*sheepish wave*

Hi...

I know I didn't update for a month, sorry people. I didn't have time to write my other fan fiction, Prank Wars, because I was writing this one!

(and because preparing for the SHSATs is a PAIN)

So this is a fan fiction for the amazing story of The Catcher in the Rye. We read it in class and we had to do a project about it. One of the options for the project is writing a fan fiction, so I obviously just had to choose that. And since my ELA teacher is awesome and loves fan fiction, she allowed me to post my fan fiction here!

So now you guys can read it.

:D

Anyway, this is how I think of Jane Gallagher. You can disagree, but just please remember that this is my opinion on her, okay?

Enjoy!

She barely realized that the phone was ringing, being too deep into her book to notice. The last thing she wanted to do was to talk to anyone right now, but being the good mannered kid she was she put down her book and answered the phone.

"Hello?"

"Jane? Jane Gallagher?" A feminine voice asked.

"Yes, hi, who are you?" Jane cautiously asked.

"Phoebe!"

"Oh, Phoebe, good to hear your voice again!" Jane said happily. "How are you? How is Holden? What have you guys been doing?"

"I'm great, actually. I went to see a movie with Alice the other night! It was called The Bellowing and it was okay, although Alice really liked it. She kept laughing and pointing at the screen all the time."

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself," Jane said with a smile. Phoebe was always such a positive little kid. "How's Holden doing?"

"Holden's doing… fine."

Jane's smile faded a little bit. Fine? That's it? "What do you mean, fine?"

"He's… y'know, fine." Phoebe sounded tense on the other side of the phone and Jane did not like it one bit.

"Phoebe…"

"He's in a mental hospital!" Phoebe said quickly.

Jane immediately sat up. "He's WHAT?!"

"He was kicked out of his school and instead of telling Momma and Daddy he apparently went all around Manhattan and met some bad people and drank alcohol-" Phoebe said it so quickly Jane had trouble understanding. "-and I don't really know everything about it because Momma and Daddy wouldn't tell me, but now I know that he's in a mental hospital and these weird people visit him to try to make him better!" Phoebe sounded out of breath, so Jane let her have a moment while she comprehended everything Phoebe just spilled. Holden's been kicked out of school?! For what?! She knew it wasn't a first but she still couldn't believe it as Holden was usually pretty responsible at home. Still lost in her thoughts, Jane barely noticed that Phoebe continued talking on the other side of the phone.

"Momma and Daddy told me not to tell you because they thought it might worry you, but I couldn't help it. I felt like you should know. Am I going to be in trouble now?!"

She sounded so scared and Jane's heart broke for the young girl. Using her calming motherly voice, she gently told Phoebe "I'm sure you're not. It's okay that you told me. Thank you for telling me. I'm sure Momma and Daddy will understand."

She thought she heard the little girl sigh but she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure of anything currently. And she was definitely not expecting the quiet question that came next.

"Are you worried?"

Jane tensed up. Of course she was, but could she just tell old Phoebe that? Clearly the girl was stressed enough. Did she need to give her another thing to stress about?

"I'm… not worried," she lied guiltily. She knew it was the right thing but it still felt terrible. "I'll be fine."

"Good. I don't want you to worry. I know you like Holden so I thought you might worry but I wasn't sure."

Jane immediately blushed. How did she know?! Jane never told anyone about her secret love for her friend. Not that she had someone to tell that to anyhow. So how did she know? WAS IT THAT OBVIOUS?! DID HOLDEN KNOW?!

"L-like?"

"Yeah, you like Holden. He's your friend, isn't he?"

Jane sighed and wanted to facepalm. Of course. Little innocent Phoebe that doesn't understand yet what crushes are. "Yeah, I like Holden. He is my friend."

Both girls were quiet. What are you supposed to say to your crush's little sister who just called to tell you that your crush was in a mental hospital?!

"Jane?"

"Yeah?"
"Holden, he's, he's gonna be okay, won't he?" Phoebe asked quietly.

"Of course he will," Jane told her. "He's gonna be just fine."

More silence. "Thanks for telling me, Phoebe," Jane said softly.

"You're welcome. Goodbye," Phoebe said and hung up.

Jane was lost.

It'd been a few days (not that she really knew how long it has been as she lost all track of time) since Phoebe told her the news. And since then Jane was worried.

She couldn't sleep at night, she barely left her room and ate so little that even her mother noticed something was wrong.

She didn't know what to do. On one hand, she wanted to come see him in the mental hospital, help him recover and be there for him.

But on the other hand… well, she couldn't do it. She was scared. Scared for him. Scared for herself. Scared that this would all blow up in her face if she made the wrong move, and he won't be her friend anymore. Scared that she would lose him.

Because Holden wasn't just her friend. He was her love. Her only love. He always had been.

Not that he knew. He never had even the slightest idea of how she really felt. And she was too much of a phony to tell him. So he probably will never know. And she will probably feel that way forever.

She never really knew why she was holding her feelings back. Jane just did. It's just how it was. It's always been that way, ever since she started crushing on him. It was always so obvious to her that this is meant to be a secret. That he could never, ever know. But why he could never know was still a mystery.

Jane remembered all the times she wanted to tell him. All the times it felt like too much, and she wanted to just spill it all. But one time stood out in her memory more than others. The day she and Holden went to see that movie. Or, more specifically, the day they kissed. Or almost kissed. Sorta kissed. She didn't really know what to call it. But she remembered it.

