Summary - (Pre-series) It's 1963 and Chief Ironside is on the trail of corrupt cops and violent killers when Officer Ed Brown ends up suspended after a man hunt goes terminally wrong. (1/13)

Continuity - Set post the flashbacks in Tom Dayton by a couple of months, and post the first chapter of "Adventures In - Vehicles". I've put a list up on my profile to help keep track.

Prompts - ThisBlueSpirit's Snowflake list#10 "Look right through me; Memory" and 850fics - "Watch"

Warnings: violence, whump, language, and it's probably triggering for death, grief and bereavement too.

A/N - I know you're not going to believe me but I started out writing a nice little one-act murder mystery as a bit of fun after the emotional rollercoaster that was Aftermath. This is NOT that fic!

A/N II - And thank you once again to Realmlife for the beta -x-

A/N III - I forgot to add that the title is a Fields of the Nephilim song - "Last Exit for the Lost".

A/N IV - The cover image is from an icon made by OldToadWoman which is just GORGEOUS...

Status - 1/13 - updates weekly.

Chapter 1

Fallout

An uneasy silence hung over San Francisco's Department of Justice, the centre of the City's police force, as stubborn as the thick morning fog. People murmured in corners and muttered in the corridors, and there was only one topic of conversation: this morning's disastrous operation.

Chief Robert Ironside's office was on the second floor at the back, Room 501, just along from homicide. At some point over the previous few hours almost every officer had found an excuse to walk slowly past, curiosity getting the better of them, but no one was any the wiser.

Officer Ed Brown had been standing in the corridor outside the door for the best part of an hour, mostly staring at the floor, trying to form his scattered thoughts into some sort of order. During that time, three other officers had gone in, spoken to the Chief and come back out again. None of them had wanted to look him in the eye.

He glanced at him watch. Time had crawled as Ed had nothing to do but wait and think, and try to prepare himself for the worst. He'd gone over what had happened, each action and word, trying to understand what had gone wrong. None of it had helped, and very soon he was going to be called into that office and have to explain it to the Chief. And that was the very last thing he felt he could do. Each minute that passed made him feel less sure of himself and less able to explain. Maybe if he was very lucky an earthquake would bring the roof down on him and he wouldn't have t-

'Officer Brown!'

Ed looked up suddenly. Sergeant Carl Reese was waiting at the door for him to go through to the Chief's office. Ed barely knew him, although he'd often seen Reese around in Homicide and knew Chief Ironside often delegated casework to him, or Sergeant Anderson. Despite the lack of familiarity, Ed could tell the man didn't look happy. In fact, if Ed had to describe the look on Reese's face it would be fury, mixed with a healthy dose of disgust. But what else did he expect after what had happened?

'Officer!' the Sergeant repeated, jerking his head to the side. 'Don't keep him waiting.'

With a dry swallow, Ed made himself move. It took a concerted effort to step forward, his head felt light and his legs wobbled like he was walking on jello. He was heading for the lion in his den, not just as dinner, but breakfast and lunch as well. He was about to get chewed out by the world expert in chewing out junior officers. The thought made him shiver. But getting shouted at wasn't what he was worried about in reality. He was going to be suspended, or fired. He knew it. More than that, he deserved it.

As he walked to the door, it crossed his mind again that it would have been a better idea to have resigned already, but he found himself unwilling to do that. He wanted to speak to the Chief, to try and explain, and somehow to tell him just how sorry he was, and how he knew he'd screwed up.

Screwed up? No, he hadn't screwed up. This was so far beyond just screwing up that he couldn't think of a good way of describing it.

Legs shaking, somehow Ed managed to keep himself moving towards the Chief's office. Reese stood back from the doorway to let him inside then, still with that strange expression on his face and with a quick, inscrutable glance to Ironside, he pulled the door shut behind him with an unpleasantly loud thud.

Ed moved to stand in front of the Chief's desk, his head held as steady as he could, his arms down by his side, aware that Ironside was watching him, his steel grey eyes showing no emotion at all. Ed fixed his gaze on the bookshelf behind the Chief, staring at the pictures and trophies there. After a few moments, Ed realised he was sweating, and wanted to wipe his forehead, but he didn't dare move, in case the other man realised how overwhelmed and shocked he was. That was not going to count in his favour.

