Waylaid

June 1204

It was supposed to have been an easy mission: go to Crossbell, check out the new mayor and the IBC, see how the DG Cult resolution turned out, maybe bother what remained of the SSS for a bit, hit the casino, have a drink or two, maybe get laid, then come home and gloat to Claire.

By all measures said mission had been a success, but Lechter was currently working on extracting himself from the fallout of his poor life choices involving the casino, some drinks, and a woman. He wasn't even sure of her name, and really didn't care to ask. Despite the drinks (and there were definitely more than two) he knew her name was not Kloe. He had called her Kloe at one point last night and received a confused expression and a slap. While the overall details were forgettable, he certainly remembered that part.

Normally he'd manage to sneak out before whoever he wound up with woke up, but this one turned out to be an early riser. He tried to feign sleep as she dressed, but she nudged him. "Let's go get breakfast."

"Y'know, I really need to get to the airport."

"You said you were in town for a few days."

Well damn. She had actually been listening to his lies the night before.

"Something came up."

Whoever she was, she wasn't going to let him off the hook as easily as he had hoped. But then, salvation came in the sound of his ARCUS ringing on the secured, only for emergencies line, and with the sound he had assigned to Claire. That would make this even better. For so many reasons.

Flipping it open, he put on the most endearing voice he could manage. "Oh hi honey! Sorry I didn't call last night. I hope the kids slept well!"

"Lechter?" Claire said on the other end of the line, clearly confused. "What the-"

"Oh, it's so great to hear your voice. Yes! I'm coming home as scheduled. Oh, you and the kids will meet me at the airport? Fantastic!"

Not Kloe scowled at him. "You're married? With kids?"

He held a finger to his lips to shush her as he continued talking on the ARCUS. "I love you, too! I'll call tonight, okay?"

Not Kloe grabbed her bag and threw something that nearly missed his head. As she slammed the door, he laughed.

Claire sighed. "You're hopeless, you know that?"

"Thanks for helping me."

"I'm not helping you."

"You helped me get rid of a problem right there."

"You create your own problems."

"At least I got laid. What did you do last night? Read a book? Listen to the radio? Oh I know-calculations!"

A very cheerful Millium jumped into the conversation before Claire could return fire. "What did Lechter need help with?"

"Nothing," Claire said through a frown that carried over the airwaves. "Though he'd really need even less help if he learned to be more discreet."

"Well, shit. You didn't tell me this was a conference call." Lechter rubbed his head, trying to alleviate the impending headache of alcohol, Millium's high pitched voice, and Claire in general.

"Language," Claire corrected. "This is actually a pretty serious matter. Perhaps you can screw your head on straight for five minutes?"

"What's up?" Lechter said, resigned to deal with whatever was serious enough to warrant a call with the group and on the special communication line.

"I'll let Millium explain," Claire said. "Before you ask, yes, the Chancellor has already been briefed and yes, he instructed me to call you." Her voice dropped flat when she added: "Apparently Millium tried to call you directly-"

"I did!" the youngest of the group shouted her interruption. Shouted. "But I guess you were too busy for me!"

"Yeah, busy," he muttered.

"Busy doing what?" Millium had to ask.

"Being himself," Claire said. Oh, she was not going to let him live this one down, was she? Fair enough, he probably deserved it. Not even probably-he definitely knew he had earned the disdain after the self centered misadventure he had created for himself over the past eight hours.

"All right," he said, finding his game face. "So what's the problem?"

Millium took a long breath and began a tale that was essentially one giant run on sentence of near confusion. "So I was hanging around Nord and these kids from that special military academy were there and they're really strong and me and Lammy fought with them but then we helped them because there were some terrorists trying to blow stuff up but we stopped them. I mean me and the kids from Thors! They had big missiles and shot the watchtower but we found them and then they got away and there was a big spider and it ate a guy."

"It ate a guy?" Lechter said, almost horrified. "Everyone else okay?"

"Yeah but the bad guys got away."

"Terrorists," Claire interjected. "Who were trying to ignite a war between us and Calvard."

