AUTHORS NOTE: This is my first attempt at a a song fic. Please be gentle. And if you want to see how it's really done, please refer to Southernbangel's "I Belong With You" series, or NaleyWriter23's "Naley Songs", because she knows how to mix lyrics and Naley in a way that's impossible to emulate. You're the best, Jill.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the two songs that inspired this story (Olivia Rodrigo's Driver's License and, as you can see by the title, Taylor Swift's Death by a Thousand Cuts) nor do I own Naley or One Tree Hill. I'm also not Wilmington's urban planner, and so I've taken a lot of liberties with Tree Hill locations.
AUTHORS NOTE #2: Flashbacks are in italics, although the part in TRIC is sort of a flashback of the previous day but it's not italicized. It shouldn't be too confusing. Hopefully.
"God, you feel so good, Baby."
Haley could only moan at the feel of the large, roughened hand that was traversing her body, slipping under the thin cotton of her green tank to explore her warm, soft skin. The other hand had anchored itself on her shoulder blade, holding her in place while its long fingers cupped the back of her neck.
"Nathan, we can't be doing this here!"
His laugh came out muffled through the honey-colored strands of her coconut scented hair. "Why not?"
"Anyone could... oh God... Mmm... anyone could see aahhhhh"
"So? I asked if you were ready to head home. You were the one who said you needed to study here."
"I... I still have to..." It was a struggle to find the words. His lips felt good, too good, and those gifted fingers of his that had been dancing up her spine had reached the clasp of her bra strap. She knew how dangerous that was; he certainly didn't need a second hand or even his vision to snap it open. She'd learned that a long time ago.
"Oh what the hell, I can study tomorrow."
She felt the smirk of victory against her neck before he finally pulled away. "Finally. Let's get out of here."
If her life was a fairytale, Haley James' eyes would have fluttered open as she woke up to a sunlit room, stretching her arms above her head and yawning delicately, before settling back against a mountain of soft, fluffy pillows with a dreamy sigh.
But if there was one thing she had learnt over the past couple of months was that she was far from some princess with a posse of woodland creatures to sing to, and no prince would be waking her up with a kiss. Instead, she rubbed at the crusty gunk that had settled into her inner eyes, clearing away the mascara she'd failed to remove the night before and tried in vain to wet her parched lips with her dry, swollen tongue. Her head pounded like obnoxiously clanging cymbals as she lay in her rumpled bed. Once again she was alone and hungover as she woke from her beautiful dream.
Actually, she knew it wasn't so much a dream as it was a flashback, her memory playing brightly toned reels from her previous life while she slept. It happened all the time now, as if her subconscious knew that she didn't want to see a reflection of her bleak inner thoughts and instead provided a different kind of torture for her to endure while she slept. Haley had an exceptional memory, and while it was hugely valuable to her educational success, it hadn't been appreciated over the past few months.
The particular remembrance she'd woken up from this morning was from nearly two years ago. They had been in the Rubenstein Library at Duke and she could recall with vivid clarity the way the dust twirled in the sunlight that had been streaming in through the high, arched windows. Haley was, as always, trying to study while failing to persuade her boyfriend to do the same. It had always made her giggle how the sexy basketball star always got handsier than usual when they were in the library together. Well, she was never giggling for long once he got his way...
"Fuck," she groaned out loud. Admittedly she had never been much of a swearer, but then again she had never really been much of a drinker. The whirlpool in her empty stomach combined with the insistent pressure on her bladder meant getting out of bed was fairly urgent, but the ache between her temples added to her refusal to move. She knew it must be bad for her to be suffering so greatly this morning. It felt like pain was her constant companion these days since the breakup. It had been two months. Two, long, painful months where Haley felt like she was being tortured to death. Like the ancient Chinese form of torture she'd read about a few years ago back in college.
Lingchi. Death by a thousand cuts. Yeah, that sounded like an accurate description of the pain of being apart from Nathan Scott.
