Re:TIME
Natsuki Subaru was a hero known throughout Lugnica as the Margrave's favoured, the fabled slayer of the White Whale, and the conqueror of the Sin Archbishop of Sloth. He was a hero to those who knew him, and a legend to the masses.
But he was dying. Subaru desperately clutched at his missing eye as he stumbled down the stone corridors of Echidna's tomb toward Emilia towards salvation.
As he continued down the passage, his decayed mind descended into madness once more, his virulent thoughts infecting his psyche like a poison with every step he took toward the woman he loved.
I'm not a hero, he despaired. Heroes save people. Who am I, when I'm unable to save even a single person?! I'm useless, I'm worthless, and I'm weak.
I'm a failure! he screamed internally as he subconsciously tightened his grip around the cloth covering his eye, his jagged fingernails clawing at his hollow socket as he fell deeper into darkness. "I couldn't save Rem. She gave everything to save me, she gave her heart to saving me, devoted herself to helping me stand, but what can I repay her with? Nothing…" He whispered brokenly, the thought of being such a failure after all she had done to help him bringing great pain to him.
I should have been there for her. I should have fought to protect her like she would do for me, and I should have faced Gluttony. Even if the odds were against me, even if it was impossible, I should have fought him. But instead, I ran away, just like I always did. I'm a failure. He wrongfully blamed himself for the blue haired oni's demise as his mind shattered slowly.
"Emilia," he sobbed. "What about Emilia? I failed her more than anyone else, I let her die, I let her suffer, and for what?"
I failed her during the royal selection and practically decimated her chances of becoming Queen with my own incompetence. I embarrassed her in front of the other candidates and the nobility and I screamed at her without any regard for her feelings.
"I'm the worst," he laughed dryly. "No wonder she left me in the Capital."
Even after I gave it my all, I still failed. The trials broke her. I promised her that I would protect her, didn't I?
I told her countless times how much I loved her, and yet I can't help her at all, he realised. The only thing that I'm good for is causing her pain.
Ram, Otto, Petra, the villagers, the Sanctuary; why can't I do anything?! Why can't I protect them? The Great Rabbit, Roswaal, Garfiel, Echidna, Elsa, I want it all to disappear. He begged internally.
I can't take much more of this. All of the pain, all of the suffering, it's tearing me apart.
"I'm sorry, mum and dad," he wept in anguish. "I tried, I really did, but it wasn't enough. It never will be."
"How could a worthless parasite like me save them? I can't..."
Beforehe could fully give in to his despair, he was torn from his hateful thoughts by the voice of an angel. Emilia.
"Subaru!" He heard a cheer, he hadn't even recognised that he had made his way back to the tomb.
"Emilia?" He called out, confused by the tone of her voice.
"That's right, Subaru. It's me." She said with a happy and child-like voice.
Subaru's entire form began to feel weak as he collapsed and fell on Emilia's shoulder, but it only seemed to excite the half-elf even more as she hugged him tightly.
"S-Sorry…" Subaru said weakly, the half-elf only smiled and hugged him in return.
As this was happening all Subaru could think about was that he had failed her. The girl who took him in, gave him shelter, the girl who saved him. He couldn't even save Emilia. He couldn't even do anything right. All he did was bring suffering and death. The only thing he's good for is dying over and over just to fail them again and again.
"I was so lonely, Subaru. You just went away and left me behind"
"N-No, I didn't…" Subaru tried to plead with her.
"You don't need to make excuses silly. I forgive you. After all, I know you would never leave me behind." Emilia says with a crazed smile that haunted Subaru to no end.
"I was right after all, you came back to me, Subaru. I never stopped believing in you for a second," Emilia said lovingly, which sent a shiver up Subaru's spine.
She began playful rubbing Subaru's hair, getting great pleasure from her hands patting the top of his head.
"You know how you always enjoy patting my head Subaru? Let me return the favor," she said as she lovingly stroked his head.
Subaru couldn't process what was happening. How did it turn out like this? Behind everything, there was nothing more than a sad teenager trying his best. Behind Emilia's seemingly happy face, there was torment and insanity.
As he was in the middle of his thoughts, Emilia looked up at him to speak once more showing her eyes. Eyes of pure madness, They were void of any emotion, and sense of normality, they were the eyes of someone who's lost it all, Someone empty.
"I thought maybe you'd actually gotten sick of me." as she continued to stare at him, her eyes looking like they were piercing his soul.
"So I was really, truly happy when you showed up!"
Subaru kept staring at her in shock. Why was she speaking like this? This wasn't Emilia. She'd never speak so… openly to him.
Then, she revealed just how insane she truly was.
"I love you, Subaru!"