Instead, Ed waited.

He had been in this position twice before in the previous few months, but even though both of those had felt bad, he knew that this was going to be like facing a hurricane and a volcano at the same time.

As he stood, he could see out of the corner of his eye that Ironside looked away, and had turned his attention to the papers on his desk. For the next few minutes the Chief let him stand there at attention, silent, as he worked. Ed was very aware of the scratch of pen on paper, the muffled sounds of the traffic, the tick of the clock on the Chief's desk and his own erratic breathing.

There was very little noise from the corridor, but Ed knew that the steady stream of officers along the corridor wouldn't have stopped. Everyone in the building was interested in what had happened, and wanted to find out what the Chief was going to say to him. Any tidbit of news today would spread like a plague through the department in no time. Unfortunately, Ed already knew how intense the gossip could get, he'd suddenly had to get used to it during the Dayton case. It had been a relief when the whispering had finally petered out as he'd hated the attention, despite what some of his friends had thought.

The atmosphere in the office grew more oppressive as Ed stood there waiting, as if he was being crushed in a vice. With each moment that passed, Ed felt as if he was going to give in and break the silence. The pressure was getting close to unbearable. He hadn't moved, his neck was starting to ache, he could feel the sweat on his temples and under his shirt collar.

At last, the Chief finished writing and reached out to pick up the substantial file at the edge of the desk. He looked up. Ed stayed staring straight ahead, knowing what Ironside was doing but unable to make eye contact in case he was turned to stone. He steeled himself for the oncoming tirade, tensing the muscles in his arms and back, balling his hands into fists, hoping that would help and make him feel less like falling over.

'So,' the Chief said, his voice far too calm and quiet for Ed's liking. 'I want an explanation, Officer.'

Officer. The word felt like a slap and inside Ed flinched. Since that little "incident" with the patrol car a couple of months before, Ironside had taken to calling him Ed in private. Not anymore. He'd screwed that up as well. At least there was nothing else that could go wrong. Or he hoped nothing else could go wrong. But after a day like today, that was maybe a dumb thing to hope for.

'I said I want an explanation, Officer Brown!' Ironside repeated, a distinct snap to the words this time. Other men might have been shouting and cursing, but not Chief Ironside, someone known for keeping his cool in all circumstances. His anger was blatantly obvious in his expression and the tone of his voice, even if it was being kept under tight control.

Ed gulped a half-breath, knowing he had to speak but not able to make the sounds in the correct way to get actual words to come out of his mouth, all the things he had thought of saying vanishing like smoke in the morning mist.

'I-'

And how exactly was he going to explain this utter disaster? He wasn't even sure he could explain it to himself, let alone to an incandescently furious Chief of Police.

'I-'

Ironside gave a low growl, managing to look more furious than Ed had ever seen him before, just by the subtle change in the expression on his face.

'Well,' Ironside said at last, an unfamiliar and unpleasant edge of sarcasm to his voice, 'how about we try and make this a bit easier for you?'

Ed gulped, feeling an ice-cold chill run down his spine.

'Explain your orders to me, Officer,' Ironside said. 'The ones I gave you this morning?'

For a second, Ed remembered the flash of pride and confidence he'd felt when Ironside had pulled him aside earlier and told him he'd wanted Ed at the back alley, saying that he was the man he needed there. The words trustworthy and responsible had been used. Taking as deep a breath as he could, Ed forced words out of his mouth.

'You told me to watch the exit,' he said, his voice uneven. 'At the back of the hotel.'

'Watch the exit at the back of the hotel,' echoed the Chief, nodding very slowly. 'I gave you that detail as I thought you could be trusted with the responsibility.' Ironside waited, his eyebrows raised. Ed swallowed hard again, the pride he'd felt at being asked and trusted with the job was now just another source of guilt and regret. 'So why was Officer Carelli there?'

Ed's jaw tightened. Ironside waited, just sitting on his seat, watching what Ed was doing. He'd anticipated the question already, he had done almost nothing else but try to think up a good answer ever since he'd found the body. He could have said almost anything and it would have sounded acceptable. He'd considered a whole range of easy answers while he'd been waiting.

