It has been nothing but killing, blood, and destruction for the past two months.
My mind straining to uphold my façade so Klaus would not become suspicious.
Everyday was a constant battle with my humanity-
pretending not to care… killing innocent people… torturing them.
The faces of my victims constantly replaying in my mind made me want to just turn everything off, the guilt became too much- but I know that I could never do that.
I could never do that to her.
The image of Elena Gilbert is what turned my darkest nights back into mornings.
The memories- our memories are what got me through my darkest hours.
I miss everything about her, her laugh, her smile, the way she blushes when I compliment her, her kindness, her compassion, the way she loved me.
God, I love her- more then I ever thought was possible towards another being.
My only wish is to have her in my arms again and to never let her go, but as perfect as that sounds, my only real wish is that she is happy- with or without me.
My phone began to ring interrupting my thoughts, so I just let it ring out hoping that whoever called did not have anything important to say.
The second the phone rang out the number called again and again so finally I picked up the phone.
Right when I saw the caller's name confusion spread throughout my mind but quickly changed into panic.
The person on the other line was Jeremy Gilbert.
Suddenly my heart dropped as a million thoughts raced through my mind…
Why would Jeremy be calling me at such a late hour? Could it be about Elena? Is she hurt? With Jenna and John dead who would take care of her?
My heartrate accelerated drastically at the thought of something bad happening to her.
I quickly answered the phone and as I put it to my ear all I could hear on the other line was Jeremy breathlessly explaining something about the hospital and Elena.
The panic and pain laced in his voice confirmed that something was seriously wrong.
That was all I needed to hear.
Before I could even tell him that I was on my way I hung up and sprinted as fast as I could to Mystic Falls General.
In this moment I did not care about Klaus, or anything for that matter- all I cared about was her, and the image of her in pain only made me run faster.
Within seconds I arrived at the hospital and sprinted as fast as I possibly could to get to her.
As I entered the waiting room my eyes went directly to Jeremy who was sitting in one of the chairs with his head in his hands.
I quickly went up to Jeremy and when he saw me, I could see a subtle hint of relief in his otherwise terrified eyes.
"Jeremy, what happened, where is she?" I asked frantically almost too impatient to wait for his response.
I had to see her, be with her, or I think I was going to collapse.
"S-She was in an accident," he said in a shaky voice before he continued,
"She was all alone driving on Wickery Bridge when suddenly she lost control and she- she"
"No," I barley muttered back doing everything in my power to push down the growing lump in my throat.
I felt like I was about to break, I did not have it in me to hear what Jeremy had to say next.
"The ambulance came just in time to pull her out of the water but w-we d-don't know w-what's going t-to happen," Jeremy croaked out as tears began to stream out of his eyes.
Elena is his only living relative left and without her he would be all alone.
My chest tightened and my eyes burned as the unshed tears began to spill over.
The image of her struggling helplessly in her car submerged in water, or the sheer terror in her eyes as she realized no one was coming for her, or how the memories from the night her parents died probably came flooding back.
I should have been there, this is all my fault, I should have fought harder for her.
I heard her struggling from a room down the hall knowing I was the only one who could hear that far.
Within a second I found myself standing right outside of her room, and what I saw completely shattered my non- beating heart.
There she was, my beautiful Elena, hooked up to more monitors then there were people in the room.
My eyes flashed to the countless doctors trying everything they could to get her to open her eyes, but they were failing miserably.
It was almost as if they were not even there.
Her eyes were clenched shut and she was tossing her head back and forth almost as if she was stuck in a nightmare unable to escape.
Her features were laced with pure terror as she struggled.
My breath caught in my throat as I heard her murmur my name.
At first I thought it was a figment of my imagination, but she kept on repeating it over and over until eventually she began to thrash her head more violently as she screamed for me- tears streaming out of her closed eyes.
"STEFAN… STEFAN… STEFAN!" she cried out making her heart rate increase to a dangerously high velocity.
Without even realizing it I was already right beside her doing everything in my power to soothe her, to make her feel safe.
