"So. Have you and Edward, you know, done it?" Jessica's eyes were bright; she was in her most familiar territory - gossip. I scowled, feeling my cheeks burn.
It was our senior year, and it was spring. I didn't enjoy spring much, because it was the time of the school year that Edward had to skip the most - too many sunny days. Today was one of them, and as much as I wanted to just sit and mope in class on this partly cloudy Friday afternoon, Jessica had other ideas.
My relationship with Edward was always in the hot seat, because,well, he was Edward. No one had ever had the privilege of knowing someone who was close with him, let alone romantically involved. I couldn't blame them completely; he was utterly intriguing. But Jessica's sudden questions about my virginity were just a bit over the top, for me.
"No, Jess, it's… it's not like that." My cheeks were beet red, and I thanked my lucky stars that it was Friday, and Edward was gone hunting for the weekend, so there was no way he could be spying. This particular question was one I had been hoping to avoid. Ever since Jessica and Mike lost their virginities to each other, it was the only thing Jessica wanted to talk about.
"Well do you want it to be like that?" Jess continued impatiently, watching my reaction as I sighed and decided to answer her honestly. Maybe it would be good for me to talk to a human girlfriend about this type of stuff.
"I've… considered it," I hedged, biting down on my lower lip as I confessed. Jess' eyes widened with excitement and she opened her mouth to speak again, but I held up a finger to stop her. "He won't do it though. He's like, super into waiting until marriage. It's kind of frustrating." I admitted with a sigh, feeling a tinge of anxiety when I thought more about it. Part of me - a small, small part, was worried that if Edward did have sex with me, he would regret it. I knew it wouldn't be nearly as good with me as it would with another vampire, but since he refused to change me, I didn't exactly have the choice to give him that. I wanted to have a physical relationship desperately, and he knew this; I had humiliating dreams about it all the time now. And he could talk all he wanted about his lack of self control, or his desire to marry me first, but when I really thought about it, the only thing I could think in my head was excuses. "I don't know. Maybe he doesn't want to have sex with me," I murmured softly, now that the final bell had rang and the lecture begun. Jessica hit me on the arm.
"Bella, don't be stupid. Have you seen the way he looks at you?" She whispered, shaking her head. "I have the perfect plan." She grinned then - a wide, knowing grin, and I groaned internally. There was really no point in telling her not to bother, because she had clearly taken ahold of this conversation and was now running with it. "Are you free tomorrow?" She whispered, and I nodded reluctantly. Edward would be gone until late Saturday night, so technically I did have all day before then free. He'd asked if I wanted to stay over at his place when he got back, and of course I agreed. As much as I'd thought the huge bed he'd bought me was unnecessary, I had to admit it was ten times comfier than my old twin bed. And now, thinking about using it for something other than sleeping… It sent my heart into a frenzy.
So, Alice was set to pick me up at 9pm on Saturday evening for a 'slumber party'. We'd had to assure Charlie about a million times that Edward would not be home, that it was strictly a girls' night, and eventually, he'd conceded.
No matter what I had been dreading, it was nothing compared to what Jessica had in mind for me on Saturday. She dragged me way out of town to a big department store, and took me shopping. This fact by itself would have most likely been bearable, but the kicker was her itinerary.
The list she provided for us was absolutely ridiculous, and I tried to tell her this as she picked up a tiny, lacy, black thong. She ignored me, pairing it with an extremely revealing bra. No one looking for comfort or coverage would be caught wearing this lingerie. It was very clearly only used as a tool for seduction, which was exactly Jessica's plan.
"What's his favorite color on you?" She asked casually as we walked through the women's section, looking at dresses.
"Blue," I answered immediately, and then blushed.
"Perfect." She exclaimed happily, pulling a tiny blue dress of the racks and then hunting to find more. By the time we made it to the dressing rooms, we practically had a cart full of them. As much as I hated shopping, imagining Edward seeing me in any of these dresses, and wanting me, made my heart flutter in my chest. I could deal with a day of shopping for that.
Jessica made me show her every single dress, helping me reach the zippers when I couldn't. The first few were too fancy - I didn't want to look like I was going to homecoming. The next few were way too raunchy. I could barely walk three steps without showing half my ass, so I vetoed those as well, much to Jessica's dismay.