But Ed knew that there was absolutely no point in trying to hide what had happened. He understood himself well enough to know he'd never be able to sustain a lie, not a straight-up lie, right to the Chief's face. He couldn't. And even if he did, he'd never be able to look at himself in a mirror again. He'd already made a mess of this situation. The only thing he could do was own up and face the music.

'I swapped positions with Leo, I mean, with Officer Carelli,' Ed replied eventually.

'You swapped positions? I gave you a direct order, and you… swapped positions?'

'Yes, sir.'

Ironside leaned back, folding his hands together on the desk. Ed still didn't dare look directly at him.

'And you did this because…?'

That was another question he'd wrestled with. Again, Ed had decided that there was no point in trying to hide his own stupidity. The truth, the Chief should know the truth even though it made him look like an incompetent, gullible, thoughtless idiot who had no right to wear this uniform.

'Leo asked me to,' he said quietly.

Ironside gave a quiet grunt and shook his head in what Ed interpreted as an expression of resigned despair.

'Let me get this clear, Officer. Leo Carelli asked you to swap? And you said yes?'

Ed's lips were pressed tightly together. He couldn't speak, he just nodded.

'I see,' Ironside said calmly.

There was a cold pause and Ed knew what was coming next. He steeled himself as best he could.

'Leo Carelli is dead because of that decision, Officer Brown. Your decision.'

Ed felt a shudder run all the way down his body and couldn't suppress it. Hearing the words said with such disappointment hurt like he'd been burned. It was getting harder to keep himself upright, he felt he was standing on the deck of a boat in heavy weather. If only the floor would open up and swallow him. But it didn't, and he had to keep standing there, waiting, hopelessly wishing he could travel backwards in time and do things differently.

Leo Carelli was dead because he had been too weak to say no when he should have done. He was going to be sick. Leo was dead because of that decision. His decision.

Ironside leaned forward, putting his elbows on his desk. Ed still couldn't bring himself to look directly at the Chief.

'You'll give a statement to one of my sergeants,' he told Ed. 'But before you do, I want you to tell me what happened. Exactly what happened.'

It was almost three in the morning and Ed was standing at his designated position, close to the service entrance at the back of the Rum-Runner Hotel. He'd been here for the past five minutes, mentally running through what the Lieutenant had told him, and what the Chief had ordered, making sure he was alert and focused on the job. This was a big deal and he wasn't going to screw it up by being inattentive, even though it was the middle of the night and most sensible people were asleep.

All the officers here were on edge as everyone knew what was at stake. It had to go down right, that's what the Chief had said. There was more than just reputation on the line this morning. The suspect was dangerous, they'd all been warned, but the Chief needed the information he had and they were to do anything and everything they could to bring him in cleanly. And if the suspect was fool enough to show his face at this exit, then that was exactly what Ed was going to do.

'Hey, Brown! Brown!'

Ed jumped at the sound of his name and turned towards the back door of the hotel. He hadn't expected anyone else to be here now. They were all in position. Or they should have been.

Officer Leo Carelli greeted him with a stilted wave. Ed didn't wave back, but watched in confusion as his friend and fellow rookie trotted down the few stairs from the back door to the narrow alley below.

Leo was a similar age and build to Ed, but a good six inches shorter, with black hair and a round, friendly face. He usually smiled and had a warm, sociable nature that Ed liked, even if Leo did share the same childish sense of humour with Larry. But tonight Leo wasn't smiling, in fact he looked more anxious than Ed had ever seen him before.

A well-honed instinct was something that all good police officers shared, that's what they'd all been told repeatedly at the academy. As he watched his friend approach, Ed couldn't figure out what his instinct was trying to tell him, other than a vague sense of confusion, foreboding and… and…?

He shook his head, unable to figure out what he was sensing. But this felt wrong, unexpected, almost dangerous. He didn't like the feeling, especially not associated with a friend and someone he knew well.

'Hey, Ed,' Leo repeated as he came close.

'Leo? What are you doing here?' Ed asked warily. 'We're short on time. The Chief's gonna flip out if he finds you.'

Leo shrugged and looked nervously around, and Ed's vague bad feeling got that little bit worse. Anyone who disregarded what the Chief wanted with a shrug usually ended up out of their job.

