A/N- Had a little Shower moment- you know when you think of a scenario and need to jump out, grab a towel then quickly voice note your thoughts before they all disappear into that black hole of things never to re-emerge again…. So yeah this is it. A little one-shot on Noah's first introduction with Elliot, I found it cute and it made me smile. So I wrote it (how do you describe that emoji that's holding its arms outwards and slightly shrugging its shoulders? Because insert that instead of all of this bracketed text) and let us hope the story is borderline decent.
It was a big step, she knew it, he knew it and frankly anyone who knew either of them knew it.
Many years ago when she considered having children of her own and potentially even adopting, Elliot had said he would support her. It didn't matter that when he said it he was fully-fledged into the family life of his own with a wife and kids, she knew he would be there if she needed help, advice or even if she just needed another presence there with her to help all of the things that new parents usually can do together.
She didn't have a male influence in her life growing up and although it didn't impact her development, self-sufficiency or well being she did want whatever child she was to have, to have someone other than just her. The old traditional conformities of a stereotypical 2.4 family dynamic, although would have been nice were not at all important, the importance was being able to trust someone who was wholeheartedly reliable, someone who would have laid their life on the line to protect, someone that you could depend on to show up for the little things in life and someone who, let's say would drive miles out of their way into a busy city before doubling back and doing the whole distance again to get to work, just to give you orange juice when sick.
That's the kind of someone she wanted around whatever future child she was to dream of having.
Then the coin flipped or the wind changed, whatever fate related figure of speech is most relevant and it altered their paths sending them both on very separate journeys. Olivia took on this beautiful baby boy, a lot later on in her life than she would have anticipated, in circumstances she never could have imagined and not too soon after experiencing the worst trauma she had somehow survived through. This little boy was her saviour, and she was going to be everything he ever needed. The team she worked with were all so much more than colleagues and subordinates they became important people in Noah's life, always there for both of them when needed and this led to them having created their little family dynamic and it was everything. Especially after Elliot had left.
Now he was back and her head and heart had been through the mountains of confusion and inner conflicting debates as to whether it was right or even emotionally safe to introduce Noah to this man who holds an imprint on the second largest part in her heart but they'd been through a lot recently, ultimately what maybe everyone needed was just one day of fun, one day to switch off and forget everything outside of the little bubble they were going to create for this one day.
It felt good to be dressed casual, with ripped jeans, a white linen blouse and brown sandals to match the new LV Tote she had treated herself to in celebration of the new award. Of course, the bag wasn't just for vanity it was also very practical for the day, who knew what kind of things Noah would pick up and would need carrying around. The day was particularly beautiful and the city was buzzing with bare legs and short-sleeved attire, sunglasses on every second person with that familiar smell of sunscreen and outdoor food polluting the air. The sunshine and warm weather filled the streets, parks, bars and recreational areas with smiling happy faces. It was amazing what a bit of sunshine can do to an entire city's vibe.
"Come on Noah…you need to walk a little quicker than that"
The joys of parenting a young boy, especially one who didn't want to eat the chosen breakfast, wear the selected clothes or spend a boring day meeting Mommy's friend. They'd had the discussion that the day was going to be fun but because she had chosen to leave the destination as a surprise, Noah was having none of it. It's one of those no-win situations as a parent where you want to build the momentum and give them a huge surprise so that on the reveal, they can flourish all their excitement at once and have that great rush of exhilaration BUT this comes with the price of having to endure the horrendous huffy, moaning, whingy phase first because you've downplayed the day a little too much and now you've gone too far with it, so the kid probably thinks you're just going to sit and watch paint dry for the next 8 hours.
"Mommy, why are we walking so fast? Where are we going?"
"You'll see... Come on walk next to me"
After a few minutes of fast-paced walking, she could see the smile break out across his little face
"Mom, are we going to the beach? ….or No wayyyy. Mom are we going to Luna Park?"
"We sure are Noah" She couldn't help but beam with pride when she watched him jump up and down repeatedly shouting YES, over and over again.
"Can we go on the rides and can we get hot dogs and candy and oooooh mom.. there's games..can we go on the games and can we…."
"Ok, ok, let's just meet mommy's friend first and then we can see what we want to do. Do you remember I told you about Elliot?"
"Yeah he used to work with you a long long time ago and now he's back"
"yep, that's pretty much it Noah, So remember we are going to have fun today but I still want the best behaviour, you got it?"