"I'm on it," Lechter said, not even needing to hear more. "I'll have it settled in less than a day, and then we can meet for drinks. I'll even buy."

"I'm not your date," Claire said.

"You're not my type, but I'll still buy you a drink."

"What is your type?" Millium asked.

"Uh, not now, Short Stuff," he said with a sigh. "Claire, tell the Old Man I'm on it. This is nothing. I just need transport to Nord."

"I have an airship enroute for you," Claire said. "Assuming you can find the airport. Hint. It's not at the casino."

"Almost funny there. Almost."

She sounded exhausted, though normally she wouldn't let such things carry in her voice. It just solidified the gravity of the situation for him. "The Chancellor expects your best work on this one, Lechter. Terrorists cannot be allowed to operate within our borders, and even less so if they are being financed by the Noble Faction."

"Not that I take orders from you, but that was a fine pep talk. Seriously, don't worry. I got this," he said with a grin, and he meant it. "You still in Nord, Millium?"

"Yeah, been hanging around Garrelia Fortress! It's so cool!"

"Good, stay put. I'll meet you there when I'm done working my magic."

"Gotcha!"

"ETA on your airship is 45 minutes. You better get yourself to the airport," Claire said.

"I'm headed out the door right now. We good?"

"Yes," Claire said. "I'm sure you'll do fine. Somehow, you always do."

"Careful, Claire. A lesser man could think that was a compliment."

"Even you deserve them from time to time."

Before he could give a smart ass response, Millium interrupted with: "Hey Lechter?"

"Yeah?"

"What does 'got laid' mean?"

He could hear the smirk on Claire's face as she said: "This one's all yours, Captain." And, with that, she mercifully disconnected the call.

Well. Fuck.

Eight minutes for the shower of shame and a solid twenty minutes of coffee and craps at the casino yielded Lechter about fifteen minutes before the airship arrived. But damn, somehow, he had to find time to come up with an answer for Millium that wasn't going to cause his cheeks to turn as red as his hair. He was angry with Claire-she should be the one to handle this. It was definitely more girl talk than it was...whatever it was.

But answers could be given, even if they were not completely accurate. Right? Right.

And so, he shilled out quite a bit of mira for some flowers from a vendor near the airport. Another few mira for some string, and he had found something he could use to pass the time on his way to Nord.

Sitting in the transport ship, he grudgingly began sewing the flowers into a garland. It gave him something to do than gripe about why Claire sent a cargo ship for him rather than something with halfway decent seats. He noted to bother her about that when this was over. Among other things.

With the crisis averted, Lechter picked up Millium at Garrelia, and they made their way back to Heimdallr on Claire's terrible airship with the even worse seats. It was a whirlwind day, but those were the ones that make the best stories. Sometime, down the road, when he'd be allowed to tell them, that is. As they landed, he made a call to Claire, and she surprisingly agreed to meet the two of them for a late dinner.

"Less than a day. I impress myself sometimes," Lechter said, raising his drink.

Claire begrudgingly lifted her own. "At least someone's impressed."

"Calvard was all too happy to put this mess to rest. They've got problems of their own."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, my counterpart there is concerned about it. She'll be in Crossbell for the Trade Conference, too."

"You'll have to make sure things go well for the Chancellor."

"I'm already on it."

"Somehow, I doubt that."

"Doubt me?" he feigned insult. "Claire, I'm honestly wounded."

"You need a good wounding from time to time. You're too careless."

"Are you guys flirting?" Millium asked as she plunked a big straw into the beautiful milkshake the server had brought.

Despite both being caught off guard, in near unison they replied, "No!"

"Really?"

"Really, Short Stuff," Lechter said with a sigh. "She's like my sister."

"Exactly," Claire said. "Besides, he has a girlfriend."

"You do, Lechter!?"

"Girlfriend might be too strong of a word," he drawled. Whatever the relationship was, it wasn't ever really defined. Not that it mattered to either of them and it wasn't like they were exclusive or had explored any of the good things...yet.

"What's her name?" Millium asked between slurps of the milkshake.

He winked at her. "That's top secret."

"I have clearance!"

"Not for this."

"I'll bet Claire knows. If Claire knows and I don't, that's not fair!"

