an: sorry sorry i have been so inactive it's just life ya know. im working on abuse so i will be posting a new chapter for that really soon so don't worry.
so this is completely COMPLETELY based on the movie "We're the Millers"
it's a super funny movie and i encourage you to watch it if you have not.
i will try to update every few days.
tw: drugs, sexual language, a lot of cursing,
Brittany was sitting on her couch surfing YouTube as she spoke to her mother on the phone with earphones.
She smiled at the small kitten on her screen that reminded her of the cat she had back home.
"Yeah...No, I know...Uh huh...No, I'm not...I'm not...No, I'm paying attention. Mom, I'm listening. Just talk." Brittany responded distractedly to her mother.
Brittany sighed as her mother hung up and when she sat her phone down she saw a text message come through.
Puck: can you float me a dime? I'm good for it
She smirked and went to get dress before opening her secret compartment in her sofa. She had different types of cannabis everywhere in it.
More texts come through:
Lauren:Usual hook up
JBI:Got any trees?
Yep. That's right Brittany is a drug dealer-sorry, drug smuggler.
She packed up the weed and her money in her usual backpack and left the house.
She knocked on Pucks door. He opened the door holding his daughter and he waved her in.
She sat on the couch and opened her bag and handed him a pack.
"Can you hold her really quick?" Puck asked Brittany.
"Yeah sure." She took the baby and held her at a distance. She was never good with babies.
While Puck was getting money from his wallet the baby threw up on Brittanys arm and she held the baby at a greater distance.
"Ok here you are." He gave her 200 dollars. "Oh sorry about her." He chuckled and took his daughter and Brittany walked out quickly.
"Gross."
She continued through her day selling to her usual customers and by the end of the day she made at least 700 dollars.
That night she went to a coffee shop for her last customer. She counted the money and nodded.
"Alright thanks Elliot see you next week." She said before she stood up and headed home.
"I'm in the car. I'm literally in the car." A man said from behind Brittany.
"Brittany, hey. Brittany Pierce."
Brittany turned around to see a guy she didn't really recognize. "Finn Hudson" He said pointing to himself.
"Uh, I'm sorry?" Brittany said confused.
"Big Finny. We went to college together."
Brittany suddenly remembered him "Oh, shit. Hey dude." She shook his hand.
"We all took ecstasy at Sue Slyvesters once and I tried to kiss you."
Brittany internally cringed at the memory "That's right. I remember that. Yeah. Yeah "crash.""
"Yup" Finn smiled at her and Brittany took in his appearance. He was dressed like a dad. Like if dads were just super depressed which they probably are.
"Wow. I didn't recognize you. You look very different." He used to dress like an overgrown baby so this was an upgrade.
He nodded "Oh yeah yeah I've gained a little bit of daddy weight."
A little?
"You know the drill." He said smiling again.
"Actually, I don't. No." She said showing him her left hand to show she wasn't married.
"No way. No way! Still a free agent."
Brittany smiled "Mm"
"You son of a bitch!" He laughed. "You lucky son of a bitch." He said a little more sadly. "You lucky, lucky son of a bitch. Wow, that's amazing. Wow." He finished with a straight face.
Brittany felt bad for the guy. She took off her backpack. "Here. For old times' sake, huh?" She handed him a small pack of weed. "For daddy stress."
He took the pack and stared at it then back to her "You're still dealing weed?"
Brittany smirked and shrug "Best in Denver."
Finn smiled "That's fucking awesome." He said before smelling the pack. "Oh my god." He said excitedly and looked around. "That is so cool. You're still at it."
"Yeah." Brittany said as she adjusted her hood on her jacket.
Finn smiled "I envy you, man. I do."
"Ah"
"Look at you." Finn gestured at her. "No wife, no kids. No responsibilities."
"Mm-hm." Brittany said with a small smile.
"Pfft nothing. You got nothing." Finn gestured again. "You could disappear tomorrow and who'd even know? Oh, what I wouldn't give."
Brittany nodded as she rubbed her thumb across her bottom lip."Yeah."
"Oh, hey, I didn't mean that in like, I mean-"
"No. It's all right. It doesn't bother me. It's all right." Brittany smiled and shook his hand again "Great seeing you."
"Great seeing you." Finn repeated "Okay bud, I believe in you." He started towards his car.
"Hey Brittany."
"Yeah?"
He smiled and pointed at her "Facebook me. We'll get weird."
