Back in the ship, She-Ra laid delicately Catra against the floor, placing her head against her shoulder, holding it softly between her hands. She looked at her for a second before putting her forehead against the cat's one, closing her eyes. She knew by doing that, she will briefly connect to her and feel her pain during the process. But she did it anyway. She started shining, healing her dear friend.
The goddess' face remained stoic, but what she could see, hear, all the things she was feeling were hurtful, barely bearable. She started crying, holding closer Catra to her.
I'm sorry, Catra. I'm so sorry.. she thought. Of course she knew that the brunette suffered, all these years. But that much ? She had absolutely no idea. It was good she was enduring this much pain right now, it was the minimum to repay what she did to her. Leaving her behind like that.. even if she never did this to abandon her, she still abandoned her. And Catra.. she suffered too much from that.
The blond could feel her heart squeezed in pain, more and more as she became Adora again, and she couldn't stop crying while her look betrayed her pain as she was staring at the cat.
[...] The war was over, the two girlfriends were living their life in Brightmoon together. Catra was going to almost every appointment that she had with Perfuma to help her deal with everything the war did to her. At this moment, she was gone to Perfuma's.
Adora was left alone, and she didn't want to admit it to anyone -even Catra, but she couldn't really stay by herself without overthinking. She was always saying that she will start therapy as well, but everytime, it was just words. The blond wished her lover was here. With Catra around, she felt at peace, she could listen to hear hours talking about the thing she learned and she was working on with their friend. She heard footsteps and sighed. It couldn't be her beloved, not yet, and she didn't really want to see anyone right now.
"Adora-" shouted Glimmer, entering the room. "oh.. are you okay ?" she lowered her voice, walking closer to Adora.
"Oh hi Glimmer." She tried to smile, but too late, Glimmer noticed before. "Yes, i'm alright. Don't worry !" she laughed a bit.
The princess frowned, doubting her answer. "If you say so.." If her friend didn't want to talk about it, she respected that. She cleared her throat and started again. "We.. kinda need your help at the hospital. A soldier arrived and.." She looked down. "It's really bad.."
She wanted to ask if she could have waited until Catra is back, but the situation seemed.. terrible. "I.. Ok. I will do it." she clenched her jaw. "Can we just make sure to tell a guard or something that Catra has to join us in the hospital when she comes back, please ?"
Glimmer nodded in approval and they were gone.
Adora knew that she was going to connect again with the person, feeling her pain with what happened, be hurt in the process. But wasn't it perfect right now ? She thought. Being hurt to not overthink while Catra is gone was the thing that made her say yes in the first place. It wasn't right at all to think this way, but she couldn't help it. After all, everyone had their little secrets after all, doesn't they ?
When they both arrived in the room, Bow was waiting for them while trying to calm the soldier, reassuring him. The blond bit her lower lip. It was really bad, just as she imagined. The man had blood all over his arm and a wound that appeared to be a bite on the shoulder. He also had huge scratch wounds on his torso.
Adora shouted "For the honor of Grayskull" and transformed into She-Ra. She walked next to him, sitting on the bed. She took the soldier's hand between hers and closed her eyes. They both started shining as the goddess was healing him. As she knew, she began to feel the pain entering her body. She strongly clenched her jaw to keep a straight face, as always.
She heard someone entering the room and she forgot for a second what she was doing and gasped in pain. The man's wounds started to slowly heal, but not totally yet because they were really deep.
When she turned back into Adora, no one seemed to notice anything. Not even Catra who was leaning against the wall, her arms crossed while looking at her. Adora smiled at her and the brunette sighed and turned her back to leave the room without saying anything.
Glimmer put a hand on her shoulder. "Thanks, Adora. I don't know what we could have done to save him without you." she smiled at her.
"Yeah, thanks a lot Adora !" Bow smiled at her as well. "I.. I'm sorry to ask you that, but" He pointed to the wounds on the torso that were still kinda bad. "do you think you can come back tomorrow ?"
Of course she will have to come back. This guy was in a really bad state, and still is. She couldn't refuse to heal him again tomorrow. "Sure." she smiled. "Now, I think this guy needs to rest."
"As you need-," Bow started, but Glimmer did that look which means right now you have to shut up so instead he hugged her friend. "Rest well, Adora." he softly muttered to her.
The blond quickly hugged her best friend back before leaving the room.
[...] Back in their bedroom, the blond heard water noises, so she guessed her girlfriend was taking a shower. She sighed and took her jacket and top off to look at her in the huge mirror they had in their room. She put her fingers on the failsafe scar she had on the chest. It reminded her of this feeling she had back in the heart of Etheria. This peace she felt while she was almost dying. What if..
She jumped in fear when she felt someone hugging her by the back, putting a soft kiss on her shoulder.
