A Pink Proclamation
Part I
The day is getting closer. The day she leaves Austin to go to D.C. with Agent Marcus Pike. Her house is full of boxes, some filled others getting there, and as each minute passes the nauseating feeling in her stomach escalates. Leaving is a good choice if she wants a life which isn't just all about work. Marcus is giving her companionship, a future outside the FBI and maybe even a family, this is exactly what Teresa Lisbon needs and deserves because, it doesn't look like she is going to get it here.
She glances up from her computer screen and eyes up Jane in the fishbowl with Fischer and Cho. She thinks that he is bothered about her leaving but to her he isn't bothered enough. He barely reacted when she told him about her boyfriend's offer and after everything, years together, and all the difficult times they've been through, a part of her thought that he would try and get her to stay. Maybe he doesn't care about her as much as she thought.
The brunette curses under her breath before resuming in writing her report about their latest case, trying not to let her attention drift to the curly-haired consultant who looks very animated whilst talking to their colleagues, but they seem to be letting it go over their heads. His eccentricities are exhausting at times, but she would be lying if she said that she won't miss him. Will he miss her?
She is still working when most of the team head home, mainly because of the man distracting her thoughts all afternoon and it isn't the man who has asked for her hand in marriage. If she says yes to the proposal, would Jane come to her wedding? Would she want him there? Would it be too hard...? "Stop it." She huffs to herself and continues typing but her head isn't really in it. Every thought is consumed by Patrick Jane. She needs to stay focused because not only does she actually want to go home tonight but also, the mentalist is still in the building, fixing himself up some tea and a sandwich in the break room. He offered to make her something, but she politely declined, as she's struggling with queasiness.
Her phone vibrates on the desk and immediately she sees Marcus' name light up on the screen. It is probably a dinner offer or asking if she has finished work but the excitement that she had a week ago, the same excitement that made her want to spend all her free time with him, has dissipated. The man is harmless, good, and honest, whereas the bloke she is fawning over has a history that says otherwise, but that doesn't mean a part of her wishes that the circumstances were different.
Lisbon knows Jane carries ample baggage and doesn't allow himself to be completely free, but she thought that there was something there between them. He told her that he loved her for crying out loud! Although, it was about four years ago, and he claimed to have no knowledge of saying it afterwards. Why is she thinking like this? She is in a relationship with a wonderful man, one who hasn't ever broken the law and more importantly actually revealed his love for her. It is no use lusting over a man who obviously has no feelings for her because deep down she knows that is the case, she has given him enough chances recently to say something if not anyway.
When he doesn't return for almost ten minutes, she realises that he must have eaten his food in the break room, probably avoiding her like he has been doing a lot as of late. It hurts. It gives her mind time to overwhelm her with thoughts and emotion. The dampness on her cheeks shows her how much this is affecting her, and she is quick to wipe the tears away using the back of her hand roughly. She feels stupid.
Eventually, he comes wandering through the bullpen, in one of the shirts he brought back from the island, and a cup of tea in hand. It is a surprise to him that she is still here, not only because of how long she has been working on that report for but also because he thought she would have been with Pike. "Still here?" He questions as he gets close, which is when he notices the slight redness of her eyes making him frown. "Are you alright? What did he do?"
What did he do? This question makes something spark within her, something inexplicable, because she doesn't want to believe the fiction her brain is coming up with. He doesn't care like that. He wants to be friends, nothing morning. "I'm fine." Lisbon lies, not pausing in her typing for a second.
Jane cocks his head briefly, not believing what she is saying but he knows pressuring her for an explanation won't work. She would close and build high metaphorical walls around herself, not letting him in. So instead, he goes to sit on his couch… but she can sense his eyes boring into the back of her head.
The bullpen is empty, the agents always take advantage of the days that they do not have a big case hanging over them. It reminds them of the quiet nights back at CBI. Him obsessing over Red John, napping on his couch or in the weird attic space that he made his own, and her staying late so that he wasn't completely alone – even if he did shut off and didn't talk to her. That should have been the first sign to her, that he wasn't just a work partner or a friend… it is crazy some of stuff she has done for him. "Are you anxious about the move?"
Yes… no… not how you would think. "Not exactly." Her fingers halt on the keys as she sighs, "Are you really okay with me leaving?"
Of everything she could possibly ask, this isn't something he is expecting. She notes how he hesitates before answering, "It is what you want so I'm okay with it." This isn't the reply she wanted, she wants him to fight for her, but he isn't and to her that only means one thing.
He has moved on from her, the two years away were even more damaging than she previously thought, and he will never feel the same for her as she does for him, and nothing upsets her more. "Why don't you love me?" Her voice is quiet, so quiet that he cannot hear what is said and the fragility of it all makes his eyebrows raise.
"What did you say?"
She practically grunts before turning round her chair to face him. He is obviously confused, it is written all over his features, but she detects the worry creep in. The worry because she looks so vulnerable. Maybe, if she speaks up then it would be okay, say it quickly like ripping off a Band-Aid.
But when she goes to open her mouth, the sound of the elevator door opening makes them both turn to face it and her expression falters on seeing who is now walking towards them. "What are they punishing you two for?" Marcus asks with a cheeky expression, carrying a white plastic bag that looks to be some kind of takeout.
