AN: Hi! It's been ages since I've posted anything (and ages since I've watched Grey's Anatomy, actually), but 17x14 got me inspired. Thank you for reading and enjoy!
.
It takes a little time getting used to living in Boston after all their years in Seattle.
Jackson knows the city, of course, but he's happy to explore it again with Harriet and April by his side. The idea of living together again comes up briefly, but they quickly decide on two seperate homes. It's a fresh start, as friends, and they're not interested in making the same mistakes or reliving the past.
Jackson chooses a spacious apartment; April finds a beautiful house with a little backyard. It looks a little bit like her old home in Seattle and she loves it immediately, but it's way too expensive. Jackson insists, though. She's uprooted her whole life to follow him to Boston, to help him change the world of medicine and be a present father. The least he can do is make sure that she lives somewhere she loves.
They keep the same arrangements for Harriet, she has a home in both her parents' houses, but it doesn't take long before they have dinner together on a regular basis, or spend their free days roaming the city together with their daughter.
April finds a job similar to the one she had in Seattle and it feels nice to be useful. She has long talks with Jackson of what the Foundation should be, what he wants to do with it, and how she and her job could play a rol in it as well. It feels like they're becoming part of something bigger and she's actually really glad with the direction her career has taken.
They're both busy making a home for themselves and Harriet in a new city, doing what they love, and they're so glad to have each other by their side again.
.
.
.
It's a Tuesday morning when April receives the finalization of her divorce. She's no longer married to Matthew. She's now divorced twice, and though she knows it was the right thing to do, it still stings.
She lets the day pass, tries not to give it too much thought. Jackson comes over for dinner and they listen to Harriet's rambles about school and how her day went, all the friends she's already made in Boston, how she's looking forward to her grandmom's visit next week. April's a little absentminded but Harriet steals the show, as always, so it doesn't matter much. Jackson shoots her a look once or twice but she decides to ignore it.
Afterwards, Jackson puts Harriet to bed and she hears the two of them laugh in the girl's room as he reads her a story. When he gets back in the living room, April's pouring a glass of wine, makes a gesture with the bottle to ask him if he wants a glass as well. He nods, takes the glass from her and settles on the couch.
"You okay?" He asks and she nods, taking a seat opposite of him. He doesn't believe her, she can tell, and she should really know better by now than to try to keep things from him.
She takes a sip and then tells him, "I'm officially divorced. No longer a wife, once again an ex-wife." She doesn't know why she says that last part; it's not fair to either one of them. It's not fair to Matthew either. Since their move, they haven't talked much about Matthew. She figures there's not much to say anyway. It makes all the sense in the world that she and Matthew didn't work out, as perfect as they seemed on paper. It takes more than just a romantic and spontaneous wedding to resolve so much resentment and anger and pain. She wonders why she hadn't seen that earlier.
Jackson's look is worried, her words tug at his heartstrings. He's never wanted this for her. All he ever wanted was for her to be happy. It wasn't easy to see her getting and being married to Matthew but he'd do it again if it means she'd be happy. "I'm sorry, April." He says, means it too. He reaches out for her hand and she lets him, smiles up at him and revels maybe a little in the feel of her hand in his.
"Don't be. It led me to Boston, right?" She replies and she means that too.
The words make him smile, he's still so grateful that she decided to move across the country. "That is true. Seriously, though, how do you feel about it?" He asks. Her hand is still in his, and honestly, a part of him doesn't ever want to let go. He does, though, after giving her little squeeze.
April tucks her legs under her, ponders for a moment what she'll say. "This was never my plan, Jackson, you know that. I never intended to divorce you, and I didn't intend to divorce Matthew. But that's life, it's unexpected and it's not always fair. It's not what I thought it would be at seventeen, when I was praying to God and making promises on how to live my life. I've learned a lot, but I still have faith, and I know I can deal with what comes at me." She says and realizes that she really believes that. She's a soldier, still. Or again, after everything life threw at her. Jackson smiles at her, his eyes telling her that he believes that too. "So I'm okay and I look forward to the future." She concludes and raises her glass.
