Another Vow

Robert woke slowly. Gently. He had a feeling of calm within him as his mind entered the waking world. He turned and stretched slightly and realized that the soft sheets of the bed brushed his bare skin. He had fallen asleep without getting dressed. Robert smiled.

He blinked his eyes open and turned his head to his right where Cora lay sleeping soundly. Her dark tresses were billowed out over her head with one arm stretched over her head and almost touching the upholstery of the headboard. Her pale skin seemed to glow in the morning light. She, like he, was entirely bare beneath the sheets.

Last night had been one of the most passionate nights they had experienced together. It had taken them almost a year of marriage to really get the hang of it, but each time seemed to be better than the last. They were more comfortable with each other. Robert could read her body better. Cora was more willing to show enthusiasm and appreciation for his efforts. And last night had been particularly…well, it had been incredible. So incredible that they both practically passed out without getting up to put on their nightclothes. They'd never done that before. Robert found he quite liked it, actually.

As gently as he could, Robert turned onto his stomach and moved closer to his lovely wife. Oh she was beautiful. Far more beautiful than he could fathom sometimes. She had a sweetness to her that he used to think was borne of her American heritage. Maybe it was. But it was something that was wholly Cora's own. It was mixed with a kind of gentle wisdom that he had not noticed at first but was growing to appreciate more and more. She was intelligent and curious, she was kind and soft, she was beautiful in every possible way.

To think that Robert had dreaded having to marry her. He wasn't repulsed by her by any stretch, of course, but she was not the sort of woman he ever imagined marrying. Really, he'd not wanted to get married at all. But she had caught his eye and her dowry had caught her attention. And he'd somehow managed to win her favor and her love.

Oh her love. Cora loved with a strength that Robert could not contemplate. It had been two days before their wedding that she had told him she loved him. And he had faltered. He had kissed her because he hadn't known what to say. He did not love her. How could he? They weren't supposed to love each other! He was giving her a title in exchange for her money. It was not the noblest of beginnings, but it was growing all the more common as the world changed around them. The Americans had money. The English had breeding. But somehow, Cora had fallen in love with him. And he hadn't known what to do.

But sure enough, they'd gotten used to each other. There had been quite a lot of awkward fumbling and false starts, both in conversation and in the marital bed, but they'd found their way through. Robert found a passion for his wife that he was not aware could exist within him. And more than that, he found this pull to be near her. He wanted to talk to her. To sit with her. To share her space with whatever either of them were doing.

The realization struck him quite suddenly as he watched her sleep and pored over every detail of her beautiful face and all these thoughts about how far they had come. And Robert just could not help himself.

He leaned in and kissed her lips gently. He continued to do so as she shifted and gave a little sound and started to wake. When she did, he could feel her smile and start to kiss her back.

Cora could not recall ever having woken up so wonderfully before in all her life. Robert was kissing her. He had stayed with her all night. He had not snuck away after she fell asleep. He stayed. This wasn't the first time he'd done that, but this was the first time he had stayed after they spent all night sleeping naked together. That had been an accident. He'd just worn her out so much, and she had felt so warm and comfortable and satisfied that she slipped to sleep before she was able to put her nightgown back on.

But oh this was so much better! She adjusted herself so she could wrap her arms around Robert and feel his skin under her hands. His kiss was so intoxicating, so seductive. She wondered if he intended to make love to her again before it was time to get up. That might be quite nice, actually. Any excuse to have him close to her.

"Robert," she hummed against his lips, trying to wade through her sleep and arousal to find a way to tell him to carry on.

"Cora," he answered, not fully breaking their kiss. "I love you."

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Cora knew that he had just told her he loved her. She knew it was the first time he had ever said that. And a small part of her wondered whether he knew what he was saying, wondered if he meant it.

But then his hands found their way up her waist and to her breasts, and all thought was gone from her mind. All that existed was Robert. His kiss and his touch and his love. He made love to her again that morning, just as the sun started to rise and peek through the gap in the curtains.

When he rolled off her, panting, he managed to pull her close to him and keep her in his arms. Cora's heart thundered in her chest, and she felt herself nearly about to nod off again, exhausted already. "Oh Robert," she sighed, nuzzling against his bare chest.

He chuckled, his fingers tracing up and down the ridges of her spine. "Perhaps I should spend the night here with you more often."

Cora tried to force herself to waken properly by propping herself up and rubbing her eyes. "I'd like that," she told him sincerely.

Robert looked at her curiously. "Would you? It wouldn't bother you if I stay here after?"

She shook her head. "I'm never bothered to have you sleep beside me. I wouldn't be bothered if all we did was sleep."

His eyes went wide. "Really?"

"I know it's not what we're supposed to do. You're supposed to sleep in your room and I'm supposed to sleep here. But I think it would be nice. I like sleeping beside you, and I really do like waking up with you still here," she said.

