permit, panting from exhaustion as he gave in to the limits of his energy. His eyes scanning the crowds for a simple glimpse, a mere flash of green, he squeezed through the throng to find her. After the failed searches throughout the town, he had finally reached the station, having initially denied the possibility of her leaving so abruptly. Leaving him so abruptly.
"C.C.! Wait!", he called out, half-gasping for his lungs were giving away, reaching out to the figure almost dissolved into the congregation.
She whirled around sharply, asking surprisedly, "What are you doing here?"
"How can you revive me and then leave me behind? How selfish."
"Didn't you know that I'm self-centred? Your name is scandalous, anyhow. You cannot come along with me."
"How about I change my name from Lelouch Lamperouge to L.L. then?"
Lelouch went over the aspired conversation through his head, almost as if it was a drill. He was a teensy bit nervous, after all, despite the air of confidence he put on. The prospect of C.C. rejecting him was not too pleasant, but he'd made a promise to bring a smile to her face- and he would do just that. Not for only the contract. For him. For her.
Alas, that exchange only ever took place in his mind; not in reality.
For he never found C.C., not that day, not that week, not that month, not that year..
But hey, through eternity and more, till time ended, the immortal would eventually find his witch, right? That was the only bit of hope Lelouch could hold on to.
11 months later
C's world.
C.C. sauntered down the garden of memories, strewn with the bittersweet moments sprinkling the centuries and centuries of her life. Doffing her pair of shoes, she silently plodded on the dingy and drab grass, the ends pricking her tender feet. A picture of her as a slave drifted in the air as she took the first few steps, her previous masters, the beating, the work; all being vividly relived felt rather heart-rending and traumatic. The nun. The geass. The enormous number of people who loved her, though under a false effect, though never truly- it appeared as if the grass grew softer by the minute, and it felt much more pleasant against her naked heels.
"I'm sorry, I fooled you!"
The velvety texture immediately and drastically changed to a coarse and thorny one- the shade from a lush chartreuse transitioning to a hideous olive. Yet she kept going, despite the bloody scars slitting open on her porcelain skin. Despite the agony. She would keep walking.
The torture, the curse of living for so long slowly but steadily began to creep up and devour her altogether again, her legs threatening to give away. Dying. Being revived. Dying. Being revived. It was an infinite loop, never ending, never stopping. Her sight was obscured by the tremendous billows of smoke and fire that hovered in front; and her right in the middle, being burnt at stake. The shrieks for help filled her ears. The roaring waves crashing against the rocks; her figure hidden somewhere beneath- gasping for air desperately, and eventually giving in to the pain.
A sensation of claustrophobia struck her, and she momentarily could not help but stop, feet digging into the thorns underneath, a hue of crimson fleeting itself throughout.
People came and went. Came and went. Those who loved her ultimately surrendered themselves to the limits of mortality. And those she loved.. she lost and forgot.
The journey took a toll on her; exhausting and wearying the now fragile body, but she plodded on. On and on. A great distance was covered, and she had even lost sight of the shoes she'd left all the way back. She needed them. Desperately. A single protection from the pain, something she could seek comfort in..
Charles, Marianne, V.V., so many enemies and acquaintances, a memory so forlorn.. and then him. Lelouch.
Perhaps, it was not only for the fresh whiff of pizza and the snuggly warmth of Cheese-kun that the wintry icicles thawed, and the snow appeared much more beautiful than frosty. The pasture was not so rough. The rebellion. The formation of Black Knights. All the events swept past her as a sudden flash.
"You're not alone. If you're a witch, I'll be a warlock." The sensation of the ice melting slightly tugged at the corners of her lips. Affection. Forgiveness. And lastly, she felt love. The love that wrapped itself around her caged heart like a satiny fleece.
"Then why didn't you pass on the code to me?" Because she could never. She could never place such a curse, the hell of living on for eternity, on someone she'd begun to truly care for in such a long time.
"I'll make you smile, C.C.! I promise you!"