This was the final straw for him, his mind was crumbling. He couldn't take it anymore. He had to leave this place and find out what had happened to her. As he exited the tomb he let Emilia take his tracksuit sweater promising to come back to her. Upon reaching the outside he was met by the familiar face of a blonde sharp fanged brat.
As Subaru was walking in the cold snow, a voice reached out to him.
"Hey, what's up with your left eye? Where the hell'd you leave it? And where's the princess?"
Garfiel questioned Subaru.
Subaru stopped dead in his tracks.
"If you mean Emilia… she said she loved me," Subaru said in a defeated tone.
"Huh?" Garfiel was confused as to what Subaru meant.
"She said she loves me." Subaru repeated. "And as long as she has me, she doesn't need anything else."
Hearing this Garfiel was getting pissed as he was glowing red.
"You bastard..." he growled at Subaru.
"With that cute face, in that cute voice," Subaru continued not caring for the raging Garfiel behind him.
"So close that we could've melted together… That's what she said."
Garfiel was getting angrier and angrier by the second he was hearing this man's bullshit.
"You think this is the time for-"
"There's no way Emilia would say she loves me!" Subaru yelled.
Garfiel was puzzled watching the once silent and dull man lash out.
"Like there's any chance she'd ever say that," Subaru said.
"That she doesn't need anything else…" He trailed off for a moment, thinking back to the haunting moment. "Never"
"Wh-What are you-" Garfield was very confused on what the man was whining about in front of him, just what was he trying to say?
Subaru fell to his knees continuing his speech.
"If only Puck was by her side...There's no way she would fall all over me like that." Subaru sounded like he wanted to cry, to scream and tell the world of his pain but he couldn't.
"Someone pushed her to the point that she had no choice but to rely one me."
"So that's why there's snow everywhere?!" Garfiel yelled, pulling on Subaru coller.
"Drag the half-witch out here! If ya can't do that-."
"Bring Emilia out here and stop the snow? Subaru finished Garfiel's sentence.
"I can't do that." Subaru explained.
"Why the hell not?!" Garfiel complained.
Subaru looked Garfiel in the eyes and said.
"Emilia's not the one who's making it snow. It's someone else".
"Someone else?!" Garfiel looked shocked.
Subaru with a hint of pure anger in his eyes said.
'Where is Roswaal?"
Garfiel looked shocked by the boy's words and threw him into the snow, as if he were a mere piece of trash.
Subaru raised himself from the ground.
"Getting an answer out of him is the last goal I need to reach in this world." He said quietly, hiding what he was saying from the blonde boy behind him.
His eyes held no hope for a future. However, he was Natsuki Subaru, so he would forcibly create that future, no matter how many tries it takes.
The walk to Roswaal's makeshift home was silent, save for the crunching of their feet on the snow, neither boy wanting to talk to the other.
For Subaru, it was unnecessary, this loop wouldn't be completed anyway.
For Garfiel, it was unnecessary, he just wanted to walk into that clown's room, beat him into submission, and keep the sanctuary safe.
"Well, well. What an unusual pair you two make." Roswaal commented with a smirk as the duo made their way into his room.
"You're the one making it snow in the sanctuary aren't you Roswaal?" Subaru said flatly and plainly as if it were a fact.
Roswaal's smirk faded as he looked at the black haired boy.
"Subaru-kun, did you hear that from me?" The clown asked, voice cold and devoid of all playfulness.
Subaru looked shocked by the clown's question.
"Hmm… I see." He continued, "I see. How unfortunate."
Garfiel's glare intensified as he stated hateful at the clown.
"You're not gonna deny it?!" He yelled in disbelief, his hand forming a fist.
"I could feign ignorance, but you two clearly have some grounds for asking me this, so I suppose I shall respect that." The clown's voice remained devoid of his usual chirp.
Garifiel scoffed. "Thanks a whole damn lot!" He yelled angrily. "Maybe I oughta show a little respect for your stupidity too!" He said, moving forward to attack the clown.
Out of nowhere a flash of pink flew across the room to stand protectively in front of Roswaal.
"I will not allow you to insult Roswaal-sama." Ram warned, annoying the boy in front of her.
Garfiel took a step toward her, their faces inches apart.
"This is no time for you to butt in!" He spat.
"It's you who needs to back off Garf!" She countered with just as much venom.
"I dont wanna have to take this out on you." The boy warned. Unsurprisingly Ram's glare remained cold and firm.
Until both of their eyes widened.
A disgusting squelch sounded throughout the room as blood splattered everywhere, grunts of pain coming from Garfiel.
"Ram…" The now standing clown began. "You truly are an excellent servant." He complimented as his hand protrudes through her and into Garfiel.
Blood leaked from Garfiel's mouth as he tried to remain upright, a hateful glare aimed at Roswaal.
Roswaal removed his hand from Garfiel, letting him fall with a loud thud as blood poured from his body.
The boy clenched his chest in pain.
