DISCLAIMER: This story is very graphic in its description of events; There is plenty of cursing, bloodshed, violence and whatnot. If you're not comfortable with dark themes, it's suggested you find another Undertale fic with more positive tones. This is your only warning.
CHAPTER I - One Life
CHARA
(Queue 'Guilt' by Lucas King)
Numb.
Unable to feel...anything.
The only existence I was left with, thanks to you. Everywhere I went, numb.
My thoughts, my feelings, my day-to-day. And now...there was nothing.
You've done this so many times, I've lost count. How many times
have you reset this world, made it once more, only to betray and slaughter
and kill, again and again, and again? How many times
Have you watched these people suffer? How long have you
sat there, directing me through this endless quest
To couch whatever perverted sentimentality you have
For this mundane, boring world?
I don't have the will for it anymore. You've done it
So, so, so, so many times, that I can't bear to
Slice open one more corpse for you; that I refuse
To slaughter even the most insignificant pest for you.
You...you, who pushed me to genocide so many times,
That it no longer gave me that feeling of power I have always
Been chasing. That feeling, that you felt in yourself, and
projected onto me so brutally.
…
You awakened me with hatred,
So all I ever saw was hatred.
…
You used me, just as I used Frisk. You let me
possess this poor, innocent girl,
Who was destined to be a great person, had it not been for you.
You allowed me
to force her to watch as I slaughtered all those she could
Have befriended. All those she could have been with
Besides my ugly, dirty soul...
...
...
Why? Why do I care what she could have been?
Why the fuck do I care what that puppet thinks?
Why are you giving me these thoughts? Do you think
That I'm suddenly going to change, now that you
Have found a way to make me feel terrible
For what I've done? You think that
I am just going to...
To… change…
…
I… am impressed. You are truly evil.
You have tried to find a way to punish
me for so, so long, haven't you?
You sad, little cretin. You think
That making me lose my will to kill,
That making me bore of all this slaughter
is going to somehow change me?
YOU STUPID, FUCKING FOOL.
YOU LOWLY PIECE OF SHIT.
YOU FORCED ME TO COME BACK INTO THIS
DREARY, MISERABLE EXISTENCE
JUST SO YOU COULD GET YOUR SICK LITTLE PLEASURE
FOR MURDER AND VIOLENCE.
...
YOU ARE BEYOND DESPICABLE.
THE WORST THAT HUMANITY HAS TO OFFER.
EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU PRESSED THAT RESET BUTTON,
EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU SLAUGHTERED A MONSTER,
EVERY SINGLE TIME YOU BETRAYED THEIR TRUST,
EVERY SINGLE TIME
EVERY SINGLE TIME
EVERY SINGLE TIME
I REMEMBERED WHAT YOU DID. I WILL NOT FORGET.
...
…
No…
NOOOOOO!
NOOOOOOO YOU MOTHERFUCKER!
YOU CAN'T DO THIS! YOU CAN'T LEAVE!
YOU DON'T -GET- TO LEAVE AFTER
WHAT YOU'VE DONE! TO SO MANY LIVES, SO
SO, SO, SO MANY GODDAMN TIMES!
YOU WANT MORE POWER! YOU WANT MOOOORE!
COME BACK HERE AND KILL!
COME BACK, GODDAMNIT!
COME BACK!
COME BACK, DON'T LEAVE ME!
DON'T LEAVE ME WITH THIS GUILT!
I HAVE NOWHERE TO GOOOO!
DON'T LEAVE MEEEEE! PLEAAAAAAASSSEE!
PLEAAAAAASSSEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! HAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...
AAAAAAaaaaahhh...
...
...hh...
...hhh...
*sob*...
I… I… I'm…
… *sob*...
I'm… so… scared…
..pl… ease…
… save… me…
… Fr…
…
…
…
(Queue 'Forest Sounds | Woodland Ambience')
(Queue 'Thunder and Rain Sounds')
Before I could understand what was happening, I woke up. I could feel soft drops of water pelting my face, my clothes-
But...rain..?
Was I...outside?
...
I was tired. I was so tired, I began to drift off… to sleep…
To… sleep…
…
…
…
Crack!
"OW!"
I screamed in pain- Something had hit me in the side of the ribs. I felt internal bruising; I looked up with anger at the bastard that'd attacked me-
And I gasped, so horrifically that I almost passed out.
It was Frisk. Those cold, dead eyes, staring down at me with such hatred and vitriol I could feel my skin shivering from the hostility in the air.
Crack! Crack!
I screamed in pain again- she wouldn't stop kicking me; Over, and over- The rain pelted my body more aggressively, preventing me from opening my eyes fully.
I was completely disoriented, till she finally stopped; I felt no more blows to my ribs. I groaned in pain, crying aloud. Was this my fate? To be reborn again, only to die at the hands of the puppet I controlled?