He toast his glass against hers. "New horizons, right?"
April nods, "New horizons."
.
.
.
Jackson's days are long, the work is hard and he tries to give it everything. He's trying to build something, for himself, for his family, and for so many other people. He makes sure to spend more than enough time with his little girl, though.
They go camping, take trips to the zoo, spend their time exploring the city. Other times, they stay at home, quietly and peacefully, reading or playing together. Usually April's there too, he loves all the time they spend as a family.
One Sunday, April joins them late in the afternoon after spending the day with a new friend. She lets herself into Jackson's apartmenet and finds him and their daughter curled up on the couch, seemingly fast asleep.
Her heart skips a beat at the sight and before she can stop herself she wonders what it would be like to come home like this regularly. To be a real family. She remembers coming home to Jackson making dinner or doing laundry; she remembers how much she loved that. Of course she also remembers the fights and the pain, but that's all so far in the past and the way they work as a team now makes her dream sometimes.
She shakes herself out of it and drops her bag on the table. She wants to let them be, they look like they need it, but Jackson stirs awake before April can make it to the kitchen.
He rubs his eyes, tries to disentangle himself from Harriet as carefully as possible. The girl moves and moans a little, but eventually sleeps on as if nothing happened. April smiles at them,
"I just got here. I didn't want to wake you, you looked like you could use some rest."
"Yeah, it was a long week." Jackson replies and gets up, walking closer to April. His voice sounds tired, even doubtful. April knows his work is demanding, but she also knows he's doing great.
She tells him so, "I'm really proud of you, Jackson. You've always been a brilliant surgeon, you've always done amazing things for people. Now, you'll be doing great things for whole communities."
It's too early for him to feel proud of what he's doing with the Foundation; he figures he still has to prove himself, but it means the world to him to hear April saying it. She has his back, believes in him, and that's the best feeling.
"Thank you." He says and hugs her. She lets him, holds him tightly for a moment.
When they break apart, Jackson gestures towards Harriet, "Maybe we should wake up our girl. We can have dinner together?" He asks April, a smile on his face.
April nods, she'd love that.
.
.
.
On a bright Friday morning, some months after their move to Boston, April's just arrived at work when she gets a call from Jackson. His dad is very ill; he might not make it to the next morning. It's Jackson's choice, she can't decide for him whether he should go or not, but she tells him she'll be there for him if he wants to. Ultimately, Jackson decides to go to Montana, if not to say goodbye then at least to make it easier to deal with all the paperwork. April goes with him, they leave Harriet with Catherine who's in town for the week.
It's a hectic and painful day. Jackson's just in time to see Robert and say goodbye. April tries to be whatever Jackson needs right now. When night arrives, they decide to stay at a hotel. The bar's welcoming; inviting them to wash away the day they've had. They talk about nothing and everything, through all of it still happy to be in each other's company.
After a couple of drinks, they make their way to their rooms. "So... Here we are." Jackson says when they reach his room, his fingers busy fumbling with the key. His face looks drained, but his look's intense.
April's breath hitches a little in her throat, "Here we are." She mirrors. He looks right at her, a hint of everything they ever used to feel for each other in his eyes and she has to look away.
They're both thinking about the same thing. Of course she's not forgotten everything that's ever happened between them. Every hotel room flashes before her eyes; their kisses and feelings still fresh in her memory, even after all these years.
She takes a breath, digs up her own key and smiles up at him. "So far for our track record in hotel rooms, then. Good night, Jackson."
He lets out a laugh, good-natured despite the day they've had, his head thrown back a little and it warms her heart. How far they've come, how comfortable and natural it all is now, she's actually really proud of them.
Jackson steps closer, wraps her up in a hug and she lets him. Of course she lets him. "Thank you for being here today."
"Of course. See you at breakfast." She says, gives him a little wave and walks away, through the hallway, in search of her own room.
Once she's in her room, she gets ready for bed; tries to take her mind off Jackson a couple of rooms away. She hasn't brought a book, hadn't thought of it in the urgency of it all, so she grabs her phone and absentmindedly scrolls the minutes away. Eventually, she drops the phone on the nightstand. She wants to surrender to sleep; wants to let the night take over and soften the hardness of the day, but she fails.