'Look, Ed, I'm glad I caught you in time,' Leo said. 'I need to speak to you.'

'Why?' Ed asked. Suddenly, the part of his common sense that was pure instinct was crouching in a corner, growling at the other man.

'I need a favour.'

Ed knew what he was going to say. Initially, this had been Leo's position, but the Chief had told them to swap round at the very last minute. And now Leo was going to ask him to swap back. Ed mentally shook his head. Disobeying Ironside was insane. No, it was more than insane it was plain stupid. There was no way in hell he was going to agree.

'No!' he said firmly. 'No way!'

'Hey! You haven't even heard what I'm going to say.'

'You want to swap,' Ed said with a hiss. 'And the answer's no.'

An ugly, disdainful look crossed Leo's face and Ed saw the other man draw a long breath in as if he was building up to something.

'It's important,' Leo said. 'You've gotta swap.'

'Leo, are you insan-?'

'You've gotta swap back with me,' Leo said loudly, interrupting. 'You've got to. You can't say no.'

Ed stared at him.

'You must be tripping out!' he said in an incredulous tone as he could.

'Look, Brown, I know-'

'This is a joke, yeah?' Ed replied, shaking his head in confusion. 'Something you and Larry cooked up? Because you must be kidding! The Chief will have our badges! And that's after he's ground us into chili and served us up at the next Widows and Orphans Fundraiser!'

Leo looked frustrated and upset, and Ed couldn't understand what was going on. His instinct was of no help now either, it was too busy hissing and spitting in anger at the situation. After a cold pause, Leo crossed his arms and looked around anxiously again before he spoke.

'Ed,' Leo said, with an obviously fake effort to sound more calm than he was, 'I know it's a lot to ask, but-'

'No!'

'If you just understood why, Ed, then-'

'I'm not going to,' Ed told him, growing more angry and confused with each word they exchanged. What was going on? No one disobeyed a direct order from Chief Ironside, at least no one who was still an active police officer.

Ed stared at his friend. Leo couldn't have actually thought he would agree. What was he thinking?

'I need to,' Leo said, loud and angry in turn. 'Look, I can make it worth-'

'No!' Ed replied, horrified both at the suggestion itself and that Leo would suggest it to him. 'No! No! No! And I can't believe you would think that.'

Ed turned away, crossing his arms, considering the conversation finished. But he was aware that Leo didn't move. After a moment, he turned back.

'You are expected at the lobby,' Ed told him. 'So you'd better move before the Chief finds you.'

Leo gave him a very surly look, hurt and furious in equal measure. He didn't speak and didn't move away. Ed frowned, trying to think about what his instinct was telling him, but unable to focus thanks to feeling deeply insulted by his friend and the hot, fizzing anger this argument had brought on. They glared at each other, tension rising.

'What?' demanded Ed eventually. 'What did you expect?'

'I expected you to be a friend when I need one,' Leo hissed bitterly, so harshly that Ed flinched at the unexpected aggression in his voice. But all that did was make Ed even more determined not to agree. He glared at Leo in silence.

'You're such a fucking Boy Scout sometimes, Brown,' Leo growled. 'And you don't give a fuck about your friends.'

Before Ed could react, Leo stepped closer to him, poking at Ed with his finger.

'It should be my chance to show the Chief that I can do this. You've had your chance. I need mine. I need this.'

Still hurt and angry, Ed shifted uncomfortably. He knew the others had noticed the way the Chief had helped him, even taken him under his wing a little over the past few months since… he stopped the thought, trying to rephrase the sentence… since the end of the Dayton case.

Leo shifted closer, his face showing the signs of desperation.

'I need this,' he repeated. 'I need to make a good impression. I need to make it count. You've had your chance, man, I need mine. Today. Right now. I have to be here.'

Ed glared at Leo, unable to believe a friend would do this to him, put him in this impossible position, choosing between a friendship and his orders. Because the answer was still no. It was always going to be no.

Ed scowled, feeling more angry with every passing moment.

'No!' he said. 'Of course it's still no!'

'Ed, I have to be here.'