Ram looked wide eyed at her master, his hand still inside of her chest.
"Ros-" she began, only to be cut off.
"I am a man of my word." Roswaal claimed, looking down at the weak girl. "I shall offer this soul to you." He said with a slight smirk before removing his hand from her, letting her fall to the ground.
Subaru could only state in horror as he watched the pink maid's form fall to the floor.
Garfiel caught her, as if to make her death less painful, and immediately began using healing magic as he muttered her name in despair.
His beast blood began to pump through his veins as his rage reached a tipping point.
"Ram!" He yelled.
And those were the last words he would ever say in this timeline, as Roswaal's foot kicked his head, making it explode into nothing more than a pool of blood.
"I cannot have you transforming here." He told the corpse.
Subaru continued to stare at the scene in complete horror, all he could think of was that this couldn't be the successful loop.
"Now, in accordance with my vow, shall we talk, Natsuki Subaru-kun?" The clown said, as if nothing had happened.
Garfiel's blood remained glued to the black haired boy's face as he looked down at the two bodies on the floor with a haunted look in his eye.
His mouth opened and closed, trying to find the words to say in this situation, only to come up short.
"Why did you kill them?" was all he could mutter.
"They were interfering with our discussion." The man replied simply. "It was an awful thing to do to Ram but had I not created an opening, I had little chance of defeating him."
"Huh?" Was all the nearly broken boy could whisper as he turned his gaze to the clown.
"An unexpected reaction," Roswaal noted. "I have always known you as the type to blindly fly into a rage in situations such as these." The magician said, a slight smile adorning his face.
Subaru's fist clenched tighter as he glared at him.
"What are you getting at, you bastard?" He muttered lowly "there's no way I'm gonna…" his muttered insults were cut off as the magician's eyes sharpened into a glare.
"Let me get away with this?" Roswaal finished.
Subaru looked surprised by the man's words.
"Stop… stop looking at me like that!" He yelled angrily, raising his fist "who the hell are you?!" His voice regained its life as he yelled at the man with hatred. "You killed them, you said all that about the witches cult… you've been dodging me over and over! He yelled in pure rage.
The clown smirked in victory.
"Over and over? Yes over and over, Subaru-kun." Subaru's eyes widened as a noise of pure disbelief escaped him. "Very well. Since you do not understand, I will explain it to you as if I do." Roswaal began "You feel no grief over their death. You feel shock and indignation, but no grief. Is this not because you feel that this is something you can undo?" He questioned the boy, who remained paralysed in shock.
"You knew?" Subaru asked, horrified.
"Showing this will most likely be the fastest way to explain." Roswaal told him as he walked over to his bed, he reached into the pillows and pulled out a black book that Subaru was familiar with. "It is not a gospel." Roswaal said quickly. "Not one of those defective texts, but the genuine article, of which only two exist." He said, almost sounding proud.
"You have one, too?" Subaru murmured as he stared at the book in horror.
"It appears I shall not need to explain what is in the book or who has the other one." Roswaal spoke with a smile, putting the book down. "Judging from your expression, I assume Beatrice succeeded in fulfilling her dearest wish to disappear?"
Subaru looked even more insulted as his glare intensified.
"Her dearest wish?" He muttered, voice still weak. "That was… dying like that was her dearest wish?! Is that what you're saying?!" He yelled in despair and disbelief.
"That is what she wanted." Roswaal answered simply. "I envy her. It would seem that I am incapable of fulfilling my dearest wish."
"What is it you want to do? Why are you like this?!"
"I cannot say. I have made a vow of my own. I will however, say this. I am constantly doing my utmost to fulfil my dearest wish. All of my schemes, my inhumanity, and the assistance and backing I offer are for that purpose."
"You're following that book, too?" Subaru asked, looking out the window to see the snow falling to the ground. "Is this snow in the book too, then?! Did it tell you to make snow fall?!" The young man yelled accusingly as he pointed out the window. "Why?!" He screamed.
"Why else? To isolate Emilia-sama." Roswaal answered with a smirk.
Subaru seemed to deflate hearing this, letting out a noise of pure confusion.
"An unseasonal snowstorm where she happens to be, in a place with a deep connection to the witch. Garfiel would condemn her, the villagers have experience with cold spells. Emilia-sama would then be isolated and become emotionally unstable." He said simply.
"Are you…" Subaru began, but didn't have the chance to finish before Roswaal spoke up once more.
"And you could never distance yourself from her if she were to lean on you."
"So that's why you did that to my letter?" Subaru questioned.
"Letter?" Roswaal said, confused by the mention of a letter, he quickly shook it off and returned to his long winded speech. "In any case, your current self cannot bring about the future indicated in the text. If there is a discrepancy, it must be corrected." Roswaal said as he began moving toward Subaru.
