Disclaimer: Don't own.
Ino's eyes narrowed as she examined the bouquet that Naruto had selected.
White candytufts, yellow carnations and daffodils, and purple-pink foxgloves.
Unacceptable.
"You're an idiot," she said, snatching the abominable combination out of his hands. "I can't let you give this to Hinata, she'll hate you."
Naruto blinked at Ino in confusion. "Huh? But why? I think these colors go really well together, ya know! White for Hinata's eyes, purple for her favorite color, and yellow for her second-favorite color! Why would she hate me?"
Ino sighed deeply. "Naruto, when you pick flowers for someone, you can't only consider how pretty they look."
Naruto blinked at her again and scratched his head.
...He still didn't get it.
"See, flowers have meanings, not just a pretty appearance, got it?" she snapped. "And if you give this bouquet to Hinata, you'll be telling her that you're indifferent to her, that you're insincere, and that you don't like her!"
"...Buh?"
Ino slammed her hands against her poor, tortured head, before walking around to rummage through the flower shop.
"White, yellow, purple, pink..." she muttered under her breath, gathering together some asters, white camellias, some pink camellias, and some yellow geraniums and gerberas.
There. This was suitable. And hopefully Hinata would get the meaning. Ino paused and threw in some red carnations and sunflowers into the mix. She was taking a slight risk with the sunflowers, but they were Hinata's favorite, so Ino figured that it would be okay.
She whipped them all up into an expertly done bouquet and shoved it into Naruto's hands.
"Give this to Hinata," Ino instructed.
"But..."
"Just do it! Because I said so!"
Naruto scowled, but paid up.
"Ugh, both you and Sakura-chan lately are so – "
Ino cracked her knuckles, causing Naruto to shut up immediately.
She let go of a deep breath when he finally left a few minutes later.
She didn't know what was going on between Naruto and Hinata, but she did know what should go on between Naruto and Hinata, and Ino had set herself the task of making it happen, even if she had to make a hundred bouquets from scratch.
Being a chess master was tough, but she crossed her fingers that all would go according to plan.
It didn't go according to plan. A week later, Hinata came into the flower shop (or rather, Ino made her come into the flower shop), seemingly thinking that it was appropriate to gift a friend (sadly not more than that, from what Ino could tell) red pheasant's-eye, purple carnations, yellow heleniums, and some orange lilies.
Ino wanted to cry. It was one thing from an oblivious moron like Naruto, but she expected better from Hinata.
Did no one else on the planet understand the delicate and meaningful flower language except her clan? There was definitely a class on it when they were studying in the Ninja Academy...
"Oh...um, I'm very sorry, Ino-san..." Hinata mumbled when she voiced this thought out loud. "But...I...um...I didn't...pay attention to that class."
Ino's jaw dropped.
Why are you doing this to me? she wailed inside her mind.
"I like flower pressing, but I wasn't interested in learning the flower language," Hinata protested, although in the most remorseful voice she could muster. "I mean, aren't all flowers beautiful? Should we really be saying things about how one flower is good and other flowers are bad?"
Oh God.
Hinata was giving her almost the exact same reasoning Naruto had, just in a sweeter, more palatable fashion.
Deep breaths, Ino, deep, deep breaths.
She pasted a smile onto her face, a torturous effort considering the slight, however gentle, against her beloved flower language. "Okay...Hinata..." It wouldn't do to blow up on this shy, kind girl, so Ino tried to phrase things as gently as she could. "Naruto might get the wrong idea if you give him these flowers."
Unlikely as pigs flying. Naruto couldn't care less about flower language and would be delighted with any flowers that he got. But Ino had principles, damn it! She wasn't going to let Hinata gift him an abomination such as the one she had in mind. She was a chess master and she wouldn't let these awful inauspicious bouquets they picked mar the epic romance she had in mind for them.
They don't have an epic romance, Ino, a Shikamaru-like voice said in her mind. Don't you have any hobbies other than playing chess master or shogi master or whatever and forcing them to get flowers for each other?
