Closure
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.
A/N-set near end of Eclipse after newborn battle.
One-shot-Bella comes to tell Jacob goodbye, or does she?
Bella tapped quietly on the front door. Those inside would already know she was coming; the roar of her old truck was easily recognizable and would have given her away.
"Come in, Bella." Billy called out; his voice was strained.
Bella let herself in, edging around the door slowly. "Hi." She said nervously.
Billy looked at her gravely, his dark eyes heavy with lack of sleep. "Hello, Bella. Jake woke up about half an hour ago. He's been waiting for you."
Bella couldn't stop herself flinching. She wasn't ready for this goodbye. She took a deep breath to give herself some courage. "Thanks, Billy." She murmured.
"You're going to break his heart, aren't you?"
Billy's question made Bella hesitate at the door to Jacob's room. She glanced over her shoulder at him, her eyes already filling with tears. "I'm s…sorry."
"It's a bit late for apologies now. I warned you to be careful with his heart."
The underlying accusation in his tone was evident as he spoke. Bella felt the guilt drain through her rather than skating over her skin. It travelled through every cell to reach the ground. Her breath got stuck in her throat, preventing her from responding. She faced the door again, not sure whether to knock. Instead, she decided to peek first, hoping-like the coward she was-that maybe he'd gone back to sleep. Anything to put off what she was about to do.
Bella opened the door and leaned hesitantly in.
Jacob was waiting for her, his face calm and smooth. The haggard, gaunt look was gone, a careful blankness had taken its place. There was no animation in his dark eyes. He was expecting the worst and was already putting up walls to help him cope.
As Bella moved further into the room, she was relieved to see that someone had covered him with a quilt, concealing the worst of his injuries. Her gaze slid guiltily to one side, wondering if there was no limit to her selfish streak. She was already making it all about her.
"Hi, Jake."
Jacob didn't answer her. He just looked at her face for a while, clearly waiting for her to say more.
"I came before…but they sent me away."
Still silence.
"Um…how are you feeling?" Bella babbled, grimacing at the stupid question.
Jacob finally made the effort to speak, a mocking smile relieving the blankness on his face. "Stoned. Dr, Fang isn't sure how much pain medication I need, so he's going with trial and error. Think he overdid it."
"But you're not in pain?" Bella was practically begging for him to reassure her.
"No. At least I can't feel my injuries. My heart, though…" Jacob said pointedly, he wasn't going to spare her.
"Jake, I'm so sorry."
"Bella, shut up!"
Bella bit down hard on her bottom lip, unintentionally drawing blood. She didn't think she was going to be able to survive this. Her stomach lurched in agony as she saw bitterness cloud his eyes. "I see you survived." He said sarcastically.
"What do you mean?" Bella twisted her hands together anxiously.
"Well, I mean, I was pretty sure that he wouldn't actually hurt you, but I wasn't sure how bad it was going to be. I was going crazy with worrying about you ever since I woke up. I didn't know if you were going to be allowed to visit or anything. The suspense was terrible. But I can see I wasted my fucking time tearing myself to bits over it…."
It took Bella longer than it should have to realize what he talking about. For the first time a sliver of irritation at the way he was speaking to her pushed through the overbearing guilt she was feeling. "Well, that was lucky for you, wasn't it!" She snapped.
His eyes darkened as he glared up at her. "Yeah, I'm the luckiest guy in the world right now. Didn't he even give you a serve?"
"He wasn't even mad at me- he wasn't even mad at you. He's so unselfish it makes me feel even worse. I wish he had yelled at me. Its not like I don't deserve…."
"For once you're speaking the truth. You do deserve it."
"Unlike you he just wants me to be happy!" Bella ended up yelling as her annoyance at the way he was acting boiled over.
Jacob stared at her for another minute, and then he suddenly laughed. It wasn't kind laughter; it had an embittered edge to it that raised Bella's hackles even further. He was being purposefully spiteful and she wasn't going to stand for it.
"Stop it, Jacob! Just stop it!"
His laughter was suddenly cut off in a bubble of anguish as he clutched at his stomach in agony. "Damn!" He growled.
"What's wrong, Jake? Does it hurt?" Bella's hands fluttered uselessly in front of her as she looked around for his medication.
"Leave it, Bella." Jacob grumbled in a disgusted tone. "Just for a minute you showed a spark of the real you and now you're acting all weak again. How can you be so willfully blind to what's going on around you?"
"I am not willfully blind. Edward has been nothing but gracious about the whole thing…. he's been much too kind."
Jacob scowled. He dropped his head back on his heaped-up pillows in defeat. "He's still manipulating you and you refuse to see it. All this passive aggressive bullshit is messing with your head."
The way he said it, though angrier, reminded Bella of Edward's tribute to Jacob's lack of ethics in the tent that morning.
"He's not playing any games, Jake." She said quietly.
"You bet he is. He's playing every bit as hard as I am, only he knows what he's doing and I don't. Don't blame me because he's a better manipulator than I am- I haven't been around long enough to learn all his tricks."
"Stop saying that! He is not manipulating me!"
"Yes, he is! What will it take for you to wake up and see through him?"
"At least he didn't threaten to kill himself to make me kiss him!" Bella accused. Her face flushed red as she stared down at him, her chest heaving with each shuddering breath.
"I know." The fire in Jacob's eyes dulled and he turned his head to one side, facing away from her. "I did do that."
"I didn't mean to bring that up." Bella mumbled, dispirited. "I don't care, Jake. I'm not mad."
A weary sigh escaped Jacob. He still didn't turn his head to look at her. "Don't you see, Bella? That's what I'm talking about. You should care. You should be mad that I did that."
