Note: So- like most of you all- I really liked Ymir and Historia's relationship during season two. That was before Ymir's death and Erehisu caught my attention, but... I still wanted to do a little something that paid tribute to my two favorite Hisu ships.
Historia is certain that there would be no shame in letting her tears fall here. However, she is aware that, as the queen, there is a certain level of decorum that is required, no matter how inconvenient.
She folds the letter- Ymir's last gift to her, a love note and a permanent farewell all in one- carefully and holds it close like the treasure it is.
"I'm sorry," she announces, careful to keep her tone measured and composed. "I know you have more questions. I'll be happy to answer them, but, for right now, I… I need a moment."
No one protests when she makes her hasty exit- not fast enough for her to miss seeing their questioning looks- of course, they still have questions after everything- but they all seem to understand that she needs this moment of privacy.
Historia appreciates that.
It's incredibly selfish of her- she should be thinking about her duties as queen, but she's also only human and a human being needs to grieve.
Once she's out of the room and out of sight, she can't stop the tears. She presses a hand to her mouth in an effort to stifle it.
It doesn't work and she slumps back against the wall, overtaken by breathless sobs.
It's unseemly of her and she can only hope that someone doesn't stumble onto her like this.
Not that she can bring herself to care.
Ymir…
She thinks back to the last time she saw her, right before she departed with Reiner and Bertholdt, back to whatever godforsaken place they had come from.
And now she knows for certain… Ymir is dead.
Even back then, Historia thinks that in her heart she had known that farewell would be their last, even if she hadn't wanted to accept it.
She realizes that she's holding the letter so tightly that it crumples in her hand. Carefully, she holds it in her palm, running her other hand over it to flatten out the creases.
Historia scans the words, committing them to memory, entombing them in her heart.
Ymir's death comes as no surprise to her. This closure is both a relief to her and the metaphorical tearing out of her heart.
She has no idea how long she sits there- long enough for her tears to have dried and for the heavy grief to settle into a deep and pulsing ache in her chest- before a presence makes itself known beside her.
"I came looking for you," Eren explains himself, though he has no need to.
Historia welcomes the thought of his company.
If there's one person she's willing to be vulnerable in front of while she mourns, it's him.
Eren slides down to the floor beside her. He lifts his arm and Historia accepts his invitation, leaning into his side and allowing him to pull her close.
He presses his lips to her hair. "I'm sorry," he murmurs.
"I know," she says softly, taking comfort in his closeness, "but it's not your fault."
It occurs to her that he might not see it that way.
The day she lost Ymir is the day they regained Eren.
"Ymir made her choice," she says, without a trace of bitterness. It had taken time- a lot of time- for her to wrestle over her feelings, for her to learn to leave that bitter part of herself behind, for her to stop wondering why Ymir had chosen them over her, but the important part was that she had left that piece of herself behind. "I need to respect that."
Ymir's letter is the painful ripping of a scab from an old wound, but at least it's a final reminder that Ymir truly loved her.
That what they shared was special.
Historia sighs, letting her head rest on Eren's shoulder.
Guilt over Ymir does not color her relationship with Eren- he's not a replacement for Ymir.
The Ymir she had known would be glad to see her safe and happy.
She has no regrets over moving on.
It's just… sometimes she wonders what it would have been like if she and Ymir had truly been allowed to have their happy ending.
My one regret… is that I never married you.
She inhales shakily.
"Stop," Eren says, firm enough that Historia raises her head. "Stop talking like I'm the one who needs to be comforted. I'm not the one who needs it."
He shifts and holds her a little tighter. Protectively. Almost possessively.
It doesn't end the pain, but it makes Historia feel safe.
She closes her eyes.