Before she knew it, she began sprinting, running down the meadow, almost as if a pair of new wings had spurted out from her back, and she had finally been given liberty, she was finally free.. towards the one man she wanted to care for, towards the man who held out his hand towards her, reaching out for her, like he'd done so many times before, and in an attempt to take hold of it, to grasp his fingers before it slipped away.. she kept on running.
But it slipped away. He slipped away. The ray of hope diffused into complete darkness, and she found herself in a void, her heart screaming aloud; yet she'd spill no tears. Life is but a collection of wavering moments, and it ends. That was what she had no choice but to accept. To accept that someone precious to her was disappearing. And he came back to her again, for her stubbornness, her self-centred wishes.. he returned.
And again they went on separate paths.
Witches don't gain. They lose. And she was no different, was she?
She had lost him. She had brought him back. And had left him.
The grass grew greener, higher, enveloping her in a comforting embrace.
A circle of light illuminated her now, her teary eyes gazing up as she smiled. Genuinely smiled.
Looking back at the path she'd successfully crossed, she next stared down, blinking at the lack of her shoes. She realised she didn't need them anymore.
Two years later
Lelouch tapped his pen contemplatively against the notebook, muttering incoherently, "Answer to life.. answer to life.."
A philosophy author may have frequent writer's blocks. And at such moments, he would set aside all writing material and study his surroundings, every minuscule detail; in this case, his attention seemed to fall on the scenery outside the speeding train, as he continued mulling over that specific question. About an answer to life..
Was it the fruits of hard work? Achievement? Accomplishment? When everything had gone according to his plans during the rebellion, he had been able to taste sweet success, and when a slight tweak tore everything apart, a dark cloud had loomed above him. The result was an answer to his work if it were posed as a question, but about life?
For someone as objective and logical as Lelouch, philosophy was not a subject one would expect him to choose as a solid profession. But he had gone and done it. He had all the time in the world, after all. A few experimental risks wouldn't hurt, right?
And with the recent bit of trouble- he found himself returning to the same topic again for the past few days, a couple of nights spent wide awake had been devoted to it as well. Yet, he couldn't.
Shaking the thought off his head, he focused on the countryside that came to view, wondering how long it'd take to reach the destination. He would be visiting Nunnally and Suzaku, paying one of the yearly visits he never missed. He was happy, at least he thought of himself to be; someone satisfied with his work, his independent life, though once in a while he would feel a terrible void inside him. Which nobody could fill.
He felt an absence.
Gods, it had been two whole years. He might as well be over it.
The vehicle halted, and picking up his heavy luggage with an effort, he got off at the station, now heading for his sister's house which happened to be fortunately nearby. However, with all the trunks and bags weighing him down, he needed a cab.
He searched for one from the roadside, leaning against a suitcase, too tired to call out for one just yet.
And it was then.
It was then when a flash of green caught his eye.
C.C. had boldly stepped into Camelot for the Geass fragments business, hoping she would not be noticed, under any circumstances. Hopefully. However, her distinct hair color could not simply allow that so easily, obviously, especially when a certain someone else happened to be in town too- but she did not have any prior knowledge of that.
So when she crossed paths with a tall and lean male with incredibly low physical stamina, she
could not help but look back at the other side of the road.
A train sped by, blocking her view for a good one minute. And when it had left, she continued her search to confirm her suspicion. There were lots of people scattered about messily, but there was no raven-haired man. No Lelouch.
Softly smiling, she moved on, continuing with her walk.
"Wait, C.C! Hold up!", a voice from behind her called out, causing her to wheel around with widened eyes. Lelouch made a motion for her to wait as he caught up with his breath, raising a palm with the other on his knee. "You certainly have not changed in that regard, even in two years.", she bluntly stated much to his chagrin, in response to which he made a face, soon disappearing when she began to laugh, genuinely laugh. Maybe he'd found his answer after all.
I enjoyed writing this bit, and I really hope you enjoyed reading this as well. It kind of became a mess, I initially thought of making C.C. leave, without Lelouch going after her at all. But that'd break my heart, and I wouldn't be able to bear it, so I had to make them reunite. I'll probably include whatever happened in their respective lives in those two years in the next chapters. Please leave a review, thanks!