Knock. Knock.

Kommandant Klink startled awake from his slumber, disturbed by the loud noise.

Huh? What was that?

He listened for a few moments but everything was silent. Maybe it was just the wind brushing a few branches against the window. Klink shrugged his shoulders and snuggled back under his blanket, ready to join the dreamland again, when the disturbance made itself recognizable once more.

Knock. Knock.

This time Klink definitely heard it. He checked his watch. Three o'clock in the morning. Whoever that was, he got some nerves. Grunting, the Kommandant got out of his bed and reached for his lamp on the bedside table. He turned it on and had to close his eyes for a moment, blinded by the lights. After his eyes had adjusted, he reached for his monocle and put on his slippers. He slipped on his bathrobe and sighed as the knocking got more persistent.

Could it be Schultz, eager to tell him that Burkhalter had shown up? Or that some of the prisoners were trying another escape attempt? The corners of his mouth turned into a slight grin at the thought of that. The prisoners should know by now that nobody escapes from Stalag XIII. He never grew tired of mentioning this little fact to everyone who didn't want to hear it. Or it could be Colonel Hogan, ready to bargain about two more slices of bread or one hour of extra light, for example.

With a few quick steps, Klink reached his entrance door. He took a deep breath.

"Who's there?" Klink asked.

"It'shh... me."

That was not Schultz and definitely not Colonel Hogan.

"Who's me?" Klink tried again.

"'m the night, fffear meee..."

Not very helpful. What the hell was going on with this person? Klink reluctantly opened the door only to see Major Hochstetter standing in front of his door.

"Helloooo Klink...hic...darrliiing..."

"Are you drunk, Major Hochstetter?" Klink asked, astonished.

"Shhhh...'m not drunk, I'm having a 'eally good tiiimee..." Hochstetter denied.

Klink shook his head in disbelief. Everything in this picture seemed so wrong. The usually grumpy Gestapo Major appeared on his doorstep in the middle of the night, the stench of alcohol wafting from every part of his body. Hochstetter, usually neatly dressed was a picture of chaos. His great coat was crinkled and slung over his left shoulder. His tie hung loosely around his neck and alcohol stains splotched his shirt.

Hochstetter was having trouble keeping upright. His body was swaying slightly and his head lolled from one side to another. He placed his left hand on his hips and his right arm leaned on Klink's doorframe for support. He tried to look serious but to Klink it looked like the Major was grimacing like he had to rush urgently for the next restroom.

"How did you get past the guards? Schuuuullltz!" Klink yelled past Hochstetter. No response.

"Hmpf! Probably sleeping somewhere," Klink murmured.

"Klink, why don' we...hic... have a nice little talk and maybe 'nother drink...my friiiiend," Hochstetter slurred, nearly tripping over the doorstep as he stepped into Klink's quarters. Luckily, he caught himself on the armrest of Klink's couch.

"Whupsi... the floor ishh very tricky," he muttered and then broke out into a giggle, sounding like a hysterical schoolgirl. Klink was confused by now. Did Hochstetter consider him as a friend? Klink shook his head. He had to get rid of this guy. Or at least find out why Hochstetter decided to show up for no good reason. Klink took Hochstetter's jacket and put it on his coat stand.

"Uhm, excuse my curiosity, Herr Major. But you don't usually show up for a social visit. Is there something you want to talk about? Or maybe I can have a guard drive you home, since you're in no condition to go home by yourself," Klink offered, hoping to sound friendly and attentive.

Hochstetter stopped laughing and turned serious. He pulled a face and answered in a sulky voice. "Don't wanna go home," he mumbled and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Klink thought he looked like a sullen kid who had been told to do his homework, or that he wasn't allowed to go outside and play with his friends.

"I want to have some fuuuun..." Hochstetter was dancing through Klink's quarters. Fascinating, Klink thought, how Hochstetter was able to switch from one mood to another. How many drinks did he consume? Oh no, what now, he asked himself as he watched the major get rid of his shirt and shoes. Klink nearly lost consciousness from the smell of Hochstetter's sweaty feet.

"Let's have a swim, Willi. I saw the pooli-pool outsiiide..."

"What pool do you mean, Major. There isn't any pool at all. We're at war," the Kommandant responded, frowning.

"Nononono. I saw a pool out-sshide. A small-one-pers-hon pool. It even has a tiny roof..." the major threw in.

"Tiny roof? Do you mean the well? Herr Major, I can assure you this is not a pool, there isn't even water in it," Klink said.

"But I wanna go oouuut," Hochstetter whined. He threw away his tie and reached out his hand to grasp the door handle.

"Please Major, keep yourself together. You're a grown man. Don't humiliate yourself in front of the guards and prisoners. If you keep up that loud noise you will disturb everybody." Klink threw himself in front of the door before the Gestapo agent had a chance to open it. The Kommandant then shoved the drunken Major on his couch.

"You're a party pooper Klink...hihihi...party pooper," Hochstetter laughed at his own words like it was the funniest thing in the world. Suddenly Hochstetter discovered a snifter filled with cognac on Klink's couch table.

"Uhhh...cognac." Hochstetter grabbed the snifter and took a heavy sip of the burning liquid. Klink snatched the cup out of his hands, causing Hochstetter to spill a mouthful of cognac over his neck and uniform.

"Why did 'ya do that? I thought we were friends," Hochstetter whined, sounding sincerely disappointed.

"I think you've had enough drinks, Major Hochstetter," Klink answered simply, putting the snifter out of Hochstetter's eyesight. He was quite satisfied that Hochstetter didn't yell at him like he usually did, instead a sad look appeared on the Major's face.

