AN: I wrote this One-Shot when I first read New Moon. It was posted here for some time, but I pulled it down for editing. It's still un-beta'ed.
Please note that I've changed some dialogues according to what suited this story. Call it artistic license if you will.
Her face swam before his eyes, morphing lines, distorting shadows.
A pair of coffee-brown eyes glimmering with love and elation, her button nose crinkled in mystification. Cherry-flush pinkened alabaster cheeks, dimpling with a shy smile. A mass of silken, rich brown, stippled with burnished red and bronze-gold, falling down her back like a rippling, undulating river.
And a scent so decadent, so heavenly … his hands clenched and he swallowed convulsively. Yet, there was no familiar rush of the searing fluid that made him the most dangerous predator in the world.
There was no flooding of the viscous liquid in his mouth which her scent never failed to incite.
The venom which was paramount for his survival … The one without which he was nothing, was gone.
But then, she was gone too.
She was gone, no, he had pushed her away.
So, the nothingness was alright.
Nothingness was good.
It was salvation, relief, really … For despite all his lies, Edward was nothing without Bella.
'I will always love you …'
His steps were leaden, his gait drunken.
A hollow agony yawned in his chest.
He was haunted by the ghosts of his past, those cherished echoes of memories- her memories- played in a loop in his mind.
Never before had he loved and loathed his photographic memory as he did then. The glorious mornings, blustery evenings and peaceful nights they had spent together played like a reel, each more profound than the other.
Like a shooting star, she had brightened his dark horizon, glorified his world.
But the brilliance was transient.
Or rather, he had made it transient.
Bella had always reminded him of a swan, beautiful and pure. It was another reminder (as if he needed more) of just how much she was forsaking to live in his shadowy world.
And it had terrified him that he would rob her of her essence, of her innocence, and turn her into a damned, blood-thirsty monster.
Or worse yet, he would silence her precious heart forever.
Driven by his fear, he had distanced himself from her. He wanted her to grow, to live, and have a happy life with someone who was deserving of even an iota of her goodness and loving heart.
But it was of no use.
For now, she was truly gone, asleep forever in the eternal hold of death.
A powerful rush of debilitating anguish surged through him, bringing him to his knees. Grief coagulated his throat, and he sobbed tearlessly, fighting for some semblance of control.
The same control which had let him break her heart.
The control which had made it possible for him to rip himself away from her.
The control which would now bring her to him.
He could not falter now, could not let the void suck him whole.
He could not afford weakness.
Not now when he was only a step away from reuniting with her.
'I can't live in a world where you don't exist …'
He dreamed a beautiful dream.
An impossible dream.
"Edward!" She called.
"Edward, please!"
She pleaded and he frowned, disliking the desperation tingeing her voice.
And then came her scent. He gasped, reveling in the fragrance.
Floral, delicious, unique, lovely, it suffused his pores, lightened his heart.
Her slight frame fell in his arms, her sweet breath brushed his neck, and her lush body molded to his. Fragile fingers danced across his back, pulling him closer with as much strength she could muster as if he had any desire to let her go.
As if he could let her go.
His infant smile bloomed into a full-blown grin.
She was finally here with him, held close to his heart where she belonged.
Oh, how he had craved her! How he had missed her!
He had been a fool. Such a big fool!
Carlisle was right. He had always been right.
Even a murderer, a soulless demon like him wasn't completely beyond redemption.
Even if this was hell, he would take it, for what did hell and heaven matter when he had his entire world in his arms?
It hurt.
Everything hurt.
Pain ripped holes into him, shredding him apart. Yet, the physical pain had nothing on the pain wracking through him as he heard her pleas.
"Please, please, let him go, please. Edward!"
And he wanted to shout, to beg her not to waste her breath on someone so wholly undeserving of the presence of a gentle soul like her.
But he couldn't.
The incendiary eyes held him a prisoner of her malevolent gaze, neither relenting nor letting go.
"Take me. Take me instead! Leave him alone!" She begged, and he could barely contain his howl of fury.
It echoed in the recesses of his brain, charging him with a merciless thirst; a spark building into a blazing inferno.
He wanted to rip, maim, kill; dismember every part of them, and set them afire.
If they dared to even look at her …
She sat with him, wrapped in his arms, closer than she had ever been … closer than he had ever allowed her to be.
Yet, she was so far away.
Her eyes gazed into his with an unbearable hunger.
Yet, such an air of crushing defeat wrapped about her that icy fear perforated his heart.
Was he too late?
Was she too hurt?
Was there someone else?
"Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?" He asked desperately, pressing himself closer to her, "Why can't you see how much I love you? Why, Bella …? Have you …? Are you …? Is there someone else? That would be …" Terrible, heartbreaking, unbearable, "quite justified. I mean I did-"
"Edward," Bella said firmly, "There's no one else. There can never be …" She whispered under her breath and had it not been for his sharp hearing, he wouldn't have heard her.
"Then why …?"
"I don't know who I am."
"What?"
"I don't know who I'm anymore," She repeated calmly, "But, I do know that I don't want to be the Bella who first came to Forks. She was … she grew up too soon, taking up responsibilities, being the grown-up, but … but … She never grew up in some aspects, some respect. She wasn't … She can't … I can't be her anymore. I don't want to."
"Bella," He whispered, feeling something cold and unpleasant squelch in his stomach.
"I did a lot of thinking, about how our relationship was. It was tender, sweet, but it wasn't healthy. I placed you on a pedestal and you did … well, whatever you thought of me, it could not have been well enough to stop you from taking such a crucial decision for both of us without discussing it with me," She said wryly and he opened his mouth to refute her allegation, but couldn't find anything to say.
