I am pretty new in this fandom but I hope I did well I have my doubts :( Anyway Yandere Dazai is such a treat right :D ! Music theme as chapter titels !
One Step
- E.T -
Why am I alive ?
That's what I wonder every day, every hour, every minute, every breath that I breathe in and out ..
Life is so .. Dull
Tasteless, colourless, I can't even find joy in the things that I used to love .. I did try ..
I did ..
I really did ..
But seriously why am I alive ?
Why can't I not just take a gun and BAM !
Not even feeling guilty about the mess I will leave behind because fuck them, right ?
Or just hanging myself sounds good too, I am sure my grandfather won't be that proud of his victorian white ceiling bullshit thing anymore .
He can just choke and die .
But then I am stuck with him in the afterlife, so just wishing him ill is good enough for me .
Or maybe poison but that sounds kinda boring ..
Drowing sounds nice just falling and falling ..
If there is nobody around to save you that is .
Cutting my wrist ?
Maybe trying to jump off a building ?
Oh so many choices and you can only choice one ..
How dull ..
How boring ..
Honestly why am I alive ?
"Dazai-kun ! Good morning." Dazai smiled the moment he looked at his two best friends, putting a mask on so quick you could not even tell, Ango and Oda walk inside the classroom as one of the first ."Ango ! Oda ! Good morning !" Dazai gave his famous cheery smile at the two of them as he saluted them .
"You are early .." Oda noticed ."Ah yes could not sleep in anymore, the head maid made it her mission to get me out early ." Old rotten bag ..
Oda said nothing as Ango put his stuff on the desk ."You get here earlier then usual lately, she is then really on your case ."
"She is strict ." Dazai just shrugged but winced slightly as he felt the ache on his shoulder ."Something wrong ?"
"Nothing, just pulled a muscle, you know keeping in shape !" As he then winked at the girls that also just walked in the classroom, they giggled at him but kept walking to their desk ."You are such a ladies man .." Ango sighs bit jealous but not really, those girls eat you alive at the slightest attention, he is rather glad they focus on Dazai then on him . He rather focus on his studies anyways .
"Jealous ?" Dazai teased ."I am not !" Ango's cheeks went blazing red ."I think he is ."The deadpan face Oda made the whole thing more funny .
Dazai laughed as his two friends started to bicker (Ango bickers Oda just takes it) .
But inside ..
He felt empty ..
He does not find joy in this anymore ..
The colours already melted ..
They look like those disgusting old candy that melted in the summer ..
Old ..
Dusty ..
Broken things ..
"Dazai ?" Dazai seemed to snap out of his thoughts but he just smiled at his friend ."You okay ?" Oda did look worried as Ango stared in silence at him ."Yes .." He lies .
Lies ..
Lies ...
Disgusting little lies ..
Crawling like a spider ..
Tearing his throat apart ..
Should he eat a spider ? One that will eat him from the inside ?
Maybe he already ate one ..
How dull ..
"Guess I am still tired .." The teacher walked in with heavy steps breaking up their conversation, as everyone focused on the older woman as she explained the ..
Dazai doesn't even know what kind of class he is in ..
But since he is smart and has good grades, nobody said anything if he doesn't pay attention .
He wished they did, maybe the day would be different atleast ..
An other taste ..
Bit of colours ..
Something ..
Just something ..
But nothing happens, everything stayed the same ..
Dazai just wanted to tear his hair out, as he clenched his hands a few times .
How he wish he can run away ...
"So what was Shakespeare's most famous story ?" The teacher asked a girl shot her hand up, the teacher nodded at her the girl giggles ." Romeo and Juliet !" She almost shouted with red cheeks, making the boys groan and the other girls giggle as well .
"Very good Asaki-san ."
Dazai was not even paying attention as many girls gave a lovely sigh, as some glance at his way .
Romantic bullshit ..
Dazai has no intrest in that as he sunk deeper and deeper ..
Sinking ..
Suffocating ..
Mind blank ..
Why ..
Why ..
Why ..
Am I alive ?
What for ..
"Can someone tell me about Romeo & Juliet ?"