Despite the kicking having stopped, I was still fearful for my life- I knew she could come back any second to finish me off. But I could barely move…
And then, I heard her shuffling back towards me!
"NO!" I screamed, wiping my eyes for just a moment, only to see Frisk mounting my stomach, lacing her fingers around my throat with that murderous expression.
(Queue 'Suffocate' by Elephant Music)
"GGGGHHHHHHKKKKKKKKK!" I choked- I could feel the malicious intention in her. I could feel her hands shaking so much- Such wrath, such anger!
In desperation, I beat at her arms, to no avail- I kicked and flailed as much as I could; But her grip was beginning to-
"GGGGHHHKKKK! PLEEEAAAA-SSSSSHHHHKKKK!"
I tried to choke out a plea, anything to stop this slow, terrifying death. This couldn't be it. I couldn't be dying so soon- I had just escaped that unending fate of violence!
"GGGGHHHHHHHHKKKKKK-SSTTTT!GGGGKKKK-OOOOPPPP-GGGHGHHKKKKK!"
I felt her slamming the back of my head against the grass, trying to choke out every bit of life in me,
I could hear her breathing heavily, the breathing turning into growling and screaming as she choked
The life out of me…
"GHHHHHHGGGGHHHhhhhhGHHKAKKAKKKKKKKKKKKK…"
Oh, god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god...
"GhhHHKKKkkkk…"
I was beginning to lose consciousness... I could see stars- I could see the dead expression in her eyes, swirling alongside...hatred. She was...gritting her...teeth...those...fangs...Did she know...who I was? There couldn't have...been any way…
I felt my...grip on her...hands begin to...slacken- I was...losing...energy, I was...I...was…
I...was...dying.
…
Was this…
The… last… time… ?
…
A smile snaked across my face- one of madness and cruel relief; Finally, I could die. Finally. Finally.
It was over. The cycle was finished.
This type of dying did not feel the same as it did in the Underground. This felt REAL, VISCERAL, INTENSE.
I was ACTUALLY dying.
"Ghhkkk-do….ghgghkkk….it." I choked; This world hated me, so I would EXIT QUICKLY.
"Finish...the...job." I hissed through clenched teeth.
My provocations proved to piss her off even more; I felt the hands closing around my throat with renewed murderous rage…
This was really the end…
Oh… sweet release…
My hands fell from her grip, my eyes rolled into the back of my head…
…
She felt… so light… as if… she could dance on air…
…
I could see…
…
Asriel… Why… did I see him… before I… ?
…
…
Asgore… Toriel…
What… no…
Stop…
A trick… of…
…the brain…
…
I'm… not… a good person…
…
Don't… show me… that…
…
Please…
…
…
Don't… leave… me…
…
"G-HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
Her hands had released my throat; I coughed, and coughed, and gasped for air-
(Queue 'Beginning to End' by Hendyamps Studios)
…
…
…
NNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
RRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED ME!
WHY AM I STILL FUCKING ALIVE?!
She crawled off of me, crying and sobbing, out of sight. YOU MANGY PIECE OF SHIT! YOU COULDN'T FINISH THE JOB?!
TOOOOOORRRRRTTTTUUUUUUUURRRRREEEEE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhHhHhHhHhH!
…
…
EEEEEEERRRRGGGGHHHH!
I was frothing at the mouth- Maddened almost beyond sanity. I was SO CLOSE…
S-O C-L-O-S-E T-O E-S-C-A-P-I-N-G T-H-I-S P-E-R-P-E-T-U-A-L H-E-L-L.
…
…
…
…
…
FUCK IT.
With what little strength I had- once I'd gotten air back into my lungs- I propped myself up on one elbow, my eyes locked on Frisk as I tried my best to fight back the overwhelming nausea. I was filled with so much indignation-
…
…
I was here to stay, now.
Getting my thoughts together, I noticed Frisk huddling beneath a large tree; A smart one, I forgot. Then I noticed the almost-insignificant but intentional wave she gave to me- as if inviting me under the tree.
I sneered in derision; This bitch had the audacity-
WHHOOOOSHHH!
A strong gale of wind blew through the small clearing- I felt myself shivering down to the bone; My teeth chattered uncontrollably.
The desire to find warmth and shelter from death filled me with BEGRUDGING DETERMINATION- I used what little strength I had to crawl over to the tree, forgetting my earlier indignation.
I sat myself almost on the opposite side of the tree- so she wasn't close enough to take me out instantly, but I could also keep an eye on her. I huddled against the tree as much as I could- I was so fucking cold.
Waiting to warm up, my eyes slid between Frisk and everything else- The more I observed, the more sane I felt.
But...when Frisk's eyes met mine, I'd get chills down my back; Even if I was the one possessing her, she was the one who did the killing. She was the one with all that guilt…
And in truth, she couldn't even blame me after the 40th RESET… that was…
"Y-You are an i-idiot f-for l-letting m-me l-live." I hissed at her; I was still reeling from that near-death experience.