"I failed to realize that. I failed to realize that you weren't perfect, that you weren't God or Angel, or whatever silly label I ever came up with. Just as I failed to recognize that no matter how flawed a person I am, I am not nothing when compared to you. I've always felt that you are too good to be true- too kind, too generous, too mysterious, too good-looking- but it shouldn't make me feel inadequate. You shouldn't make me feel inadequate."
Anguish and regret tightened their hold on him, squeezing his insides mercilessly.
"Bella, if I made you feel that way, I-"
"No, no! That came out wrong. What I meant to say is that … that I failed to see you as a person, just as I failed to see myself as a person. Hell, I couldn't even look at the photos Charlie clicked on my birthday without feeling how plain I looked in front of your magnificence," She shook her head, "And that's just wrong, Edward. So wrong! Relationships don't work that way. There's no me or you in a relationship, there's an us, and both of us failed to realize that. I let you care for me, believing you to be all-knowing and powerful. While there's nothing wrong in thinking that, as you are infinitely more intelligent and stronger than me, but making you the pinnacle of perfection was wrong!"
"Bella, what is ... what do you want?" Edward asked with his heart in his throat. He couldn't deny the truth of her words, yet the idea of letting her go, of not having her belong to him, of not belonging to her was insupportable.
After months of denying himself her addictive presence, he was too weak to let go, to give up. He would rather claw out his own heart than abandon her again.
"If this is going to work, if we are to give our relationship another chance, we need to sort our issues. We need to trust each other. If you are sure about wanting me back, we have to wipe the slate clean and start again. We have to take time and not rush headlong into this … madness. You have to start treating me like an adult and not as a wayward child whose responsibility rests on your shoulders. You can't make decisions for me without discussing the issue with me first. I may not be as intelligent as you, Edward, but I'm intellectually sound."
Edward nodded, guilt pricking his heart.
"… And I too need to grow up, to not view you with rose-tinted glasses, Edward." She smiled, her eyes crinkling and without his volition, he reciprocated it softly.
"I think we should start as friends."
There were good days and bad days.
Sometimes, the longing, his need for her was too difficult to suppress, especially when boys flocked around her, trying to impress her or curry her favor. The most annoying, irksome of all being Jacob Black, who had not only looked after her and protected her for him in his absence but had also fallen in love with her.
The very thought of him, the threat he posed unmanned Edward and nearly made him lose his control. The monster rattled his cage, desperately trying to take control, to claim her as his own.
But he resisted.
He endured, for he had brought this, brought him in her life.
And now he had to face his comeuppance, bear it like a man and emerge as the victor, for she was too important for him to lose.
So he constantly braved the endless battle between his heart and mind to give her space and time she needed, as he tried to be her friend.
But it was all worth it.
Worth the smile she bestowed on him which was more enticing than the break of dawn. Worth the happiness, the anticipation lighting her face every time she looked at him.
So he waited patiently … even when the wait drove him crazy.
"Edward," She sighed.
There was something in her voice, in her tone. A serene bliss replaced the eddying restlessness, giving him a pause.
Hope bloomed in his chest, but he tamped down on it forcefully.
It was too soon, too much to ask, too much to hope, and yet …
Tiny hands clasped his and pulled him closer.
Eyes as deep as the sea peeked up at him through thick lashes.
And he thought it rather apt.
Bella was like the sea- all-encompassing and endless, vast and depthless. Eternity and beyond would be insufficient for him to learn all her facets and personas.
And he would have it no other way.
"Edward," Bella murmured before standing on her toes to bring her mouth to his.
Then time stilled.
The puffs of breath clashed between the pull of their lips and as her supple warmth folded unhesitatingly into the coldness of his frame, Edward realized something.
He had always believed that he was destined to watch her from the sidelines, protecting her from the curse that was his existence. He had always felt small and worthless in front of her innocence, afraid of marring her purity, her humanity.
But as his lips latched onto hers hungrily, he could not ignore the truth.
No longer afraid of her rejection, he easily identified one of the unrecognized and unvoiced factors which led him to the foolishness of leaving Bella.
With a sense of chagrin, not unlike that of a small boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar, he acknowledged that fear of his.
And the epiphany was as startling as it was obvious.
His abandonment, the months of torment, was as much for protecting himself from the heartbreak he had thought to be inevitable, as it was for a desire to have her live a normal life. He had feared her love to be transient and had pulled away from her before she had a chance of sending him away.
But now he knew different.
He knew better.
And finally, tired of admiring from a distance, he took a leap of faith and plunged straight for the sea.
For it was astute- the comparison uncanny.
If she was the sea, then he was the shore- abiding and unmoving.
He was molded by her, conditioned by her, the brand, constant and indelible.
She might gush away; she might storm or she might slumber.
But just as the sea was destined to meet the shore for eternity, Bella was destined to be his for as long as forever lasted.
Edward kissed her deeply, passionately, cradling her to him, grateful for his second chance, this new lease of life that was bestowed on him.
He knew now, that she was bright enough to drive away his shadows.
Knew that whatever mistakes they had made in the past, she would help him wipe them away.
Knew she would never let go because she had held onto his hand even when he had tried to leave hers.
And he would make sure he devoted his entire life, the rest of eternity, ensuring that she never regretted giving him another chance.
"Bella," he breathed against her neck when she pulled away to draw breath, "I love you."
AN: Please let me know your thoughts.