Granny Faith
Summary: Tony Stark didn't meet Yinsen in those caves. Instead, he finds an old woman whom pretty much adopted him. Or, the one where a reborn soul is kidnapped by terrorist, kills people she doesn't like and bake cakes for those she does. (one-shot)
Tony Stark wakes up in a cave with a car battery keeping him alive and a woman with long grey hair looming over him with a smile.
"Can I help you?"
After all, he isn't too sure what to say since he didn't normally wake up in caves nor did he wake up with old women. What? He was a playboy, old women we're of the table because gross their old enough to be his grandmother. And, just no.
"I like you," she said. "I've deiced you can be my son now. Which, by the way a bunch of very rude men are going to walk in and demand you to make a weapon. I suggest not to just."
All he can do is blink because being adopted by an old woman was not what he was expecting. Also, he's pretty sure you can't just adopt a full-grown man that has to be against the law or something.
She isn't killed by the crossfire.
Yeah!
Granted, she isn't too sure what to do, but she does stand back and let Tony burn them all alive in his suit before she is rudely picked up and taken of.
The suit lands nearby and surprising she landed on her feet while Tony landed in a pile of mess. She picked him up, pulling away the bits of metal of him and then they start walking.
"You know I never got your name," Tony said.
"I'll tell you when your friend picks you up."
"What do you mean by that?" Tony asked.
Tony never got an answer until Rhodey found them.
Rhodey finds them.
He wasn't expecting an old woman to be with Tony when he does.
"Un who are you?"
She blinked at him and smile patting him on the head he raised an eyebrow looking at a tired Tony Stark.
"I like you," she said. "I'm adopting you to."
Rhodey turned to Tony for answers. Tony shrugged his shoulders. It's, here where Rhodey comes to the conclusion that she clearly a bit loopy.
"Please, tell me you haven't lost your mind to Tones," he said.
"Nope," the old woman said for Tony. "He just had an enlightenment experience."
"What she said," Tony said.
Rhodey feels a headache coming along.
"Also you still haven't told me your name," Tony said.
Rhodey headache came and didn't leave until the end of the day.
Tony Stark comes home and tells the world that SI would not be making anymore weapons. He also comes back to the tower to find the old woman was trying to leave.
"Yeah, no. Cave buddies stick together," he said.
She turned to raise an eyebrow at him.
"Really? Would've thought you would be happy to get rid of little old me."
"You thought wrong," Tony said.
He didn't know her name or who she was, but because of her he was alive today. Beside he highly doubted she had a place to stay.
"Faith."
"Pardon?"
"You asked me for what my name is. I'm Faith. But you can call me granny."
He does not have a problem with that.
Tony learned something new about the Faith the more she spent her time at the tower.
One thing for sure the old woman loves to cook and he means really loves to cook. She spends all day in the kitchen, cooking pies, cookies and homemade cakes. The idea of just eating takeout goes out the window and there really is far too much food for just, Happy, him, Pepper, and Rhodey to eat.
"And, that's one for Mr. Stane," she said. Pointing at the cake on the table.
"I don't think Mr. Stane wants anything this time," Happy said. "Not since the last time you tried to poison him."
Or, yeah, he forgot to mention that she tended to try and poison Obadiah, like a lot. His godfather now refused to eat anything that Faith cooked.
"Nonsense," she waved off.
"I'm being seriously. He doesn't want anything," Happy said munching on a cookie.
"I know I've scared him with all that poison stuff," she said sweetly. "But this dose I'm sure will kill him."
Tony decided that one cake goes into the bin. Granny wasn't too pleased with that.
When his own godfather ripped out his heart while granny was away. Tony Stark decided that next time he's just going to let the old woman kill someone with poison bake goods.
Beside she wasn't trying to kill him, or Pepper, or Rhodey, or Happy, just Stane and now he understood why.
Stane leaves him to die, but Rhodey finds him bringing his old reactor that he's so glad Pepper had kept for him. Place it back into his chest and letting him breathe once again.
"Where's Granny?" he asked.
He needed to make sure his godfather wasn't going to kill her.
"I think she hitting Obadiah over the head with a broom stick. She called me to help you and now is outside of the tower given Stane a bunch of new bruises."
He blinked.
He goes outside and to find that yes, she was hitting Obadiah over the head with a broom stick.
"Mr. Stark," Agent Phil said walking towards him. "Ms. Potts called for help, but um I don't think help needed."
"I should've killed you with that cake," granny said.
Hitting his x godfather over the head.
"How dare you harm Tony. How dare you, you greedy old man. Yes, that's what you are. A greedy, jealous old man."
"Ow, ow, ow."
Obadiah takes the broom of her and snapped it in half.
"Happy, pass me the flying pan."
Obadiah eyes widen as Happy does just that.
Wrack.
Howard, old friend is knocked to the ground and an Agent that worked with Agent Phil is holding her back because the old woman was downright ready to kill him.
"Let me go," she said. "He's still alive."
"Hi, granny," Tony said.
She turned to him dropping the flying pan right on Obadiah who moaned in pain the moment the kitchen item landed on his head.