The dress I fell in love with was a deep royal blue, with a low v-neck that plunged down almost below my chest, stopping at the perfect spot to still cover the lace bra. I never thought I had the body for this type of dress, but it worked. It was skin tight, more so than anything I was used to. The bottom of the dress reached just above my knees. Jess called the length conservative, pursing her lips, but once she saw the plunging neckline, she deemed it acceptable.
Once we had my outfit decided, Jess threw some candles in the cart, and some rose petals.
"Are you sure this isn't over the top?" I asked for probably the 50th time, glancing anxiously at the cart. Jessica just smiled brightly as we checked out.
"I'm sure, Bella. Guys like it when you do that cheesy stuff for them sometimes. If he doesn't have sex with you after tonight, he's probably just gay." She promised me, and I shook my head in disbelief as I paid for everything.
Jess took me back to her house so I could try on the ensemble and she could do my hair and makeup. I begged her not to go overboard, and I was pleasantly surprised when she obeyed my request. I wasn't used to wearing makeup, but the small sweep of eyeliner and the hint of eyeshadow gave my eyes the perfect hooded look.
"Guys like it when you look up at them through your eyelashes." She reminded me as she dropped me off back at home a couple of hours later. I had the uncomfortable lingerie on still, but over that was just a pair of leggings and a sweater; the blue dress was folded neatly in the shopping bag in the back seat. It was dusk, now, and my stomach was twisting painfully with nerves. I nodded silently and stepped out of her car. "And do not forget to shave!" She called through the window, waving as she pulled away.
I hid the shopping bags from Charlie as I stepped inside the house, rushing upstairs after greeting him to take a quick shower (careful to avoid wetting my freshly done face and hair) and shave my legs and privates, like Jessica had ordered. I felt silly, preparing for something I was sure wouldn't happen. The more I considered it, the dumber I felt.
I was positively shaking with anxiety by the time I was done with my shower. In my indecision, I had wiped the makeup off my face, and brushed out the curls in my hair. I did finish shaving, but I almost didn't pack the dress. I shoved it in my backpack at the last second, cursing my indecision and re-applying my deodorant once more. I jumped when Alice's knock at the front door downstairs interrupted my internal conflict in the mirror, and I grabbed my backpack full of seduction tools and flew down the stairs to meet her. Charlie was already there, trying to invite her in.
"So sorry, Charlie, but we have a full night planned ahead of us, and we have to get started as soon as possible." she grinned at him then, a dazzling, full-toothed smile, and took my arm, steering me out toward her car. Charlie waved goodbye and I could feel my heart still pounding in my chest as I considered a brand new obstacle that hadn't even crossed my mind until now. How was I going to get alone with Edward? A house full of vampires who didn't sleep didn't exactly allow us any true alone time. I buckled myself in the passenger seat, silently wondering how to bring it up.
"You're very indecisive, you know," Alice laughed, a couple of minutes into our drive, lifting an eyebrow at me. My face flushed.
"I know," I laughed weakly, chewing on my bottom lip. "So…" what had she seen? I couldn't force myself to ask, too worried about what her response would be.
"Don't worry, Bella. I took care of the house for you. No one will be there to… interrupt you." She giggled. I blushed harder and sank down into my seat as she swerved gracefully through the traffic, wondering what I'd gotten myself into.
We reached the big house in record time, and my heart was really racing now. Alice kissed my cheek on the doorstep, not even entering the house with me.
"Good luck!" She sang, and then she was gone with a wave. I took a few deep breaths before I walked through the doorway, tripping over my own feet as I did.
The house really was empty. I rushed to Edward's bedroom and flipped on the lightswitch, wringing my hands as I fought through my anxiety. I was still completely undecided. I couldn't bear the idea of rejection. That being said, I also desperately wanted this to happen. I closed my eyes, picturing all the intimacy I'd had with him in my dreams, all the touching and the kissing, and that made up my mind pretty quickly.
