(Originally published on 11/22/2020 at AO3. Original Author's Notes will be mostly preserved and shown below.)
Author's Note: Hey guys! So I finally got around to publishing this here after a lot of procrastination, haha. This fic was originally published in the BLACKBOX Fanzine hosted by MarioGaGabriel and Matryoshka-Ruth earlier in 2020. You can find it at blackboxfanzine on Tumblr. There's a lot of talented artists and writers who participated in this zine, so I really recommend checking it out!
Hope you enjoy!
Whenever the night wind blew over the ancient ruins dotting the landscape of Old Samadin, the sound it made was ethereal and haunting, as if the ghosts of long-dead kingdoms were lamenting their sorry fate to any unfortunate soul who was awake to listen. To Gammon, the whistling wind almost sounded like whispers, and if he could only concentrate hard enough, he would be able to make out the words. In a way, he found it strangely beautiful, but it did chill him, right down to the bones. But that might have been because he was on the rooftop in the middle of the night, wearing nothing but a thin jinbei to protect him against the cold.
The full moon shone brightly, but its light was half-hidden by the massive stone pillar that loomed over Gammon like a giant. For some odd reason- maybe from a time in history no one remembered anymore- the pillar stood at a strange tilted angle, as if it too, were looking over the house with interest. Gammon kept his gaze fixed on the pillar, eyes unblinking, his ears filled with the ruins' lament.
Their song was interrupted by a bump in the night, a small cry of pain coming from below. "Gammon! Gammon, where are you? Gammon?" a voice called out below him. He heard the sliding door open, and then heard his brother call out into the street. "Gammon, where are you?!"
"I'm here," Gammon said, breaking his silence before Nyoze woke up any of the neighbors. He didn't look away from the pillar. The pillar remained still.
Out of the corner of his eye, Gammon saw Nyoze pull himself up on the roof, huffing and puffing with effort. "Gammon, what are you doing up here?" he said, crawling over to his younger brother. "Did you know how scared I was? I thought someone took you away! And it's so dirty on the roof, why did you come up here?" Nyoze gave him a look, waiting for an explanation.
"I had a bad dream," Gammon said, not taking his eyes off the pillar. "I dreamt that that thing", he pointed at it, "fell on our house while we were all inside and sleeping."
"Gammon... if it was a bad dream, you should've gone to me," Nyoze said, his voice ever patient. "Or you could've gone to Mo-" Nyoze caught himself quickly, "-Father. You didn't have to climb the roof-"
"I have to," Gammon said, still staring at the pillar. The pillar did not move.
"Why do you have to?"
"Because if I stay here and watch it, it won't happen," Gammon said with utter conviction, as if he were clutching that reason in a vice-grip, close to his chest.
Nyoze's face fell. "Oh Gammon..." he sighed. He sat next to Gammon, rubbing his brother's back. "That pillar is a thousand years old. Maybe more. It hasn't fallen then, and I don't think it ever will."
"It will."
"What makes you say that?" Nyoze asked. He looked at the pillar himself, perhaps wondering what about it interested Gammon so greatly.
"I-" Gammon began, and he hesitated. "I..."
"'I' what?" Nyoze pressed, leaning in.
For the first time that night, Gammon looked at him, but looked away just as quickly, biting his lower lip and keeping his head down. Nyoze wouldn't understand. Gammon knew he couldn't possibly understand. But the truth pushed at his lips, a heavy weight in his stomach that demanded to be freed.
"What's wrong, Gammon?"
"I lied," Gammon finally choked out, the anxiety eating away at him.
Nyoze, to Gammon's surprise, didn't grimace with anger, or raise his voice. He simply asked, in a calm even tone. "About what?"
The truth finally spilled from Gammon's mouth, all at once. "That dream... isn't the first time I had that dream. I keep dreaming it, night after night. It falls, and I can't do anything to stop it. I can't stop it from falling on us, on Father, on you, on me, I can't-" And much to Gammon's shame, hot tears began to bubble out of his eyes no matter how hard he clenched his fists and tried to blink them away.
"Gammon," Nyoze said, gently putting his hands on Gammon's shoulders. "Gammon, Gammon... it's alright..."
"It's not!" Gammon said, louder than he intended to. His thin voice echoed through the ruins. "If I stay up here," he explained, voice wobbling with tears, "If I stay up here, it won't be like the dream. If it's not like the dream, it won't happen. If it won't happen, you won't die. I don't want us to die, I don't want-" he hiccoughed, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed. He tried to speak properly, be a proper dignified man and not a weak crybaby, but his body had betrayed him and he just couldn't.
But Nyoze didn't chastise him. He simply waited, seeing if Gammon had anything more to say. When he saw that Gammon was too distressed to speak, all he asked was, "Gammon, how long have you been doing this?"
Gammon swallowed his tears back, trying to steady his breathing and pretend that didn't just happen. "I don't know... I lost count. Every night."