Eventually, Haley's head conceded battle as she got up and shuffled across the hall to the bathroom. It wasn't as if there was anyone in bed with her, keeping her there with heated touches and whispered promises.
She had barely swallowed down some toast and half a mugful of black coffee before she remembered her car. Having passed her driving test the other day, she was finally in possession of the slip of paper that declared her legally able to drive unsupervised in the state of North Carolina. She had, therefore, taken every opportunity to take her small white Mazda out as much as possible and that included to Tric, where she had left it in the parking lot overnight. It was her own fault really; she knew she wouldn't have been able to drive home and would have been perfectly fine catching an Uber both ways, just like she had done every Saturday night for the past five weeks.
Had it really been five weeks? Haley knew that it had, even without thinking about it. The previous three weeks before that had been spent in a heartbroken fog, struggling to get out of bed each morning for work and refusing to leave her pillowed cocoon on the days she didn't have to. Finally, Brooke and Peyton had nagged and cajoled her to come out with them. Have some fun, they urged her. Dress sexy and make him suffer. At least now she wouldn't have to worry about his jealous ass going psycho on any Y chromosome that looked her way.
Haley hadn't agreed so much as she had finally surrendered to her persuasive friends. Surely, nothing could make her feel worse than she was - wrapping her ruined heart in her low-thread count sheets and soggy Kleenex. Dutifully, she painted on some makeup, wrapped her curves into something slinky, and had been meeting Peyton and Brooke at their usual table at Tric each Friday night since...
"Here you go, ladies," Owen's smooth voice announced. "Three Napa Valley merlots."
"Thanks, Owen."
"How come you're working tonight, gorgeous?" Brooke flirted, her kohl-rimmed hazel eyes dancing with mischief.
Owen gave her an indulgent smile. "Swapped shifts with Chase. He only got back from Vegas yesterday, figured I'd give him a night off to recover."
Haley's throat constricted at his words, causing her to splutter on her mouthful of wine. Peyton reached over, uselessly thumping between her shoulder blades as she hacked unattractively.
"Are you okay?" Owen frowned, concerned.
Haley managed a nod, swallowing what felt like a stone in her airways as she continued to cough. She grabbed a small napkin from the table, dabbing at her streaming eyes. Peyton's hand returned to her own glass and Haley missed the way Brooke's eyes had rolled in exasperation.
Vegas. It wasn't like she had forgotten about the boys' trip - those five letters had been scrawled on her calendar, followed by three exclamation marks since the day the week-long party had been confirmed. Three months later, it sat redundantly on the small square marked for Friday of last week, directly above the one marked "driving test". No, it wasn't the event itself that surprised her, but the physical reaction to the reminder that, along with Chase, her ex-boyfriend would have arrived back yesterday after a week of fun and god-knows-what in Vegas with his friends.
As if the thought of him could make him appear in the old, haunted (Peyton swore the original warehouse was built on some ancient burial ground) club, Haley's eyes traversed the darkened space. She almost expected to see him leaning across the bar, his shirt pulled taught over his broad shoulders as he sipped on some high-brow whiskey, or smirking in amusement as some salaciously-clothed woman, or women, flirted with him (those were the nights where he wasn't the only jealous one in the relationship).
"She's fine," Peyton replied to Owen. "She's just thinking about... him."
The last pronoun came out like venom spitting between her lips, but Haley knew it was born more from frustration over herself than the him in question. After two months, both Peyton and Brooke had both stopped trying to be gentle and consoling, not understanding why their beautiful, bubbly friend was wasting so much time being heartbroken over the notorious heartbreaker.
"It happens all the time," Brooke explained. "Everything reminds her of him."
"I'm right here, you know. And you can say his name."
"No, we can't," Peyton disagreed. "That would probably make you cry."
Haley grit her teeth together before prying them apart long enough to hiss, "Nathan. Nathan Scott. Nathan Royal Scott. Nathan, Nathan, Nathan." She shot her friends a nasty look before swigging another mouthful of wine. "See? No tears."