"You're right...Klink. I...I came 'ere for a spe-ssshh-ial reason. You see Klink, I am Gesssstapo. I work all day and night, so I don't have time for any friends. I never worried 'bout that but a few months ago I met this woman. She was ama-sssh-ing. We 'ere soo happy or that's what I thought at lea-ssht. We've met tonight and I asssked her to marry me 'ight after the war but she sss-aid no. We got into a fight and broke up in the end." Hochstetter seemed to get a little sober while talking.

"Ssso I decided to 've a little drink at the Hofbrau and vissssit my old friend Klink," the Major continued.

"I understand. That must be very hard for you. A man with a heart the size of a walnut usually has trouble feeling love. I'm surprised you even have a heart at all," Klink consoled him. He waited for a reaction but there was none. Smirking, he decided to continue needling the Gestapo agent. Finally, he could tell the Major his opinion without fear of being transfered to the Russian front.

"Dear Major. I never thought of you as a high ranking officer. In fact all you do is yell at people and you never seem to catch any saboteurs who caused trouble to the Third Reich. If I were your boss I would have already put a more qualified man in your position. Also, I never liked the way you've treated me. Insulting me and calling me incompetent in front of General Burkhalter. That's pathetic, Major. Besides, I never thought you'd have a girlfriend. Well, had a girlfriend."

"You're right, Klink," Hochstetter slurred. "I haven't been very nice to you. I always sss-ink of my-sself. 'Cause of my job... peo-bble are afraid of me and don't want to ge-dd to know me... but s'metimes even a man like me feels lonely... I guess I could use a friend now and then... do you wanna be my friend...Will'elm?" Hochstetter asked with a pleading look on his face.

Klink was astonished. This was the longest talk he ever had with Hochstetter. It's true, alcohol makes your brain go fuzzy. He couldn't help but feel a little sorry for the Major. Of course Hochstetter didn't deserve any affection from Klink, but the Kommandat was just a kind-hearted man. He didn't dare leave Hochstetter alone in his "vulvernable" state.

"Of course we can be friends, Major Hochstetter. Why don't you stay here for the night and have a good nights' rest on my couch after I lock away all my alcohol? I'm sure things will look brighter tomorrow," Klink answered.

"You are a wise man," the Major said, yawning. He felt better now that he had talked about his problems. But the good feeling didn't last long before Hochstetter felt a sour taste rising up in his stomach.

"Ohhh I don't feel so good," he moaned, holding his hands in front of his stomach.

"Oh no. Not on my carpet! This thing cost two months' pay!" Klink shouted when he saw the Major's face took on a slight tinge of green. Before Hochstetter had a chance to say anything else, his stomach started rebelling and he emptied his contents on Klink's floor and his boots. The Kommandant's face turned into a grimace of pure disgust.

The next morning

Major Hochstetter awoke with a hangover. His head felt like it had been used as a ping pong ball and his world started spinning the second he sat up. His mouth felt so dry, he wished he had a glass of water beside his bed. But wait. This wasn't his bed. He'd never own such shabby blankets and awful pillows. This wasn't even a bed. It was a couch. He searched the room with his eyes. The whole interior decoration was a disaster and that could only mean one thing. He must be in Klink's home. He rolled his eyes and let out a sigh but quickly regretted his action when a sharp pain set in behind his eyes. His headache started turning into a migraine once he heard the sound of Klink's voice, coming from the breakfast table.

"Good morning, Major Hochstetter. I hope you slept well. You were pretty drunk last night but I allowed you to spend the night. You were really talkative Major and you told me one of your deepest secrets," Klink told him with a sly smile, causing the Major to blush. Klink took a glass of water from the table and an aspirin and gave both to Hochstetter. The Major took it gratefully and mumbled "Thank you."

"After you are fully awake, how about breakfast, my friend?" Klink asked, gesturing to the table, which was loaded with plates full of scrambled eggs, bacon, bread and freshly brewed coffee. The smell of food made Hochstetter gag slightly.

"Leave me alone, Klink. I think I'm not able to handle food yet," Hochstetter growled and stood up from the couch.

"Don't you want to have a nice cup of coffee first? You know, it is very disrespectful to leave so soon after I gave you a place to sleep, Major," Klink said.

"Shut up, Klink!"

Hochstetter immediately called Gestapo headquarters to send for a driver. When he heard the car arriving, the Major took his belongings and quickly left Klink's quarters, his face buried in his coat.

"Good morning, Major," Hogan greeted Hochstetter, as he strode from the barracks to Klink's quarters.

"Bah!" the Major answered, waving his hand in an annoyed gesture, got in the car and took off.

Hogan shrugged his shoulders and went to talk to the Kommandant. The Colonel knocked at the door and waited for Klink to open it.

"Hello, Kommandant. I didn't know you had company. I just saw Major Hochstetter leaving camp. Did something happen? And what is that stench and where does it come from?" Hogan sniffed the air, trying to find the source of the mysterious smell.

Klink shook his head and sighed. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you what happened last night, Hogan."

"Oh come on, Kommandant. It can't be that bad. It's not like Hochstetter showed up last night, let's say, completely drunk, and spilling his guts to you. And you had to babysit him or something like that," Hogan laughed.

Klink said nothing.

Hogan's eyes widened in amusement. Did he hit the nail on the head? "No way, Sir. You've got to be kidding me. Hochstetter? Drunk?" Hogan would have loved to be a fly on that wall. He tried to supress a laugh.

"I think you better leave now, Hogan," Kink ordered, teeth grinding.

"What? Oh yes, Sir. I'm already good as gone." Hogan saluted, and quickly left Klink's quarter's.

"I can't wait to tell the guys about this," Colonel Hogan said to himself, a wide grin spreading across his face.