She looked at Loki incredulously. She had spent hours the day previous debating whether it was a good idea to tell the dark-haired Asgardian how she felt.
"So, you're saying...?" she was confused. They had been getting on so well for the last few weeks, and that the flirtatious banter flowing between was just that. Flirtatious. Boy, did he look uncomfortable now, watching the emotions flitter quickly over her face.
"I am flattered by your… intrigue … towards me. Really, darling, I am…" he trailed off. This was not going nearly as well as Iris had imagined. She had expected a little surprise; maybe even a little hesitance; but not this. Not this.
"Is it because I'm not an "Almighty God" like you? Am I not on your class? Too human for you maybe?" Iris tried her best to hold the feelings of hurt from seeping into her voice, but she could not do it. "I know it isn't an ideal partnership by any means, especially with the way things are at the minute, but can you honestly say you feel nothing for me?" Her voice cracked.
"Your humanity is nothing to do with this. I just do not share the same feelings that you hold for me; and even if I did, this would not be a match worthy of such a lady as yourself. There are far better prospects out there than … me," he said. Loki hated to see the hurt clear on Iris's face. He knew that she would probably never forgive him for this. Iris just stared intensely at him, a tear slipping free.
"I battled so hard for the others to see the real you. The you that I … that I DAMN well fell in love with. You have been there through everything. All the pain, the damage that those people done to me before I got here. Nobody else understands me, us, the way we do each other. I have fought for validation for us both-" the sobs took over then, leaving Iris unable to finish. Her heart was breaking. The thoughts of how on earth could she continue like this invaded her mind. She needed to get away, she could not let him see this, her weakness for him.
Iris did not give Loki a chance to respond to her outburst. With her head hanging low, to try and cover the tears steadily streaming down her face, she stormed off. Loki stood there, looking after her receding form. He knew in time she would understand why she had to go through this pain now, to save her the heartbreak later when she realised, he could not be the man she needed him to be.
*Break*
Iris sat on the cold floor of her balcony. Headphones in, her music blasting. Every song she could find relating to heartbreak playing on her phone. This part of the rejection process was always the most important one, she felt. Let the emotions out to allow the healing process to begin. If it was only that easy.
There was a knock at the balcony door. Iris glanced up from the corner of her eye and saw long, feminine, legs. At least he was not here to rub it in anymore. Men were always such assholes anyway.
Iris turned away again, hoping her visitor would get the indication that she was not in the mood for company. She was not much of a people person, and she, most certainly would not be around anyone for any length of time soon. Loki had destroyed any hopes of her getting closer to anyone else in this god forsaken place. Huh, Gods.
"Are you going to mope out here all day?!" a hand snatched the headphones out of Iris' ears. She scowled even more, rapidly wiping away the evidence clearly on her face as to why she was sitting on her balcony in the freezing cold with a hoodie and no shoes.
"I'm not moping. I am thinking; and I prefer to do that alone, thank you very much," said Iris. She looked up at the sky, glancing briefly to her friend before looking away.
"What the hell did he say? I'm going to bloody kill him!" She grabbed Iris and hauled her to her feet.
"Nat, please, just leave it. I was a fool for thinking someone would actually …" Iris hung her head. Nat hugged her, tucking her head under her chin.
"He's too old for you anyway. You kids are so quick to grow up and date the bad guys, feel cool for a while," she murmured. Iris sobbed quietly against her chest. "Do you know what we need? We need a distraction! In the form of thin tall glasses with ice, and maybe a disco light or two." Iris sniffled, nodding gently. Alcohol was the next best thing.
Later that evening found Iris standing Infront of her mirror. They had overheard the guys earlier talking about the dart rematch Steve and Thor were dying to have, so she knew fine rightly Thor's brother would be there in attendance. The best way to get over a broken heart was to fill it with something else. Temporarily, of course. So, with that in mind, Iris had decided she would wear her favourite green and black dress. It was short at the front and long at the back and had a gold snake design that wrapped around the waist and curled up her breast to lie with its head over her heart. She felt it very fitting for this evening. She had bought it with the raven-haired male in mind but had yet had the opportunity to wear it out. Paired with the highest heels her feet could stand, a face full of make up to compliment the dress, extra heavy on the eyeliner because why the hell not, she was ready to go.
Except she was not.
