Welcome to this little one-shot~

Merlin belongs to the BBC.

Taking the First Step

"Merlin? Is there something wrong?" Gwen asked as she noticed who was standing on the other side of the door. "I'm surprised Arthur hasn't dragged you to the tavern, he and the rest of the knights are there." She looked him up and down to see if there was anything immediately wrong with him but couldn't see anything obvious. She waited for Merlin to talk and a warm comforting smile decorated her face.

"I told Arthur that Gaius wanted some late-night herbs…but I was just…wondering if I could talk to you?" Merlin asked.

"Please, come in then. I have missed our chats since I became Queen," the smile on Gwen's face lit up as she moved the door wider so Merlin could slip inside. With a nod, the manservant slipped inside and watched as Gwen shut the door. "Have a seat, please tell me you've eaten." Merlin laughed.

"Gaius made sure I come home for dinner."

"Good, because I know how often you skip your meals." Gwen lightly scolded Merlin. When she became Queen, she made sure that Merlin had some of hers and Arthur's breakfast, lunch and dinner while they dined in their private chambers. Arthur protested at first but a stern glare from her and she watched the King back down and reluctantly shared their food. After a while it just became a habit and Gwen asked the kitchen to provide just that little bit extra with their meals.

Merlin sat down at the table first before Gwen took the chair next to him. He suddenly felt nervous. Not because he was sitting next to his best friend but it was rather the topic of the conversation he wanted to bring up. Gwen had told him before (and reminded him) that he could come to her with anything. He didn't often take her offer up, most of what he needed to say involved magic…that would be a topic for another day or night. Tonight wasn't going to be the night he confessed his magic, he wanted both Gwen and Arthur together for that. This conversation was going to involve something personal, something Merlin hadn't wanted to talk about for years…but he knew that eventually he would need to. This didn't involve magic and if he told Arthur what he wanted to say he was sure to be teased. If he could avoid that then he would. His fingers started to drum on the wood, his legs were bouncing under the table and knew that Gwen was waiting for him to speak.

"There's no need to be so nervous," Gwen placed her hand on Merlin's and squeezed slightly. Merlin relaxed, his body fell still at the comforting gesture and his nerves settled too.

"Remember when you said, I could ask you anything? Before you realized what you said and then added, almost anything?" Merlin asked.

"Of course, that was your first year in Camelot, why'd you ask?"

"Because…do you mind if I tell you something?" Gwen froze for a moment. Many times had Arthur tried to get Merlin to open up about something and had failed to do so, blood out of a stone he would say. Yet here Merlin was. Willing to open the box that contained all his secrets and to share something with her. There were times like these that Gwen was proud to call herself Merlin's best friend. She regained her composure quickly, feeling honoured that Merlin had chosen her. Pushing away her giddy feelings she nodded.

"Of course Merlin, you can tell me anything."

"Just…promise you won't tell Arthur?" Merlin asked as he turned to look at her, his eyes showing a very rare sight…he felt vulnerable. Whatever he wanted to tell her was huge for him. She was going to be there for him, just like he's always been their for her and for Arthur.

"I won't tell him, my lips are sealed~" Gwen smiled and that was enough to reassure Merlin, the man gave her his trademark pure smile before it slowly vanished and in its place returned a sad smile.

"I…" he started before he stopped. His emotions were already running amok in his mind, the voice telling him to abort this mission and run away, a more sensible sounding voice telling him that this was the right thing to do. No matter how many times he tried to push away the thoughts and feelings they always returned and slammed into him ten times harder. Today he was going to try and do something about it though. "I'm not used to this…" he admitted. He mentally cursed himself for looking and sounding so vulnerable, but this was Gwen, someone he trusted.

"That's okay, take your time," Gwen spoke as she placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I know you're not used to this but I'm proud of you for taking the first step," she smiled at him and watched her friend nod. He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. "Would you like me to fetch you some water?"

"Please?" Merlin responded quickly. Gwen nodded and stood up and walked towards the door. She relayed her request to a passing servant who smiled and nodded. They were always happy to serve Gwen but she had noticed the rift that had formed between herself and the other servants. She hated it but with a new status she had expected it somewhat. She was thankful Merlin didn't seem to care about titles and saw people as they were, people. Soon a jug of water was delivered to her shared chamber. She thanked the servant, a young lass named Lucy before heading back to the table. She placed the two chalices down and poured Merlin his water before pouring her own.

The two sat in silence. Merlin was the first to take a sip, his hand physically shaking as he reached for the chalice but upon picking it up his arm and hand became steady. Was he really going to talk about this? Gwen deserved to know many things, just like Arthur did but he never could bring himself before to let others know. No, he scolded himself. Gwen deserves to know this.

"I…I've been…in love…" He spoke slowly. The words came out like he was pulling his own teeth out, painfully. "Her name was Freya."

I love their friendship but that's all I've got. Thank you for reading and take care~