Brooke raised a dark eyebrow, understandably unconvinced. "I don't know how many times we have to tell you, but you have got to move on. He's not worth it, Tutor Girl."
Despite having graduated with her Master of Arts in Teaching from Duke and about to complete her first year teaching at Tree Hill High, Haley had not lost the nickname her dimpled brunette friend had christened her with back when they were high school students themselves.
"It's been two months. I mean, it only took P. Sawyer here, what, a week before she got over him and had jumped into bed with Jake?" Brooke finished.
The two girls snickered as Haley tried to drown them out with another drink from her glass. They didn't understand and she was tired of trying to make them. Yes, Peyton had dated Nathan before Haley had even met him. Their two-year, on-again-off-again relationship had finally ended in their junior year of high school, stretched out to breaking point like the stringy mozzarella he loved on his pizzas. By then, no one knew why they hadn't called it quits for good sooner, but Peyton had the sense to finally act on the feelings she harbored for the sexy single dad (her words) because she sure as hell wasn't going to waste anymore time with her selfish jackass of an ex (again, her words).
As if she had read her mind, Peyton spoke up, "I know what you guys had was different, but seriously, you know Brooke's right. He's not worth wasting your time on. It's not like he would have been crying over all those tequila body shots he would have been doing in Vegas with a bar load of skanks this week."
The image flew into her mind before she had the chance to stop it: a tight, tanned body laid out, his dark head bent over, the sounds of whoops and hollers filling the room. It wasn't hard for Haley to picture in crystal clarity; her brilliant memory could easily conjure up the previous times she'd witnessed sights just like that first hand before they had been dating.
Haley pushed her way through the crowd, mindful of the red cup in her hand that had been enthusiastically over-filled by the drunken teen manning the keg. She didn't mind losing the weak brown liquid as it sloshed over the rim - it's not as if she ever drank more than a cup at these parties anyway - but she hated smelling like a brewery when it landed on her clothes.
Spotting a pair of blonde heads across the room, she maneuvered her way towards them, glad to have found her friends within minutes of entering the party. The Tree Hill Ravens had just advanced to the 3rd round of the state championships, and the celebrants were especially rowdy tonight. While Haley was always in the bleachers cheering on her best friend, she rarely attended the post-match parties.
"Hey Luke! You were incredible!"
"Thanks, Hales!" Lucas engulfed her in a hug more gentle than his usual offerings, given her precariously-filled cup. "I'm glad you could make it."
"And Peyton, great cheering, of course," Haley grinned at her best friend's girlfriend. The pair had grown close over the past half-year or so and Haley had been pleasantly surprised with how warm and easy their friendship was.
"Rah rah, go Ravens," Peyton grinned back, lifting her own plastic cup in a toast.
The noise around them suddenly rose in volume, and the three heads turned towards the center of the room in time to see Nathan Scott lift his head up from Bevin Mirskey's exposed stomach. The blonde cheerleader giggled wildly and said, "I think some lime went down my shirt."
The star point guard lifted one side of his mouth in a smirk that had caused the panties of the entire cheerleading squad to drop at one point or another during the years, as he raked the strands of his raven-black hair off his forehead. "I'll get it later," he promised.
The crowd that had gathered around them cheered even louder as they parted in order to let Nathan through. Someone passed him his cup of beer and he nodded his thanks as he spotted the trio watching him and made his way towards them.
"So classy, Nathan," Peyton smirked sarcastically. "I am so glad I don't have to deal with your drunken ass after shit like that anymore."
Nathan's own smirk grew wider. "Hey, anytime you want another piece of this for old time's sake, you just say the word and drop little brother here."
"Uh, what? I'm the older brother."
"That's not what I said..."
"Hey!"
Nathan laughed uproariously at his own joke, and Haley watched in amusement as Peyton and Lucas laughed indulgently alongside him. It was hard for Haley to believe that it hadn't been that long ago since Lucas had joined the Ravens, and Peyton and Nathan had broken up for good. Nathan had been furious, vindictive and destructive as he watched his hated half-brother encroach on his team and his girl. Now, the trio were close friends, comfortably laughing and teasing each other.