"I got it Mom" solidifying the deal with a quick but gentle fist pump confirmed the usual mutual understanding they had about minding pq's whilst around others.
"Oh, speaking of… Elliot.. Hi"
Olivia smiled over towards the latest arrival into their day of fun, he was casually dressed in jeans and a grey hoody, which tightened nicely around his shapely biceps and shoulders, she couldn't help the smirk of approval towards him and his reaction showed the unspoken compliment had been received well when he raised his eyebrows and travelled his eyes quickly up and down her body.
"Sooo Noah, this is Elliot and Elliot, this is Noah"
"Hey Bud, it's so nice to meet you, We gonna have some fun today?"
Elliot held his hand out towards a cautious Noah, the boy wasn't particularly shy but Elliot could tell he was taking a minute to suss him out, to be expected really with a police Captain as a mother.
"You look just like the picture my mom has on the bookshelf?"
"oh do I?" Elliot leans his head back up towards Olivia before she interrupts the newly started conversation with a
"That's enough of that, so guys what we gonna do first."
"I'm hungry, Mom can we get hot dogs?" pointing out the food stand, Noah starts pulling on Olivias hand towards the giant enticing food advertisement.
" I dunno, El you wanna get some food"
"I sure do, hey bud come on lets head over and show me what you like"
The next 30 minutes consisted of Noah telling Elliot all about Henry and his other friends at school, the clubs he's into recently and this new show he was going to catch up on tonight after their day out. Elliot had spent a lot of time listening to everything her boy had talked about and he looked genuinely interested. Most people when talking to kids sit and humour them adding in the occasional 'ooohs, ahhh's and oh that's really good' but not Elliot he was just as she always knew he would be. Attentive, interested, caring and warm – he was instantly like he was with his own kids and any doubts Olivia previously had about introducing them dissipated when the deep feelings of admiration watching this interaction filled her heart.
It was, of course, short-lived. The tender feelings of fondness to the bonding session sharp shifted into a panic rush of embarrassment and dread when Noah threw a curveball into the conversation. After Elliot had gone through all the ages of his children and mentioned what their hobbies were at the same age as Noah, Olivia could see his little brain ticking away right before it happened….
"Mom, why don't I have any brothers or sisters?"
"well sweetheart it just means there's more time for me and you" she leans over and pulls him over into a hug and rubs her knuckles over his curly hair in the hopes that that is the end of that awkward conversation
"Well.. can I have one now?"
"Ok Noah, we can discuss this another time and I'll answer all your questions then, ok?"
"So that's a no when mom does that it always means no" nodding his head in explanation towards Elliot, he then goes back to Olivia
"But why Mom, I really want someone to live in my room with me?"
"Yeah Mom, why?" directing a wink over towards Noah, the boys eyes widen when he realises he has a new comrade on this subject
Flicking her knee out underneath the table, Olivia lands her foot into Elliot's shin making him jump back, laughing he rubs his hand down his newly induced injury, you she mouths over to him pointing her finger and shaking her head in a manner of saying stop encouraging him.
Taking the hint, he winks over towards her and takes her hand leading her up from the table.
"Noah, how about we get ourselves on some rides? You up for it?"
"Yeahhhhh, I wanna go on this one first, please, please can we go on this one?" He ran off towards some sort of child-friendly aero bikes ride and placed himself in the queue.
"You good to go yourself Noah or you want me to come on with you?" She asked placing herself beside him
"how about Elliot comes on this one with me and you do the next one?"
"Well if that's ok with El"
"Yeah course it is, move over Mom…the boys are going for a ride" he scoots in beside Noah just before the ride attendant opens up the gate to let them in.
"Mom, Mom, Mom take pictures of me. I wanna show my friends" Noah excitedly shouts over
"Ok, sweet boy, I will"
Olivia couldn't believe she was stood here, snapping photo's of her child and the man who she had harboured this secret love for, the man who many years ago had touched her deepest most intense feelings and left her with a new outlook on the bond two people can create. For many years it had to be kept a secret, she had to go on as normal and let it all go unnoticed. She had to hide her glance every time she was watching him in fear that if he caught her looking, her eyes would give her heart away and he would know. Deep down, she always wanted him to know and she longed for the day when their lives shifted in some undramatic spiritual or mystical way and they could happily be together, when finally all those feelings could be unhidden, unlocked and he could safely just notice her.
"Mommy that was sooooo cool, please can we do another, can we do another?" it didn't take Noah long to find the next ride of his choice and the next 30 minutes went between Elliot and Olivia taking turns being seated next to him.