Claire smiled just as she pushed him under the proverbial train. "Her name is Kloe."

Lechter's eyes narrowed at her. "Thank you for that. Might as well as put it in the paper if you're gonna tell Millium."

"Aw, I can keep a secret!"

"You really need to on this one," he said, the seriousness in his voice causing Millium to stop drinking that milkshake for a split second.

"Oooh, a secret romance! You bet I can keep it quiet. I promise! Cross my heart!" She made the ridiculous gesture across her chest before turning back to her drink for a moment. "But why does it have to be secret?"

"It's...complicated," he answered. Yeah, that was the best way to describe it.

The food came and Millium didn't even try to chew with her mouth closed. "Oh, but she wasn't the lady who you were with this morning?"

"No, she wasn't," he answered, finding everything on his plate completely unappetizing all of a sudden.

"So who was that?"

"Ah, she's what you would call…" he said, struggling for a description that would satisfy Millium so this topic could find a quick death.

"A bad decision," Claire supplied, putting him out of his misery for the moment.

"Why is she a bad decision?"

"Because I'm full of them," Lechter said. Self degradation was better than where this conversation was headed, for sure. Another change of direction in the conversation was definitely in order, so he cheerfully asked, "tell us more about all the fun you had in Nord!"

Millium started to tell the story about how she met the kids from the military academy, and had even started giving their names and describing them, but then, she stopped.

Suddenly.
Mid sentence, even.

She looked at him, cheese from the pizza slice she was trying to eat running down her chin. "Oh! Lechter! Wait! You promised on the way home you'd tell me what 'got laid' meant!"

"Oh, I can't wait to hear this," Claire said, taking a sip of her drink.

Lechter nearly choked the bit of vegetable he was eating. Damn Millium for bringing that up in public. "How about when we get back to the office on that one?"

"No, you promised," she said with a pout. "You even said, 'I promise I'll tell you at dinner.'"

"I don't remember giving an exact time frame."

"Oh, you did! Don't try to get out of it!"

"Fine, here," he reached into his pocket and pulled out the garland of flowers he had sewn on his way to Nord. Though they'd been out of the light for at least half a day, they didn't look so bad. "Put that on."

"What is it?" Millium asked as she slipped it over her neck. "It smells pretty."

"Flowers from the south of Calvard. The people there sew them into necklaces and call them 'leis.' When you visit, they give you one as a greeting and then you can say you 'got laid!"

"But you were in Crossbell," Millium said.

He winked at her. "Oh, right. Well, I met someone from there and she gave me one!"

"Sounds fishy," Millium said.

"Very fishy," Claire added.

Millium crossed her arms over her chest and threw down a threat. "I think you're lying to me, Lechter. If you don't tell me the truth I'll start yelling in here and telling them that you got laid last night and that you have a secret girlfriend named Kloe!"

"Dammit," he said with a sigh, lowering his voice to a whisper. She had learned skills from him after all; causing a scene was something he excelled at along with extracting information. He should be proud, but wasn't pleased she was using the tactics on him. In public even. "Fine, I'll tell you what it means but you can't repeat it."

Millium leaned in close, ready to listen. Her eyes grew wide as Lechter used the anatomically correct terms to describe the act known as "getting laid."

When he leaned back, his face was indeed as red as his hair.

Claire took a very, very, long drink.

But it was Millium who broke the awkward tension with a shrill laugh. "I got you, Lechter!"

"What?" he said, looking around for a server. He needed another drink. Or three.

"I knew what it meant, but I got you to tell me!" Millium cackled at him. "I did what you said to do! You said to make people think I'm a kid and I don't know stuff and use that to learn things! Look! I did it. I beat you, Lechter! Are you proud of me!? Scarecrow 0, White Rabbit 1!"

Lechter nearly slammed his head down to rest onto the table, and Claire took the tiny umbrella from her drink and stuck it in his hair for an added measure of insult. He didn't even bother to swat it away, because in those moments of defeat, he couldn't say anything.

But there would be some kind of good natured revenge on Millium.
Somehow.
Someday.
And, he'd get Claire, too.