AN: First of two companion stories to my short one shot, "You're Not There." It helps to read that story first. "You're Not There" was a short one shot from Gibb's point of view, about Tony no longer at NCIS. That story was ambiguous about Tony's fate and the reason for him being gone. There was some speculation among readers as to what might have happened, which prompted two versions of the follow on story. This one, and the alternate version posted separately, add other points of view and possibilities.
AU. Spoilers and dialogue from ep 13.2 "Personal Day".
Unbeta'd
Chapter 1 - Bishop
So much has changed and after so many months, you'd think we would be getting used to Tony not being here.
You'd think that.
In unguarded moments, Gibbs still looks for Tony, and seems surprised that he's not there. At times he looks frustrated; or even angry, especially when seeing McGee in Tony's place throws him off balance. I think it's himself that Gibbs is angry at.
McGee always responds to the anger the same way. Not with words, but a hard, disappointed look of his own. Gibbs almost deflates a bit, and before the ambivalence sets back in, you can glimpse something like guilt if you look closely enough. Because Gibbs knows he's the reason Tony's not here.
McGee looks for Tony too, sometimes. He hasn't quite gotten comfortable as SFA yet. There's a new hesitance to his actions from time to time, as if he's not sure what to do next and waiting for Tony to tell him. In those now-frequent quiet moments in the bullpen, sometimes you can catch him listening; waiting for the chatter and good-natured teasing. It never comes.
I can't help trying to analyze what went wrong between the two senior members of our team. Analyzing people is what I do and what I'm good at it. No one ever mentioned it, least of all Tony, who always projected an "everything's fine" demeanor, probably more for my benefit than his. Looking back now, I realize there was an undercurrent of tension between Tony and Gibbs for some time. Long before whatever happened between them to cause Tony to leave the team, and NCIS.
A serious breach of trust is all I can come up with, as it's one of the few things Tony wouldn't be able to forgive and forget. Whatever happened, it was grave enough that Tony felt his only option was to remove himself completely from Gibb's sphere of influence. In spite of my efforts, I'm no closer to the answer than any of the others, except Ducky. I'm certain he knows more than he's saying, but it feels presumptuous to ask him why.
When Tony left, that tension shifted and settled between Gibbs and the remaining longtime members of his team. Even Abby is cooler, more subdued when Gibbs is in the lab, but we see it especially in his interactions with Ducky. He's detached; almost dispassionate with Gibbs now.
The others almost never talk about Tony when Gibbs is around, as if by some non-negotiable unspoken agreement. I'm trying to understand, but I'm the second-year probie, the newcomer to this insular work family. It's not nearly enough time to interpret the complex dynamics in play here.
I've managed to learn two things about this group since Tony moved on. Beneath the surface, the team always managed to be successful, in spite of being dysfunctional to its Gibbs-laid foundation. And Gibbs wasn't always the one that made it all work.
It's a troubling realization, but it isn't the only one I've had. I miss my friend and at times, it's like I'm the only one that does. As insecure as he can be at times, McGee revels in assuming Tony's position, and he can be almost smug about it. That is when he's not angry at Gibbs for making the spot promotion necessary. Things have changed, and not necessarily for the better. Occasionally, I wonder if I shouldn't move on too.