I didn't allow myself to think as I got changed back into my ridiculous getup, hands trembling slightly as I pulled on the dress over the lingerie. I lit a few candles, not nearly as many as Jessica made me buy, and placed them carefully on the dresser and bedside table. I spread the rose petals out over the neatly made bed, stared at them for three whole seconds, and then scrambled to shove them all back in the bag, which I tucked deep into my backpack.
I brushed my teeth about four times while I waited, watching the clock. He was usually home before midnight, and by 11:38 I was pacing anxiously, heart pounding in my chest. I had blown out the candles and then re-lit them about 5 times. They were lit now, and I did my best to force myself to keep them that way. I kept adjusting the dress, feeling stupider by the second. I made my hands busy by picking up random books and CDs in Edward's huge collection, but my mind couldn't process the words I was reading, and eventually, I gave up on that, too.
I snapped the book I was looking at shut, frustrated with myself, changing my mind again, about to rip off the dress and put my sweatpants back on, when I heard him speak.
"Bella?" I jumped and yelped, turning to face him and feeling the blood absolutely fill my cheeks with color. His voice was cautious, and he was standing in the doorway, eyes slowly taking in the scene before him. He was too perfect; his white button-down had not a single stain on it, even though I knew he'd just gone hunting. His khakis looked freshly ironed. Seeing him here in front of me both calmed my nerves and sent my heart racing in my chest again.
"Hi," I breathed, and I sat on the edge of the couch so that he wouldn't see my knees trembling. I'd never been this nervous in my life. Not even for the sex, but just for the absurdity of being in this situation. And the debilitating fear that he was going to reject me, again. I gestured around the room. "I, um…" I trailed off. I had no way to explain what was going on here without just straight up telling him.
Edward was frozen in the doorway, eyes locked on me. They were light, golden, and for a while we just stared at each other. I swallowed audibly and could've sworn I saw his tongue sweep over his lips, but the movement was too quick to know for sure.
"I'm sorry," I blurted suddenly when he didn't move an inch for over a minute. "Jessica dragged me to the mall, and I was just missing you, you know, and she asked if we… you know, if we'd ever done anything, and I said no, and so she had me buy this dress, and she thought maybe it would…" I trailed off and then shook my head, heart hammering even faster now at his lack of response. "It was stupid, really, I don't know why I let her talk me into it. I know the dress is ridiculous." I stood abruptly, fully prepared to hide in the bathroom, change back into my sweatpants, and demand he take me home.
But then he was in front of me. I stiffened at the sudden movement, and swallowed hard as I looked up at him. For a moment he just looked at me, and then he pulled me against him, hands encircling my waist as he leaned in and interrupted my thoughts with a kiss that was so deep it left me gasping for breath.
"What am I going to do with you?" He breathed, lips right against my ear, and I shivered, winding my own arms up around his neck.
"I just… I wasn't sure… If you really wanted me… In that way," I stammered pathetically, as his mouth roamed hungrily down my neck. He spun us around suddenly, sitting on the couch and pulling me on top of him so that I was straddling his lap, and I felt the dress ride up my thighs, his hands sliding upward to follow it. His mouth was still on my neck, and I was looking up at the ceiling, chest heaving with every breath I took. His lips made their way downward, following the neckline all the way down until I could feel his ice cold breath right against my sternum. I swallowed a moan.
"You weren't sure…" He growled softly against my skin, his fingers digging into my hips, tongue roaming the area where his lips had just been, right at the bottom of the neckline of the dress. "... If I wanted you?" He finished slowly, and then suddenly he was standing, holding me up effortlessly by my thighs as I wrapped my legs around his waist. He backed me into a wall, and I gasped when I felt his hips push against mine, kissing me all the way back up to my mouth, tongue pushing through my lips immediately. I could hardly think enough to answer him coherently.
"Well," I gasped when he finally released my lips again, leaning my head back against the wall as I knotted my fingers in his hair. His mouth was very busy on my neck again, making the room spin. "I was… worried," I panted, arching my back as much as I could against the wall as his lips traveled downward again, "that maybe it wouldn't be that... good, for you. And that maybe," I swallowed as a low growl sounded from his chest, "that maybe, even though you've told me you want me, well, you know, you're a great liar," I finished weakly, unable to come up with anything else to say. My arguments hardly made sense anymore, even to me.
