Notes:

This is so rambly. Oh well. Every time I try to write Remus or Sirius, I write them with such a melancholic disposition. It's as if I feel like they should not be able to get through one single IRL moment without reminiscing on the way things used to be so hard they make themselves sick.

Professor R.J. Lupin stood from his desk and shuffled flat-footed to his office door. Today was day one of a new cycle, the second he will have suffered during his residency at Hogwarts as a professor; however long that may last. Truly, he should not even be back in his office yet. However, the ever-growing stack of parchment on his desk made for a guilty rest. He would only get the grading done; he had told himself. Get the grading done on the essay Severus had assigned without consent to his third-year class, and maybe a few lesson plans outlined. Only just. And then he would go back to his living quarters. Which would be easier said than done if it were not for the ruckus going on outside his door.

The Wolfsbane made his first cycle incredibly bearable. The miracle potion created by Damocles Belby himself allowed him to maintain his human consciousness during his change. Which resulted in 8 or some odd hours of a human-Remus trapped in a four-footed furry body. Never had he had so much time to do nothing but think, or avoid thinking at all costs. Remus ever the pessimist, insisted he still be allowed access to the Shrieking Shack for his transformations. Although the wolf would be perfectly safe curled up in his living quarters, he just could not bring himself to experiment. The mere thought of the potion dulling, his consciousness slipping and allowing the wolf such unfettered access to the same floors where the students roamed, where James's son was known to sneak about, alone, and invisible to help. Allowing the monster to ravage; sickened him.

However, by dawn, Remus made the trek back. Through the hidden tunnel, down the base of the willow, and out onto the grounds. To bed is where he should have gone. Perhaps he would not have found himself opening his office door into a fight at eight A.M.

"Give them back to her Marcus, or I'll hex you!" a small red-headed girl yelled at what Remus was guessing to be a boy at least a year ahead.

"We're just having a laugh. He can get them down later, can't you Loony?" The boy shuffled off with a shrug and began to throw something up into the banisters of the hallway ceiling.

It was a pair of trainers. The white shoelaces were tied together in an untidy knot, allowing them to get caught unceremoniously onto the high beam. Looking up, Remus could see they were not the first pair that had made their untimely landing onto the exposed wood. There was a small crowd of children standing under them, arms up and laughing waiting for them to fall.

"Stop it, you git! Stop! I'll go and get my brother if you don't stop!" the red-headed child yelled, threateningly.

She must be a Prewitt, Remus thought. Or a Weasley now, so to speak. The Prewitt's had lost their bloodline after the twins died, and the sister had gotten married. To the "Ministry Man", as James was so fond of calling Arthur Weasley. Lily had gotten him into reading comic books during the war. James went about for weeks before they went into hiding, giving everyone their superhero names. Arthur had children already once the war had begun. Surely, he had finished not long after. What was his wife's name again? It was so hard for Remus to keep track of everyone, now.

Sirius was always the phonebook of the pair. Remus had told him so many times. The man knew any and everybody, and then their cousins as well. Sirius could tell you somebody's bloodline all the way down to their relation to the founders. He knew all the gossip, sometimes even before it happened. He and Andromeda would meet up for tea every other week, and Sirius would come home to Remus and talk for hours about "this one's sister that's been taken out of the will because she had a baby by that one's son", or "so-and-so lost their position as the family viscount because of a love match, can you believe it, Remus?" The more outrageous the rumors got, the more Remus realized that perhaps the reason Sirius and his cousin enjoyed a good whispering campaign was because they themselves were the talk of the rest of the town.

Long gone were the days Remus beat himself up about remembering Sirius in this way. For a time, he forced himself to forget the man. His name was a wretched curse word that never crossed Remus's lips, let alone his mind. However, twelve years is a long time. It just so happened to be long enough for Remus to find a way to cope. Compartmentalize the man into two separate entities: Sirius Black the murderer, and the Sirius Black that once belonged to him. His boy was none of those things that miserable mug-shot of a man is now. Some days, it was hard for Remus to believe he ever could be.

His boy was loving. Was smart. Would lose his life for a friend. Was quick-witted, and rude-mouthed. Was light on his feet, and heavy with his fists. The Sirius that belonged to Remus was so funny. Funny in a calculatingly cruel way. He was feminine, and grimy, and as proud as he was ashamed of himself. No, the Sirius Black on the front page of the Daily Prophet never belonged to Remus. His boy died, twelve years ago.

"Which one? The Prefect?" Marcus laughs, pulling Remus out of his grief and into the third-floor corridor once more. "Well, when you go get him, tell him Loony Lovegood's decided he's gone full yippy this year. He's not wearing shoes to breakfast anymore. Wants to be one with nature, you see!"

All the children in the hallway snicker at the boy's crude joke as the Weasley girl huffs and turns, stomping off in the direction of the stair to go retrieve what Remus could only assume would be a bigger Weasley.

