A Shinobi's torment.

Chapter One

Miyazaki Nobara clearly remembered the day she realized what being the embodiment of a true ninja meant. She was perhaps too young to have come to have been bestowed that truth.

She remembered wanting to close her eyes that day. Like them. The lifeless bodies of her teammates laying around the field of grass. Their bodies hadn't stiffened yet, they were still warm.

There were traces of blood around her, displaying the struggles of her older teammates before their throats were sliced.

Haru…Junpei…

"No…" Nobara looked down at them. Their faces were frozen in fear. They wouldn't have died if they did not serve themselves as bait in the means to protect her. She killed the assailants but at the cost of her teammate's lives.

The two bodies of the enemy laid behind her tiny body, the life left their eyes a while ago by the kunai blade she held in her hand. Their bodies had already stiffened, their faces were twisted in agony.

"Daichi-Sensei…"

And her Sensei. His body laid not far from where the fight took place. He had already been dead before they knew they were being attacked.

Nobara wished it were all just a bad dream. That she would soon wake up from this nightmare.

It's all real… She thought, her mind racing to find the meaning of all of this.

She looked up at the sky. Nobara felt like she would lose something if she started to cry. She would lose a part of her honor as a ninja. A shinobi must never show their tears or any weakness during a mission. But naturally, tears were already streaming down her face. The kunai left her hand, planting itself on the ground. There was an indescribable pain in her chest. She felt such a tightness around her heart at that moment, she could hardly stand it. Something she had only felt once before.

It wasn't something remotely fit for a nine-year-old child to witness. Yet alone to commit such atrocities. She had stabbed the two men who murdered her comrades in cold blood.

Standing on her own amidst dead bodies, there was no one to offer her any kind of comfort nor sympathy. Not that she wanted any. She only wanted to close her eyes.

Just like them.

Guilt was eating her up. She felt she could have saved them if only she had been strong enough. Strong enough to stop anybody from hurting anyone. But she was far from that goal it seemed. She was lacking in power.

"I wasn't strong enough…" Nobara told herself. Maybe then I could've saved them all.

Her breathing heaved heavier as she realized the horrendous truth of being a shinobi. Her small frame started to shake. Not from the cold rain. But from rage. She was only realizing now how being a ninja was all but unfair. They were only mere beings who fight one another. Tools to be used to make war and fight for peace. For whatever reason, she saw no merit to try and resolve things by fighting. It only has caused war in the past. Only caused death.

Nobara made herself a promise that day. To stop anything like this day to ever happen again. That she was going to be strong enough to stop any conflicts. She believed she could be powerful enough to resolve even wars.

If men before her accomplished it, she could too.

The rain beat down mercilessly on her small frame, the scene before her forever engraved on her mind. Like a fire-mark.

I must change the world…

°○●•

When Nobara returned to the village, she was riding a cart she had bought off from a poor farmer. The cart carried the corpses of her former squad members. It was a grim sight for the gatekeepers when they greeted the child. Her eye socket indicated that she lacked a proper sleep.

They were horrified to see three bodies wrapped in drapes. Even more so when they saw that under one of them was Hirokoshi Daichi. A Jonin who recently became a sensei for the first time. His other two disciples were carefully wrapped beside their sensei.

They were baffled that she even brought them back.

She thought that their families deserved a proper farewell. That the four of them deserved a proper funeral.

It was difficult for her to explain what went wrong. It was as if her heart had hardened itself overnight. She would not let herself cry in front of the Council and the Hokage when she was summoned to fill in the details of the last mission.

There was a man in robes, bandages covered half of his entire body. His one good eye scrutinized the young girl, seeking for any signs of weakness in the small girl. The malice in his heart was felt by Nobara.

"You mean to tell us you failed to carry your last mission to the end?" Danzõ had raised the question.

The child did not react to his question. She knew it was going to come up at some point. She was prepared for it. "Our objective had already been executed before we could reach destination." She had replied, bluntly.

Danzõ feint a smirk. A hidden malice behind that smile of his.

The Hokage's brow furrowed at the head of the ANBU. There was no telling what Danzõ was thinking at that moment. It bothered the Hokage no to end.

"Are you sure you've been attacked by rogues, Nobara?" Hiruzen asked the young genin.

She nodded and took out the bloodied headbands she had taken from the foes' forehead and threw them on the hardwood floor.

"They were missing-nin from Kirikagure, Hokage-sama." She said, her voice void of sentiment. "I'm sure of it…it was written in this book."

She had taken out a small black book from her back pouch. It was a Bingo-Book. A book that every high ranked ninjas and mercenaries possessed to make profit for their organisation or in some cases, for their own profit. Normally, these kinds of books were distributed to a Jonin or an Anbu members. These Bingo-books contained all the of the information of black-listed ninjas deemed too dangerous to be kept alive. They were to be killed on sight.

How did she come to its possession? She had found it in her departed Sensei's bag. The book was already out, it was as if it was asking to be open.