She stared into the mirror. Prodded her belly once, twice. Maybe Loki was shallow. After all, Iris was far from thin, but she was not fat. She was probably heavier than most of the female avengers, but she was in damn good shape if she did say so herself. She had to be. With a sigh of dejection, Iris bent down to take the dress of when her door opened.
"Please tell me you are not thinking of taking that dress off?!" Nat stared at Iris, shocked and annoyed. Iris straightened but refused to meet her gaze.
"I can't wear this. I cannot go, I cannot see him. I love him. I love him more than he will ever know, and I just cannot stop thinking about it. Is he shallow? Is it me? Does he honestly think he is not worth it? Or does he think I am not worth it? These thoughts keep going round, I know I was a mess already, but I was an OK mess. I could deal with it. I cannot deal with everything like this. I am … I wish I could go back, take the words back because the pain is not worth it. I need to go. I cannot stay here. He is down there, with them. Mocking me. Making fun of the fat girl who thought she had a chance with a God. I am a joke. An absolute belter of a moron." Iris panted heavily. Tears threatened. The word vomit would just keep coming. She had issues, everyone does. Being the bigger girl, not as smart as everyone else, maybe not so quick when it came to her naivety, but she was powerful. She could hold her own against Thor and Loki, not many of them could. She could bloody well do it blind folded.
"The only thing wrong with him is he honestly believes he is better than us because he is a God. Ok, yeah, fair enough. He IS a God. He is a POWERFUL God. But he also underestimates his sway with us. Look at how many times he has tried to take over the world and failed? Heck, the last time he did he turned himself in. I think you just need to give him time. You probably took him by surprise. So, you are going, you are not getting changed. Love him. Let the emotions go through the phases they need too. We are all here for you. I do not know Loki well enough to comment on his own state of mind, other than his arrogance, complete lack of respect for humanity, and his egotistical and psychopathic tendencies, but I would say you are more than worth it. It does not feel-good right now, but you will get over it, or you will use it to fuel that hate fire running deep in your veins. They try and mock you; they will have the three of us girls to deal with, and I am quite sure they appreciate their manhood's in the condition they currently are. I am not entirely sure what an absolute belter of a moron is, but you have got this queen. So, anything else?" Nat rubbed Iris arm comfortingly.
"An absolute belter of a moron is an outstanding example of a stupid person. It's a Northern Ireland thing." Iris smiled meekly. Nat just rolled her eyes at Iris.
She felt somewhat better and knew she would feel a lot better soon. She sometimes forgot she was one of the youngest Avengers, but she was thankful to have Nat and Wanda, even if they did mummy her sometimes.
Taking a deep breath, Iris linked arms with Nat, and they headed down the hall. The biggest thing now was to brave the men. This was going to be a disaster in the making, she could just feel it.
Iris was sat by the bar, away from the others. She could feel the stares on her back. She was an absolute wreck and dressing more provocatively than she normally did was not helping. Now that her anger at Loki had dissipated, so had the shiny new confidence boost of rebound revenge.
They had a few different tables going on. Thor, Bucky and Loki sat at one, and Steve, Peter, Nat and Wanda sat at another. Tony, as usual, had his personal booth for him, Bruce and Pepper, though they would not have objected to either Iris or Peter sitting with them. As much as Tony hated to admit it, he held a soft spot for both 'kid' Avengers.
Steve was watching Iris out of the corner of his eye. "How's she holding up?" he asked Nat. Nat glanced over to Loki, then Iris, then at Steve.
"She was a raving mess. Honestly, I do not envy her. You would think being as powerful as she is she would have more faith in herself. She can kick ass better than any of us on a bad day, yet she still worries that boys do not find her attractive. It breaks my heart." Nat sighed.
Iris twiddled her thumbs, she was contemplating sneaking out when no one was looking, and so far, she had come up with 3 almost fool proof plans. 1, fake an illness. 2, go invisible, sneak out undetected. 3, blow something up, sneak out during chaos. The issue with number one was that she was a terrible liar. The issue with number 2 was that her thoughts could be discovered while being invisible (and it had not always been successful to uphold), leaving her vulnerable to Loki's mind tricks and number 3 was just morally wrong. So far number 3 was looking the most appealing…
"This seat taken?" Iris turned her head to look at the stranger. He was a little shorter than Loki, eyes almost the same shade of green and his hair was a lot shorter, but the same darkness. He was good looking, though Iris was a little disappointed that she did not find the male quite as attractive as she should have. For human standards, this guy was sex on wheels. Pity she had Godly standards these days for men.