There at the end of the hallway is a mousy girl. No bigger than Miss Weasley had been. Her long hair so white it almost tinged green, was platted down her back in a low braid. The loose tendrils cuffing and curling around her neck. She wore Ravenclaw robes and no shoes. The skin on top of her feet just as pale as her face. Loony, they had called her.

How ironic.

Someone ought to put a stop to this Remus thought, only seconds before he realized he now was the someone to put a stop to this.

How unfortunate.

"Hold it," Professor Lupin called to the small crowd as he pulled his wand from the pocket of his robes.

The children froze.

How odd, he thought.

Marcus dropped the newest pair of shoes he had been attempting to toss into the rafters, stepping away from them as if his distance might prove his innocence.

"What Is going on here?" Remus asked in his best impersonation of Professor McGonagall. When no one answered, he walked further into the crowd.

"Marcus?" he asked. The boy nodded. "Marcus who?"

"Belby, sir," Marcus whispered. How, unfortunately, unfortunately ironic.

"Marcus Belby," Remus continued without a hitch. "You have decided to spend your free period this morning doing what?"

Caught red-handed, Marcus looked up into the rafter and shrugged as if to say, "well you're looking at it."

"No. I would like for you to tell me if you do not mind. On the happenstance that I might be misunderstanding. These shoes, they just appeared, yes?" Remus nodded sarcastically. "And you, what? Are not yet skilled enough as a wizard to manage a simple levitating spell to retrieve them for your friend?" Remus gestured to the girl they called Loony, "I was under the impression that levitation spells were one of the simple charms you should have learned in your first year. I apologize Mr. Belby, we all learn at our own rate."

At Marcus's fish-mouthed gaze and the giggles of his peers, Remus continued. "No? That is not the case? Then please tell me what you are doing here."

"I was only having a laugh," the boy whispered.

"Well, it appears that you and I have accomplished it. As everyone is in fact, laughing. At you. No matter. Since you do have the free time I will catch you up in your education, now is the perfect learning opportunity. Wand at the ready Mr. Belby."

Professor Lupin presented his wand and gestured mockingly at Marcus to do the same.

"Now we will learn the incantation, first. And I know it might be difficult for you the first few times, but you have all these friends here to cheer you on, repeat after me…"

"-I know how to do it," Marcus whispered embarrassingly through the muffled giggles of his friends.

"You know how to do it?" Remus was sure to speak loudly, over exaggerating his pseudo shock.

"Yes, sir" the boy continued in a tight mouth whisper.

"What a relief! For a moment Marcus Belby, I was afraid the school system had failed you. You could not possibly be out in the hallways harassing another student. Taking their belongings and mucking about with your friends as if you had the right. I will admit however, there is a weight off my shoulders to know you are in fact not as idiotic as you seem right now. So wonderful," Remus pocketed his wand once again and clapped his hands slowly. "You know how to do it!"

Once the hallway was filled with no other sound than the Professor's exaggerated clapping, he stopped.

"So do it."

As Marcus Belby levitated each pair of Loony's shoes down from the rafters, the small crowd dissipated in awkward silence. Remus turned from the shoddy spell work and looked back at the mousy girl at the edge of the hallway. He stepped back toward his door and rapped his knuckles on the wood, creaking the frame open slightly.

"Come into my office for just a moment if you don't mind. I would like your version of events." He said to the girl, softly.

After collecting four pairs of the smallest shoes Remus had ever held in his hands, he walked back into his office to return them to their owner.

"You are welcome to take a seat to put a pair of these back on," he said soothingly. "I'm certain your feet must be quite cold after that show."

The girl grabbed the trainers and walked quickly to a rococo chair in front of Remus's work desk.

"Now I know your name is not Loony," he teased after the girl's silence smothered the room. "But I'm afraid I didn't catch it."

"Oh. Well, Loony is quite close actually. If you said it quick enough, I might not even know you were calling me that. I suspect that's what happens," she said thoughtfully with a nod. "Luna. Is my name, though. Luna Lovegood."

Remus had heard about Luna Lovegood. He had been given what he laughingly thought of as a resource meeting about Luna at the beginning of the term.

"Transgender" was the verbiage Charity Burbage had used. She was only twelve. Much too young in the eyes of authority to be taken entirely seriously by the school board. Born into much too prejudice of a world to amend her gender in the eyes of the ministry. Born under the name Lunar Lovegood. Xenophilius Lovegood's only son. An astrological name given at birth just like the rest of the boys in the family. Just like Sirius and his brother. Just like Narcissa's son.

The child had witnessed their own mother's death. Not even a year before their education at Hogwarts began. A potions accident. Which was now being used against Luna and her identity expression. Some of the professors believed it to be much too big of a shock, much too soon of an incident. Of course, they had said… of course, the child would act out after something like that.

