Switching Tactics

"Oh Maddie, I'm not getting anywhere with convincing Maddie to divorce that oaf Jack and marry me," Vlad lamented in one of his several living rooms, petting his cat in his lap. He sighed. "Maybe some illegal spying on the Fentons will cheer me up." Reaching for the remote, he turned to the secret channel his TV had.

Apparently he caught Danny and his family at an interesting moment. They were sitting down to have lunch.

In the time Vlad knew Jack and Maddie, neither of them seemed particularly skilled in the kitchen. Evidently that hadn't changed in the time he was recovering in the hospital or when they began to raise a family.

When he was just starting out his new life as a halfa, he had his fair share of trial and error when it came to making himself something to eat. It was then he discovered what happens when ectoplasm infects food. Since then, he had always taken extra caution when making a meal.

Given the kind of people that Jack and Maddie were, or just Jack at least since Maddie could do no wrong except marrying Jack instead of him, it did not surprise him in the least that their food got contaminated with ectoplasm too.

Danny and Jazz looked rightfully cautious as their parents' attempt at making spaghetti and meatballs turned into some giant spaghetti monster with meatball eyes and an ectoplasmic glow. Danielle, or Elle as she had taken to being called now, seemed to be entertained by the twist on their lunch.

As Vlad watched the family battle back the spaghetti ghost, the scheming part of his mind began to draft a new plan.

If he couldn't get Maddie to divorce Jack, perhaps there was another way to get the son he wanted. How did the old saying go? 'The way to a man's heart was through his stomach' or something like that?

Yes, Vlad could make this work nicely.

Time to start plan 33 for making Danny his son.

Danny, Sam, and Tucker approached Casper High as yesterday's lunch battle was retold. Sam and Tucker shook their heads.

"Your parents really have to stop storing their ectoplasm samples in the same place they store food," Sam said, "I mean, the only food I haven't seen gain ghost powers at your house yet is any sort of vegetable, and that's only because neither of your parents like them."

Tucker laughed. "Yeah, remember when your dad tried to grill hamburgers? The buns, man, the buns!"

"And yet none of that convinced you to swear off meat," Sam retorted, "even when that one bun made its way into your-."

"Ahem," a sharp cough interrupted the conversation.

The three teens turned and saw a limo parked by the school's curb. The window by the back seat was rolled down, and their esteemed mayor Vlad Masters was staring at them.

Danny rolled his eyes. "Oh great. What do you want, Vlad? It's a little early to be trying to kidnap me today, even for you."

Vlad dismissed the comment with a wave of his hand. "Not every meeting you and I have is going to conclude in a kidnapping attempt, Daniel." Grabbing something on the seat beside him, he held out a brown paper bag with Danny's name on it. "Here."

Danny made no move to take it. "What is that? Some kind of trap that's going to activate once I open it?"

The mayor shook his head. "No, no. I just figured since I know how terrible Jack and Maddie are at cooking and the lunch menu for today is undesirable, I figured you might want something actually edible. Given how many of our ghostly acquaintances love to come around and cause mayhem, you will likely need the energy."

"You made me lunch." Danny raised an eyebrow. "What's the catch?"

"No catch," Vlad replied, "just take the bag, will you? My arm is getting sore and I have to get to work."

Tucker took the bag on Danny's behalf. "I'll take it." His friends gave him a look. "What? He says there's no catch, and the menu for today does suck. Free lunch."

"Need I remind you that's for Daniel, and Daniel only," Vlad said sternly. Checking his watch, he frowned before giving the teens one last look. "Enjoy your lunch, little badger."

With that, Vlad rolled up the window and the limo drove away.

"What was that all about?" Sam asked her friends.

"I don't know," Danny said, taking the bag from Tucker and causing him to protest. He started walking into the school with his friends close behind. "Whatever stunt he was trying to pull, I'm not falling for it."

The paper bag went in the nearest trash bin they could find on their way to their lockers.

The next day, the trio found Vlad's limo parked outside the school again.

"Did you enjoy the lunch I made for you yesterday?" Vlad inquired from inside his vehicle.

Danny shrugged. "Don't know. I threw it away."

Vlad scowled deeply. "You threw a perfectly fine meal away?"

"Hey, it's your own fault for giving me many reasons not to trust you," Danny shot back, crossing his arms.