It had been around the same time when Coach Durham had ordered Nathan to get tutoring, thus pulling Haley into his orbit. She would be the first to admit she had made their tutoring relationship difficult, as she harbored resentment over the way her student had treated her best friend, but as he had opened up and they had gotten to know each other better, a friendship had grown between them. He had been more accepting of Lucas' place not only on the team but in his family and Haley had watched the two of them form a unique bond, born from their mutual hatred of their mutual father . The assiness that Nathan had resorted to as a defense mechanism had lowered greatly and Haley had begun to enjoy his company as she peeled back the many layers of the complicated teenager. He still loved to party, and was incredibly confident and cocky in his own basketball ability, but his treatment towards the people around him had drastically improved, along with Haley's opinion of him..
(And, okay, Haley could admit that he wasn't bad to look at).
"What about you, Hales?" He turned his smug half-smile towards her, playfulness dancing around his sapphire-blue eyes. He nodded his head to the chair Bevin had previously vacated; now a different blonde cheerleader was stretched across it, lifting her shirt as she prepared to be salted. "I could do with a chaser."
There was no use trying to prevent the crimson stain that instantly flourished on Haley's cheeks. By now she knew that, next to basketball, making her blush was Nathan's favorite hobby. She never took his teasing or playful flirting all that seriously - why should she, when he had so many beautiful, lascivious cheerleaders to put into practice the actions behind his words? - but over the past few months, she saw the way his cocky little grin would deepen in amusement and his eyes would shine brighter at the sight of her flushed face.
"Uh, no thanks, Nathan. I'm good," she squeaked out.
As predicted, his smirk curled up towards his eyes and Haley saw his tongue probe at his inner cheek. He nodded slowly, evidently pleased with her reaction. "You sure are."
Taking a sip of his beer, Nathan's voice dropped so low, Haley swore it had settled somewhere in her panties. "And I bet you taste even better."
Haley was pulled back to the small table by another painful pang in her chest. "I just... I still love him. I miss him, I miss him so damn much" she whispered, not caring about the exasperated expressions on her friends' faces.
"Yeah, I bet you miss watching him flirt with all those hoes in front of you," Brooke rolled her eyes again.
"Just like you miss all the times he'd invite the guys over to watch some game instead of spend time with you, or how he'd always say you guys would go to some party or come to TRIC without asking you first."
"And I'm sure you miss him being an asshole to all your male co-workers, because he thinks they're all trying to jump into bed with you."
"Oh, and remember last year, when he and Chase went to the Hornets game in Charlotte and totally forgot it was your anniversary?"
Haley stared into the deep burgundy depths of her glass, letting her friends' words volley over her head. She knew they weren't intentionally trying to upset her, they just didn't know any better. She would be the first to admit that her relationship - well, her old relationship - with Nathan wasn't perfect, but what relationship was? More than anything, Haley just felt sorry for Brooke and Peyton - they didn't know Nathan Scott the way that she did. They never really knew the Nathan Scott she'd fallen in love with. The Nathan Scott she no longer had.
Everyone who had seen the transformation from the angry, bitter teenager to the man he became in college credited Haley for his improvements, but she knew that the selfless, humble, generous man she had loved - still loved - was always inside of him, just buried beneath years of pressure and expectations and insecurities. He was so different from the boy they'd all known in high school, yet it was hard for the girls to forget that he was the same guy who had cheated on Peyton numerous times or who had bullied his half brother. The truth was, Haley felt bad for them for choosing to remember that guy and for not knowing the man who would always have her heart.
So while she understood why Peyton and Brooke acted as if she should be able to get over Nathan so easily, she knew they were wrong. They didn't know what she had lost, what she was mourning. And after two months of trying to lift her spirits and self-worth, she could see why they were getting tired of hearing the same things from her.