Remus had been instructed to allow it. To remain quiet about the set of girl's robes the child donned. To refer to her as Miss Lovegood unless she one day woke up and decided against it. To not ask questions about lavatories, or dorming, or family dynamics. The muggle-studies professor certainly did not know enough of Remus's personal life to realize her instructions could have stopped at the introductions.

"Miss Lovegood. Well, it is nice to meet you." Professor Lupin reached out, shaking Luna's small hand in his. "Unfortunate that it was in these circumstances and not during our first day of class together. My name is Remus Lupin."

"Oh, I know," Luna said agreeing "Daddy has told me all about you."

What old Xeno knew of Remus was beyond his imagination. The journalist was barmy. Batshit crazy in the best way. He was the first person Remus, Peter, James, and Sirius would run to during Mr. and Mrs. Potter's new Year parties. The man always had a cattywampus story and no facts to follow it up. The boys would sit, cross-legged and semi-circled around the man and listen to his tales of Wrackspurt attacks causing men to go deaf, and Winnie-Garget fairies finding their way into your body through your hair follicles. Sirius would force a straight face and egg the man on. Claim to have heard of the very same thing happening to some long-lost second cousin twice removed, Remus was sure he made up on the spot. Anything to get a laugh out of James.

"Oh of course," Remus replied, softly. "I knew your father when I was in school. He is a remarkably interesting man."

"He's wonderful," Luna's eyes twinkled lovingly at the mention of her father. Remus, in his warped mind only hoped Xenophilius held up to those standards.

"Luna, I hope I did not embarrass you, asking for you to come in and speak to me for a moment. I only wanted to make sure you were alright. Children can be quite terrible sometimes. I'm very sorry that you have had to deal with it. I will be sure and let Professor Flitwick know what Mr. Belby was doing and that he called you out of your name to be cruel."

The boy had gone out of his way to assign Luna the wrong gender. Remus wondered if he was even aware of the damage he could cause by trying to impress his friends.

Remus, himself was no stranger to prejudice. He had spent nearly thirty years trying to hide a part of himself from the world to avoid it. Werewolves were the scum of the wizarding world. Dangerous in their nature, and statistically an infliction that only ever affected the lower class. There was some truth to it. The few werewolves Remus had encountered in his life himself included, were less than wealthy. Less than well off, even. Dirt poor. However, this had nothing to do with the contention and everything to do with the cause.

No one wanted to employ a monster. No respectable wizard would rent housing out to an animal like Remus. Would not sell to him, buy from him, be associated with him if they knew. It was hard to maintain a muggle job because of the moon phases. Nobody wanted to hire a man that needed sick days a week to the month. No job, no money. No money, no housing. No housing, no respectable hygiene. When he had Sirius, he had all of it. If he could have him again; have his boy the way he knew him to be, he would give it all up.

Dumbledore had given less than he had taken from Remus over the years. An odd job here, a vacant safe-house there. Remus was no fool. He knew his position at Hogwarts was temporary. Defense teachers never lasted more than a year, and Dumbledore only invited him on for Harry's sake. But he had taken it. He had accepted the help.

"If you have received a better offer then by all means, take it." Dumbledore had said, condescendingly.

His homosexuality was less of a handicap over time. Although he had lost Sirius, the world seemed to somehow continue to spin. Evolve into a more accepting place, where it was less taboo and more interesting to be anything other than strait-laced. Any time Remus caught a glimpse of muggle entertainment there was representation for the very things they were so ashamed of as children.

Noctavius Ribera, the very first openly gay man in Wizarding Britain high court began his campaign for a seat in the Wizengamot three years ago and Remus could have screamed out of joy. James Potter's son would grow up in a world that became more and more accepting of whomever he chose to be every day. If there was one thing Remus would regret his entire life, it would be that the Sirius he knew would never be able to live in this world that would have loved him for exactly who he was.

Then again, perhaps this world was still not quite ready for a force as incredible as his boy had been. Perhaps not quite ready for a force like Luna, as well.

"I want to tell you something, Luna. And you can believe me or not. But when I was your age, I was bullied quite a lot. Children would call me names for things I couldn't quite help. The very same name Mr. Belby called you earlier. Loony."

Luna looked up into the Professor's eyes with an inquisitive gaze. "Really?" She asked.

"Really. Ask Peeves. I was called it so much it even caught on to the poltergeists."

Luna laughed along with Remus and continued to tie her trainers. She seemed to ponder the laces, thoughtfully.

"I was a bit different in school, you see. I couldn't read well at first and once I caught up to my classmates it seemed as if I couldn't stop. I spent nearly all my free time in the library. Apart from my dorm mates, I didn't have any other friends for years. And I was quite an angry child. My anger got me into a few misplaced scuffles. My classmates thought of me as a bit unhinged. Hence the name, Loony. I suppose that goes to show that schoolyard bullies have never once had an original thought."