"Oh, Tony sweetly. I'm glad your okay. I was going to go myself, but I'm not that fast so I called Rhodey to help."
"Thanks for that by the way. Saved me a trip from going to the lab myself."
She nodded her head and turned back to the man in pain on the ground. Kicked him in the stomach only to be held back again.
"Unhand me. So, I can kill him myself."
Obadiah had to go to the hospital soon after for broken ribs and a very badly bruised head that was before he was arrest for attempt murder.
Ivan Vanko never got a chance to attack Tony Stark. Instead, the man found dead poisoned by bake goods.
"Granny," Tony said when they we're in a private room. "I thought you weren't going to kill anyone with cooking."
"I lied dear," she said. "Now, do you want pie tonight, or maybe a roast dish?"
Naturally he goes for the roast dish.
"Iron man is a very powerful weapon," Senator Stern said.
Stern trying his best not to yell in anger. He's trying his best not to yell at that loopy woman, really trying
"You can't have eggs," she said to one of the people in court. "Noted. I'll make you something else then."
Really? Couldn't she see that this was an important court case.
"Oh, don't worry dear. I won't cook you any meat if you don't like it. Just tell me what you like and Jarvis will record it.
"Granny," Rhodey said. "We're very busy at the moment. Can't you do the cooking thing later."
Faith ignored Rhodey more focus in listening to the other members of the court.
"She still mad, at me," Rhodey told Senator Stern. "She's convinced that I'm just going to sell the suits to the military who will sell them to Hammer."
"Oh, really," Faith is heard. "You must tell me how to make them next time. Because that sounds most fun."
"Mrs. Smith," Stern said. "Can't you see this is a court case."
She turned to frown at him.
"Can't you see I'm trying to take orders. I'm very busy dear, but don't worry I'll get to you next."
Stark looked ready to speak.
"And, yes Tony. I'll make you some cookies."
This was going to be a long court case.
Agent Phil isn't too surprised that Hammer dead.
"Died from a poison cake," Agent Phil said. "I wonder how that could've happened."
Granny more focus on humming and frowning at her Stark pad.
"Stupid new tech," she mumbled.
"You know if you keep killing people you might end up going to jail."
"But I'm only killing the bad people," she said casually.
"It's still killing."
She frowned thoughtfully.
"That is true. Lucky, I don't have a problem with killing. Now, Phil darling how does this thing work again?"
Phil teachers her how to work the Stark pad beside Shield can just cover up the people who are casually found dead with poison bake goods nearby.
Fury isn't too sure what to think of about the old woman in the kitchen making dish after dish, humming away. He also isn't too sure what to think of when he sees Stark in the helicarrier kitchen eating from a bowl while fighting one of his Agents.
"But you get to clean out the bowl all the time," Barton said.
Of course, just of course it had to be Hawkeye whining to Stark over getting the chocolate bowl and not him.
"I'm the favorite," Stark said far too happy for Fury liking.
Barton huffed, but soon smiled as another chocolate bowl passed to him.
Agent Hill is nearby watching carefully.
"You have to stir the water in with the mix and do it carefully," the old woman said. Agent Hill nodding her head. "You can add more water, but you can't take it out and if there's too much water the mix is ruined."
"I think I got egg shell in the mix again," Agent Romanoff said.
Agent Coulson is slowly trying to take the egg shell out of the mix. Only to frown when the egg shell sink back into the mix.
"What is going on in here?" Fury demanded. "And, who let Stark and Smith into the Heilcarrier kitchen?"
Faith Smith the old woman Tony Stark brought home after he came back from Afghanistan.
"I'm teaching your Agents how to cook. Did you know that most of them live on take out?" Mrs. Smith said.
Faith Smith had been married before she was taken, but her husband died when she was missing and she didn't have any children. Shield had been keeping a close eye on her since both she and Stark came back.
"But who let you in?" Fury demanded. "And, why?"
Mrs. Smith was more focus on getting the egg shell out of Agent Romanoff dish.
"I hacked in," Stark said. "You really need to upgrade your system. Even a two-year-old could hack into your system."
He does not get paid to deal with this.
"There we go. Now, don't worry about the shell everyone gets a few egg shells the first time they start cooking. That's perfectly normally. It's, getting it out is the hard bit."
Fury decide he was just going to let them be. He wasn't expecting to leave the kitchen with a freshly bake cake.
Note to self, upgrade Faith Smith report to good cook.
When Steve Rogers wakes up from the ice, he wasn't expecting to find an old woman in his room telling him that he was in the future. Nor, was he expecting her to sound threatening.
"If you dare harm Tony Stark. I will kill you myself young man. And, don't think I wouldn't just because I'm old. And, if you harm him when I'm dead. I will haunt you," she spat out. "Now, you can help me in the kitchen dearly."
He wakes up in the future, finding out everyone he knew is either dead or old and things have changed. He knows he should at least do a bit more exploring, but really Stark show him New York and he's seen enough changes for the day.
He would gladly help an old woman in the kitchen because that's the only thing that hadn't changed. And, no he would rather not have cookies, but apple pie would do just fine.