"Are you going to kill me?"
"Killing you would be putting the cart before the ground dragon. No matter what happens to you, I need you ready to try again at the next opportunity." Roswaal finished his approach as he now stood before a dumbfounded Subaru. "I cannot kill you, but there are other things I can do. Am I wrong?" Roswaal's fist found its way into Subaru's stomach, knocking the wind out of him and dropping him to the floor. "Considering the future you and I share, this may not be a very smart way to do things."
Roswaal began brutalising the poor boy, kicking him while he was on the floor relentlessly. In the face, in the chest, anywhere the man's foot could get, it would kick, drawing blood as he beat him without any care in the world.
This was his final task in this timeline.
Roswaal kicked Subaru through a chair, leaving the boy lying as a beaten mess in pain, as blood trickled from various areas and bruises littered his body.
"Even after all this, you have no mind to start over?"
"Roswaal… You're talking about starting over, but planning what you do to someone based on the assumption that they'll start over is insane."
Roswaal looked out the window to see hundreds of rabbits staring hungrily at him.
"It appears our discussion is over." He said, somewhat regretfully. "Goa!" Within a second the rabbit that had burst through the window burst into flames. "I see, I see. So this is how it ends."
Roswaal threw himself and Subaru out of the window and into the blistering cold, Subaru falling face first and rolling.
Subaru struggled to get off the ground as the rabbits surrounded him and Roswaal.
"The great rabbit? But it's only the second day…" He muttered weakly.
"It is likely due to this snow."
"Daphne said the great rabbit is drawn to large amounts of mana… Roswaal, I'm calling a truce for now." Subaru said as he found his way to his feet, standing side by side with the man who had brutalised him. "We have to meet up with Emilia and get everyone outside!" Roswaal remained unmoving as Subaru spoke.
"And how shall we do that? Until the trial is completed, those in the sanctuary cannot leave the barrier." Roswaal said, moving forward, toward the horde of rabbit's.
"I'm not finished yet!" Subaru yelled, gripping his side with his hand. "You might think it can wait until next time, but…"
"You seem to be mistaken about one thing, Subaru-kun." The clown turned to him with a smirk. "Perhaps you can start over, but I cannot. My present self will end here. But that is fine. Another me, one who is not myself, will be there after you start over. So long as that me fulfills my goal one day, it makes no difference." The rabbit's made their way to where Roswaal stood as Subaru looked at him in disbelief.
"That's not how any normal human thinks." Subaru commented, Roswaal closed his eyes and let his smirk turn to somewhat of a smile.
"The day will come when you truly catch up to me." He said, almost like a disappointed father. "Listen to me, Subaru-kun. There is one thing that is truly the most precious to you. You must get rid of everything but that, and think of nothing but protecting that one most precious thing. "Roswaal continued, uncaring about the fast approaching rabbit's.
Subaru watches in horror as Roswaal stood there, accepting his fate.
"By doing that…" A rabbit took a bite out of his shoulder, leaving Roswaal to stumble slightly, quickly overrunning him, leaping at his form and taking many bites out of him.
"Roswaal!" Subaru screamed, even if the man had caused so much pain, he was a key part to help Subaru.
"... You become like me." The clown finished as he let the rabbits kill him painfully.
Subaru stood for mere seconds as the rabbit's overtook the mage, before running to the witches tomb.
Some rabbits had managed to take bites out of several parts of him, leaving him a bleeding mess with a set time limit on his current life. His leg was being gnawed on as he shook the hungry hare out of his limbs.
His vision was blurry as he walked through sanctuary, and eventually inside the tomb, panting for breath as his torn body carried him to his one last shining beacon of hope.
Emilia, although broken, was the last person Subaru wished to see.
"Subaru?" The shattered girl questioned as she turned to the man she relied on so heavily.
No words left the dead man walking.
"It is you, Subaru!" The girl cheered standing up and throwing his jacket to one side as she raced to him.
In a blink she was in front of him with a wide smile and hollow eyes.
"Gosh, where have you been?" She asked, not receiving a response. She took his hand, the smile never leaving her face. "I was so worried."
Subaru weakly turned his gaze to his blood covered and mutilated hand, held so carefully in her soft and slim hand.
Emilia moved to be the centre of his attention.
"Are you exhausted?" She asked him.
Subaru could only blink, unable to form words, the light leaving his dead eyes as she giggled.
"I see! All right, then." She said as she ran back to the middle of the room.
"Subaru! Subaru!" When Subaru forced his eyes open at her call, he saw he patting her lap invitingly with a smile.
"You really like resting on my lap, right?" Subaru placed his head on her lap, finding no joy in the sensation.
He closed his eyes as she placed a hand to his face.
"Subaru, are you sleepy?" She asked as she stroked his face lovingly.