It started off as a normal game of checkers. She and Holden used to play a lot of checkers. Jane was winning, but only slightly, as she kept all her kings in the back row, instead of using them. Suddenly, Jane's stepfather came out onto the porch and asked if she knew where the cigarettes were. And Jane wouldn't answer him. He asked her again but she wouldn't talk. She just focused her gaze onto the checkerboard, even though she couldn't concentrate on finding her next move. After some time, the stepfather left, and Holden asked her if she was okay. But she couldn't even bring herself to answer her best friend.

And then, a teardrop fell from her eye. It plopped right onto a red square. And before she knew it, another one fell, and then another, until she was full out sobbing. And then Holden sat next to her, pretty much on her, and just started kissing her face. All over her face. And she didn't know what to do except continue crying.

Because how was she supposed to react? Should she have told her friend that she's worried for her mother because her stepfather is an alcoholic? Should she have tried to contain the tears that were pouring out? Should she have told the love of her life, who was sitting on her lap and was kissing her face that she loves him?

It was too much. She wanted to tell Holden all those things, but she couldn't bring herself to. She just couldn't do it. So she just cried as he kissed her face. Not her mouth though. She wouldn't let him. As much as she wanted to, she knew she couldn't. It wasn't fair to him, to let him kiss her without knowing her feelings towards him.

Why didn't you tell him? A little voice in her head whispered. You could've ended this if you'd just told him. And now it's too late. I guess you'll just hold your feelings back till the day you die.

Or maybe not, a second little voice appeared in her head, and Jane's face brightened.

What do you mean, 'maybe not'? It's over, he's in a mental hospital, the first voice said, and her heart sank again.

But he's not going to be there forever. One day, he'll get out, and then maybe you could tell him how you feel and stop holding back.

But it could take years for him to get out of there, the first voice whispered. He's been through so much, and he's in a really bad state mentally. He may never get out.

He might if you help him.

What do you mean, 'help him'? How can you help him? You probably don't mean anything to him anyway. How on earth would you help him?

By going over to that mental hospital and showing him how much you love him, the second voice explained.

The voices in Jane's head quieted down at that, and she sat up as her heart leaped at the chance to not only help Holden recover, but also showing him her love at the same time. She was ready to run over to that mental hospital and bring this idea to life when the first voice spoke up again.

Did you actually just consider that?! The first voice screamed at her, and she felt like it slapped her face. He doesn't love you! He doesn't care for you at all! And even if he did, you're too much of a coward to tell him how you feel! His family is probably there, trying to help him the same way. Even if he does care for you a little bit, do you really think that you can help him more than his family can?!

Jane deflated and sat back down. That voice was right. She probably didn't mean anything to Holden. There's no point in pretending that he cares about her, or that she can help him. There's no point in dragging herself into illusions created by her heart.

And then the second voice spoke up, slowly and gently. It's probably true, it said. You probably won't be able to help him. Jane wiped a tear off her cheek, nodding.

But you can try.

And for the third time that afternoon, Jane eagerly sat up all the way in her seat.

Isn't that what it means to love someone? To try to help them as much as you can, even if you don't succeed?

Jane stood up and walked over to the door, where she put on her coat.

Isn't that what it means to love someone? To do anything you can so they won't be in pain?

Jane opened the door and got on her bike faster than she ever did before.

And you love him, don't you?

"Jane."

She stepped into the small room, looking around. She tried to avoid his gaze as best as she could.

"Hi, Holden."

He was lying in the hospital bed, and as far as she could see, he was okay. A bit bruised here and there, but not seriously injured. At least not physically.

"Jane, I, I didn't know if you were going to come," Holden said quietly, and he sounded so sad that it shattered her heart into a million little pieces.

"Well, I did," She answered, even though she knew it wasn't technically a question. "I've come to help you get better." She sat on the edge of his hospital bed and it seemed like a little light entered his dark eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"Okay. Thanks for coming," He told her. She just smiled sweetly and tried to ignore the beautiful smile that he returned her.

"How are you?" He asked. She didn't really know what to say, so she settled on "Fine." She knew it was lame but she couldn't bring herself to say more. He has his own problems, she thought. He doesn't need to hear about mine.

Besides, Jane never shared much (if anything) about her home life.

There were a few minutes of silence in which both of them awkwardly stared at the ground. After a while, Jane decided to risk it and speak up.

"I brought checkers. Wanna play?"

His head shot upwards and the gratitude in his eyes stopped her heart. He looked so thankful that she felt like she was looking at a little lost puppy who was given some food.

"Really?"

"Really."

Jane wasn't sure, but she thought she saw a tear form in his eye before he turned his face away. It made her head dizzy and her heart skip a beat. Before either of them would have time to cry, she took out the checkerboard from her bag and spread it on the bed. As usual, she started setting up the red pieces while Holden set up the black ones. She was glad to see that he remembers that he's the black pieces. She didn't know if he would remember. She kinda expected him not to remember. But then again, she didn't know what to expect.

And so they played. She moved a piece, and then he moved a piece, and so on. But this time, Jane didn't keep her kings in the back row. She was done with that. She saw Holden's surprised look as she moved her king, but she didn't pay any attention to it. She let her king go. And now she'll see if she'll win the game, with her kings out in the open.

Hope you liked it. Please remember that this is written by a teenager who has never been in a relationship (and will probably never be), so I don't know much about love or anything of that sort.

Personally, I think that Jane and Holden would be an adorable couple.

Soooooooooo, yeah. Please leave a comment! I always love hearing feedback.

Have a good day!