'Why?' Ed asked, not liking the way it felt like he was pleading for more information. 'And why are you doing this? The Chief is a fair man, he notices good people, you don't need to do-'

'I have to, Ed,' Leo repeated harshly. He took a step back, pulling himself up to his full height, the expression on his face harsh and uncompromising. 'Look, it's simple. If we swap, no one is ever gonna know.'

'I will!' Ed retorted.

Leo's mouth curled into a sneer. It was an expression Ed didn't like, and certainly not the way to get him to agree to anything. Ed looked more carefully at his friend, wondering if Leo had somehow gone mad, or was high on something. Because those were the only two explanations he could come up with for this unexpected and out of character behaviour.

'Why are you doing this?' he asked. 'Why, really?'

Leo glared at him, looking almost unrecognisable in his anger.

'I need the money,' he hissed, with a venom that took Ed by surprise. 'The reward.'

That wasn't what Ed had expected Leo to say and it made him pause. He'd not heard anything about a reward.

'What are you talking about?' he asked. Leo snorted rudely.

'Five thousand for the one who brings the man in,' Leo said scornfully. 'I heard it on the department grapevine. But I'm sure you already knew from Ironside!' Ed stared at his friend, blindsided by the accusation, but Leo continued. 'Everyone knows how broke you are now.'

The bitterness took Ed by surprise, and he struggled to find a good response. There wasn't a lot he could say. Thanks to Larry and Leo turning it into a running joke, the whole department knew he'd put everything he had into the deposit for the house and the ring. But he'd never expected anyone to turn it into such a cheap, low blow.

'That's not why I'm here,' he managed to say, his voice shaking with emotion, feeling whatever control he had beginning to slip. 'The Chief-'

'It's favouritism,' Leo said in a nasty, sneering tone. 'You've been getting special treatment since her murder!'

In the hollow silence that followed, Ed took two stumbling steps back, feeling the world tilt out of his control. He found himself unable to reply, hurt and confused by the accusation. Worse, in the back of his mind, he could feel the suffocating emotion at Anne's loss threatening to overwhelm him and everything else. He didn't want to be reminded of what was gone, he was finding it hard enough to keep his cool as it was, without being mocked about her death as well.

'I have to do this,' Leo said. Then his eyes narrowed, looking at Ed with a cold expression. 'Because I have someone who ne-'

Ed stopped abruptly mid-word, his breath suddenly catching in the back of his throat, aware that the action made the Chief look sharply up at him.

He could hear exactly what Leo had said and how he'd said it: 'Because I have got someone who needs me. But you don't have anyone to spend it on, do you?'

Now it came down to it, he couldn't say the rest of that sentence out loud. And he certainly couldn't tell the Chief the rest of the argument, as at that point it had degenerated into something that made him feel both deeply uncomfortable and ashamed of how easily he'd given in. The exact words were almost lost in a swamp of bitter emotions and he was left with little understanding of why he had finally agreed, other than the desperate and overwhelming need to make Leo stop saying her name.

Besides, the ending was just the same, so did it matter how aggressive and intensely personal the argument had become? He'd given in and agreed. That was the bottom line. He had known it was wrong, and a bad idea, but he'd agreed anyway.

Ed stayed silent, unable to speak, filled with the emotion of the moment, aware that the Chief's whole attention was fixed on him. The pressure made it hard to breathe and to think. He couldn't speak.

'And?' prompted Ironside at last. 'And then?'

With a shuddering breath, Ed forced words out.

'I said yes,' he replied, his voice shaking even more. 'We swapped.'

There was a long, empty silence. Ironside looked keenly at him and Ed had the unpleasant impression that the Chief knew a lot more about what had happened than he was letting on.

'I see,' the Chief said slowly. 'He said nothing else?'

'He just asked me again,' Ed replied, trying to hide the way his voice was choked with emotion as he spoke. 'He said no one would find out. I agreed.'

There was another long silence, as Ed forced himself to keep staring at the pictures, and not look to the Chief, hoping that there would be no more questions, praying that the Chief would let it drop. He couldn't try to repeat what Leo had said, just the thought of it made him feel sick.

Ironside was looking at him, standing there at attention, Ed could see the measured, thoughtful expression on the Chief's face. He was giving nothing away.

'So that was the last time you saw him, alive?' Ironside asked eventually.

Ed gave a slight nod.