He forced his eyes open, struggling even to do such a simple action, and looked at the smiling girl above him.
His blood was spilling all over her lap and the floor as the many bite marks on him released insane amounts of the red liquid.
Natsuki Subaru would die soon.
"Don't force it." She instructed. "You're always pushing yourself too hard for other people's sake." She said.
"It gives me mixed feelings." She muttered, not taking her eyes away from him. "I only want you to push yourself too hard for me." She told him with an insane smile. "But I wouldn't like a Subaru who never looked at anyone else. I'm sorry. I'm so selfish, aren't I?" Subaru blinked, unable to respond to her as the light faded from his eye.
Emilia let out a soft giggle at his actions, before leaning down to the dying man, a man who barely counted as a man past all of the holes in his skin and mind.
A broken man and a broken woman alone in a tomb.
And the last thing Subaru felt in his life, was the cold and unsatisfying feeling of her lips on his.
A kiss of death.
A kiss of insanity.
A kiss of codependent need.
And a kiss he wished never happened.
Before it all faded to black, his worst loop yet.
Subaru woke up to the familiar cold floor of the tomb, this same floor he always meets after a gruesome death in the sanctuary. He saw Emilia laying there scared looking so desperate for help, but… he couldn't look at her the same he quickly got up and ran away. How could he look her in the eye after he failed her horribly letting her become twisted and insane.
Tears began forming in his eyes as the thought of the previous loop horrified him.
"I'm s-sorry, I'm so sorry." Subaru cried for the people he had failed.
He ran away from the tomb, stopping near the middle of the forest sitting down. His thoughts were the only thing that mattered.
I'm worthless. He screamed internally.
I really can't do anything.
I'm a failure that's all I ever was.
"lWhat do I do please, can anyone tell me what I can do?"l
In his thoughts of despair Subaru's mind cracked and a smile of pure insanity was stitched on his face he would tell them about return by death.
As he walked he didn't care if the witch would kill him or his friends, as long as he could scream his pain at them he would be happy.
"Barusu." A familiar maid called at the boy.
Ram could see something was wrong with Subaru. He wasn't looking like the disgusting pervert that he was, he looked insane, mad, sheer lunacy shining through his eyes. She unconsciously took a step back and had her guard up.
"Ram!" Subaru called out joyfully.
"What are you doing, you pathetic man. Is your mind so far gone Barasu?"
"Ahh yes, me, the pathetic man. What am I doing?"
He put his finger on his chin pretending to think deeply about her question.
"Ha, judging by your face I could tell it's something perverted." Ram scoffed as she looked on with annoyance at the black haired boy, wondering in her mind why he seemed so off, compared to the Natsuki Subaru she knew of.
"Yes a pervert, anyway Ram I would like you to schedule a meeting with everyone at Roswaal's room. There is something important we all need to discuss."
"Why should Ram waste my time doing your request disturbing Roswaal's rest, my lord is injured and needs to be in repose."
Ram was very worried the face Subaru had was not like him and now he wants to set up a meeting with everyone.
"Ram I assure you this is to all in the best interest for everyone." Replied the boy whose eyes glinted with a maniacal light. Who was trying to stiffen an insane giggle trying to escape through his lips.
Ram then looked deep in thought about Subaru's request.
"Alright Barusu, I shall get everyone"
"Excellent." Subaru said.
Later that evening, everyone arrived at Roswall's room, as Subaru had requested. Right in front of him, alive and well, were Emilia, who was still shaken up by the trial, Ram, Garfiel, Roswaal, and Lewes.
Subaru smiled as he saw all of them and he smiled; he would finally yell at them, cry at them, tell them all the pain and suffering he's been through.
Getting eaten by rabbits, stabbed, suicide, the whole deal. He would tell them how much he suffered for them and show them how useless he is.
Then Emilia would feel disgusted knowing what a fake Subaru is and kick him out. Finally Subaru could rest knowing they hate him and won't feel guilty about not saving people who hate him. That's all he wanted. He wanted to stop this trauma and live his life.
"Barusu, I have brought everyone as you asked."
"Oi what's this all about?" Garfiel questioned.
"S-Subaru is there something you need?" A soft voice spoke.
Emilia was still shaken due to failing the trial.
"Yes Natsuuuuuki Subaru what was this sudden meeting called for?" A voice of a clown called annoying Subaru to no end.
"Well ladies and gentlemen I am glad you could all make it as we have something to discuss."
Many of the members looked at him wondering as to what he would say.
"Now many of you know me as Subaru Natsuki, a normal boy who always ends up doing the impossible."
Many of the members wondered where this conversation was going but Subaru continued.
"Now some of these situations I know you ask how does this normal boy do it. A boy with no powers taking on the great mabeast known as the white whale and even beating the Sin archbishop of Sloth."
