This is a re-upload of a fic I posted to AO3 some time back. This follows the plotline of "Droplets Cast into the Sea," a fic by my dear friend Dracozion/Arouctine, and is my interpretation of a conclusion to their fanfic. I'm blessed to have such great friends such as you and Suffaru.

Echidna's second trial - the trial of the unthinkable present - faded from his sight, and Subaru hacked up a day's worth of food in one sitting. Drool slipped from the corner of his lips, drop after drop forming the only sound around him.

Like blood dripping from a dagger. Like the mute screams of the city as he purged it all in flames. Returning by death to impose the worst fates and agonies onto people that deserved better, people that - didn't know. Didn't need to know. Couldn't know because of the damned limitations of his curse.

He banged his head against the floor, willing the remnants of the trial to fade. They wouldn't. The consequences of Return By Death came alive at night like the flesh and blood of transubstantiation. Deaths of thousands more people were on his hands, and he'd never be clean again.

The tomb around him spun and he was shivering, shuddering, falling onto stone slab in a pathetic pile of limbs and meat. Utterly disorienting. Gross sobbing wouldn't undo his actions, wouldn't right his wrongs. If this was one of his presents - what was to become of his future?

Subaru let the ground dent his face through the bumps and loose stones around them. He'd look like the Moon once this was all over. If he lived to see what 'over' was.

Frail and feeble. If he bashed his head enough, bit his tongue clean off, he could better observe what had caused the actions he took in that present. At no point did he deserve redemption. Yet - if he could spare even a fraction of the people he'd tormented in that present - Subaru would take that pain in a heartbeat. No one would know, would live to see the world reset, and that's fine.

Throughout every loop it's been like that. So much blood on his hands, thick and congealed between the gaps of his fingers, and Emilia was none the wiser. She had some on her, too, but Subaru would take that to the grave before telling her. Only Subaru had to suffer because only Subaru deserved it.

That was why he forgave Roswaal and the numerous others who'd taken jabs at him, wasn't it? They didn't need to carry the cross to be redeemed for their sins. Justice for Subaru was justice for a sycophant, a sicko and even more so a psycho.

Writhing on the floor. Scratching and scratching at his scalp. He had no nails to dig deep enough, to extract the thoughts from his head directly, and it hurt. It shouldn't hurt. This was his sin to witness. To rectify and to atone. Deranged maniacs get no penance. And yet every image gnawed through his bones and made dams in his bloodstream, clotted his arteries and killed him thoroughly. Maybe, if he returned enough times, the consequences would wear on his neck and sever his head right off the spinal cord.

Someone was speaking to him in such a soft tone. They shouldn't be so coddling, or they'll die too and he'll be so sad. Too many deaths on his hands. Oh, but this was someone he knew, this was someone who killed him too. Rem was gone. She's back. She's lost everything and it's all his fault.

"It is real," she whispered, and he wanted to scream once more.

"I will be by your side whenever you wish it, Subaru-kun."

What a neat little white lie, packaged so perfectly with petals in her voice and harmony in her hair. Just as he remembered; pastel blue looked so good on her. Red didn't suit her at all, and he was lucky enough to have not seen her corpse during his present. Subaru was well acquainted with the sight already.

Rem... always with him. Rem's hero. Rem. Rem. Rem.

"Yes. I am your Rem," she spoke tenderly.

Maggots should have eaten him alive while he was still worth something. Rising to his feet, knees clacking and arms aching, Subaru stared head on at the demon who gave him hope. Reason to live and keep going. If he fell here, his remains would scatter like dust and never see the light of day.

Somehow, that felt better than confronting the present he had forsaken.

His all-purpose, ever-useful maid. Like she was a vacuum cleaner. An object that he has full control over - an object to wield, a blade, a knife... Meili, decorated by an assortment of entrails. Reinhard wants him dead. Why did Reinhard want him dead?

Images of past and present mixed, converged, and distorted his vision. Rem was talking to him. Or maybe she wasn't, because he remembered offing himself when he lay dead to the world.

"Are you alright? Are you tired?"

Subaru glanced at his hand, tracing an invisible trail of red down from his fingernails to the fate line on his palm. "I don't know..."

"Maybe I'm tired. But I haven't done anything..." In this timeline, maybe. So much to take accountability for.

If he was half the man Reinhard was -

Stronger, smarter, capable, self-assuring, reliable, approachable, knowledgeable, wise -

No one would suffer.

[Subaru] had mentioned something about his loops. Hundreds of attempts on Reinhard alone. If the timeline reset with his return, that'd be one thing.

In multiple timelines, there would be those who rejoiced in his passing. The end of a tyrant meant the people were safe, until the next event would start and threaten their lives once more. Subaru wasn't sure how many lives he'd doomed by returning too early, and the thought haunted him.

"How many times did I let you die?" Subaru pleaded. Not to Rem - not like she'd know.

The Witch of Envy might. He sobbed once more. "How many times did I kill you?"

Rem clung to him, shared placating words - and nothing translated. Perhaps he was too hollow to be loved, too undeserving of her kindness to truly feel it.

Or perhaps he'd realised since laying his eyes on her the lies on her tongue.