'Then what happened?'

'I went to the lobby,' Ed told him, his voice even softer than before, 'where Leo's, Officer Carelli's, post had been. I waited.'

'Did you see anyone else?'

'No, sir.'

'Did you move from the lobby?'

'No, sir.'

Ironside gave a humph, but Ed wasn't sure what that meant.

'Did you have your gun drawn?'

'Yes, sir.'

This time Ed saw Ironside nod. They had all been told to expect trouble, to be on their guard against the suspect, who was armed and considered dangerous.

'Then?'

'I waited,' he said. 'It was quiet and there was no one else anywhere. There was nothing unusual for the next five or six minutes.'

In truth, Ed wasn't sure what had happened while he was in the lobby. He'd completely lost track of time and all he could remember was staring at a wall.

Again, the Chief nodded.

'And then?'

Ed tried to swallow, but his mouth was very dry.

'I heard a shot. From the back of the building. I ran.'

He'd been thirty seconds away at most, and had reacted instinctively to the noise. But by the time he got to the back there was nothing he could do. Leo was on the ground, dead.

The image was as clear now in the office as it had been once he'd staggered down the stairs. A person on the ground with blood pooling next to them, growing bigger with each second. It was the first dead body he'd seen since hers and the thought of it made him feel the loss all over again. For a few moments he'd hesitated on the last step. He hadn't seen Leo lying dead on the ground, he'd seen her lying there, her blood on the floor and her pretty diamond engagement ring sparkling in the light.

The memory passed in a flash. Because it wasn't Anne, it was Leo on the floor: Dead.

'Officer!'

The word made Ed start, remembering where he was.

'I heard a shot,' he repeated. 'And I ran to the back. Leo was on the ground. I went down to see if I could help him but-' Ed gulped down a breath, '-but there was nothing I could do.'

He knew Leo was dead from the very first second, there was something in the way he was lying, so still and static. He lay face down on the ground, his head close to the base of the steps, his right arm outstretched as if he had been holding it out for help, his other arm bent at an impossible angle, the hand twisted too far round. In the middle of his back was a dark stain and-

'Did you touch anything?' Ironside asked suddenly, dragging Ed's attention back from past to present.

'I checked for a pulse. His neck. The-' Ed hesitated again, trying to get the facts straight in his mind, trying to remember his training and exactly what he had seen and done, 'the left side.'

'And?'

'Nothing else. I called it in.'

Ed had no idea what happened next. He called it in and waited alone, staring at the dead body. And then the alley was full of people milling around, one of the sergeants appeared, then Sam, Jerry, Dalton and Larry as well. Suddenly it felt like hundreds of other officers were there, along with an ambulance.

'And that was all?' Ironside asked. 'You touched nothing else?'

Ed was about to ask what kind of utter idiot did the Chief think he was, but he already knew the answer to that. He knew exactly what kind of idiot he was, and so did the Chief. He shook his head.

'I see,' Ironside said. He sighed. 'I see.' There was a very chilly pause.

Suddenly the Chief stood, moving directly into Ed's vision, and they looked eye to eye, but only for a few seconds. Ed couldn't bear to meet his gaze and looked down to the ground. He felt the heavy stare of the other man burning into him with unfiltered fury and disgust.

'Officer?'

Somehow, Ed forced himself to look up again.

'I had the Commissioner on the telephone earlier,' the Chief told him, gaze still boring into him. 'And he is not pleased.'

Ed could hardly breathe now. He had to force himself to stay still and stop the swaying. Even though he was desperate to escape the crushing disappointment from the other man, Ed found he was fixed in place, turned to stone just like he'd feared.

'An officer has been killed in the line of duty,' Ironside continued. 'An officer who was not even supposed to be in that position. Commissioner Sewell expects me to get to the bottom of this matter. Without delay.'

'Ch-' Ed started to say, but Ironside cut in.

'He made it very clear that your conduct is not what is expected of an officer in the San Francisco Police Department.'

Ed had nothing to say this time. He stood there, waiting for the inevitable.

'I don't have any choice, Officer Brown,' Chief Ironside said. 'Once you've made your statement you will leave your badge and your gun downstairs. You're suspended, pending an investigation into your conduct. Now, get out of my office!'