Until that is he saw a couple of boys coming off one of the bigger rides and decided that was one he wanted to go on. It was called the Luna 360 and was categorised as high thrill. This ride had descriptions of 'sweeping you off your feet, at a great height, swinging like a pendulum' and an instant wave of sickness came over her
"Noah sweetheart, are you sure? It's quite a big ride. Mommy won't even go on that?"
"Mom...come on I'm not a baby"
"Yeah liv, he's not a baby, let him go on"
"It goes upside down El?"
"and? you think he doesn't hang upside down off stuff in the park or even in your apartment? my kids used to hold their legs over the back of the sofas and just hang there like creepy little bats"
"I do that, I really do that, don't I mom? see I've been upside down loads... please come on, please can we go on?"
"Ooh Noah, you sure? We have to check you're the right height first, let's measure you"
If there was ever a time Olivia Benson had earned favour from above she was cashing it in now and hoping Noah was just under the height requirement
"Look at that" Elliot shouts over to the anxiously awaiting Olivia.
"He's banging on the height, come on let's get in the queue"
"Oh excellent" she responds desperately attempting to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.
They queued for 22 minutes before approaching the front, every round of the ride, ferrying new eager faces off into their seats and returning them either completely exhilarated from their adrenaline rush, slightly green or/and mainly entirely windswept.
Noticing her uneasiness Elliot stands closer towards her and whispers
"you ok? I'm happy to take Noah on myself? he's safe with me Liv"
She looks at Noah, his excited face then back to Elliot
"Maybe I might wait and take pictures of you two?"
"Hey, Elliot...I think mom's a scaredy-cat"
Noah laughs away nudging Elliot in the hopes he will join in with the fun-loving teasing of his parent. Her son and former partner giggle into each other at her expense and although going on this ride was the very last thing she wanted to do today, her pride was most definitely not going to get the better of her.
"I was joking you two, I don't wanna miss this" Laughing awkwardly she points towards the ride just as it's about to hit its peak and the screams of its passengers ring out over their heads.
"Mhmmmmm, don't worry Liv, I'll hold your hand if you need me too"
"Yeah, Detective Stabler, you'll be the one who needs your hand holding"
tossing her hair over her shoulder and stubbornly walking onto the ride she takes the seat between both of them.
"Maybe I will" he shoots her a coy smile just as the Luna 360 begins its journey.
After their feet were all firmly placed back on the ground and the balance had started to upright their bodies Noah was already bursting for the next big ride. He'd loved that last one whereas Olivia had spent the whole time closing her eyes and trying to focus on the excited screams of her very brave, fearless child. After his bravery Noah had taken it upon himself to decide he was a big boy now, they could stand and watch him and he would go on the next ride alone. The chosen ride was the Trapeze aerial swings and Olivia and Elliot stood by the sides watching him
"Are you sure he will be ok by himself on this one El, it is quite a big ride, what if he gets scared?"
"Liv, come on..it all single rider, it's not as if you could reach out and hold his hand. He's not a little kid Liv, let him be a bit independent if he wants to be, we're both right here if he needs us"
She doesn't take her eyes off Noah, whose stood in the queue and that's advantageous for not only the obvious reason but also so she doesn't have to look at him when she next speaks
"Thank you so much for being here today El, you've no idea how much this means to me"
Reaching out he slips his hand into hers, the warm and fuzzy feeling of the slight intimacy forcing her to drop her gaze and move her head away from him
"Liv, trust me when I say, I know exactly how much this means to you. This Liv, this is a thing of dreams for me. Seeing you as a mother, a great mother just like I always knew you would be and you've got this great kid who's so happy and confident and he's a credit to you"
Wiping away the single tear that falls from her eyes she looks towards him and smiles
"Thanks, El, honestly thank you"
"Are you crying? Captain Olivia Benson you big softy... come here" he pulls her in tight and his hug squeezes heavy against her body, she buries her face into his shoulders and she can feel his head relax against hers
"Liv, I Lov…"
"Look, Noah is at the front of the queue, he's going on" she pulls out of his embrace and waves happily at her child who's been secured into the seat by the ride attendant. He waves back trying to get the attention of both his Mom and Elliot, Noah sits beaming with self-pride when both adults give him the thumbs up as the ride starts.
"Sorry El, did you say something? I got distracted
"No, was just about to say the same as you"
This time it was him whose words had gone unnoticed and it was his turn to harbour those secret feelings of his infatuation with her.