Then again, there was truth to what her closest friends were saying. Maybe they did know Nathan, and maybe she was the one who was wrong. After all, he was the one who seemed to be doing just fine in the wake of their breakup - how could he possibly be okay without her when she felt as if his absence had taken a limb or a vital organ from her? He was the one who had promised her always and forever, who had promised her that he would always protect her; now it was clear that he hadn't meant any of it, that the word "always" had an expiration date.
The maelstrom of emotions - hurt, heartache, confusion, frustration - turned Haley's face red. She knew arguing wouldn't get them anywhere; Brooke and Peyton would stubbornly refuse to see Nathan as a nice guy worthy of her love and would refuse to see why she couldn't move on from him. So she continued to do what she had done every Friday night for the last five weeks: change the topic of conversation from Nathan, keep quiet, and drink to forget.
That had been five long weeks of "trying to get over him". It hadn't helped. Nothing had changed. Not the drink, not the conversation between the three friends and not the cold emptiness beside Haley in bed when she woke up the next morning. The only difference was that now she had to return to TRIC in broad daylight, carrying the weight of a broken heart and a nasty hangover, to retrieve her trusty car.
Like everything else he had touched during their relationship, even the sight of Haley's car reminded her of Nathan, of how things used to be. With the sun's glare off the windshield making her squint, she could practically see him in the car beside her: the seat racked back to accommodate his long legs, gently teasing her about driving like his Grandma Mae, one arm casually draped over the window frame, strong fingers on the steering wheel... Haley knew those long, talented fingers all too well; the way they exerted such a delicate pressure when they tweaked the puckered buds of her nipples, how they could bruise with pleasure when he gripped her hips, pulling her against him over and over again as he pounded into her from behind, or holding her firmly as she sat above, riding him like the most skilled equestrian on the wildest horse...
"Stop," Haley muttered out loud to the empty parking lot. She knew the word would be futile; escaping him and their memories together was impossible in this small town.
"I really need to get my driver's license."
Haley felt her boyfriend's gaze turn to her, surprise leaking from the cobalt-blue irises. They were driving from Durham to Tree Hill, a trip they'd made countless times over the past four years with Nathan always at the wheel. The Sugarhill Gang were rapping about having bodyguards and two big cars through the speakers of Nathan's mustang. With Haley due to start a teaching job at Tree Hill High in the fall, and Nathan interning at a local law firm while he prepared for his bar exam, their future stretched ahead of them like the I-40 they were currently driving down.
"Why do you say that?"
"I dunno, I can't keep putting it off, can I? It's not like at college where I can walk everywhere," Haley pointed out. "You'll be going one way to work each day and I'll be going the other. And there's Quinn's old car at Mom and Dad's house I can use, I just need to learn how to drive."
"Wait, you don't actually know how to drive?"
Haley raised an eyebrow. "Have you ever seen me drive?"
"Well, no..." Nathan admitted. "But I just figured you'd learnt and got me and Luke to drive you around anyway. Didn't you do driver's ed at school?"
"No," Haley laughed. "I was too busy filling my schedule with AP classes to fit in driver's ed."
"Nerd."
Haley was about to protest when she heard the indicator clicking. Seconds later, the car was pulling off the road and into a rest stop. Nathan was out of the car and opening her door before she could ask, "What are you doing?"
"Come on," he relieved her of her seatbelt and grabbed her arm, pulling her out of her seat. "You're going to learn how to drive."
"What?! Nathan, no!"
"Why not? Come on, babe. It's a perfect time to start."
By now Nathan had Haley pressed up against the driver's side of the car, his body between her and the open door. She could feel the warmth of his body and the fresh clean scent of his cologne surrounding her, making her feel safe and warm.
"Come on, baby," Nathan cajoled her, softly. "Let me be your tutor for a change."
It only took one last look at his endearing expression before Haley slipped into the driver's seat.