Robert craned his neck up to kiss her. "Alright. I'll have to sleep in here more often. And I'll admit, your bed is much more comfortable than mine."

"It could be our bed, if you want," she suggested. As soon as the words left her mouth, she worried she'd gone too far.

But Robert smiled. "Our bed. I like the sound of that."

A lightness came over Robert the next two days. He was in love. What a marvelous thing! He had fallen madly in love with his darling wife. And he had never been happier. He thought that love like this was only in novels—and an exaggerated notion at that—but somehow Robert Crawley had found a fairytale love of his own. It boggled the mind, actually, that true love could somehow come to him, of all people.

But then again, no one else in all the world had ever had a wife like Cora. She was remarkable. How could he have done anything but fall in love with her? Even Robert wasn't so foolish as to be ignorant of her charms. And all those things he'd thought were so odd and inappropriate and American only added to those charms. He'd not realized, at first, how unique and magnificent she was. How lucky he was.

He started going to Cora's bedroom each night and going to sleep beside her. Last night they had not even made love. She had a bit of a headache, so Robert was perfectly content to lie with her and gently massage her scalp to help soothe her to sleep. Actually he was more than content to do it. It filled his heart to be able to do something to make her feel better. To show her his love in this smaller way. He had even whispered that he loved her just as she was starting to fall asleep. It had all been just so very nice.

Today, though, felt a little different. Robert woke up and got out of bed and walked to Cora's side of the bed to kiss her cheek. She woke slowly and blinked at him with those gorgeous eyes of hers. He told her that he would go call for his valet, but he wanted to wish his love good morning first. Robert had been smiling, and he expected Cora to be pleased to hear him say that. She always seemed so happy whenever he expressed his affection for her.

Only she didn't smile. She furrowed her brow slightly and frowned. But Robert brushed it off. She had just woken up. That was surely the cause for her strange reaction.

But then after breakfast, they took their walk together as usual. And Cora was somewhat quieter than usual.

"Darling, is everything alright? Do you still have your headache from last night?" Robert asked with concern.

Cora forced a pained smile and tried to reassure him, "No, I'm perfectly fine. What were you saying about renovating the cottages?"

He allowed her change of subject, but it dismayed him slightly. Now that he thought about it, she had been a little off for a few days now. How had he not noticed? He had been so happy, but she hadn't been. They'd been together so much, and Robert had just talked and talked, holding her hand and sitting beside her. This mood of Cora's had somehow escaped him. Well, he was paying attention now.

What had changed? What could be going on that he'd forgotten about? Robert had been lost in a haze of love. He had assumed Cora had joined him in it, but what if she hadn't?

"Cora, you have been quieter than usual. Are you sure everything is alright?" he asked again. "I hope you would tell me if there was anything wrong. I love you, and I want to know what's bothering you and I want to try and help."

He had watched her very carefully as he spoke, hoping to see some kind of reaction that could give him a hint. But even though she tried to insist that she was well and nothing was wrong, he saw her wince when he said 'I love you.' Now wasn't that strange?

Cora had been at war with herself for days now. Ever since that morning when Robert had woken her up with his kisses and told her he loved her. They had made love so beautifully, but once she was back in her right mind, she started to wonder. Ponder and worry, really.

What on earth had changed? Why now, suddenly, was he in love with her? What had she done to inspire such a thing in him? And, far more consuming, how could she possibly prevent him from changing his mind?

Her thoughts had become her torment. She barely ate thanks to the nervous anxiety that consumed her. Robert hadn't seemed to notice, thankfully. He was cheerful and exuberant, and she really did love when he got like that. But she was just so worried about doing something wrong, doing something that would cause him to take back his love that Cora ended up just doing nothing at all.

A part of her was pleased that he had seemed to fall in love with her. Of course she was pleased! How could she not be, to have her love returned from her husband? But it was just that Robert was not like other people. Cora couldn't think of him just as any man. He was her husband and she had loved him for so long, knowing that he did not love her in return. She was starting to get used to it, actually. She was almost resigned to it. Cora Crawley would be the best wife she could be to him. She would learn everything she was supposed to in order to be Countess of Grantham someday, and she would do whatever she possibly could so that he could be proud of her. That did not seem too much to hope for, that she could make him proud. Men who did not love their wives could still respect and appreciate them, couldn't they? And that had seemed to Cora the best she could expect.

But now, it seemed, he did love her. And instead of being over the moon about it, she was dropped into despair. Because if his love could come about without warning after a year of knowing one another, what would stop that love from going away without warning, too?

Robert had noticed, though, that she had been upset. She hadn't hid it as well as she'd hoped, though it did take two days for him to realize. Cora knew she couldn't very well lie to him if he kept asking her what was wrong. For now, she could insist everything was fine.