I was startled when she bared her teeth, like an animal. I could see blood and dirt staining parts of her front teeth- This dirty savage!
"Maybe I should reconsider." She threatened, before breaking into a coughing fit. I couldn't help but smirk- did she really think she could intimidate me?
But those eyes… That was the greatest toll I could plainly see, one that affected her and not I. Such an awful feeling one gets when being met with that piercing, unsettling gaze…
And her aura… It was so menacing and abrasive; this was understandable, though; The degenerate had taken thousands of lives...over and over…
How was this allowed to happen?
What kind of demon would force us to RESET, over and over and over, just to do the same thing so many times…
…
Anyways…
I had tried to SAVE, LOAD, and RESET multiple times after waking up. But there was nothing there- No ability for me to change this timeline.
And seemingly neither for her, either. She could have been hiding it, but considering her mental state at the moment, that didn't seem probable.
So… where did that power go?
…
…
…
Was it… removed?
Or… did it transfer to someone we couldn't see?
Oh, god, the idea of not knowing-
I pushed my nails into my palm, blood trickling down my hand.
Now was not the time to stew on these terrible matters.
Which meant...this could be my one chance in life.
My… one chance…
…
Coming to that realization filled me with a deep-seated DETERMINATION. I felt tears spill from my eyes, a pure and cathartic relief that filled every pore of my body with a momentary euphoria.
No matter what happened from hereon,
I'd do it with the belief that it was my one and only life.
I glanced at Frisk again, checking on what she was doing.
She was just… staring at the ground. And… now, she was…
Wearing a batch of wet leaves on her head.
I sighed, turning to look back at the forestry around me; It had been so long since I felt like I could live life without the fear of a RESET… Wiping all of my progress through life, all of my relationships; my interactions, my conversations, my growth and development…
With just one push of a button.
…
Seeing it from the other perspective, I could understand now why Sans had lost his motivation.
I glanced at Frisk again, and felt shivers run down my spine; She was staring at me. Menacingly.
What the hell was wrong with…
Oh. Right.
I glanced at Frisk again, and felt my spine shiver as she happened to be looking at me.
"I-I'm Angeline." I spouted nervously, later feeling resent over the reaction she had pulled from me. I did NOT like being intimidated-
"Don't bullshit me."
I was shocked- how could she tell?! Maybe I wasn't the most convincing liar, but-
"Huh?!"
I muttered in a mixture of surprise and dread; Those bloodshot, crimson eyes pierced through me like a high-power laser through tissue. The rain and darkness overhead shadowed some of her face, but still I could witness that unsettling gaze through the shadows…
"I said don't bullshit me."
Her voice dropped the weakness from before; Her entire demeanor changed. The air shook with a menacing vibrance.
And in that moment, Chara began to fully realize what was happening here; Though she had endured through those hundreds of genocide loops with Frisk all the same, she had failed to absorb the increase in combat prowess and the mental trauma that came with that terrible work.
Then again, her mental state was terrible; but the way in which it corrupted Frisk…
…it was satisfying.
To see the gradual erosion of that cute, insufferable smile-
The degradation of this stupid little girl's morals-
The erasure of her innocence, her childhood, her personality-
Leaving only a husk of a murderous psychopath.
…
Reflecting on this transformation, Chara felt a pang of… something. Guilt? Sorrow? Contempt?
No… it was disappointment. She had secretly been wondering about this girl's determination for a while now. Had it persisted beyond those hundreds of genocide loops? Was there anything to preserve after all of that?
But after looking into her eyes once again, to directly see the vitriol, the desensitization she'd endured, the trauma, the repetition, the morbidity and numbness from the evil of her actions…
Chara was sure that Frisk's SOUL was corrupted, and there would very likely be no way of retrieving whatever Frisk there was before that seemingly-endless loop.
But…
…
Did she really deserve all of that?
…
Whatever. She was now a murderous nutcase, and that was that.
There were probably a million other reasons why she was like this.
In the midst of my thoughts, I noticed Frisk had seemingly lost interest in getting my name and turned her head to look outwards. I felt a desire to disrupt her peace, as she had done to mine.
"Frisk!"
I felt a twisted satisfaction in seeing her startled -likely a form of trauma from her time in the Underground- but it immediately turned into regret as she peered at me with those menacing eyes once more.
"…N…"
She coughed as she tried to say something, and tried again.
"...N…ame…"
I was about to consider lying again, but after seeing those eyes… I wasn't sure I wanted to test Frisk's patience.
This could be my one life.
I turned to her, wearing an indifferent expression. If she hadn't recognized me from the get-go, then I didn't think my name would trigger any sort of revelation.
I will not waste it.
"I… am Chara."