Ugh, shut up, idiot, she snapped back. Where Forehead failed, I will succeed!
"Here, Hinata," she said, whipping up the exact same bouquet of red carnations, asters, white and pink camellias, and yellow geraniums, gerberas, and sunflowers as before. "I think these are better suited for Naruto. He'll love it!"
"But – "
"No buts, I'm here to help you on your quest for true love!" Ino yelled.
Hinata yelped, her face turning as red as a rose.
Exactly, you'll be thanking me when this is over, Ino thought in triumph.
"It's on the house!" she called out, brushing aside Hinata's attempts to pay. "Now go give these to Naruto and ask him to marry you!"
Hinata covered her eyes and ran out of the flower shop, her entire body red now, not just her face.
At least she took the bouquet with her, though.
It still didn't work.
Two weeks after she made Naruto pick flowers for Hinata, and one week after she made Hinata pick flowers for Naruto, there was still no material change in their relationship whatsoever. None.
They still spent time together. As friends. They trained together. As friends. They ate ramen together. As friends.
It was driving Ino insane.
How do you give flowers to the other person and still not have the relationship budge? Okay, she understood, they didn't care about flower language, but the act of giving flowers on its own was supposed to be romantic and clearly a signal that you were interested in someone, or were already with them. So many people had passed through the Yamanaka flower shop for this single-minded purpose.
These basic facts of life did not seem to apply to Naruto and Hinata. She did not know why.
She did not know why, but she wouldn't let it stop her. She knew that working on them would be tough. After she'd gotten back from her mission for the daimyo, Sakura had treated her to a long rant about trying to set up the two fools via practice dates with Neji, library research with Sai, and pop quizzes on random trivia about Hinata with Sakura. It seemed, from the barely intelligible rant, that the entirety of Team 7, Team 8, and Team Guy had conspired to throw together the shy one and the oblivious one. They'd even picked out the location of the date for Naruto and Hinata (the sweet shop), only for them to turn around and go to Ichiraku.
And after that, well, she tried not to think about that part, because that was when she'd entered the picture, fresh from her mission for the daimyo, only to find out that she'd accidentally hit the pair a week ago with her secret jutsu and caused them to switch bodies.
That was an awkward moment.
But it didn't work, it seemed. No one involved in the fiasco had detected any change in their relationship, something which was beyond belief, in Ino's opinion.
"Maybe you're looking at this the wrong way," Chouji said with a mouth filled with potato chips, when she had paused in the middle of the rant to come up for air. "Just because you like flowers doesn't mean that they will, Ino."
"What do you mean?"
"Look at me," Chouji said. "I'm a dango over flowers guy. If someone gives me a lifetime supply of dango, I would love them forever. Maybe you should make them feed each other."
She snorted. Typical Chouji. But it was nice of him to give her some advice regardless. Better than Shikamaru, who bluntly told her that the best way to set up Naruto and Hinata would be "to leave them alone and not be troublesome, because that's what someone like me would appreciate."
Nonsense. Ino had a score to settle with Sakura. She would be the one to succeed where all others had failed, and fine, if Naruto and Hinata were dango over flowers people, she could work with that.
No dice.
By the end of the disastrous attempt to force Naruto to make dango, Ino's ninja uniform was splattered in sweet soy sauce, some of which had made it into her hair, and of course, all over the kitchen floor, because Naruto was incapable of doing anything without making a giant mess.
She wanted to rip her hair out, but instead she settled for picking up a skewer with her sticky, soy sauce-coated hands and hurling it at Naruto at high speed.
He barely ducked in time, but Ino nicked off a bit of his blonde hair as the skewer sailed past his ear dangerously.
"What was that for?" Naruto yelled.
"For being an idiot!" Ino yelled back. "How did you make the pot explode?"
"I don't know, it just started vibrating funny and – "
"Yeah, even I could see that! I'm asking how – "
Someone cleared her throat menacingly, bringing their bickering to an abrupt halt.