Nyoze didn't say anything, and for a moment Gammon wondered if he had finally done it, he had finally angered Nyoze, but the next thing he knew Nyoze was hugging him tightly. Gammon blinked in surprise, then tried to struggle out of his grip. He wasn't a baby! He didn't need a hug! He didn't-
But Nyoze kept holding onto him tightly, and Gammon grew too tired to keep fighting and just surrendered into it, his tears staining Nyoze's jinbei.
Nyoze let go, after what seemed like eternity. "Come with me," Nyoze said, offering his hand.
"Where?" Gammon said, glancing nervously at the pillar. Was it Gammon's imagination, or had it moved an inch lower? "I can't leave, who's going to watch-"
"We're going to get up close."
Nyoze helped Gammon down from the roof (even if Gammon could've gone down just fine by himself), and led him through tall grass to the base of the pillar, not that far from their home. The pillar itself was so large, Gammon guessed that even if there were three of Father, they wouldn't be able to circle its entire girth if they hugged it. The old stone, normally grey in the day, shone silver in the moonlight. Small creeping vines crawled up the pillar, their leaves almost obscuring the cracks running through the carved images at the base. The images themselves vaguely looked like dragons, or birds, but they were so worn down by the wind and rain Gammon almost couldn't tell what they were supposed to be anymore.
The angle of the pillar was even more ominous up close, as if the pillar had tripped and was about to fall onto the cramped street below, crushing the Octo family's small home as well the homes of their neighbors. Gammon wasn't sure how this was supposed to make him feel better.
"Let's push it," Nyoze said.
Gammon looked at Nyoze like he had grown a second head. "What?!" he sputtered.
"Let's try to push it so it's standing up. It's better than staring at it."
"Okay," Gammon said, apprehensive. They circled the pillar so that its length was directly above them. Gammon gulped nervously. He placed his hands on the rough stone, the sensation only broken up by the smoothness of the thin vines.
Nyoze took his place next to him, also positioning his hands on the pillar. He smiled at Gammon. "On three?" he suggested. Gammon nodded.
The two counted together, and then began to push with all their might. Gammon was panting with effort, sweat dripping down his face, but the pillar refused to budge, even when Gammon tried to push at it with his shoulder. The pillar continued to loom above them, as steady and stubborn and immovable as a brick wall.
Soon, Gammon became overcome with exhaustion. He sat on the ground, trying to catch his breath. Nyoze stopped as well, breathing just as heavily. "You wanna give up too?" Nyoze asked him, still smiling. "Because I do. I don't think that thing's going to move."
Gammon stood up, shaking his head. "That's because we're not pushing hard enough," he said. He returned to the pillar, and pushed with as much force his body could muster.
"Gammon?!"
Gammon knew he was small, and not that strong, but why wasn't the stupid thing moving, even just a little? And why wasn't Nyoze helping him this time? This was important to both of them! This was their home!
"Gammon, stop!"
Gammon froze on the spot, fear gripping his heart as hard as Nyoze's sudden grip on his shoulder. He couldn't read the expression on his older brother's face, (Was it fear? Anger? Had he finally made Nyoze angry?) but just as quickly, it changed back into a smile. "Let's... Let me show you something else!" Nyoze said, his voice obviously strained. Gammon stepped away from the pillar, nodding.
Nyoze took him by the hand and led him back around to the opposite side of the pillar, where it seemed to rise at an incline from the ground. He let go of Gammon a few paces away from it, and bade Gammon to stay where he was. "I'm gonna try something!" Nyoze said, his voice still cheerful.
Gammon stood and watched curiously at Nyoze approached the pillar, and gasped when Nyoze started kicking it.
"What are you doing?!" Gammon screeched. His eyes nearly bugged out of his head when he saw that Nyoze wasn't just kicking at it, he was actually climbing on it and jumping up and down. He rushed to the base of the pillar, watching Nyoze continue to stomp around on the pillar's side.
"See, Gammon?!" Nyoze yelled. "It's not going to move!" he laughed. "It hasn't moved in a thousand years, and it's not going to move again!"
"Brother, get down from there!" Gammon was nearly beside himself with fear. He thought Nyoze was supposed to be the older brother, the responsible one, and here he was, making the pillar even worse. And wasn't it dangerous to be on that pillar in the first place? His brother was going to hurt himself if he kept on like this! Gammon's mind raced, trying to think of a way, any way, to get Nyoze off that pillar.
"Okay!" Gammon screamed. "Okay! I believe you! It's not going to move! Just please come down!"
To his immense relief, Nyoze came down, breathless with laugher. He ruffled Gammon's hair, looking amused at the look on Gammon's face. "You see?" Nyoze said. Gammon didn't. "You see now? We're perfectly safe, all of us."
They weren't, they really weren't, but Gammon nodded anyway. Anything to keep Nyoze from being a danger to himself and to their family.
The two walked back home, Nyoze looking happy and probably assuming that was the end of that. The wind blew, the ruins of Old Samadin taking up their lament once again. But before Gammon shut the sound out with the sliding door, he took one last lingering look at the pillar above their home, still poised to fall right on top of them, and despaired.
No, Nyoze didn't really understand him at all.
fin.