Half an hour later, the pair were in another rest stop. Haley was pleasantly surprised and extremely proud at how well she'd driven, and Nathan had been nothing but patient, kind and encouraging. They were about to return to their original seats, and Nathan was showing her which levers popped the hood and trunk and the gas tank.
"What does this one do?" Haley asked, noticing another button beside the seat that Nathan hadn't explained.
"Hmm... I don't know, Hales. I think that's advanced class material."
High on happiness and pride, she giggled playfully. "Oh please, sir," she batted her eyelids along with her best impersonation of a southern belle. "Please show me, I've been ever so good."
Smirking, Nathan played along. "Well, I suppose you are my star pupil."
With a sudden shriek of surprise, Haley watched as the seat she had just been sitting in folded in half at the same time Nathan pushed it forward towards the steering wheel. She barely recognized her feet leaving the ground; the next thing she knew, she was lying across the Mustang's small back seat, Nathan's considerably larger body on top of hers.
"And that," he said, the huskiness of his voice vibrating close to her ear, "is how we get into the back seat."
"Mmmm..." Haley purred. She ran her hands across his hard chest, only gently softened by the cotton of his t-shirt. "And whatever do we do here?"
Nathan swallowed the coy smile on her face with one of the many hot kisses that, more than the driving lesson, had their return to Tree Hill delayed even further.
It felt like a furnace inside the car, and it may have sounded like the biggest cliché ever, but Haley still felt cold. Nathan's presence filled the small space like a dense fog, even though it had been months since he had sat beside her while she dutifully honed her driving skills. Everything about her ability to drive the car she was in was enveloped with him, like the strip of cheesy (he'd said) adorable (she thought) photo-booth photos that sat in her wallet next to the temporary license she'd been given until the small plastic square with her photo on it arrived. Nathan had been so excited for her to take her driving test, even though it had taken her months to feel confident enough. She remembered, with a piercing pain short and sharp like the slice of a papercut, Nathan's plans to have her pick him up from the airport when he arrived back from his Vegas trip. It had been months ago, but the harsh reality of the present day caused tears to leak out of Haley's eyes as she drove alone down the quiet street.
He was everywhere; in her head and her heart, in the seats of her car, walking down every street of the small town they still shared. His face smiled across from her in every shop window, his eyes bluer and clearer than the Cape Fear river on the sunniest day.
Tree Hill was just too fucking small, and she was still just too fucking in love with him to ignore the ghost of their relationship over every square inch of this town.
"I just need a sign," she whispered to herself, tipping her head back to stare at the roof of the car, as if the answers were scribbled on it. Anything from the universe telling her it would be ok, reassurance that her future wasn't going to be in this torturous limbo while she waited to get through the pain.
With nothing but an empty apartment waiting for her, Haley turned into Front Street, subconsciously deciding to take the long way home and hoping that the busy streets would serve as a distraction. On either side of her, happy people - people like she used to be - walked with shopping bags or takeout coffee cups in their hands, laughing and smiling. She passed several happy dogs being walked. Families, couples, teenagers were all out, enjoying the fresh air and getting on with their lives.
The traffic lights ahead changed to red, breaking Haley out of her thoughts as she stomped heavily on the brakes. She used the pause from driving to swipe at her wet face, her vision clearing enough to notice the familiar intersection where the car sat, idling. Karen's Cafe's red and white awning waved to her, fluttering for attention, ushering in all the memories she had of her and Nathan in that very building. Sure enough, it only took the briefest of glances at her former place of work before she could see the two of them in the corner booth by the window. It was the seat he would occupy while he tried to study, Haley swirling past to check his homework on her way to clear a table; it was where they would sit at the end of her shift, sharing a vanilla coke that she loved but he swore was too sweet (but still drank more than half of).
This wasn't the kind of sign she was after. What was the universe playing at, making her stop at this intersection full of memories just to give her the time to relive them, to feel the pain and loss all over again? The red lights and the stop signs weren't telling her she could move on; they seemed to be telling her the opposite.