Many were looking at him dumbfounded as they did have these sorts of thoughts like Ram and Emilia as they did hear stories on how Subaru fought the white whale but always had their doubts on how people described the battle.
Garfiel on the other hand was very confused as to why this man was coming here wasting his time bragging about beating the white whale and a witch cult member even if that sounded badass.
"I can see you guys are confused as to why I brought this up, well today I am going to tell you how I do the things I do, how a normal boy like me could do the impossible." Subaru explained.
As Subaru looked around he could tell the audience was interested, especially a clown in the back who had the widest smile Subaru could ever think was possible.
"U-Uh Subaru I'm not sure what this means." Emilia said.
"I agree with lady Emilia. What is the point, Barusu? What are you trying to say?"
Subaru smiled.
"Well my dear Emilia and Ram I am going to tell you about my secret ability."
This caught everyone's attention, even Garfiel as he had doubts on Subaru, and now he learns he has a secret ability, nothing wrong with staying and finding out information on someone who could be dangerous to the Sanctuary.
"Subaruuuuuuuuu what is this secret ability you speak of?" Roswaal spoke up clearly excited for the news.
Subaru looked distasteful at the clown as he hoped the witch of envy would tear him from the inside out.
"Yes Subaru what is this secret ability?" Emilia spoke out innocently.
It was time, Witch of Envy or not it was time to tell them and if they died he would just reset that's all he was good for.
"Well I guess it's time." Subaru spoke out.
"The reason I was able to do the impossible was because I could RETURN BY DEA-."
The world froze.
The same feeling from when Subaru told Emilia about return by death.
He wasn't surprised. This was bound to happen.
But something was wrong he would usually be frozen, unable to move but he could now his body was free, and the bloody corpses he expected to see were just frozen in place.
"What the fuck?" Subaru said in confusion.
Subaru was looking at the frozen audience in place as he tried to understand what was happening.
All of a sudden he could feel a chill up his spine like something formed behind him. He could feel it.
Subaru dared not look back as he could feel the figure walking closer and closer. Finally close enough that it wrapped its arms around him and whispered.
"I love you, Subaru Natsuki." These words echoed through the room.
A feeling of fright and love began to form inside his heart, clashing as if they were two planets colliding.
"I love you, my beloved." The figure continued whispering her love into him like water in a glass, and Subaru was getting full.
He knew who this was, the thing that gave him Return by death, the thing that brought him into this world, a world so cruel and cold, just like the fingers she used to move around his body, feeling every inch of him as if he was the most precious thing in the world.
"I love you, I love you so much." She repeated. "I love you more than anything, I love you more than life itself."
At this point Subaru was losing it, him being loved.
That's the stupidest thing he ever heard. Him being capable of being loved, that's impossible.
He quickly pushed away from her grasp and turned around to look at her.
There he saw a woman of shadows staring at him, the only visible feature was her mouth as her eyes were covered by shadows.
She looked emotionless, empty, but Subaru could feel the love she had for him even if he couldn't see her face.
"Don't think like that my beloved. You are more deserving of my love than anybody in this world."
She tried to reach out but he kept moving away and stared at her in shock and anger directed at not her but himself.
"ME, DESERVING OF LOVE?! HA! THAT'S THE GREATEST JOKE I'VE EVER HEARD!"
"My beloved you do so much for those around you, you deserve to be loved." She said softly.
Subaru was not accepting whatever this witch was saying, he knew it wasn't true.
"No way in hell do I deserve any love, pity, or mercy." He spat
"Don't you see? I failed them all, I let them die so many times." He muttered, the bite in his tone dying down as his voice cracked.
Satella wanted to talk back but Subaru wasn't finished.
"I'm a worthless scum that's always a nuisance for everyone. All I ever did was cause them great pain and suffering. Even with the power to come back from the dead over and over I still can't do anything. I'm weak, I'm filthy, I don't deserve anything good, I don't deserve love, I deserve all their hate. All the world's hate should be directed to me. This worthless man because that's all I can do is fuck up the world. Don't you understand woman? All I'm good for is dying to save them and I can't even do that right. I dragged them all into a room knowing they would die but I was selfish because I didn't want to be in pain."
Subaru fell on his knees holding his hand over his eyes as he began to cry in front of her.
"I couldn't save them no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't save Rem from falling to Gluttony, I couldn't save Emilia when she went insane, I can't even protect the sanctuary without dying a gruesome death and letting the villagers die."
Subaru cried, he was in a mess of tears staining the floor and his clothes.
"All I ever want is to know I saved one person, that this pathetic man was able to do something, to be able to save someone. Is that too much to ask for?"
Satella hearing this was in deep sadness by her beloved's pain. She knew he was upset, scared, terrified but seeing him cry now in front of her was causing Satella great grief. She needed to show him that he did save someone. He protected her from a dark faith, he showed her light in her darkest moments, With newfound determination she would be the one to save her beloved.
