Hello, darvey friends! In honor of #ShadowAndBone being #1 on Netflix (one of my favorite YA book series ever! I've been a fan since 2016), I decided to finally give in to my long time plan of writing this one shot inspired by one of my favorite Kaz and Inej dialogues in the last few pages of Six of Crows.
Story is set in 7x13.
Harvey breaks up with Paula, Donna considers an offer from Rand Kaldor Zane, And of course, Darvey angst.
"Harvey, what are you doing here?
"I came here to give you this." He sneaks his hand into the inside pocket of his suit jacket, takes her resignation letter and tears it in half in front of her.
He hands her the torn letter, she takes it. "Are you sure?" She asks him.
"I am."
"Does she know?"
"She does. It's over."
"Are you okay?"
"Will you come back?"
She doesn't answer right away, not because she is hesitant, but because she has yet to find the right words to break the news to him. She nods her head to the direction of her apartment, signaling him to enter. He follows her into her living room but halts when she turns to face him. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest.
He is anxious to hear what she has to say. Say yes, Donna. Say you're coming back to me.
"I received an offer from Rand Kaldor Zane. I was on the phone with them before you arrived."
"And?" He asks softly. Don't say it, Donna. He thinks to himself. Don't-
"I'm considering it." She answers.
He starts feeling light-headed. He barely survived the one time Donna left him, and that was for Louis just on the opposite end of the same building floor, this is another law firm.
"No." He meant to just think it, but instead, he said it. Taken aback, Donna furrows her brows. "No?" She questions him.
"Donna, you can't just leave." Me. You can't just leave me.
"I didn't just leave, Harvey, you made me leave."
"And that's why I'm here to undo it."
"And you think you being here will make up for what you did?" She raises her voice. She always knew he was cocky and self-centered, but him having the audacity to tell her what she can and cannot do after he hurt her baffles her.
"Why are you here, Harvey?"
"I'm here to get you back."
"No, tell me the truth. Why are you here?" Her voice stern, eyes sharp. "Tell me, would a little vulnerability kill you?"
He looks away. Typical. Donna thinks. Of course it would hurt his ego and pride, the only two things that have ever mattered to him. Or so she thought.
"I want you to stay. I want you to…" He trails, the words leaving him. She tilts her head ever so slightly, anticipating what he could possibly say next. "I want you."
"You want me." She repeats his words back to him. "And how exactly will you have me, Harvey?"
She takes small steps towards him, he stiffens, his instinct, as a defense mechanism, tells him to take a step back, they have not been this close since she kissed him in her office, but his tranced heart tells him not to move.
"How will you have me?" She repeats. "Mask on, guard up, and with one foot out the door?" She raises her hand to his face but he pulls his head away, afraid of what this contact could ignite in him.
Her chest starts to ache. "I can't even touch you without you flinching or turning away." She whispers as water pools in her eyes.
"I will have you without your armor, Harvey Specter." She pauses, eyes dropping to his slightly agape mouth, thumb very lightly grazing his jaw. "Or not at all."
Please speak. She silently prays. Say something, you Idiot. Give me a reason to stay. For all his selfishness, he was still the man she spent thirteen years loving.
But nothing leaves his mouth and it sickens her. She knows better than to expect so much of him, but Donna has always clung to this thin thread of hope that maybe one day he would tell her everything she wanted to hear, even though time and time again, it has proven to only hurt her more.
He is here but not actually here, as always. Words without action are words without substance. Meaningless. And he expects her to take his word for it again? Fuck no. Because unless he shows her how much he means it, they could never happen.
She drops her hand in frustration, and Harvey lets out the breath he has been holding. She turns away from him, afraid he'll notice a stream of tears rolling down her cheeks. He wants to reach out to her, to tell her how sorry he is, how much she means to him. But not tonight, No. She needs her space, and he needs to get his shit together. So he leaves without another word, shutting the door behind him with a heavy hand.
As soon as she hears the door click, she covers her mouth with both her hands as she sobs, hoping that it would be enough to muffle the sound. She slowly sinks to her knees, rocking herself back and forth like a child in pain. She loves him so much, it consumes her, and she doesn't know if it consumes him just the same.
Little did she know, Harvey didn't leave the building right away. He's standing outside her door, contemplating on whether or not he should just turn on his heel, barge into her apartment, and take her in his arms. But he can't, not yet, not when he is still incapable of giving her his all.
The sad thing about it is they could have had this a long time ago, had their fears been set aside, but this is merely just another encounter that adds up to their pile of countless almosts. Some people say time plays a factor in love, that the pining, the longing, the want, and the need would all amount to something in the end.
But for situations like this, with people like Harvey and Donna, another almost only makes things worse.
This fic is dedicated to Jil shipsandfandoms and Nikka piknix_
You girls bring light and joy to my stangirl life
In return, I shall give you pain 3
(y'all leech off of it anyway)