"It's a free country," Iris replied. The male sat down, eyebrows shooting up, but he smiled.
"That's quite the accent you've got there. Is it Scottish?" He winked at Iris; she inwardly rolled her eyes. Most people did not comment on her accent, for fear of upsetting her. Mostly, it was amusing to see them guess.
"No, I'm from Northern Ireland. Moved over with my sister last year when she… You don't need to hear my life story..." Iris chuckled briefly, in an awkward manner, but the male smiled at her anyway.
He held out his hand, "the name's Scott. Can I buy you a drink …?"
"Iris, and I would very much like that, thank you. Long Island Iced Tea?" Iris could not help but glance over at His royal pain in the butt. It made her giddy to see that Loki was watching their every move, without looking of course. She closed her eyes briefly, probing his mind. He usually had his thoughts very well guarded, and today was no exception. How she would have enjoyed being a fly on the wall for that conversation.
The rest of the night passed without incident. Iris exchanged numbers with Scott, with a promise to a proper date, though he was a little bit nervous of the fact he was almost six years older than her. She had reassured him on several occasions that it was not a problem for her, after all, if she can see herself dating a man who had hundreds of years on her, a handful was nothing in comparison. Not that Iris was consciously thinking about Loki or anything.
They all bundled in home, Iris trying to escape the probing eyes of everyone. The girls had asked on several occasions who the saucy man she was talking to was, and she had felt, more than once, the gentle prodding of Loki's mind. She had left a polite notice outside her mental defences that told him to get the fuck. She was unsure of whether he had received her message, but the last glance they had exchanged seemed to be the last of them.
When she thought no one was looking, Iris made a dash for the stairs. She knew fine rightly most of them would be too tired and drunk to even consider walking up one flight of stairs let alone 12. Until she collided with a solid chest. Why was she always cursed to look at her feet when she was walking?
Arms snaked around her to steady her, before dropping back down. She did not have to look up to know who was standing in front of her.
"Did you want something, Loki?" She avoided his gaze. She was not in the mood for this game. Not right now.
"Will you be seeing him again?" Cold, calculating. Devoid of emotion. Iris could not read his thoughts either. Damn.
"I don't think it's really any of your business, is it?" she snapped back. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him.
"Can you at least believe my intentions are … honourable?" he narrowed his eyes slightly. Another gentle prodding, so she returned the favour.
"Honourable? You think honour matters to these people in this time on this planet? If your intentions were any decent you would not have done what you did. That is just the way I see it. You broke my heart; and that is ok. We aren't always going to get what our hearts want," she smiled sadly at him. Her eyes were tearing up, and Loki had to admit it was killing him, seeing her like this.
Iris raised her hand, so she was holding on to his. Gently, he moved it from her chin, letting it drop to his side. Iris stepped back, then around Loki. He watched her as she disappeared up the stairs…
Weeks went by. Iris had heavily been concentrating on training and seeing Scott when their schedules would allow. She had not been on any missions since that night, but she knew in her heart she was not ready mentally. She would be too big of a distraction, and especially with Loki going on as many as he could. They had barely spoken to each other; she had spoken to barely anyone full stop. She could not. She saw the way they looked at her, the pity in their eyes. They always asked her if she were OK, and when she would lie and say she was fine, they never questioned her about it. They were too quick to believe the lie. The only one that really seemed to care was Scott. He always seemed to know when to text things to say to her when she needed to hear them. It always blew her mind how Intune they were sometimes. She really did enjoy them, and sometimes she felt that she would live past the pain in her heart.
Today found Iris training by herself, not that that was anything new. She knew they had come back from the latest mission, and there were a few stares burning down at her from the windows. Sometimes she hated the fact that it was the first room that people looked down into when they stopped off the elevator.
"Concentrate. No distractions. Clear your mind, Iris," she muttered to herself. She punched the bag a few times more, trying to decide if she should try another sonic punch. She had only ever done it once, by accident. She looked up quickly to see if there was anyone watching from above, or out the Gym doors. Satisfied she would more than likely get away with breaking a few windows, she concentrated the power into her fist. She could see the faint glow around it, knowing the punch was charging, but just as she was about to release it, someone grabbed her arm.