The mayor looked nearly ready to attack the boy with an ectoblast, but composed himself. "That is fair," he gritted out, "but I insist you give my cooking a try." He held out another bag. Thinking for a second, he pulled it back for a moment. "Do not throw this one away without trying it first."

Wary at Vlad's persistence, Danny took the bag.

"Actually enjoy lunch today, little badger," Vlad said before driving away. As the mayor left, the three friends stared at the bag skeptically.

This time, Danny actually held onto the bagged lunch until break time came.

"So, what does Vlad have in there, anyway?" Sam wondered.

"I guess we'll find out." Danny handed the bag to Tucker. "Open it."

He made a face of protest, but opened the bag anyway. "It looks like a ham and cheese sandwich, an orange, a bag of chips," Tucker listed as he pulled each thing out, grabbing one last thing. "And what looks like a little dish of guacamole for the chips."

Danny took the dish. "Huh. How'd he know I like guacamole?"

"The man has a hologram of your mother, and you think its creepy he knows what dip you like?" Sam quipped.

Tucker held up each item and examined them. "Nothing on the sandwich looks molded, and neither does the orange. The sell-by date on the chips is weeks away, so they should be good."

Danny popped open the guac. "Hand over the chips." They were slid over and he popped the bag open, taking one out and dipping it in the guacamole. He threw the chip in his mouth and chewed. He made a noise of surprise. "The guacamole recipe is actually pretty good. Pass the sandwich."

Sam held up a hand. "I'll take the orange."

Danny tried the sandwich, and again found himself shocked that it tasted good. "I guess Vlad was right. There was no catch." He shuddered. "Saying he was right leaves a bad taste in my mouth."

Other than Sam eating the orange, Danny ate the lunch Vlad had prepared. He did give Tucker a few chips along the way when the geek found it unfair he was eating cafeteria food.

"How was it?"

For the third day in a row, Vlad met the trio at the curb of the school in the morning.

"It was surprisingly good. Nice job on the guac," Danny said, shooting a finger pistol at the mayor.

Vlad smirked smugly. "I may be rich, little badger, but I also happen to know my way around a kitchen." He held out another bagged lunch. "Here."

Danny took the bag. "Another one? Okay, there has to be some kind of angle here."

"No angle, just being generous considering I know your parents' cooking habits from college."

"Right."

Lunch that day was a dish of pasta, a tiny side salad, and an apple. The side salad went to Sam, and Danny ate the rest.

The little routine went on for two weeks. Every lunch had something different; no combination was repeated twice. A few lunch breaks were interrupted by ghost fights, but Danny still ate what Vlad had given him.

On what would have been the beginning of the third week, Vlad passed another bagged lunch to Danny.

"You know, Daniel," Vlad said conversationally, "if I were your father, you could be eating like this regularly. No having to worry about ecto-contaminated food coming to life and attacking you, or anything like that."

"Yeah, maybe," Danny admitted, looking through the baggie.

Vlad let a tiny grin form on his lips.

Hook…

Line…

"But the world would go through another ice age sooner than I'd want you for a dad."

Sink- what?!

The mayor scowled at the teen. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means," Danny finished looking through the baggie and tossed it back into Vlad's limo, "that my parents may be lousy in the kitchen, but at least their love is unconditional and genuine."

"Are you suggesting mine wouldn't be?" Vlad snarled in defense.

Danny leveled a flat look at him. "You kidding? I've seen how you love my mom, and it is more twisted and loopier than a rollercoaster. You don't want a wife or a son to call your own; you want trophies you can rub in my dad's face."

"That's not-!"

"Oh yes it is, don't even lie. Thanks for the free lunches and all. I think I bulked up a little." Danny patted his belly and flexed his arms a bit to show the little thickness he gained. "But I think you should stop this little scheme of yours. Your public image might take a dive again if word got out you've been trying to tempt a minor with food."

The two enemies exchanged glares, eerily silent as they stared unblinkingly for five minutes straight.

The warning bell rang, signaling for students they had only a few minutes to get to their first class of the day.

Hearing the noise, Vlad finally said, "One day, little badger. You're going to be my son, and you will wish I were your father instead of Jack the moment we met."

Rolling up his window, Vlad's limo drove away from the curb.

Danny huffed as his nemesis left. "Fruit loop."

The young halfa made his way into Casper High, not in a hurry since he had been late hundreds of times before and figured this wouldn't be the last.

The End