And really, it was fine. Everything was fine. Better than fine! Robert loved her! That was wonderful! Perhaps even two months into their marriage, she would have been elated by this news. At that time, she hadn't yet had time to understand Robert as well as she did now. Now, she knew him. She knew his moods and his whims. And she knew his world. Their world, now. His world was ruled by proper conduct and calm politeness. American society was not so restrained, though it did try. Cora was starting to get the hang of it, that straight-backed restraint. And because she was getting the hang of it, she knew better that nothing people in Robert's world did was ever done without a lot of thought and care. There was a reason for everything. And if there was a reason he had fallen in love with her, there would be a reason for him to fall out of love with her.

The problem for Cora, of course, was that she had no idea what that reason was. And she had absolutely no idea how she could possibly go about asking him. To ask would be a violation of that polite restraint. And now, nearly a year into their marriage, Cora had learned better.

Another two days passed. Another two days of Cora being quiet and nervous in his presence. Another two nights of falling asleep beside her but feeling like she had never been further away. Another two days and nights of telling Cora he loved her and having her act as though he'd insulted her.

Robert couldn't take it anymore.

He found her in the drawing room with her needlepoint in the afternoon. Mama had not joined her, which was for the best. Robert had come back from checking on one of the renovation projects and he went to the library to write some notes and give his dog some attention, but he found himself unable to concentrate on anything that related to the estate or anything so pleasant as petting the dog. He needed to deal with this growing chasm between him and his wife.

And so, Robert asked Carson where Lady Downton was, and he stormed into the room, his annoyance increasing with every step. "Cora," he said sharply.

She looked up, alarmed at his sudden presence. "Robert!" she exclaimed in surprise. "Oh!" She hissed as she lifted her finger to her lips after sticking it with the needle in her agitation so she could suck the blood away.

Robert softened instantly. The sight of her in pain—even if it was only a prick of a needle—and upset by his countenance made him forget all his anger and annoyance. How could he be angry at her? He loved her. Quite desperately, in fact. Somehow even more so now that he felt like she was slipping away from her.

He flew to her side and took her hand in his, kissing her fingertips. But Cora took her hand away. "I'm fine, Robert," she said quietly.

But Robert would not give up so easily. He took her hand back, holding it in both of his gently. "No, you're not," he argued. "You have been bothered by something for days, and I think I know what it is, but I can't imagine why it would bother you so much."

Cora looked at him with wide, frightened eyes.

When she did not speak, he continued, giving her hand a little squeeze—more to help bolster himself than anything else. "Cora, why are you upset that I love you?"

There it was again. That involuntary wince she gave every time he said it. But she shook her head and dropped her gaze to look down at her lap. "I…I'm not upset that you love me," she answered shakily.

"Then will you tell me why you're upset?" he implored.

She looked up again, searching his face. "Why?" she asked in a harsh whisper.

"Why do I want to know why you're upset? I—"

"No," she interrupted. "Why do you love me?"

The question surprised him. "What do you mean? I…well, you're my wife."

"That didn't make you love me before."

Her words were perfectly fair, but they cut him cruelly. "No, but in having you as my wife, we've grown closer. Talking and spending our time together. And I…well, I suppose I was able to discover what I should have known all along. And that is that you are utterly remarkable, Cora. You are kind and gentle, but you are fiercely intelligent and strong. You make me laugh and your very presence brings me comfort. I have loved you for a while, I think, but I only realized it a few days ago. And I told you right away. Because I do love you, and I want us to be happy together. To have a happy marriage."

Tears filled her eyes, and Cora put her abandoned needlepoint aside so she could use her free hand to wipe them away. "I love you, too, Robert," she said.

"Then why are you unhappy, darling?"

She swallowed back the lump in her throat and explained, "I couldn't understand what brought this on and I…well, I was so afraid that I might do something that would make you change your mind."

Her worry was so earnest, so raw, and Robert's heart ached in his chest. He let go of Cora's hand and wrapped his arms around her. "I know there's not much I can say to convince you now, but in time, my Cora, I hope that you will see that I shall never, ever change my mind. Now that I have discovered all that you are and as I continue to learn more and more of you, I can never go back to how things were before. I can never not love you, my darling."

Cora clutched at him, hugging him tight. She was shaking slightly, and Robert could not tell if she was crying or not. He hoped she wasn't. But he continued to hold her just in case.

"I promise you, Cora. Along with the vows I made on our wedding day, I vow, too, that I shall always love you," he murmured to her. "I hope you'll believe me."

She pulled back slightly. She had been crying, but she seemed to have stopped now. "I do believe you, Robert. And I will always love you, too," she promised in return.

"No more reason to be quiet and upset?" he asked expectantly.

Then, finally, Cora smiled, and Robert's heart soared once more. "No," she said. "No more reason to be quiet and upset."

"I hope I can make you happy, my love. I want very much for you to be happy."

"I am happy, Robert. I love you, and I'm so happy," she answered with a beaming smile.

He felt his face smile to match her. And then he leaned in to press his lips to hers. "Good," he whispered before kissing her deeply.

THE END