Naruto and Ino slowly turned around.
"Just what do you think you're doing, young lady?" Ino's mother asked in a deadly calm voice. Her foot tapped on the floor in an impatient staccato – a warning of the impending storm.
Damn it.
Dango over flowers was so not worth it.
Ino salvaged what she could from her mother's murderous rampage – surprisingly seven sticks' worth of hanami dango. She tried to cheer herself up by reminding herself that seven was a lucky number, and went off to present them to Hinata (she did not trust Naruto not to do something like trip over a rock and ruin the dango).
"Mmmm, 'ummy," Hinata mumbled around a mouthful of dango. Her Chouji-like mannerisms made a laugh bubble out from Ino's throat, and Hinata's face turned as red as a rose again.
It was cute, actually.
"Really, Hinata? You like it?"
She nodded. "Did you make this for me, Ino-san?"
"No, it was Naruto!" She threw her head back and laughed again. "Who would have thought that the moron had it in him?"
This made Hinata frown.
Excellent, Ino thought. Maybe she was feeling protective over him and didn't like him being called a moron. She could work with that. A chess master had to use all the tools at her disposal after all.
"Naruto-kun is a really talented and amazing person, Ino-san," Hinata said defensively. "When he puts his mind to it, he can do anything."
She could work with this.
"You know..." Ino said with feigned casualness, which Hinata luckily did not seem to notice. "You've always been sticking up for him, even when he does something stupid, huh? You're a good friend, Hinata."
Ino crossed her fingers, hoping that Hinata would slip up and admit that Naruto was more than a friend, just like she'd slipped up in her usually graceful ways and talked with her mouth full, but...
Hinata slowly swallowed the last bit of the dango and said, "I don't know why you and Sakura-san flatter me so much. If anyone's a good friend, it's you, Ino-san."
Ino deflated. Seriously, what was she thinking, that Chouji's advice would actually work?
"Besides," Hinata said. "Ask any of the ninja around and they'll tell you that I'm – "
Oh God, not this again.
"Hinata, we've talked about this. You always downplay yourself so much, and I have to be honest, I hate it."
"But – "
"Come on." Ino grabbed Hinata's wrist and dragged her off from the Hyuuga compound and into the main street. "We need to get you some therapy."
"I don't need – "
"Yes, you do. If you shut up and let me tell you how amazing you are, I'll buy you some cinnamon rolls."
Hinata mercifully shut up after that. The lure of cinnamon rolls was apparently too much for her.
But it was so typical that Ino had approached her today for matchmaking purposes, only for the visit to become derailed into a counseling session.
Oh well. She'd just have to try again with something else.
"And then the Mizoguchi clan will allow you to stay overnight in the village after you've delivered the scroll to them. I've talked it through with them and they've agreed to – "
"Tsunade-sama, I think Naruto and Hinata should be on this mission with me," Ino blurted out.
Tsunade blinked at Ino's sudden outburst.
"Um...robbers," Ino clarified. "What if...robbers attack me for the scroll? I'll need protection."
Once again, as likely as pigs flying. The odds of being robbed were slim to none; she was set to take a secure route with very few highwaymen. And she was perfectly capable of defending herself if the need ever arose. But after pondering through her options for over a week, she'd come to the conclusion that all she needed to do was make them be alone together, for hours, and...supervise them. Or give them a push in the right direction. And this mission was the perfect excuse...erm, opportunity. Shikamaru would call this "troublesome meddling," but she had to do what she had to do, and if this would help her defeat Sakura once and for all, so be it. Mentally, Ino had calculated the odds of Tsunade-sama accepting her troll logic to be as slim as her winning the lottery, so she'd prepared a contingency plan –
"Let's do it." Tsunade slammed her stamp onto the last bit of her paperwork with an air of triumphant finality.
Ino's mouth fell open in shock.
Her idea...was accepted?
"It's a great plan." Tsunade clasped her fingers together and gazed down at her apprentice's best friend-slash-archrival with something remarkably similar to admiration. "If we send two extra people, then we'll get a bigger bonus from the village, and that means..."