"Adora.. are you alright ?" Catra said. She sounded a little worried.
The blond turned to face her girlfriend and smiled softly. "Yes, i'm sorry I.. just wanted to-"
"Look at the scar that hurt you the most out of nowhere ?" answered the cat, cutting her off. "Come on, Adora." She frowned, looking at her seriously in the eyes.
The blond looked away and bit her lips. "I told you, i'm ok. I was just about to go to the shower."
She started to walk away, but Catra took her hand, stopping her. "Tell me what's wrong, please.."
Adora let go of her hand and walked in their bathroom anyways. Catra didn't follow her, nor tried to stop her again. To be honest, she just wanted to cry herself out in the shower and to push down this terrible feeling she had without saying anything, without worrying her girlfriend. Even though she kinda already did.. She just didn't want to add more to Catra's pain honestly.
She turned on the water and took everything off to enter in the shower. A second after she was under water, she started crying silently. Adora wasn't the type of person who easily shows their emotions, nor talked about it. She preferred to bury those deep inside, almost ignoring them -and she could, back it time, with the war and everything.
She came out -dressed up in her chill clothes, of the bathroom after almost an hour. Catra was laying on the bed, petting lazily Melog. The brunette didn't even look at her when the blond sat next to her to pet the big space cat with her.
"Catra, I.." she muttered, searching her words.
"Did you cry ?" she asked without even listening to what she was trying to say. The cat noticed immediately her puffy eyes when she briefly looked at her when she came back.
She stopped petting Melog and bowed her head, biting her lips. "Yes.." she finally admits.
"Are you.." Catra put her hand on her lover's cheek. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong, now..?" She softly smiled to reassure her. "You can tell me everything, you know."
Adora looked at her a few seconds before saying anything. "I'll be ok, don't worry." She smiled.
The brunette clenched her jaw and frowned in pain. "You don't trust me, don't you..? I mean.." she sighed. "You barely talk to me, it's always you listening to me talking. About my problems, about my therapy, about my trauma.. But you never share anything with me. I know you're in pain, Adora.." The blond put her hand on her girlfriend's one, but it didn't stop the cat. "I know you suffer a lot too. You can let it out, no.. you need to let it out. If it's not with me, then, you can ask Perfuma."
"Catra.." the blond started, but once again she was cut off.
"I know what you're trying to do.." Catra got up and crossed her arms, staring into her blue eyes. "I.. hurt myself too, as you know… I noticed that you're doing the same. Maybe it's not physical, but.." She placed her right hand on Adora's chest, where she has the failsafe scar. "Adora, I love you. Please.. stop hurting yourself.."
Adora could see that, in her girlfriend's beautiful mismatched eyes, tears started to form. She bit her lips. She could feel her heart squeezed in pain by seeing that. She took her hand and pulled her up against her. "I love you too Catra. But.. I can't just stop helping people.."
"You can," Catra hissed. "It's not always have to be you, you know." She hugged her girlfriend back. Even though she was angry, she knew that her dumb blond needed her close to her. "I mean.. you can't just let yourself be hurt like that. And.. I know why you're doing that." The cat briefly looked at her own wrists and bit her lips.
Adora pulled Catra closed to her, remaining silent. She didn't know what she could answer to her lover. She couldn't just stop healing and helping people, she couldn't stop being She-Ra -even after the war. People need her, need her power, need her healing. Of course Catra had to notice that she was hurting herself on purpose in the process. Now, Adora couldn't ignore that Catra was going to suffer too, in the process.
She truly didn't know what she was supposed to do. Ignoring her girlfriend ? Ignoring injured people ? Neither seemed a good option.
"You know, this soldier or whatever he is.." the brunette started, to break the silence. "He will heal from his wounds without your help, now." she gently rubbed the blond's back. "I mean.. you were right to help him in the first place. And it's not about stopping and letting people die.." She faced her. "It's about.. not doing that to hurt yourself first." She paused, searching her words. "If you wanna do it anyway, I can't stop you. But please.. keep in mind that's.. hmmm.. don't do it to hurt yourself." She smiled at her and kissed her nose, trying to reassure her.
Adora was shocked. Catra said exactly what she needed to hear. She exactly knew how to reassure her, even though she barely explained anything. It wasn't surprising, considering how long they knew each other. The blond hid her head into the cat's neck. "Thanks.." she whispered. "I hope you know how much I love you.."
Catra smiled. "I hope you know how much I love you." she whispered with all her love in her ear, while she was still rubbing her back.
The blond smiled and put a quick kiss on her neck before facing her. "If I decide to heal him again tomorrow.. Will you.. will you be there for me ?"
"Of course dummy." Catra kissed her forehead, then her nose, her cheeks, putting the last kiss on her lips. "I'll always be there for you."