Edward didn't answer for a few moments, just trailed cold, wet kisses up and down my neck, sending my body into overdrive. His skin was cold against me, but my body was hot. I felt like I would combust at any moment.
"Well, if my words aren't doing the trick," He purred against my ear, sending another shiver down my spine, "then I suppose I have no other choice than to demonstrate."
Before I could respond, before I could even register his words enough to take in their meaning, he was kissing me again. And this time, his lips were crushing mine with a hungry intensity I'd never felt before from him. He kept me flat against the wall, fingers trailing up from my thighs, over my hips, trapping both of my wrists in their grip. He pulled them up, over my head, and pinned them to the wall above me, not allowing me to move an inch. I returned his kiss passionately, and when I felt his hips push forward against my own, which were completely exposed, I couldn't swallow my moan this time. The noise seemed to spur him on even further, and his tongue explored my mouth fervently, hardly allowing me to take a breath of fresh air. But who needed air when I had Edwards' sweet, delicious breath right in my mouth? I rocked my hips forward, and heaved in a ragged breath when his mouth moved to my neck again.
"Is this what you wanted?" His voice was throaty, and deep, and hungry. I could feel his hardness through his pants, pushing against my exposed thong.
"Yes," I moaned, gyrating my hips into his roughly. That coaxed a moan of his own, deep in his chest, and he dropped my arms suddenly.
He yanked me away from the wall and before I could even react, my back was against the soft bed, legs still wrapped firmly around his hips, and his mouth was on mine again. I vaguely heard the fabric of my dress tearing like paper in his strong fingers, and I shivered as the cold air was suddenly against my bare skin - so much for the dress. My own hands were struggling to undo the buttons on his shirt, and he pulled back, sitting up on his knees, impatient. He tore the shirt in two, tossing the fabric aside and then stopping when he saw what I had on underneath the dress. His breathing was almost as ragged as mine, eyes exploring my body. I was too dizzy to feel self conscious, and I scraped my nails against his bare chest, leaning up on my elbows to leave my own trail of hot kisses on his chest, around his nipples, down toward his belly button…
He groaned as my fingers undid the button and zipper on his pants. His body trembled, and he tangled his fingers in my hair, pulling my head back hard so he could lean down and kiss me deeply as I shoved his pants down.
"Bella," he panted against my mouth, voice cracking as he stared down at me with lust-crazed eyes, chest heaving with each breath. The way my name rolled off of his tongue was so delicious that I whimpered softly at the sound. I tried to lean up, to kiss him again, but he held me back. "Bella, I don't know… don't know if I can do this," his voice was rough, and his eyes were slightly panicked. I smiled up at him, through my eyelashes.
"Then let me," I whispered, and he allowed me to flip us over, his back flat against the bed now as I pulled his pants the rest of the way off, leaving his boxer briefs on for now. I leaned over him then, hands on his hips as I mouthed hungrily over the hard dick trapped in his briefs. A strangled sound escaped his lips and I heard something else tearing; the sheets, probably. Or the mattress. His hips arched upward desperately.
I let my hands trail down from his hips to his muscular thighs, sliding my fingers upward underneath the seam of his briefs. He stopped me then with a strangled groan, gripping my arms with unnecessary strength, and lifted me off the bed.
My back slammed against the wall again, stealing my breath for just a moment as he devoured my mouth in his own, like he couldn't possibly get enough. His hands were so tight on my body, but it only made everything better, and every touch sent sparks through my nerves, the wetness soaking through my thin panties.
I felt Edward move again, picking me up from against the wall but just moving toward the dresser, clearing it off with a rough sweep of his hand, and I heard all the CDs I'd been looking through earlier crash to the floor, but Edward clearly couldn't have cared less. He shoved me down on the dresser, my back against the mirror, hands moving up my thighs greedily, over my hips, touching every inch of bare skin he could reach. The desperate kissing left no time for talking. I couldn't think straight enough to talk, anyway, gasping to catch my breath as Edward's mouth found a patch of skin near my collarbone and marked it greedily.