Money. More and more money. For both the village and...Tsunade's salary. Presumably she was planning to use it for winning the lottery.
That was not what Ino had intended. But if it helped her in her scheme, then who was she to complain?
Tsunade reached over and patted Ino's pale blonde hair affectionately. "I never knew you were so cutthroat about making money, Ino," she said with a booming laugh. "I'm so proud of you. Perhaps I'll commend you to your parents after you complete the mission."
That was also not what Ino had intended, but it looked like she'd won the jackpot today, so who was she to complain?
Ino ground her teeth into powder, much like Neji was fond of doing when confronted with a wildly stupid youthful training regimen of Guy-sensei's or Lee's. She glared ferocious, finely sharpened daggers at the eighteen-year-old Mizoguchi clan girl hitting on Naruto, who seemed blissfully unaware of the fact that someone was hitting on him.
"Soooo...Naruto-san," said the troublesome meddling Mizoguchi chick, laughing as she stroked the ends of Naruto's spiky blonde hair – seriously, how was he not aware that someone was hitting on him? "Could you tell me more about this Zabuza person you encountered? You yelled at him and he started crying, you say?"
"Sure thing, Keiko nee-chan! See, he was hired by this evil businessman – "
Ino winced as she tuned out Naruto's rambling. God, what was he doing, trying to encourage her? Here she was, trying to bring Naruto and Hinata's natural chemistry to its natural conclusion – not to mention beat Forehead – and look what decided to happen.
If she didn't know any better, she would say that the universe was playing a trick on her, between her own flowers over dango method of pushing them together, Chouji's dango over flowers method, and now...this unexpected wrench in her plans.
She gloomily turned her eyes towards Hinata, wondering how she was taking the fact that Naruto was being hit on at this very moment. Naturally, she didn't notice. She smiled serenely at the sight of "Keiko nee-chan" making eyes at the guy she'd been in love with since forever, and gently blew on her green tea, apparently finding her dinner far more fascinating than the horror show happening right in front of her.
Damn it, did she not care? Ino would care, if some random girl hit on her guy. And then, something happened that confirmed her theory that the universe was playing a trick on her.
Some eighteen-year-old Mizoguchi guy started to hit on Hinata.
And neither she nor Naruto noticed or cared.
Ino was just one incident away from gaining an Inner Ino, the way things were going. She shuddered, a fleeting moment of sympathy at what Sakura must have gone through in setting these two up flashing through her mind.
Here they were in the room that the Mizoguchi clan had given them for the night, and here Naruto was, being a moron as usual.
"Ahaha, looks like there's just one cup ramen left, Hinata!" Naruto smiled bashfully and rubbed the back of his head, eyes fixed on his backpack, sadly devoid of anything except that one cup ramen.
What was wrong with him? Did he not even pack a change of clothes? Was ramen just that important to him? Inner Ino was inching closer and closer to becoming a reality.
"I packed a ton, but we got through those faster than I ever thought, ya know! So I think you should have this."
He gently pushed the cup into Hinata's hands. She gently pushed the cup back into his hands.
"Naruto-kun, I'm fine, I had a huge dinner, you know. The Mizoguchi clan really is so kind. But you didn't eat too much because you were answering Keiko-san's questions. So...I think you should have this."
Ino's face twitched.
What was wrong with them? Acting like they were just friends the whole time –
"Well, ya know, I don't wanna eat this all by myself..." Naruto dunked a kettle of hot water onto the cup ramen and passed Hinata some chopsticks. "So let's share!"
Ino's jaw dropped.
Hinata gave Naruto a small smile. "Okay," she said in a surprisingly calm voice.
Those three minutes they waited for the ramen to cook were the longest three minutes of Ino's life. They...they were really doing it. Sharing cup ramen together...as...as...
Did her plan actually work this time around? Her eyes were watery from three minutes of studiously not blinking.