"They were in love your honor !" A guy Dazai doesn't know the name of said, making everyone laugh . Ango just sighs as Oda draw silly things in his notebook, looks like Dazai is not the only one suffering .
"That's correct, what is there more to tell ?"
"Their love was forbidden !" One said .
"Did they not commit double suicide ?" An other voice asked ."That's correct poison .." As the teacher explained more Dazai's mind takes a turn, the voices fade into the background .
Suicide ?
?
That made Dazai almost shot up, as his eyes went wide ..
Double suicide ?
You mean not dying alone ..
Never alone..
Together ..
Suicide ..
Suicide ..
With someone, a soulmate .. Your other half ..
How ..
"Beautiful ..." He mutters so softly to himself no one heard him, but Oda did look at him confussed ."You say something ?" He asked in a whisper .
Dazai ignores him as his mind spirals .
He has to find someone ..
Someone who understand ..
Someone who agrees with him ..
Someone ..
Someone ...
Before Oda could say his name again the bell rings, giving the signal the class was over . "Alright we will continue later !" The teacher said as some stood up for a bathroom breaks .
Dazai stood up too ."Dazai ?" Oda stood up as he grabbed his arm making Dazai wince Oda could not see it, because Dazai has his back to him . But as he turned around a s little smile was on his face
Always that same smile ..
Fake ..
Use it ..
Put on your mask ..
Don't let them see ..
"Going to the bathroom real quick ."Oda frowns but Ango came in between ."Ah me too ."
"Want me to hold your hand ~" Dazai teased as he pulled his arm out of Oda's grip ."As if !" Ango stormed out with a laughing Dazai behind him ."You coming Oda ."
"No am good I wait here ."
Dazai looked at him in silence before nodding and leaving .
As they neared the closest restroom, they saw a whole crowd at it making Ango frown deeply .
"Geez what a crowd ."Ango comments with a glare ."Why the hold up ?" Dazai asked one guy .
"Some guys are teaching the orphan to shut up ."Dazai did not know the guys name, only that he is from the class next door . Dazai did not like how he used the word orphan, but did not comment on it .
"Forget this I have to go !" Ango pushed angrily through it with Dazai following, flashing flirty smiles at the girls who are watching the beat up, but blushes at him as he passes them .
"You stupid fagot !" An upper classman shouted as he punched the other guy in the stomach, making even Dazai wince .
"Why don't you just die !" An other hit making Dazai flinch .
"Beat him up Hiro-kun !" One of the friends shouted .
"Go Hiro-kun !" An other said .
"Beat him the fagot !" A girl shouted ."Ah !" Dazai said as he looked at the girl ."Asaki-san how unladylike !" He said with a bright smile as the girl paled ."Wait D-dazai-kun !" She tried to explain but Dazai ignores her .
"Let me through !" Ango shouted as he pushed himself between the two ."Oi !" Hiro shouted with a red face .
"Fight somewhere else some have to use the restroom !" Ango shouted back the guy that got the beating tried to escape as the attention was now someone else ."Look the faggot tries to escape !" Someone behind Dazai shouted .
Dazai reacted slowly as the guy bumped into him but he catch him before he fell over .
"Let me go .." The guy whimpers as he looked at him with big eyes .
Making Dazai look back in shock at him .
It's you ..
"Oi give him to me ."
"Wait Hiro-kun that's Dazai !" One of Hiro's friends whispered ."Let's leave the teachers are probably coming ."
With one look Hiro huffs angrily as he left, Ango sighs as he finally enters the restroom and the crowd dissapeared with disapointed faces that the fight was already over .
"Dazai-kun .." Asaki stutters but Dazai pays no mind at her .
All that he see was him .
Him ..
Him ..
Him ..
"Come let's go the nurse ."
"Wait what .." He looked suddenly worried but Dazai just pulled him to walk along .
"Don't worry ."They left the girl behind as they walked to the nurse office ."I am Dazai Osamu, you ?"
"Nakajima Atsushi .." Atsushi whispered back .
Atushi-kun ~
- E.T -
I don't know if Romeo & Juliet was Shakespeare's most famous work, but in my class it was the most mentioned and ofcourse I have to give Dazai somehow a kickstart, right ?