When Loki tried to brainwash Clint, it didn't go as well as he expected because he was soon hit over the head by an old woman that wouldn't stop hitting him over the head. Until he, flee with the few people he mange to brainwash.
Meanwhile Clint was offered cake and he gladly ate it as he reported back to Fury while Faith was telling Tony, no you can't touch that newly freshly made cake just yet it needs to cool down first.
Bruce Banner isn't too sure on why there's an old woman on the heilcarrier, but she is and she passed him a cake.
He wasn't too fond of cake.
So, she asked him what he like.
He wasn't actually expecting her to cook it for him. Nor, was he expecting the Hulk to listen to her.
"Do you like pie or cake dear?" the old woman asked the Hulk.
"Hulk don't know."
"Will come along help me in the kitchen."
Thus, that's how she stopped the heilcarrier from being destroyed by the Hulk.
Loki really didn't like how his plans we're being stopped by an old woman.
He can't even kill Agent Phil like he wanted to. Instead, he found himself having eggs tossed at him.
"I don't care if you are God, you shouldn't treat people like that. And, you shouldn't be going around brainwashing people young man."
"I'm a God. I'm still older than you."
Wrack.
The egg splatter in his face then another, and another and he's slowly being pushed down before he fell out of the broken window.
Thor was never going to let him forget about this.
Naturally she there.
She always there and Loki decided he had never hated someone so much in life like he hates her.
He expected Stark to be in his tower not the old woman that was still making dishes of food fit for the Gods.
"I'm still going to win," he said.
"That's nice deer," she said sweetly. "Help me with the cookies."
He frowned he was not helping her.
"I have an army," he said. Pouring the flour onto the table.
"And, I can cook good cakes and pies," she said. "Also, watch out for Iron man."
He didn't get a chance to ask her why before he felt a strong powerful beam of energy shot towards him and he's flying out the window.
Meanwhile Tony Stark had to get Faith out of the building finding her a good place to hide while the battle goes on. Shame to, she didn't get to finish those cookies.
Harley Keener finds Tony Stark and gives him the hello kitty watch to help Tony tell the time. He was not at all expecting to find an old woman in the kitchen baking homemade goods.
"You must be Harley," she said sweetly. "Tell Tony he can stop faking his death now. I killed those awful men that we're trying to kill him. And, Pepper okay to. She happily eating the cook meal I made for her before I left."
He blinked wondering how she knew his name.
He knew her name that's for sure everyone did. Everyone knew Faith Smith whom was pretty much Tony Stark, grandmother in all, but blood.
He was pretty much a nobody to the Stark's though. At least he thought he was.
"Now, dear, do you want cake or cookies?"
He went for the homemade cookies while dealing with Tony Stark whining about sharing.
Tony wasn't even going to ask how at this point.
Granny always knew she always knew who was the bad guy and who wasn't, but really what he wanted to know was why was there a dead Thanos in the tower.
Here he was with every Avenger and even a bunch of aliens ready to fight and protect the world as well as the galaxy only to have the big bad killed by a poison cookie.
"Does that mean we're not needed anymore Mr. Stark?" Spiderman asked.
"What do you mean he's dead?" Rocket asked.
"He had died of poison," Gamora said.
"From a cookie?" Quill asked.
"A deadly cookie," Doctor Strange said.
Spiderman poked the cookie with a stick.
"Don't poke that kid," Tony said.
Spiderman stopped poking the cookie with a stick.
"You mean to tell me the big bad died because an old lady killed him," Rocket said gesturing his hands to Granny.
Granny Faith stood there sweetly.
"She does that a lot," Steve said.
Bucky was told no you can't help granny in the kitchen. Not after the last time you burnt the place down.
"Did you know she is actually a reincarnated soul from a different world?" Doctor Strange asked.
"Cookie, pie or cake dear?" Granny asked. Ignoring Strange comment.
"There not poisonous, are they?" Quill asked.
"Granny Smith only kills the bad guys Mr. Quill," Spiderman pointed out.
"I'll have cake," Strange said.
"Wonderful. Now, someone get rid of that body before he starts to stink the place up."
"So, now what?" Antman asked.
"I get the bowl," Tony said.
"No, fair you always get the bowl," Clint said.
"Does this happen often?" Quill asked.
"Far too much," Steve said.
Morgan Stark is ten when she hears stories about Granny Faith.
The Avengers happily tell her all about the grandmother that bake goods and killed villains with poisonous cookies. Thor tells her of a time where Loki was thrown out of the window because of eggs and even though Morgan Stark never got a chance to get to know about Granny Faith. She learned a lot from the Avengers about the old woman.
She eleven when she finds Granny Faith old cook book recipes. It has everything written down in granny hand writing, from cookies, to cakes, to pies. With small little notes on who likes what and who doesn't like what.
She thirteen when she tries to learn from the book.
She's twenty when she sees the ghost of Faith Smith in the tower in the kitchen working away like she would've when she's alive. The ghost smiled at her before she disappears. That is the first and last time Morgan Stark sees Granny Faith.