Ino didn't care. She held her breath as Hinata brushed the bangs out of her face and they both grasped the opposite ends of the same noodle.
And slowly, steadily, they began slurping.
It was happening.
Ino could have screamed. In joy. Tearful, exuberant joy.
Her plan worked. She beat Sakura. This...was...
"Ino-san..." In her ecstasy, somehow Ino missed Hinata coming to sit right in front of her, her white eyes gazing at her in concern.
Wait. Why wasn't she slurping noodles with Naruto? Wasn't she supposed to be doing that right now?
"Are you all right? You don't look very well."
"Huh?" Ino blinked herself out of her trance and laughed airily. "Oh...yeah! I'm fine. Fine! Now...go back and eat your noodles!" She made a shooing motion with her hand.
"Don't tell me that you didn't eat enough at dinner either," Hinata said. "Well, in that case..." She turned towards Naruto. "Naruto-kun, shall we share the ramen with Ino-san? She looks famished."
And just like that, Ino's joy jumped off a cliff.
"Okay!"
And fell into the ocean. This time, the shock of being wrong about her plan working after the tantalizing hints of being right was too much for Ino to take.
Her vision became blurry and she swayed unsteadily on her knees.
Out of the corner of her eye, she caught a vague glimpse of Hinata and Naruto...laughing?
She blinked, trying to focus the last bit of her consciousness on the vague glimpse. It was true. They were laughing.
What was wrong with them?
She finally blacked out.
She awakened to the feeling of a cool wet cloth on her forehead.
"Ino-san..." Hinata's face, a mixture of both worried and amused, loomed in her field of vision. "Are you feeling well? Naruto-kun, I told you, I thought it would be too much to play a prank on her. Now look what's happened."
"You...played a prank on me?"
Her head was pounding. Surely they didn't.
"Yep!" Naruto grinned down at her, turning her field of vision into an orange and blonde eyesore. "See, we figured out a long time ago that you were trying to set us up – "
"WHAT?"
"And we decided that we would pretend to not be dating so that you would go crazy, and..." He sheepishly rubbed the back of his head again. "Sorry, we didn't think you would react like this. It was just supposed to be..." He trailed off, his face paling rapidly as Ino pushed the wet cloth off her forehead and rose unsteadily to her feet. "...fun...?"
"You mean to tell me..." Ino cracked her knuckles. "That you've been dating this whole time...without telling anyone...including me...so that you could play a prank on me?"
She didn't win against Sakura. She didn't even lose against Sakura. Because there was never even any competition in the first place...?
Inner Ino finally emerged, roaring like a lion.
Poor Naruto and Hinata.
A/N: GBAboy313, here it is! Chess master Ino! I'm sorry, I couldn't make her like Light from Death Note or anything, and the whole plan backfired. But she did kinda play chess master! And Iwik, here is that prompt about a bunch of villagers hitting on Naruto and/or Hinata, though it wasn't exactly the scenario you suggested.
For reference, this is set one month after Let's Switch Up, and Naruto and Hinata have been together for a while, though Ino doesn't know that, of course. (And for new readers...that's my body swap story, and the line about Ino using her jutsu on them is a reference to that.)
Hope you both enjoy! :)
And as for the flower meanings for the flowers Naruto picked:
Candytuft - indifference
Yellow carnations - rejection, disdain, disappointment
Daffodils - regard, unrequited love, respect
Foxgloves - insincerity
For the flowers that Hinata picked:
Pheasant's-eye - sorrowful remembrance
Purple carnations - capricious, changeable
Helenium - tears
Orange lilies - hatred
And the flowers that Ino made them pick:
Aster - patience, daintiness, love
White camellias - adoration, loveliness
Pink camellias - longing
Yellow geraniums - unexpected meeting
Yellow gerberas - warmth, sunshine, friendliness
Sunflowers - adoration, false riches
Red carnations - my heart aches for you, deep love, admiration
For more, go visit hanakotoba, a website dedicated to flower language! I got all of these plus more from over there. :)
And of course, please review. :)