His sudden arrival causes her to fluster, and she tries her best to mask her nervousness, but she knows that Jane will be able to sense it and that just makes matters worse. "Huh?" She looks flummoxed at his inquiry.
"Well, you two are the only people here so I assume they're punishing you for some reason." Patrick thinks he should be offended by his statement, is he saying that being stuck here with him is a punishment? Also, why would he think that Lisbon would have done wrong? He really doesn't know her. "It is a joke… I bought Chinese food. There might be enough for the three of us."
The three of us. No thank you. "I'm done here." She is quick to pipe up, "Let's go eat this at yours."
The dark-haired man is obviously bewildered at her keenness to leave her friend, but he isn't going to argue, because he would much rather their night be just the two of them. "Okay. Night Jane." Pike says as Lisbon quickly gets up and is shrugging on her jacket that was hung on the back of her chair.
"You kids have fun." He paints on a happy appearance as he watches them walk away, their fingers entwined.
The truth is though that the sight kills him.
xxx
"-he said that he will give us a tour of the city. A proper culture tour which will be fun I'm sure, his wife, Miranda, will come too so that will be someone you can get to know." She knows that he is excited about the move and she understands that. It is a big opportunity for him, a good promotion, and a new start, but she would be lying if she said the continue chatter about it wasn't tiring her out. "Teresa?"
Oh yes, she should probably say something to whatever he just rambled on about. "Sounds good." Is what she decides on, but her tone says that it is anything but. There is a slight clatter as she puts her cutlery down on her now cleared plate and she smiles, to try and reassure him that she isn't having second thoughts… when she certainly is. "Sorry, I am just a little tired."
"That's okay." He smiles so sweetly to her that a pang of guilt hits. He doesn't deserve this, her being so indecisive, not knowing what she wants. Maybe, he would be better off without her… or maybe that's her once again thinking of excuses for her poor behaviour.
The man gets up from the table and begins to stack their plates and cutlery, ready to take them into his kitchen. His house is pretty bare at this point, with the shelves empty and the minimum furniture required dotted around. It doesn't feel at all cosy but maybe that's her mood. "Do you want something else to drink?" He offers, indicating to her half-drunk glass of water. "I have a bottle of red wine."
"I'm okay… I should really get going."
"Oh?" He cannot hide his disappointment. Usually when they are at each other's houses this late, they stay the night.
"I still have packing to do at mine..."
"I can come and help you. Filling boxes is one of my specialties, so it is no-"
"Don't worry about it." Lisbon interrupts him as she begins to stand, "I will see you tomorrow."
He watches her for a moment, not knowing what to say, as she grabs her jacket and her bag from the spare chair. "Teresa." On hearing her name, she glances towards him and the eye contact they share fuses together causing a thick air of tension to balloon around them, engulfing them, stifling them. It is so dense that she is sure that if there were other people around, they would be able to feel it too. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." She mutters for the second time today, lying just as much as the last. There is a helpless glint in his eye that immediately makes her guilt-ridden. The last thing she wants to do is hurt him.
Finding the power to plaster on a fake expression of contentment, she roams around to the other side of the table to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. "I will see you tomorrow after work. Dinner is on me this time though." It puts his mind at ease for the time being and he nods as she walks away.
xxx
Her brain must be running on autopilot because she realises when on the highway that she is going in the wrong direction to her condo, but instead is heading towards where Jane parks his Airstream out of work hours. Lisbon thinks about how close she was to being honest with him earlier, how she was going take the leap and now that nauseating feeling has returned to her stomach, and she is genuinely worried about bringing back up her dinner.
Does he deserve to know? Is it his right? If she told him then that would put the ball in his court and give him the option to act on it if he would want to. But what if he doesn't want to? Can she even bring herself to tell him in the first place?
The brunette cusses under her breath but makes no attempt to turn the car around because in three days she is meant to be leaving and time is running out for that to change. Marcus Pike may be a lovely man and a good suitor, but he doesn't bring the fire to her belly or make her heart skip a beat like Patrick Jane does, and that is the truth of it. So instead, she presses her foot down further on the gas pedal and zooms off into the distance.
xxx
Patrick left the FBI building shortly after the happy couple. The emptiness of the place reflected his mood, and he was only really sticking around so she wasn't alone when writing her report. He never wants her to be alone, and he supposes now she has Marcus Pike she will never be alone again. He sighs at the thought.
What he wants is to be happy for her and oh how he is trying but the selfish streak in him wants to stop her from going. Then he tries to think of what he could offer her that is better than the FBI agent and his mind goes blank. It is an endless cycle and one that is occupying his thoughts all the time.
It is his fifth attempt at trying to read the page of the novel he is holding, trying to distract himself from thinking about her but it seems to be an impossible task. He is losing her and if he weren't such a coward then perhaps he would have the confidence to try and stop her, but deep down he knows that wouldn't be fair. She deserves happiness, she deserves the world, she deserves him.
A knock on his trailer door brings him back to reality and he is immediately furrowing his brow. No-one ever comes and sees him. The person knocks again making him call out, "I will be right there!" before he starts to get up from his bed, ditching his book on the sheets.
Releasing the latch on the creaky door, he is quickly opening it and is surprised to see his friend, his partner, stood on the other side looking…unsure. "Lisbon?"
"I've got something that I need to say."