"I don't think so." Brittany responded.
"Ha ha! Get out of here." Finn laughed.
"Good luck with the family."
Finn almost said something when his phone rung. "Oh, fuck. Fuck me. Fuck." Finn said as he answered his phone. "Hey, great news. We're gonna get high and fuck tonight!" He continued as he entered his car. "I'm sorry, honey. Put mommy on the phone okay?"
Brittany smiled at the guy she was pretty good friends with since her freshman year in college. Well, they fell off after he showed interest in her romantically but he's obviously moved on.
The crowd cheered and screamed for Santana who was on the stage about to perform as the song "Problem" by Natalia Kills' played.
She walked down the long stage as the women and men watched her. She slid her back down the pole as everyone was practically drooling. Santana smirked to herself.
She walked into the changing room putting on her robe and sitting at her dresser beside another stripper that worked there, Becky.
"Wow." Becky said "You dance super good."
"Thanks." Santana sighed as she took off her earrings.
"I'm Becky. With a Y."
Santana looked at the girl and chuckled. "I'm Maria with an A. Is that your stage name?"
"My what?" Becky said confused.
"Your stage name." Santana repeated "To protect yourself from the creeps out there. You should pick one. You know, something simple but sexy and cute and short, maybe." Santana continued as she fixed her wig. "Do you have a nickname?"
Becky thought about it for a second "Totally!" She said before standing up.
"Great. Use that, because-"
"I even got a tattoo of it. Do you wanna see?" Becky said enthusiastically.
"Um well n-" Santana stopped when she saw the tattoo that said. "Boner garage" on a ribbon and an arrow behind it pointing downwards towards...yeah.
"Boner garage." Santana said "Oh, woah. You got a little arrow there even."
Becky giggled "Is that not like the hottest?"
"Boner garage you're up!" The manager of the strip club, Will Schuester, said. Becky squealed and got ready. "Oh, look at that. So excited and full of life. That'll fade." The man said observing Becky."
He turned back to Santana "Hey, Maria. I know you're "technically" on break, but I need a lap dance. Table five. Just don't get too close. The guy has two hook hands."
Santana sighed and put her head in her hands. "How did we let that guy back in here?"
"Must have picked the locks. Ha ha!" Will said walking away.
Santana shook her head and stared into her mirror and fixed her wig again.
Brittany walked to her apartment complex she saw Santana or as she knows her as Maria her next door neighbor. She smiled at her and Marie rolled her eyes and went inside and Brittany followed.
They both went to the mail lockers. Santana opened hers as did Brittany.
"How was work this evening?" Brittany asked.
"What do you care."
"I'm just asking."
"Oh, just don't." Santana said annoyed.
"Fine. Well, is your dummy girlfriend around?"
"No. Dani's with her parents. Why?" She glanced at the blonde woman.
"Well, because Dani still owes me 400 bucks, so..."
Santana shrugged "Maybe you shouldn't loan drugs to people." She said mockingly.
Brittany smiled and nodded "All right. Good tip."
"Mm-hm."
"But see I was thinking is that maybe you could help her out, settle her debt for her." Brittany said with a half smile.
Santana glared at her before closing the locker "Not a fucking chance."
"Well you'd sure be doing me a solid, neighbor."
"Oh really? Neighbor? You're not a neighbor. You're a drug dealer whose apartment smells like cheese and feet."
"Mm. Yeah, it's a candle I got from Anthropologie. Cheesy feet. That's what they call it." Brittany said as Santana rolled her eyes and walked away. "It's a best seller."
"Oh, Maria, got a piece of your mail here."
Santana stopped and turned around walking towards Brittany.
"You know I'd lend you some money, but unfortunately we're not neighbors." Brittany said as she held up an envelope that said "Rent Due Final Notice." in red ink.
Santana snatched it from her "Oh, you're such a dick!" She walked away again going upstairs. "Have fun dying alone, jerk."
"Yeah have fun digging out the singles from your crotch."
"My crotch only takes 20s, Brittany."
Brittany nodded and went back to her locker. A girl came from her apartment and looked at the stairs then to Brittany.
"Hey, Brittany."
Brittany didn't like her very much "Hey, Rachel." She said unamused.
"I heard you and Ms. Lopez fighting." Rachel said.
"It's called flirting, Rachel. You'll learn about it in college." Rachel just nodded. "What are you doing up?" Brittany asked "It's almost 2. Where's your dad?"