Her body began to shake as she cried softly, "Stefan, I just want Stefan, please come back… please,"
My heart broke as tears flowed freely out of my eyes before I spoke.
"Hey Elena, it's me, Stefan. I'm right here, I'm here 'Lena, please open your eyes" I whispered to her desperately.
Just the sound of my voice made her heart rate decrease slowly, and her body began to calm down.
I did not even realize that all the doctors had left the room.
I gently placed my hand on the side of her face and her eyes finally opened with my touch.
"Focus on me… the sound of my voice… I love you… I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere, you are safe now"
Her chocolate brown hair was still soaking wet from the accident, and she was so pale, almost as if she were a ghost desperately holding on to life.
Although with every unsteady breath, I could tell she was fading away.
I looked up and down her body and what I saw sent a stabbing pain through my chest.
Her whole entire fragile body was covered in deep gashes and bruises barley leaving any exposed skin.
My breath caught in my throat as I realized how much pain she must be in.
I felt the pit in my stomach growing larger, almost consuming me with every passing second she felt this way.
She gently leaned into my touch and weakly brought her hand over mine.
Without speaking I could tell that this was her way of telling me that she would be okay.
With a labored breath she croaked out, "Stefan… is that really you?" but I could see in her eyes that it pained her to talk.
"Yes it's me I'm here. I'm so sorry, I'm so so sorry I-," before I could finish my sentence she weakly moved over a little in her bed making just enough room for me to slide in next to her.
Desperation filled her features and I could see in her eyes that she needed me right now.
I cautiously placed myself next to her and the second that I did she curled up into my chest, clutching my shirt with one hand as she began to sob into my body.
I gently pulled her closer cautiously wrapping my arms around her small figure, but no matter what I know she will never be close enough.
Fear trembled through my body at the thought of what could have happened tonight.
The angel laying in my arms could easily be lying in a casket instead right now.
The mere thought of this being our reality made me feel like everything good in the world was taken away, surrounding me with nothing but darkness.
Losing her would be like losing the sole reason for my existence.
I gently rubbed small circles around her back as I whispered to her, "I'm right here, you are safe now, I love you so much, you will be okay."
She looked up at me through her tear stricken eyes and gave me a small smile.
Although she was trying her best to conceal it, I could tell that she was in an immense amount of pain.
Almost as if they read my mind, a nurse came in carrying a large needle in her hand.
Elena flinched at the sight of it and buried her face into my chest.
I stroked the back of her head and whispered into her ear as soothingly as I possibly could,
"Hey, everything will be okay, I'm going to be right here the entire time, I've got you, this will take the pain away, I promise."
She slowly lifted her head off my chest and hesitantly nodded at the nurse.
She intertwined her fingers with mine and I gently rubbed my thumb against the back of her hand as the nurse injected the needle into her back.
Her hand tightened around mine as the shot went into her delicate bruised skin and in that moment, I felt so powerless.
I wish I could take all her pain away and put it on myself.
I would triple it if it meant she did not have to go through this.
She just held my gaze never breaking eye contact- finding comfort in my equally broken eyes.
I gently placed my hand against the side of her face wiping a lone tear away from her cheek with my thumb.
Within seconds I could tell the drugs were already kicking in.
Her eyes slowly began to shut but I could tell that she was fighting with everything in her to stay awake.
Even in this state she was still just as stubborn I thought to myself.
Despite her best efforts I could tell the drugs were winning so I cradled her weak body into my chest.
"Close your eyes," I cooed in her ear, "Get some rest my love"
Her eyes wearily shut and I could feel her breath steadying against my body.
Just as I thought she was asleep she took one last look at me and murmured, "Stefan?"
"Yes love," I whispered back.
"Please don't leave again," she croaked out in a weak voice filled with so much sadness.
Her words completely shattered my heart.
I looked at her straight in the eyes before I mustered up enough strength to respond.
"I am not going anywhere, I promise you," and I meant it, there is nothing in this universe that can take me away from her again.
Not Klaus- not anyone.
Within seconds she was fast asleep in my arms, and despite everything, I could see a hint of a smile on the corner of her lips.