She's happy it's not the same hotel they stayed at years ago. It's hard enough as it is; memories flood over her every time she closes her eyes. It's curious, she thinks. Since their move to Boston, they've spent so much time together. As parents - they make the best team for Harriet - but also as friends, yet being here with him, without Harriet, feels so different.
After an hour, she can't take it anymore. She gets out of bed, leaves her room behind and walks the short distance to Jackson's room.
Her knock is soft, but the door opens almost immediately, as if he's expecting her.
Jackson appears before her, shirtless she notices, and smiles at her, "I thought about putting up the chain, but eventually, I opted against it."
April laughs, softly and a little tiredly, her body almost basking in warm memories. "Would you mind some company?" She asks. His eyebrows shoot up, and she rolls her eyes at him. "Just some company, Jackson."
He opens the door wide for her, his face saying it all without any words spoken. The day was tough on him, he's actually really glad April's standing in front of his door right now.
She steps into the room, he closes the door behind her and walks back towards the bed. The sheets are tossed, it's clear that he's been trying to sleep but hasn't had much luck either. April follows him, doesn't question it; it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
She gets into bed besides him and it only takes a second before she's wrapped up in his arms. Over the years, they've used so many words. She's the master of speech: filling silences with awkward speeches, painful talks, silly nonsense. Now, however, she's quiet. Tries to give him everything he needs with her silence. She settles into his embrace, feels his heart beat steadily under her hands and she's glad she's there with him.
It feels right.
.
.
.
In the weeks, months, after his dad dies April's there for Jackson. She's there when he wants to talk; she's there when he wants to forget everything. It's confusing to lose something you never really had to begin with.
He calls her his rock often enough, doesn't know what to do without her. One days she tells him she wishes she could've been that for him after Samuel died. She did what she had to do for her, still stands by that too, but she wishes she could've done what she needed to do for him as well. Her voice is sad as she says so, but his look his soft. He doesn't want her to feel bad; he knows he could've done much better himself as well.
He shakes his head ever so slightly and tells her not to worry about it. He's never going to be a parent who didn't lose a child, and the same goes for April. He'll never be able to erase all that's happened, all the pain and all the sadness, but he's no longer angry or resentful. He's not living in the past and he doesn't want those memories to stand between them in the present, or the future.
She's by his side now, Harriet is too, and that's what matters.
.
.
.
"We get along quite well now, don't we?" April says one evening.
They're at her house, having just finished dinner. The dishwasher broke a few days ago and hasn't been replaced yet so they're doing the dishes. Jackson does the washing, April's taking care of drying. Harriet got away from helping and is making a puzzle in the living room.
Jackson lets out a surprised chuckle. Since their move they've spent so much time together, it seems a weird question, to say the least. "We do. At least, I think so. Are you going to tell me you actually hate me?" He asks, the joke clear in his voice.
April swats at him with her towel; makes a face at which Jackson only laughs harder. She grabs another plate and starts drying it off. "It's just.. I wanted to ask you something, but I don't want you to think that I mean anything bad by it, or that I'm accusing you of something, or that I want to fight. Because I don't."
His look is puzzled, his laughter's fading away; he has no clue what she might want to ask. He does know he's had enough fights with April to last a lifetime, though, so he really hopes that won't be the case. "Okay, shoot."
Her voice is careful as she asks him, "Do you still miss Samuel?" She doesn't look at him, eyes fixed on the plate in her hands. They've both dealt with their grief in different ways, she knows that, and after all this time, they've finally learned to understand each other. They've also learned to focus on the present and the future, on Harriet, on everything they have. Still, though, she wonders.
Jackson keeps his eyes on the dishes in the sink as well, only glances at her for a brief moment. "Of course I do... Sometimes I look at Harriet and I imagine what could've been. She could've had a big brother, would've been a little sister. Of course I miss him. You do too, right?"
