Loneliness can be just as crushing, just as overwhelming, as being in a giant crowd. And for Wade, neither were really that fun anymore.

Back in the day, he spent most nights at Sister Margarete's, causing trouble for Weasel or picking up a new contract. He didn't always enjoy his job, but it was great money and he knew he was great at it. Then came Vanessa, probably the best investment he'd ever made towards his future, and she just made everything exciting and worth a try. There was a time that he'd planned his future out with her. He wanted to propose, he was thinking of children, saving her from the streets like she'd saved him from himself without either of them realising she had.

But after everything that happened, his cancer starting the path down to his splintered mind and ruined skin and self-esteem, she just couldn't survive the ditch he threw himself into. He didn't come back to her the Wade he was when he left. For one, he brought the voices back with him, the constant humming of negativity and crazy buzzing in his mind like hornets. Now some jobs weren't the responsibility he begrudgingly did for their financial security, he took joy in tearing the scum apart with Bea and Arthur, taking down people who were worse monsters than he'd become. But that wasn't something Ness understood, probably because she never saw him as a monster. And she couldn't watch him destroy himself after a while. At least now she was in a better place with Sean, and he'd given her baby Nora, something Wade wasn't sure he could even do anymore.

Now he hardly saw her. She had a little girl and an actual hero to worry about. And she still cared for him, dropping by to make sure he had food or calling to catch up on how self-isolation was treating him or even answering the phone when he was moments away from biting a bullet. He was touched she bothered, especially after he promised to leave her and Sean alone to be happy without wreaking havoc on their lives. Cos Sean was a good guy, all the X-Men were, it was like a pre-requisite to joining the club. The only annoying thing about the guy was him always wanting to convince Wade to join his little girl scout unit. But he made Vanessa smile, so even that could be overlooked. And Weasel was just the same pain in the arse, but the bar was loud and full of pricks that Wade couldn't spend more than one night a week around, otherwise, he'd kill half the fuckers just for breathing near him.

And tonight was one of the nights he was bored enough to brave being in public to visit his arms dealer bestie.

"Come for some work, or cos you want to pretend you don't feel lonely?" Weasel didn't even look up from wiping a glass.

Just got off a job, so must be the second one.

And the only place we can go to not be lonely is this shithole. Pathetic.

"Maybe I just wanted to see you Weaselbee. Have you not missed me?" Wade grinned, visible beneath his shockingly expressive mask.

Cliché, but not wrong.

It's fanfiction, of course, it's cliché idiot.

But I love fanfiction! Especially the dirty ones, I hope this is a dirty one 3

For that, someone would have to screw this ugly fucker, so not likely.

Gotta agree with Whitey, probably not.

Awww :(

"Hey, asshole. Stopping listening to that shit in your head." Weasel rolled his eyes, "came out here to socialise. Not talk to yourself. Gonna do that, go home, it creeps me out."

"Aww, I love you too, best pal," Wade winked.

The bartender smirked, placing a glass of whiskey in front of him. He warned it wasn't the good shit, wasn't wasting that on a guy who couldn't get drunk and tried to drink him into bankruptcy trying, but it was a nicer taste than beer. And Wade appreciated it, he didn't have to talk while he was drinking. And like often nowadays, he didn't know what to actually say to his friend. Other than ramble about how lonely he feels, which he'd been doing for five minutes before the whiskey.

"Before you start talking about your last job in all its gory detail, I wanna give you this number. Promised to pass it around the bar to those I knew could afford it," a little card was pushed across the bar, almost giving him Agent Smith flashbacks, except it was purple with big pink font.

'Hooked On You. Like uniform dating, but hookers not service people. Help get them off the streets and find yourself a partner, everyone wins.'

Ohhh, that sounds fun!

"Sounds like the kinda crazy shit you'd sign up for."

Wade's eyebrows drew together, "Is this a stupid prank you printed this morning? Cos it's stupid."

Only an absolute moron would fall from something that sounds so fake.

Hence why Yellow thought it sounded fun.

Hey! :|

"Please don't start arguing, I don't need the headache."

"What did I say about talking to yourself, psycho?" Weasel glared, his shiver pretty obvious.

Wade just laughed it off, "they're arguing over how stupid this sounds, you need to up your prank game."

"Like I was trying to say, while you weren't listening to me, it's not a prank," the bartender frowned. "One of the old regulars that worked the alleys nearby came in with a load to hand out. Said it helped her get her life together, and I ain't no saint but know some sad fuckers that come in here could afford it. You included."

"But there's a reason I don't try and pay for hookers anymore," Wade reminded, tensing up as the voices got louder.

"Yeah, but she said it's a week-long thing. So you don't have to sleep with them, just have a roommate for a week. That way you can stop complaining that you're lonely. Just take the number, that way I've at least done what I was told to."

Even if it isn't fake, it's still stupid.

I wanna do it! I wanna get a hot hooker for a week. We need a good lay.

If you know how to get someone to fuck this mess, I'm all ears.

But what if it works?

"Doesn't matter. We're not doing it," the merc growled. "White is right, it's stupid and a waste of time."

"Okay, out! I can't take the crazy, you know that. Fuck off. Call Ness if you're lonely."

And like that, he was alone again. Sneaking around shadows and dark back-alleys, desperate to avoid being seen by someone respectable. Getting kicked out always put him in a sour mood, and he was itching to take it out on a mugger or whatever other shithead approached him in an alleyway. Except Not to mention the debate going on in his head about whether getting the hooker drunk would help him get laid was just pissing him off. The whole thing was a stupid idea, and from the layout of the card, it wasn't a well setup thing at least.

There were so many reasons this wouldn't work. His apartment was a mess, hardly right for him to live in, let alone someone else. And he was insane, he heard voices, not exactly a good choice for a companion to live with. And he was horrifying to look at, so not the kind of person someone should sleep with either. He wouldn't get anything out of the service, and neither would the poor person he was paired with. It would just get their hopes up for nothing.

We're home now. Just get out your phone and call them.

Don't.

Do.

Don't!

Do!

"Guys, stop. It's pointless" Wade yelled to no one. "Come one, one good fucking reason."

We won't be lonely.

And whoever doesn't have to sell themselves for rent.

... Well then.

And then Wade pulled out his phone.

~o0o~

Mary Jane walked through the front door, and Peter finally felt like he could breathe again.

"MJ! I thought we agreed you shouldn't work tonight cos I wouldn't be there to look out for you!"

She smiled, slumping on the couch beside him, "I didn't agree. And I'm fine, it was an easy night. Gotta pay the rent somehow. Did you get the call?"

Peter wanted to stay mad that she'd gone out on the streets without him when they agreed they worked together so he could keep her safe, but his excitement got the better of him. The entrance exams were expensive, so they were both desperate to know if it was worth it or a waste. And it was worth it. He'd passed better than they expected and were offering him half a scholarship. It would still be expensive, but better than before.

"Well done, babes." She screamed, hugging him tight as her arms could. "I'm so relieved we both have good news."

"What's your good news?" Peter questioned.

"The service called, they think they have someone that could work out for me!"

Peter hugged her just as tight, happy that she was a step closer to a better life, even if he couldn't muster the enthusiasm to scream like her. She read his mind instantly, promising he'd get a call too, it was just a matter of time. He laughed, promising that the man he gets matched with would be better than hers, even though he didn't really believe it. But he let himself laugh on the way to the kitchen to make dinner, secretly planning ahead for MJ to move out with her match and for him to pay the rent alone. Remembering the answers he'd given the service ladies, there's no way they'd find someone for him.