"Edward!" I groaned his name, and he grunted in response, pulling me off of the dresser and throwing me down on the bed again. He let his mouth do the exploring now, tearing my bra off and letting his tongue circle my nipple as his fingers peeled off my panties. His mouth continued to work over my nipples as his fingers roamed downward, two of them slowly pushing inside of me. I couldn't breathe for a moment, but when I could, I was moaning. He curled his fingers inside of me and my eyes rolled back slightly as I pushed my hips against him.
I twisted my fingers in his hair, yanking his face upward to mine until we were kissing hungrily again. He pulled his fingers out of me and kept one arm on the bed beside my head, holding himself up, and let the other hand trail over my inner thigh, and then outward and down. He paused at my knee, curling his fingers around my calf and suddenly hitching it up around his hip. In the same fluid moment, he was sliding his dick inside of me, and we both moaned. I had no idea when he'd taken his briefs off, but I was gone way too far to care. His fingers were gripping my leg impossibly hard, and it hurt but it was good, it was nothing like the feather light touches he usually gave me. This was hot, even though his skin was ice cold.
"Fuck," he swore into my mouth, as he pushed himself as deep as he could inside of me and then started up a rhythm, painfully slow. Careful. I broke my lips away from his to throw my head back, panting to catch my breath and arching my back against him.
"Edward!" I cried, gasping when he hit the perfect spot. "Faster," I pleaded, trying to rock my hips against his quicker. He wasted no time obeying, his breath hitching as he sped up, both of my legs around his waist now as we lost ourselves in each other.
We kissed again and again, unable to keep our mouths away from each other for long as he pounded himself into me. His mouth was greedy, traveling eagerly down my neck and back up again. I barely felt his hand traveling downward until his thumb was rubbing my clit, continuing to fuck me as he did.
"Oh," I gasped, panting and rolling my hips into his as he moved. My nails were scratching down his back, and then grabbing his shoulders, his biceps, anything I could reach. His rhythm picked up even faster, and it seemed like no time at all before the heat pooled in my stomach, toes curling as I arched against him and came, clenching around his cock as I did, a loud moan forcing its way from my throat as he continued to pleasure me. He was not far behind; I was still shuddering with pleasure when I felt him finish, and a snarl escaped his lips as he pounded into me, hands on my hips, fingers digging in hard. His face was buried in my neck, and I felt his body shivering as he struggled to control himself through the pleasure. One of his hands was suddenly gripping the headboard behind me, and I heard the metal groan as it bent and then snapped. The piece he'd broken off shattered the glass bedside table as his hand tried to find purchase somewhere.
"Bella… Bella," he moaned, pumping his hips one, two, three more times before he slowed down, panting against my skin for a few moments, just laying against me. I was still lost in the pleasure of my orgasm, eyes closed, completely limp against the bed, shivering when he finally pulled out. He continued to trail kisses on my skin, fingers leaving goosebumps in their trail as he let his hands roam over my naked body, everywhere he could reach. He was silent, just letting his lips and hands slowly explore as my heart calmed down.
The longer we lay there in silence, just basking in the calmness, the more anxious I got about the whole situation. Did Edward just do this to spite me? To make me feel better, or to maybe stop my stupid dreams? Maybe he just felt bad, for refusing to turn me.
Edward misread my now accelerating heart and laughed softly.
"Already, my love?" He whispered against my skin, and I didn't answer. I was staring up at the ceiling, biting my lip. He pulled away when I didn't respond, his face appearing above mine, so I was forced to look into his golden eyes, which were now anxious. "Are you okay?" He whispered, and I nodded quickly.
"I'm fine, Edward. I just… wanted to make sure that you were… okay. With this." I explained lamely, and he looked confused for a moment before he laid himself down on the bed next to me, on his side, head propped up on his hand as he stared at me with an incredulous expression.
"I don't follow," he pulled me close against him, our naked bodies sliding together like puzzle pieces.
"Well, I just don't want you to feel like… like you have to do this stuff with me, just to make me happy. If you don't… want me like that, well, I understand." I explained, unable to look over at him. I took his free hand instead, tracing the outline of each of his fingers with my own. He was silent for just a moment before reaching up to take my chin in his hand and forcing me to meet his eyes.