She nods, "Yeah, I do. But it's, um... It's more peaceful now, if that makes sense? It's not overwhelming anymore, it's not everything anymore, you know." She's not afraid to be honest, to tell Jackson how she feels about Samuel now, but she does hope he'll understand her.
He does and tells her so. It has its place now and he's really proud of them for getting to this place. He tells her that too and she smiles up at him, thanks him for saying that. Her heart does silly things at the words; it feels so good to finally be on the same page again. She drops the towel and turns towards him, surprised to find him so close already. Jackson's abandoned the dishes too. He studies her face as if he hasn't seen her clearly in a long time.
"Did you worry about that? That you couldn't talk to me about things like this now?" He asks, his brow furrowed.
She shakes her head a little, "Not really. I mean, maybe. We've just, we've come such a long way, Jackson. I don't want you to think I'm still stuck in the past. I'm not."
Jackson's eyes are still focused on her face. "I know that. You're my best friend, April, I know you."
He brushes a lock of hair from her face, the water on his fingers leaving traces where he touches her. April's eyes sweep over his features, notice the hollow of his throat; his jawline. She glances at his lips a moment too long, before settling on his eyes. She's all too aware of the proximity between them. He wouldn't have to reach out far to wrap her up in his arms. She tries to take a step back; isn't sure whether she can handle this closeness, but it's as if she's glued to the spot.
Jackson, on the contrary, moves even closer. He's still looking intently at her; he moves his hand halfway in her direction when,
"Daddy!"
Harriet's voice disrupts the moment, makes them both snap out of it, as if they both remember where they are and what they're doing. April takes that step back now. Jackson shakes his head and clears his throat before asking his daughter what's up.
"Come help me with the puzzle." She calls out, her voice sweet yet very demanding.
They both let out a laugh at her antics and Jackson leaves April by the sink to go help her, "I'm right here, munchkin."
April stays in the kitchen, still a little dizzy in the head. She can still feel where he's touched her face, can still feel the way he was looking at her just a moment ago. She tries to shakes the thoughts away, but it isn't of much use. She watches them at the table and all she can think is that he's her best friend too; he's still one of her absolute favourite people
.
.
.
Jackson's just grabbed himself a beer when the doorbell rings, followed by an insistent knocking. He rushes to the door; mumbles to himself that whoever's on the other side must be crazy to be out in this stormy weather.
He opens the door, surprised to see his guest. "April? What are you - oh my God, you're soaking. What happened? Come in." He pulls her inside his home, has to stop himself to just wrap her up in his arms and warm her up that way.
There's a laundry basket in the living room, towels still waiting to be folded. He hands her one, but she eyes it wearily and he wants to laugh, if he wasn't so worried about what happened. "It's clean, don't worry." She still hasn't said anything. "What happened? Do you want some tea? I'll make you some. Or coffee? Or maybe you should take a shower. Yeah, go take a warm shower, April." He's frantic, rubs her arms to warm her up.
He stops when April reaches out a hand and lets it rest on his cheek, "I'm okay, Jackson." She says, a smile on her face. He can't read her eyes, he still has no clue what's going on.
"So what, you were just taking a stroll through a storm?"
"I was in the car, but traffic's a mess because of the storm and I - I didn't want to wait. So I walked." She explains. "Even ran a little."
Harriet has a sleepover and though she's still used to nights home alone, she couldn't stop thinking about Jackson, alone in his home as well. Hasn't stopped thinking about him for weeks now, actually. So she left her warm home and made the trip to Jackson's. She knows what to say. There's no doubt, no worry. She's not even that nervous.
"Wait for what?" Jackson asks. His voice is hoarse; he's all too aware of April's hand on his face. As if she knows it, her hand trails down and comes to a stop on his upper arm.
She takes a breath, "I love you, Jackson, and I want you. We've been through hell and back, but I love you. Still. And I think you love me too." She laughs, exhilarated and exhausted from keeping these feelings inside for so long. "I know we're friends and it's been great, but I think we can make this work."