There was a lingering question bothering Hiruzen at that moment. And Danzõ seemed to have read his mind. "Did you collect the rewards for their heads?" The head of the Anbu asked, coldly.

Nobara reaches for her back pouch once again and takes out two full pouches of ryô. One for each head. She had taken their bodies to a bounty collector near the border of the Land of Water.

"They were worth two million ryõ each." She said, unemotionally.

Getting the money from these bounties felt far from rewarding. It would have felt like she was taking the profit off her team's death. It was theft. She was going to give them to the grieving families. It was the least she could do.

There was no pride in taking their lives. The way she perceived it, executing them was a necessary evil. Something she knew she was going to have to do again when the time comes. If she could do it once, she could do it again, right?

Yet something in her did not feel right.

Nobara felt as if the blood of her victims had stained her skin indelibly. She felt disgusting. It was something she hoped she would never have to do again.

The Hokage himself seemed aggravated about her situation. It never should have happened. An investigation could be led but it was risky knowing it could involve another Hidden Village.

"The money is yours." Hiruzen had spoken up after a long debate with his thoughts. He imagined the other members of the council were doing the same, but she had clearly earned the money for eliminating two targets from the Bingo-book. "You can do as you please with it."

Nobara had bowed before the Hokage and the Council. "If I may, I wish to donate all of my earnings to the families of my fallen friends…"

The elite members all looked at one another, a grim but understanding look on their faces. "We will grant you that favor." Old lady Koharu spoke. It was everyone but Danzõ who empathized with the child. He kept an unreadable cold gaze.

Nobara couldn't be more grateful at that moment. "Thank you." She said, putting the pouches of ryõ on the Hokage's table.

"We will discuss this again soon. Your duties as a ninja will be on standby until further notice. In the meantime, rest while you can." With how the conversation had turned, the Hokage had nothing more to add. It was a case where words were simply out of reach. "Dismiss."

The old man did not want to take any more of her time. He knew her loss was great and terrible. But Nobara on the other hand saw this negatively. It meant that her desire to reach the level of chunin was on jeopardy.

But against her will, she complied to the Hokage's wishes.

Nobara returned home empty-hearted. She was too tired after spending much energy bringing her comrades back home. Where they belonged. She laid in bed, yet she did not seem to find any sleep. She wanted to close her eyes but all she could see was them. Their eyes not withholding any life anymore.

All she could see was death.

The looming feeling that she will never be able to see them again weighted on her heart mercilessly. She was aching with every beat of her heart.

Haru…

Junpei…

Daichi-sensei…

The names of her teammates lingered in her mind. Their laughter seemed to echo in her ears as their last moments together replayed in her mind like a broken record. Their once lively faces played back in her memories. A montage of pictures she never wanted to forget.

She was lucky to have them as comrades. They accepted her even when the others wouldn't. They were people she considered family.

And now they were gone.

They lived only in her memories.

°○●•

It was raining that day. Fit for a funeral it seemed. Families and friends of the deceased all stood in a line. Four rows of men, women and children all gathered for the three fallen ninjas. They were here to mourn and say their last farewell before the burial.

Nobara had no parent to accompany her to the ceremony, hence the Hokage himself insisted to go to the funeral with her and stood by her the whole time. Albeit being buried in paperwork, Hiruzen did not want her to feel alone on this dreadful day.

There was a lingering question in the back of the little girl's mind. A question that has been bothering her for quite some time. It was something she had no known the answer to. And it scared her. Nobara only desired an answer – to make sense of it all.

"Hokage-sama…" Nobara spoke up. "What did they die for?"

Tears already welled up her eyes.

Old man Hiruzen sighed. There was no easy answer to it. "We all die someday…" He began, staring at the frame that united the late squad. "It's what you make of your life that ultimately decides your fate."

"But …what does it all mean?"

The Third Hokage gazed down at the child, a sardonic smile on his face. Nobara did not understand how someone could smile at a funeral. "It means their deaths wasn't vain. That they died with their hearts on their sleeves. They sacrificed their lives for someone they cared about..." Hiruzen put a comforting hand on her small shoulder. "Their death does not mean they failed their lives, Nobara."

It was those words that somehow eased her guilts. She looked up at the wise man. It seemed too plain and simple, but it was the only thing that made sense. She nodded in understanding. Hiruzen found it quite remarkable how mature her mind seemed for nine-year-old.

Nobara's head plopped down, her eyes gazed at her feet as tears blurred her visions. She understood what was left unsaid. The untold truth had engraved itself onto her heart. Albeit feeling responsible for her peers' fate, she had come with the resolution that their deaths was not futile. They gave her something she would never be able to give back. And all she could do in break it even, was to live on with her own life.

"I understand, Hokage-sama…"

A/N: Hello dear readers,

I hope you enjoyed it as much as I loved writing it. This is obviously my first time publishing a story here and -realistically speaking- I would love it if there was at least 5 favorites and 3 reviews at least to go on with publishing my next chapter. I imagine these are like coffee, they would keep me going if I don't feel like doing anything.

Thank you :)