"Bella." His voice was low, disbelieving. "Are you honestly…" he shook his head and laughed, searching for the right words. "You are, quite literally, the sexiest woman I've ever laid my eyes on. And I've been alive for a long time, Bella," he traced his thumb over my bottom lip, which was swollen from the rough kissing he had given me earlier. "I was just so scared… scared that I would hurt you. That I would lose control. You have no idea what you do to me." He breathed, and I watched as his pupils dilated slightly with lust again. He traced patterns with his finger on my hip, making me shiver. He leaned in to kiss me, slowly, deliberately, his mouth moving intimately against my own. I felt like I was floating.
"It didn't seem like you had too much of an issue staying in control," I breathed when he finally released me, and he laughed bitterly.
"Oh, Bella… if only you could feel what I feel. If only you could taste this desire," he growled, digging his fingers into my waist, mouth right against my ear. "You truly have no idea how you make me feel." He bit the lobe of my ear and tugged gently. "When I saw you… in that dress," he exhaled sharply, eyes dark as he swept them over my body. "I was not prepared for what that would do to me - to my resolve. I was trying to protect you, but it seems I'm much, much too selfish for that." He laughed humorlessly. "Can you try to understand? Making love to you has been the highlight of my entire existence."
"That seems like a bit of an exaggeration," I mumbled, still pouting softly. He shot a dark look at me, but ultimately ignored my comment and continued.
"And next time, I'll do it right. I promise. I won't ravage you like I did just now. That was... inexcusable." He frowned, and then it was my turn to laugh.
"Edward… it was perfect," I whispered, eyes shining, smiling hugely up at him. He returned it and pulled me closer, rolling me on top of him so he could hold me against his chest. Who needed clothes anyway? He tugged the fluffy comforter over both of us and just held me there, against his chest. I let my eyes slip closed and just relaxed peacefully in his arms.
Then I registered what he had just said, and my eyes flew open. "'Next time'?!" My voice squeaked pathetically. I pushed myself up, resting my arms on his chest so I could look him in the eyes. He grinned wickedly at me, teeth gleaming in the candlelight.
"I've already admitted to being the most selfish creature on earth, Bella. Now that I've had a taste… you really think I'll be able to resist again?" I stared at him, eyes wide, and swallowed.
"Oh," I breathed, blushing. He did want me. "Okay," I smiled and ducked my head, pressing it against his neck and breathing in his delicious scent. He rubbed my back for a few minutes, until I was almost asleep, and then suddenly his body was shaking with silent laughter. I frowned sleepily and blinked up at him, narrowing my eyes at the amused expression on his face. He continued to laugh, out loud this time, and kissed my forehead.
"What?" I demanded, feeling embarrassed because I didn't know what he found so hilarious. He choked on another laugh and pressed his lips together, trying to stifle it. I gritted my teeth and raised my eyebrows expectantly.
"Sorry, love," he grinned apologetically, "I was just curious… if this was supposed to take part in your seduction scheme?" He asked innocently, and then slowly held up a single rose petal, and I gawked at it for a brief moment before I felt the humiliation set in. I could've died from it, rolling off of him and shoving a pillow over my head so he couldn't see me. I groaned, thinking I'd gotten rid of them all. I couldn't believe I missed one. So stupid.
Edward was not allowing me to hide, and he gently pried the pillow away from me, so I pulled the covers over my head instead. He hummed disapprovingly and suddenly he was under the blankets with me, both of us covered from head to toe, pulling me against his chest with a huge grin.
"Please don't be embarrassed," he pleaded, as I continued to try and hide my face.
"You're laughing at me!" I objected, feeling my cheeks burn.
"I was just surprised, that's all. It's actually… surprisingly flattering. The thought of you going through all that effort just for me." The humor was still there in his voice, but only a hint of it now. Affection was overtaking his tone as he spoke. I blushed harder.
"You're everything to me," I mumbled into his skin, holding myself tightly against him and hiding my face against his chest. He tilted my face upward with gentle force that I could not fight, and observed my rosy cheeks. His eyes were gleaming with devotion, and suddenly, I could not be upset at him for laughing. It was impossible.
"I will love you until the end of time," he whispered, leaning in to kiss me softly under the covers.