"But I forgive you…." Bella reached out tentatively with her hand and touched his shoulder. He flinched at her touch and she quickly snatched her hand back.
"I don't want forgiveness. I want you to be mad. I want you to yell and scream at me. That way I'd know the girl I love is still in there somewhere. I don't recognize you anymore."
Bella shook her head, pained tears filling her eyes. "I'm here. I'm still me."
Jacob reluctantly turned his head back to face her. He looked completely dejected. "I don't think so." He said sadly. "When we kissed, I saw a flicker of the girl you used to be. I'm glad I did it now, even if I regret the way it happened. At least I made you see that you do love me. Not that it really matters now."
"Jake?" Bella moaned. "Don't say that!"
"Why not? It's the truth. All I know is that I did everything I could." Jacob dragged in an unsteady breath, and closed his eyes. "You can go now."
This wasn't the way their last goodbye was supposed to go. Bella felt rejected. She didn't like the feeling, and never expected it to come from Jacob. She felt like she was riding a roller coaster, her emotions riding high one minute, low the next. Once again, her emotions turned jagged and her insides tight.
Bella couldn't resist the urge to go to him. She needed more. She needed something. She crossed the small room and kneeled by his head, afraid to sit on the bed in case she jostled it and hurt him, and leaned in to touch her forehead to his cheek.
Jacob sighed; his breath warm against her skin. "What are you doing?"
But his hand found its way to the back of her head anyway, holding her there.
"I'm so sorry, Jake."
"I don't want your apologies, Bella. I just want you. But I can't have you. So can you please go now."
Bella didn't move. She stayed in place, her thick lashes brushing against his hot cheek as she squeezed her eyes shut.
"Why aren't you leaving, Bella? Please leave."
Bella winced and nodded. "I'll go."
Another minute passed and she still remained frozen in place. Jacob pulled away to look at her, a mixture of confusion and frustration touching his eyes. "Why are you still here? Is it because you want me to absolve you of guilt?"
"Actually…I think I do."
Jacob pursed his lips as he measured how much she meant it. "Okay, if I do, then will you leave?"
"Yes." Bella agreed faintly.
Jacob narrowed his eyes and glared at her. "Kissing me back like that was inexcusable. If you knew you were going to take it back, maybe you shouldn't have been so convincing about it."
"I'm sorry."
"Shove your apologies where the sun doesn't shine. They don't make anything better. What were you thinking?"
"I wasn't."
"Well engage your brain next time!"
Bella cut him off with a kiss. It was a full on, open mouthed sexual kiss. And he loved it. He loved the way her small body melted against his. The way their lips fit like two puzzle pieces. The way she relented as he played with her hair and held her tighter and tighter.
An unexpected jolt of pain had Jacob writhing in agony. He broke the kiss, leaning back with a gasp of pain, but he grabbed her around the waist and pulled her down onto the bed, against his good side. Bella curled up there, trying to stifle her sobs against his hot skin.
"I'm always causing you pain. I'm so sorry."
"This pain is the good kind of pain. Makes me remember what its like to be alive." Jacob mumbled. "You know I enjoyed the kiss." His warm hand rubbed against her shoulders.
"I know." Bella took a deep, ragged breath, trying to control herself. How did she always end up being the one crying while he did the comforting? Their dynamics were going to need to change if they were going to make a go of this thing.
"Don't worry, Bella, honey. Its all going to work out."
"I don't see how." Bella muttered.
Jacob smiled and patted the top of her head. "I'm going to give in and be good."
"More games?" Bella wondered, tilting her chin so she could get a better view of his face. "You know, using all this reverse psychology to get me to stay was kind of mean."
"Maybe." Jacob laughed with a bit of effort, and then winced. "Did it work?"
Bella frowned at him.
"Look, Bella, I knew you weren't going to leave the moment you walked in here. Give me a little credit. There was no way you were going to go through with saying goodbye, not when we love each other like this."
Bella clenched her teeth together. He always seemed to know her better than she knew herself. "Now I'm mad." She muttered.
Jacob looked at the ceiling, trying to fight a smile. "Good! That's more like the Bella I know and love. You know I'm exactly right for you. Its going to be effortless for us, easy as breathing. I promise. I was always the natural path your life was supposed to take…" He stared into space for a moment, and she waited for him to continue. "If the world was the way it was supposed to be, if there were no monsters and no magic…"
"You wouldn't have had to fight so hard." Bella knew he was right. If the world was the sane place it was supposed to be, she and Jacob would have been together from the beginning. There would have been no Edward to get in the way. And they would be happy. He was her soul mate….and Edward? "How am I going to tell him?" She sighed.
"I think from the moment you left him again to come see me, he knew." Jacob's voice was gentle, not at all critical. "He was like a drug for you, Bella. But all drugs wear off in the end. Deep down he knows I'm healthier for you. Not a drug-I'm like the air, the sun…."
"With an inflated ego to match." Bella finished for him. She gave him a wistful smile to soften the sting. "You know I always thought of you that way. Like the sun. My personal sun. You balance out the clouds nicely for me." She touched his face, laying her hand against his cheek.
Jacob exhaled and closed his eyes. It was very quiet. For a minute Bella could hear the beating of his heart, slow and even. He was at peace. She stretched up to whisper in his ear, laying her cheek against his warm skin. "You know I love you."
Jacob nodded, his arm tightening around her. His eyelids were losing the fight against the strong drugs Carlisle had administered to fight the pain of his injuries. "I know." He breathed. "You know how much I love you, too."
"Yes." Bella murmured. "Until my heart stops beating."
"Even after then." Jacob said sleepily as his eyes finally closed.
A/N-thanks for reading!