"Subaru" she called out sweetly.
Subaru looked up at Satella, awaiting her response.
"My beloved you really can be an idiot sometimes." She whispered sweetly, a hint of annoyance in her voice.
"You only ever look at the negatives in your actions, only ever think about the times you failed."
"Why won't you ever look at the positives?"
"You saved the half elf from the bowel hunter, you saved the blue oni from her frozen heart, you defeated the white whale, a being that caused pain to thousands for 400 years, you defeated the sin Archbishop of Sloth. You think you can't live up to your parents and say you don't deserve them, and that they should hate you, but what gives you the right to tell them how they should feel about you? They always supported you and loved you because they knew you were someone amazing, that there was someone amazing in you, a kind boy who cares for all and tries his best to help others. And finally you saved me, you saved a monster who didn't deserve mercy. A monster who should have been better killed." She poured her heart out to him as tears fell from both of their eyes.
Satella knew she was getting to him as she could see the light returning in his eyes.
Subaru looked shocked, as he had no one to tell him this. He never had anyone to say he was loved, he never had anyone to make him have second thoughts about how he views himself, she even made a point about his parents, how could Subaru deny his parents' love for him but after all that. The ending is what shook him the most. How did he end up saving someone who's considered the most evil thing in the world? And why was he feeling love for her?
"I saved you?" Subaru asked, clearly confused on what she meant.
"Yes." Satella cried with tears in her eyes.
"Even if you don't understand, you did save me, my beloved."
After four hundred years, she would finally show him the love she held for him.
"But how do I know this is all true, how do I know you're not lying?"
Satella smiled as she took his hand to remove the veil over her head.
When the veil was removed Subaru saw her, he saw Satella with beautiful silver hair, gorgeous lavender eyes and a smile that screamed love that was directed at a wonderful fool of a boy. She looked like Emilia but Subaru could see that this wasn't Emilia, he expected to see a devil but instead saw an angel, he should be mad at her for bringing him here, but all he could feel was unimaginable love for the girl in front of him.
"You're asking me to prove my love to you Subaru?"
"Well I would like to know the truth, as you are the reason I am here and you're saying you love me when I've never met you."
Satella sighed happily as she would finally get to do something she wanted to do for four hundred years.
"If you want to know the truth then don't dodge." She said with a grin spread across her tear stricken face.
Subaru stared dumbfounded for a moment, before his mind caught up with the situation.
He made no move to stop what was coming, merely sitting there, waiting.
As their lips were brought together, a sense of warmth was brought over Subaru.
He could feel all the love and joy she had for him, the sadness when she wasn't around Subaru, the grief for losing him, Subaru could feel it all as their lips made contact.
This was a kiss of hope.
They stayed in that position for a while as both would savor the kiss. Satella was overjoyed at finally kissing her beloved, while Subaru's confusion slowly turned into acceptance as he brought her deeper into the kiss, which Satella couldn't be more than happy to do so. Their tongues clashed as the heat of the moment was amazing for both of them. Sadly all good things must come to an end as they parted for air, a trail of saliva followed suit.
"Wow for someone as cold as you are, kissing you felt great." Subaru commented, still confused by the past few hours of his pitiful life.
"Well I enjoyed it as well S-Subaru." Satella was blood red as she didn't expect her lover to accept the kiss and even go deep as to collide tongues. If there was any room left in her heart, Subaru just snatched it all.
"Satella." Subaru called out. "I know, well I can see that you love me but you still didn't tell me something."
"Why do you love me? I can feel my love for you, but we have never met before. Can you please tell me?" The boy asked desperately.
Satella looked at him a bit worriedly.
She could tell him the truth.
But then if she did and Subaru accepted it he would go on ends to save her and she didn't want him to suffer for her sake, but looking into his eyes she knew he deserved the truth.
"Subaru." Satella called out.
This caught Subaru's attention.
"I will tell you the truth under some circumstances."
"Okay what are these conditions?" He answered instantly. He wanted, no, needed to know.
"Don't freak out please? And If I tell you the truth about me, don't go crazy apologizing as none of what I'm about to tell you is your fault." She told him, somewhat panicked by the idea of telling him her story.
"O-Okay, I will meet these conditions, Satella-tan."
Satella was happy he would understand but was way more focused on the tan honorific, as she loved that he gave her the honor of being called Satella-Tan.
"Subaru, you came to Lugunica 400 years ago." she stated, waiting for his reaction of shock only to find a straight face instead.
Subaru honestly was a bit surprised but he remained calm as that would explain the whole thing about her acting like she knows him and loves him, and thinking about it now he got isekai, so really nothing should be surprising at this point.