A loud honking from behind her startled Haley, and her anxiety over being a new driver on her own caused her foot to instinctively press hard on the pedals. The small car revved loudly and her tires squealed as she shot away from the café and the life she used to have there. In an instinctive attempt to distance herself from both the memories and the embarrassment of being honked at, she turned away from Front Street and stopped the car in the nearest available spot, parking with the same careful deliberation she'd shown when she sat her driving test.
Desperation clenched at her stomach. She couldn't go home, to her small empty apartment where Nathan most definitely wasn't stretched across the couch watching ESPN or showering with the bathroom door open so he could still talk to her - neither the cold draft nor the noise of the water enough to prevent him from wanting to her hear plans for the day or to make plans for later. She couldn't go home but she couldn't escape the pain that curled its fingers around her heart. Even from inside her car, Haley could smell the Kilwins store on the next block where she and Nathan had bought countless ice creams together - always mint chocolate chip; a double scoop for Nathan and a single for her, even after she'd learnt that Rocky Road had, in fact, been his favorite flavor.
See? Brooke and Peyton had never seen that side of him, the Nathan who was so selfless he would order Haley's favorite ice cream instead of his own. What defined love more than that level of sacrifice?
To think it had all begun less than 100 yards from where Haley sat, parked on the side of the road. Up ahead, she could see the river sparkling so brightly it was as if someone had sprinkled glitter over its surface in celebration. It had looked like that on that day, too. She knew without actually seeing it, the bench that had become "Naley's", further along the Riverwalk. She wondered if she had to do that day all over again, if she would have changed anything.
Haley knew, of course, that she wouldn't have changed a thing. Not a single world, or second, or breath.
"I'm not ready for this."
Haley's head snapped up, her most encouraging expression already on her face. "Of course you're ready, Nathan. Your exam is tomorrow and you've been studying so hard for months. You got a B+ on your last practice exam!"
When her most heartening words were greeted with silence, she noticed that Nathan was not scowling in frustration at the problems she'd set out for him to answer, but instead was staring absently out at the water, his gaze oblivious to the beauty of their surroundings.
(Well, as Haley would quickly find out, not oblivious to all the beauty...)
"Not finals," he finally explained. "Just... this. I'm not ready for this to end."
Haley furrowed her eyebrows. She was used to being the one who he always misunderstood. It was disconcerting to have their usual roles reversed.
"What do you mean? High School?" Again, she received no response, so pushed on in earnest. "Nathan, you've had a high school career that most people could never even dream of having. That's not going to end... I mean, it will end, but we have finals and graduation first... But I mean, you're off to even bigger and greater things, Nathan. Away from this town and away from Dan. You're ready for all of that."
Finally, the iceberg blue of Nathan's irises turned to her and Haley almost fell off her seat with the intensity of his stare.
"That's not what I mean."
The tutor remained silent. The misunderstanding sat heavily between them and Haley knew that, for once, she was the one who had to listen and learn.
"I mean I'm not ready for this to end, for us," Nathan's hand waved lazily at the table where their study materials lay ope, but his gaze remained heavy and meaningful. "For you and I to be over."
"Me and you," Haley whispered automatically, her throat too clogged with emotion for anything stronger. "I'll still be around, Nathan, you know I'll be at Duke, too. If you need any help with your classes you can just... call me," she finished, lamely. Why was she still talking? Shut up, Haley!
Nathan stood up, startling her. He maneuvered his tall frame around the small table until he was sitting beside her, knees facing her, the same intense look on his face.
"When I was a kid, I had this morning paper route. And every morning there was this moment right around dawn and I would just stop, breathe it all in. You could almost feel the magic in the world.
"But sitting here with you, I feel that same stillness. And I can almost believe that the world's not as screwed up as I know it is..."
The odds of Nathan saying what she thought he might be saying were slim to none, so why did it sound like he was saying exactly that? Haley felt light-headed; her breaths were short and shallow and her heart was racing like a trapped hummingbird.