Rem wasn't the type to leave him loving words without gumption. Their relationship was built on action; both needed results to believe in something better. People who hate themselves aren't built back up with paper words - brick walls required cement to hold successfully. Solace was found in venting, speaking the words they both kept in, but reassurance was found in plans. Expectations that they would live up to. Rem's hero couldn't disappoint because Rem's hero would always live to her expectations.

They'd stand together, wobbly knees on shaky turf, but together, nonetheless.

That left one question - one he'd openly proposed to his visitor.

"Who are you?" he snarled, nostrils flared and posture hostile.

As fate would have it - as it always has - a Witch was responsible.

Green grass stained his tracksuit pants. Echidna showed no remorse for the show, merely addressing Carmilla's factor as one would address the weather.

"I can't make any excuses for the fact that I wounded your heart as a result. I've resigned myself to accepting your rage," Echidna commented, twirling hair ends in her fingertips.

He wanted to resent her. Echidna was the only one who knew of his suffering, and yet obliged that pain onto him once more. Yet he chose to participate in the trial, to behold truths in which he wasn't prepared to face. Releasing his jacket from his grip, Subaru plodded over to the accompanying garden chair, choosing apathy over rage. Hatred wouldn't undo his actions.

"Allow me to explain the trial," she paused, taking in his reaction with mirth.

"Just like the first one, the second trial puts you in a world abstracted from your memories. It's a thoroughly well-constructed unreality."

An unreality? "Then -" he began, before getting cut off by the Witch.

"However... Even with your self-proclaimed title as the Sin Archbishop of Pride, your Return by Death is the Witch of Envy's authority. Only she knows whether what you saw happened in some reality, as a result of your ability."

"You mean - all that stuff might have happened?" Subaru coughed, trying to suppress the bile in his throat from escaping.

"I'm only saying it's a possibility. Instead of counting the many people you may have killed in your Unthinkable Present, you should focus on counting the many lives you have saved so far," she chimed.

"Idealistic cliches like that don't help!"

"I know that you have given all of your strength, physical and mental, to survive thus far. Not a single thing that you've experienced on your way to this point has been a waste. You have arrived at this moment by doing everything in your power, at the risk and detriment of your own life."

Flinching, Subaru looked away from Echidna, absorbing every word she spoke into his flesh. Everything she said was true. He couldn't refute it - but it felt off. Nauseatingly sweet, saccharine to his taste buds. Rem placated him, yet gave him room to come to his own opinion. With Echidna, his experience came before his opinion.

"That's something you should be proud of," Echidna finished, half-smirk living ever so neatly on her face.

His only claim to pride was as an Archbishop who decimated a Kingdom for a woman without her knowledge of even his name. How pathetic, vexing, unsightly... vermin.

There was no reason for Echidna to help him. No incentive or change, despite her motif of evil she touted at their meetings. Far from that label, she had even appeared motherly towards him, comforting Subaru as he wept obscenely in her presence. A caring figure that forced his hand onto needles just to observe his reaction. He was okay with that - not like he deserved better than being a lab rat for a bored Witch.

Satella's given him plenty of experience in that regard anyway.

"Would you be willing to form a contract with me, Natsuki Subaru?" Echidna pitched, cutting to the chase.

"A contract..."

"Yes, a formal contract with the Witch of Greed. Would you enter into one with me?"

"What happens if I do?"

"It's very simple. From now on, whenever you run into an obstacle you can't overcome, when you feel you're being crushed by the weight of your sins, I will give you my support. I'm confident in the amount of knowledge I have. I should be able to come up with a way for you to deal with any problem. Above all, I can share in your Return by Death ability."

"What does that mean? You're actually telling me the selling points of making a contract with you?" he asked.

"I think it only makes sense to explain the merits of such an act. All the better for me if it makes you lean toward agreeing to it at all," Echidna shrugged, "It's all calculated."

Taking the contract could help him. To avoid losing himself - falling down the path of Pride - he needed to confide in someone. Someone who knew. "That might not be such a bad idea."

Slamming her hands on the table, Echidna exclaimed, "Meaning!?"

Subaru shifted in his chair uncomfortably.

"I mean, uh... right. If you absolutely insist, I wouldn't mind entering into a contract-" she flickered her eyes towards Subaru, acting as coy as she could.

"It's a little late to try and play it cool now! Anyway, how would we form this contract?"

"To establish a formal contract, you and I need to form a bond between our souls." Echidna recited. Moving to the side of her garden table, she extended her hand out. "First, we raise our palms to each other, like this."

Throughout his time with the Emilia faction, Subaru had learned one key rule. Involvement with Witches was dangerous; Emilia faced discrimination on her similarities alone, while Subaru was hunted for his lingering scent. Echidna's hands-on role would only serve to exacerbate the problem.

How else was he to guarantee he wouldn't slip, though? Everyone around him was none the wiser to his powers. Roswaal was a lost cause, and with both the mansion and sanctuary under threat, Subaru had little leeway to plan his attack alone. Someone would die once more, he would Return by Death, and the whole thing would play out until eventually he broke.

Bartering with your soul was stupid. Killing everyone for one girl was stupid. Neither path was optimal, but...

He raised his arm, stopping just short of her hand. "You'll guide me to the best possible future."

"For the purpose of attaining the future you desire," Echidna smiled in return.

Subaru pressed his palm flat to hers and felt the world shift once more.