Jackson's stunned. He's been thinking and dreaming of scenarios like this for weeks. Maybe even months, years. He feels insanely proud of her that she's finding the strength to speak those words now, after everything they went through. He's not going to lie; he's been afraid to hurt both of them again.
She looks up at him; her smile falters a little bit, "Jackson?"
He snaps out of it, a flash of guilt for not immediately answering rippling through him, "April, I - God, of course I love you too." He breathes out. "I love you so much." He pulls her into him; lifts her up effortlessly, like he's done so many times in the past.
She holds onto him, arms wrapped around his neck and a smile so amazingly bright against his lips. It both feels like yesterday and a lifetime ago since they last kissed. It's everything familiar wrapped up into everything they've learned over the years, about themselves and each other, and it feels so absolutely right.
It feels like coming home and they've both missed that so much.
Jackson puts her down on the counter, his body still pressed into hers. He's not planning on letting her go anytime soon. They're both laughing, love and lightness finally taking over. He murmers against her lips, "What is it with us and storms?"
April leans away for a moment, wants to see his eyes and all the love they hold. "I don't know, but I'm starting to like it." She says. Her voice almost a whisper, the scene almost a dream.
It isn't though. It's real, it's good and it's theirs. Jackson pulls her back in and they lose themselves in their love.
.
.
.
They have never been the dating type, and though they are careful not to make the same mistakes again, the decision to move in together is quickly made. They spend so much time together already anyway and neither one of them wants to be apart from the other, or from Harriet, anymore.
Jackson suggests April's house since it's nicer and bigger than his apartment and for a moment she wonders if this has been the plan all along. She asks him so, but he only laughs and tells her that only in his wildest dreams would they have really found their way back to one another. She laughs as well, kisses him and that's that on their living situation.
One day, April walks into the house; hears Harriet's laugh even before she's reached the living room. They're on the couch, Harriet's tangled up in Jackson's arms, a tickle match going on. Both their faces so happy and carefree. When her daughter notices her, her sweet voice calls out,
"Mommy!" She runs out of her dad's arms right into the arms of her mom. April catches her, lets her bury her head into the crook of her neck. She looks up to meet Jackson's eyes: all she sees is love, and a look that still makes her go weak in the knees. She looks back at him, gives him a wink and she feels her heart beat steadily for those two people.
She's home.
.
.
.
They love walking through Boston, strolling through the neigbourhoods when the weather's nice. April wants to get to know everything and Jackson is happy to follow her anywhere. Harriet walks in between them, her hands tucked safely into the hands of her parents. When they reach their favourite park, the little girl runs into one of her friends from school, there with her parents as well, and yes, of course, they'll stay for a little while.
April and Jackson settle on one of the benches and Harriet's quick to run off to the playground. She's talking animatedly to her friend, hands flying in every direction and she reminds Jackson so much of April. She looks just as beautiful as her mom too. He knows he's biased, but sometimes, he still can't believe they've made such an amazing child. He watches his girl for a while, laughs as he witnesses all her antics and wants to tell April that they really have the best kid, but notices she's distracted.
She's watching a couple at a distance. They're taking wedding photo's, the bride in a beautiful white dress that reminds him a little of April's first dress. She may not have picked that one for him, but boy, did she look beautiful then.
He catches her attention again with a hand on her leg. She turns to him, her face happy and full of love. Jackson nods in the direction of the couple,
"Maybe we'll get married again someday." He says. They haven't talked about it yet, and there's no rush at all, but he thinks back to their wedding and God, he loved becoming her husband.
April lets out a giggle, "Yeah? When we're old and wrinkly?" She offers, pictures him with a salt and pepper look and she's sure he'll still look sexy as hell.
Jackson laughs, intertwines their fingers and rubs circles on her hand with his thumb. "Why not? I have time. I'm not going anywhere." He's serious as he says it, and he's never been more sure about something.
April leans into him, her free hand comes to rest on his cheek as she presses her lips onto his. His ring used to be on her left hand, she loved that, maybe one day it will retake its place there. "I love you." She breathes and kisses him again.
He says it right back; promises himself that he'll never go a day without making sure she knows it.
And they do have time. They have a lifetime.