"Haley..." Nathan's voice sounded strangled, so vulnerable, as if her name was balanced on a tightrope. "These tutoring sessions are the best part of my day, but I don't want you to just be my tutor. I want to be able to spend more time with you, to hold you, to kiss you. I want to be with you... To be someone good enough to be seen with you..."
Haley was vaguely aware that during his speech, Nathan had edged even closer to her. His knee had slipped in between hers and his hand had found the space of seat behind her. If she were capable of taking a deep breath, the swell of her breasts would press into the hardness of his chest. Even sitting, he towered over her, looking down at her with those deep blue eyes.
"Nathan..."
"I want to spend more time with you, too. I want to be with you, too. I want you to hold me and kiss me..."
She couldn't get the words out, but everything she couldn't say must have been written all over her face or in the way she said his name, because in the next instant Nathan's arm was around her waist and his head was lowering to softly pull her bottom lip in between his.
The kiss was sweet and chaste. Haley wound her arms around Nathan's neck to pull him even closer, to deepen the kiss. Her heart was dancing like the sun's rays on the river behind her.
It was their beginning, and it was perfect.
Haley had no idea how long she had been sitting alone in her car, crying by the side of the road, but when she glanced up, an entirely different Tree Hill had emerged.
The bright sunshine she'd woken up to earlier that day had disappeared, hidden entirely by thick grey clouds. Her windscreen had been soaked with rain, which created hundreds of tiny rivers racing down the glass. She noticed that while she had been lost in her memories, the streets had deserted, no longer filled with the laughing, happy people she'd been so envious of before.
"What sort of fucking sign is this?" Haley yelled to the empty Mazda, once again resorting to the type of language reserved for her most painful moments. Her body ached - from her hangover or her heartache she didn't even know and she couldn't bring herself to care. She just wanted the torture to end, to stop being the sort of person who annoyed her friends and who cried by herself in cars. She wanted a sign to tell her she would be ok.
With a sigh as heavy as the weight on her heart, Haley started the car again. As the windscreen wipers smoothed an arc through the rain blocking her vision, a figure appeared, walking away from the Riverwalk and onto the street in front of her.
Her heart stopped. She knew that figure, even through the rain - especially through the rain. As if being startled by the sudden sound of the engine, the figure's dark head looked up, its eyes connecting with hers through the windscreen.
This time, Haley knew it was real. She knew it wasn't a vision conjured from her constant thoughts of her ex-boyfriend, of all the memories that surrounded her and filled her head. It really was Nathan Scott standing in front of her. She quickly twisted at her keys to turn the car off before jumping out into the cold rain and across the street.
"Nathan, what are you doing here?" She had to yell to be heard over the sound of the rain hitting the road. She didn't care that they were in a public place, that he had every right to be walking away from the docks as she had to be parked beside them.
"I... I was at our bench... our old bench." Nathan looked as surprised to see her as she had been to see him, but Haley thought he looked as handsome as ever with raindrops falling off his raven-dark hair, his navy t-shirt nearly black and clinging like a second skin to the contours of his upper body. "I was actually just on my way to see you. We need to talk, Hales. I don't want to be apart from you any longer, it hurts too much. I need you..."
His words poured out like rain from the sky, and Haley's unbelievable laugh sounded like music from her mouth, foreign to both pairs of ears because neither had heard it in the months they'd been apart.
"Come on, I'll drive you," she grabbed at his elbow to move him towards the white car in front of them.
A small but proud smile crossed Nathan's face as realization hit. "You got your driver's license."
"Yeah, I did."
They were both saturated, but neither minded or paid any attention to the way the rain soaked through their clothes and onto the seat below. With Nathan beside her in the passenger seat, Haley indicated before confidently pulling out onto the street and turning back towards her apartment.
The drive was short, she was met with green lights all the way home. There was no need to look for signs anymore; everything she needed to tell her things would be ok was right beside her in the passenger seat. Haley was ready to make new memories, and this time, she knew, they would never stop making them.
The end.