"Uh he went for a drink. With a friend."
"When?" Brittany said majorly confused.
"Last week. Uh, so I got the whole place to myself. Yeah. Rolling Han Solo for the weekend."
"Mm-hm" Brittany said hoping this conversation will end quickly.
Rachel walked over to her "Um, speaking of rolling, I was wondering if-"
Brittany knew where this was going "I don't sell to kids, Rachel."
"I'm 18. I'm gonna get my own place soon. Not a kid Brittany."
Brittany looked at the girl "Yeah, you are. Take care." She walked the way to her apartment.
"Give me my stuff!" Rachel heard a voice from outside. She looked in the direction and saw a blonde girl in the middle of a few guys. "Give me my fucking phone." She said as they tossed her phone to one another.
"You guys are such assholes."
"Hey baby." One of the guys said as the others started laughing more.
"Leave her alone." Rachel said as she walked towards the guys.
Brittany heard Rachels voice and turned back around. She looked out to where Rachel went and saw the group.
"Oh I'm sorry baby." Another guy said to the blonde girl.
"Unhand her." Rachel said to the guys as she ran over. "Hey, leave her alone." The guy pushed Rachel hard against the brick wall and she slid down.
"Goddamn it, Rachel." Brittany said before walking over to where they were.
"Fucking tough girl huh?" The guy that pushed Rachel said in her face and punched her side.
"Hey!" Brittany said walking faster towards them. "Hey hey hey. Easy, easy. What's going on here?"
"Mind your fucking business, old woman." They guy said.
Brittany chuckled "Oh my god. You're a dude. Haha. That scared the hell out of me. Your voice was so much deeper than your bone structure."
"These assholes are trying to steal my iPhone." The blonde girl said.
"Wait you have an iPhone? Aren't you homeless?" Brittany asked.
"So? Fuck you dude."
Brittany gave a small smile and nodded "Okay, this was fun. Carry on. Come on let's go." She said to Rachel.
Rachel stopped her "What? No." She turned back to the guys. "These guys are picking on her and it's not fair."
"Fuck you gonna do about it white girl? You some type of hero?" Another guy said.
"No not a hero. She's a dumb kid." Brittany interjected. "I got an idea. Leave the girl alone. Just move along. Huh, what do you say?"
"Move along?" They guy asked.
"Yeah."
"What are you some type of cop?"
"She's not a cop. She's actually really cool." Rachel said.
"Thanks." Brittany chuckled.
"She's a drug dealer."
"Really?" The guy asked.
Brittany groaned "Goddamnit Rachel."
The guy smirked and held up a small knife. "Give me your backpack."
"I don't wanna fight."
"Well, there's not gonna be a fight. See, you either give me the backpack...or I'm gonna stab you in the fucking neck and take it.
Brittany whistled a small sound like whoo. "It's a real Sophie's choice here, huh? All right. Okay, backpack it is. If you wa-" Brittany said acting as if she was taking her backpack off before pushing the guy and taking off running. "Run Rachel!"
Rachel ran back to the apartment complex. Brittany ran up the stairs and went through the door on the side of the building. "You're dead meat!" The guys chased her.
Quinn picked up her phone and smiled before walking away talking. "Hey sorry I dropped my phone. Are we still on for tonight or what?"
Brittany sped through the stairs and rails that led outside with the guys still chasing her. She saw one waiting for her at the end of the stairs. "Shit." She went to go back inside when the other guy came from the door and laughed.
She looked below her and saw a huge trashcan. She decided to climb over the rail and she dropped her backpack down first. "Sorry." She said to no one. "This is fucking dumb." She let go and dropped to the trash can. The lid ended up closing before she could fall in so she landed on it hard. Brittany groaned in pain.
"Woah oh oh mother fucker." One of the guys said walking down the stairs. "We got you now!" The second guy said. Unfortunately the impact was really hard so Brittany could not move from the guys in time.
The guys ended up going to her apartment and stole all of her weed and money from wherever they could find. Brittany groaned in pain "It's not even my money. If you take that my boss will kill me."
When they finished they ran out. Brittany attempted to catch her breath.
"You okay Brittany?" Rachel said worriedly "I can help. I can call the cops."
"No. I'm ok."
an: so i hoped you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it.
if you noticed that everyone is calling Santana Maria it's for the storyline so I will be calling her Santana but so far everyone just knows her as Maria. if you watched the movie you probably know why.
please review and constructive criticism is accepted!!