"I think it's quite harsh to call Marcus a bully." She said quietly.

"Well, what would you call him then?"

Luna shrugged and raised her head from the fixed stare at her feet, "well most days I call him my friend. They're all my friends."

How innocent. Seemingly childlike. Who but a child that has never been taught to hate could refer to someone as a friend after being treated so cruelly?

"Luna. I don't know very much about friends these days, but I will tell you this; that is not a friend. Calling you names, or referring to you in a way you have expressed wishes not to be referred to… a friend would not treat you that way."

"Well. I suppose I am just quite grateful to be referred to at all, is all."

Remus peered down at the small child. Her hands gripping the arms of the chair tightly.

"Well aside from the name-calling, that is where you and I differ I suppose. I have learned over the years that I would much rather be without a friend than to have one that would mistreat me."

"That's why you're alone now?" Luna asked quickly.

Shocked, Remus choked slightly on his tongue and stifled a laugh at her brazen question.

"Well. I am alone now because I am working, actually" Remus began to lie. "But yes, in a way" he found himself allowing the truth to slip out. "I had a… friend. That I thought I knew quite well. Perfectly well, to be honest. And I was wrong. I knew my friend was capable of being cruel to other people, and I always thought that I was the exception."

Flashes of Severus Snape's terrified face creep into the corners of Remus's vision. Sirius thought he was so smart. So cunning to have tricked Snape into finding out just what was going on down by the Willow.

"But I was not the exception," Remus continued. "He was just as cruel to me in the end as he was to everyone else."

"Daddy says Sometimes the people we love the most end up hurting us the worst because we expect them never to. But that doesn't mean we stop loving them."

Yes, it does, Remus thought.

"No, I suppose it doesn't," he replied, contradicting himself. "But I think we must find ways to love ourselves more. Love ourselves enough so we will not be so willing to tolerate someone else mistreating us. Then perhaps the next time a friend comes along, we would be able to fight for ourselves."

"Well," Luna laughed in a tinkling delicate sigh, "daddy says I've never been a fighter. I'm a lover, you see."

She met Remus's eye over the desk and smiled, sweetly. He could not help but return it.

"I do see, Miss Lovegood."

"It's all very new to them." Luna was quiet as she began to explain herself. "I've only just this year figured out all these new things about myself. Last year, I was Marcus Belby's friend. His friend that was a boy. Now, I'm me. For the first time ever, I am me. I'm Luna. I don't want to be alone just because I have decided I want to be myself. And I don't think Marcus should be called a bully because he can't understand something he can't even see. I'm hard to look at even for myself. I'm still a boy in so many ways to them."

Frustrated, Remus readjusted himself in his chair. "You are giving them too much credit, Luna. They are old enough to understand that you deserve to be respected."

Luna was quiet for minutes after. She would hold her breath and then sigh deeply only to repeat the process. Remus realized she was trying not to cry. After all, she was only twelve. He tried to remember back to his school days. Back to Lily and Mary. Marlene and Dorcas. How sensitive, and kind, and loving, and bitchy, and wonderful those girls could be. Luna was only just getting started.

"I'm sorry. I might have been speaking out of place. I know you and Marcus are friends or were at one time. And I hope you can be friends again, soon. And if not, I hope you know that there are people out there. People here in this very school that do not think the way that Marcus does. They look at you and all they see is Luna. Myself included. You will have wonderful things in life because you deserve them, Luna. Not because you learned how to tolerate enough of the bad. There are people that want to be your friend."

Remus felt old. Felt like an adult for the first time in his life when Luna smiled up at him with a hopeful look in her eyes. He had always been just drifting. Ever since it happened. Ever since he lost them, lost him; Remus had felt like the world kept moving but he had stood still. But today, sitting in an office he once visited only for detentions, in his play pretend Professor's robes, Remus felt a shift at his core.

"You want to be my friend?" Luna asked, quietly. Shuffling her newly covered feet around on Remus's carpet. Professor Lupin nodded sincerely. "Oh well. That's very nice of you. Daddy was right about you, I think."

Over Remus Lupin's record-breaking one-year teaching career, Luna came for tea once a month. In between Patronus lessons with a boy that in another world would have called him uncle, quidditch games were he would almost swear he had seen the ghost of James Potter, full moons that suddenly felt more lonely than they ever had in his entire life, and a reunion as terrifyingly heartbreaking as it was beautiful; Luna grew into her new world. She learned to take up space because she deserved to. She learned to look in the mirror and see nothing but a canvas she had painted for herself. She learned what it meant to be alone, and how that did not always mean you were lonely. And she learned the value of a friend, a true friend. She learned they were hard to come by and once you found it you held on tight. Remus was quite honored to have been taught so much from such a mousy little girl.