"You didn't freak out," she mumbled, feeling relieved by his reaction. She quickly shook her head to remain on topic. "yes, you were brought here four hundred years ago, and you were just as clueless and handsome as you are now. You were lost and confused as to what happened, and that's where I came in. You see, you landed in a flower field that I lived near, and that's when I saw you. I was surprised as usually the flower garden was empty, a place I would go to when I felt low. I was cautious at first, but I went to greet you, and you flirted with me, just as you did now." She recalled fondly.
Satella smiled as she remembered the moment she met her beloved.
Subaru listened, curious as to what would happen.
"As I was saying, we met at the flower field and introduced ourselves. Now you were alone and confused, and I could tell as you didn't understand basic history or writing. So I couldn't let you go off into the real world, so I offered to let you stay with me. There I talked with you, and you started talking about your family and home. I was confused as your world seemed very different from ours, and when I asked where you were from you just replied very far away."
As she was thinking Satella realized her time was running out as the more she talked about her past the more envy was getting irritated that the man they loved was in front of them, and screamed that they should just claim him there. But Satella wouldn't allow this moment to be ruined after she kissed her beloved and earned his trust.
"A-ah Subaru I'm kinda gonna have to summarize this, my time is running out." She said nervously, sounding panicked as she sped through her sentences.
"Alright Satella-tan" He replied as he understood she didn't have forever.
"We spent some time together, spent many fun times together, shared great secrets with one another. We were very close, but then you disappeared. I was so confused and scared, you were the first person I was ever close to. I-I panicked, I didn't know what to do, I just wanted to see you again. I hated being alone, you had filled that void when you arrived, but when you disappeared it got worse." She summarised through a shaky voice and tears, confusing the boy as key details were left out of the improvised explanation.
Subaru was dumbfounded. On one hand she fed him great amounts of information, but the details left out left him more confused then when they began.
He needed to know more.
"W-Wait Satella-tan you just went way too fast there. What do you mean I disappeared?" He panicked, waving his hands around in an attempt to coax her into explaining in more detail.
Satella was clearly upset about the moment Subaru disappeared as she hated the memory of losing her love but she had to tell him, she had to be strong.
She took a deep, shaky breath as she tried to stop her tears from falling.
"Subaru, I can't explain it to you, but all I can say was I was selfish. I lost you and made so many mistakes while trying to get you back, I was blinded by grief." She sobbed.
"All I need you to know Subaru, is that I love you more than anything in this world."
Subaru was about to speak when satella put her finger on his lips.
"And one day you must come and kill me."
Subaru hearing those words couldn't accept them, instead he found a new goal as he took her hand, surprising Satella.
"Satella, I will definitely save you." He declared with more resolve than ever before.
He would save her, no matter the cost.
The dam broke as satella hugged him, Subaru quickly returned the embrace.
"How Subaru, how will you save the devil herself?" she sobbed into his shoulder.
"I don't know how but I promise, I will save you no matter what."
"Subaru please, I don't want you to suffer for me and end up losing the friends you made. I don't want the world to hate you." She said desperately.
Her one wish was for him to be happy, but she was ruining everything with her selfishness, just like always.
"Satella, I may not have a good track record with promises, but I will do absolutely everything I can to save you, you can count on it!" His conviction was sealed with a confident grin.
"But how? The only way that would work is if you-."
She got the idea, that's the only way she can make it easier for him to accomplish his goal to save her.
"Subaru." Satella called out.
"Yes Satella-tan." Subaru replied.
"The only way you can save me is by stopping the great calamity."
Subaru was confused.
"Satella-Tan I would love to do that but how is that possible?"
"Subaru, I can send you back four hundred years, back before you disappeared. If you really want to save me, this is the only way you can, you will have to leave behind your friends to go back in time to save me. Is this really what you want?" She asked, leaving absolutely everything out in the open for her beloved to make the best choice possible.
Subaru thought about it, but his mind was made up, after hearing that Satella was once someone precious to him he had to save her, he could finally have the chance to prove that he did save someone.
"Satella-tan I agree." His eyes regained their light as he stared directly into her own beautiful eyes, he would save her.
Satella looked at him before she smiled.
"Of course my beloved." She said with a bright smile, a smile that sent new feelings all throughout him.
"So how are you gonna send me back?"
Satella raised her hand signaling Subaru to raise his.
"I will send you back in time. Are you prepared Natsuki Subaru? Once you take this hand there is no going back."
"Yes Satella-tan, I agree"
Satella looked at him before softly kissing him one last time making him blush.
"Good luck my beloved." She whispered against his lips, pressing her forehead to his.
As Subaru took her hand a purple light shone, he looked at Emilia and Ram and the others in the room one more time before the look of determination returned to his eyes.
After the purple light was gone he was met with a familiar scene of sunshine in his eyes as the light faded he looked and finally saw the world.
"A world of the past."