I don't own Babylon 5, sadly enough.
Enjoy.
Shattered Anna.
As he looked at her through the corner of her eyes on the bridge of the Whitestar, Sheridan had to fight back the urge to be sick as he took in the woman who was wearing the body of the woman whom he had married. It was such a sick facade, and he felt nothing but rage towards the Shadows for whatever they had done to his beloved wife, who had torn his heart out until it had mended as soon as he had met Delenn, and he'd begun falling in love with the Minbari.
As he watched her, Sheridan could not help but muse.
She might look like Anna.
She might sound like and speak like Anna.
She even smelt like Anna.
But John Sheridan knew it was not Anna. It was the body of the woman whom he had married and loved, but her personality and her mind were not that of Anna. He knew the woman whom he had loved, the woman he had married, the woman whom he had mourned for years ever since hearing the Icarus had been lost until he had learnt what Delenn and Kosh had known for God knew how long, that Anna and the rest of the Icarus crew had encountered the Shadows on Z'ha'dum. And they had been killed.
At least that was what Delenn and Kosh had told him - well, it was actually Delenn who'd done the talking; Kosh had stood there in his encounter suit, and Sheridan had no idea what had been going on within the Vorlon's mind even when he had projected those images into his mind - and that the Shadows had given the crew a simple choice; serve them or die.
Anna would have rather died, Sheridan knew that; he and his wife had gotten into terrible rows over the years, and if there was one thing he had learnt during his life it was when you fought someone, you learnt a great deal more about them than you would have done rather than peacefully speaking to them; while Earthforce policy was to make peaceful contact with aliens, a policy which had become even more harshly enforced ever since that reckless idiot Michael Janowski had panicked and fired the shots which began the Earth-Minbari war, when they had fought against the Dilgar and witnessed what the Dilgar and the other races fighting in the conflict were capable of, Sheridan had seen for himself what the aliens at that point in time were capable of.
It was the same during the Narn-Centauri war; the Narn might have had an impressive navy at their disposal, and they might have fought bravely against their old enemies, but with the loss of two of their major colonies and the size of the Centauri fleet fighting them while the Centauri methodically took one colony from another, seizing each one and enslaving the populations before they bombarded Narn itself with mass drivers; Sheridan had known for a long time the Centauri were dangerous when they went to war, even while some of their people like Turhan wanted to turn their people away from such things and embrace peace, but the fact the Centauri were willing to use such a means to destroy the Narn and force them to surrender spoke volumes about their ruthlessness.
What did it say about the Shadows they would take someone and change them so radically that unless you were a doctor, or a husband or family member, or a close friend nobody would know any differently?
Sheridan had witnessed and fought against the Shadows for the past year ever since that rescue mission to Zagros VII to help those Rangers who were trapped there by the Centauri mines, and he knew ever since that experiment with Lyta and the lengths they'd gone to change history so Babylon 4 would not be taken back in time, they were capable of anything thanks to their power as First Ones. So what was the point here? What was going on?
Sheridan knew it involved the Shadow vessels and he was pleased he'd made sure Stephen did such a thorough check on Anna, and so he knew that in the back of her head were implants in the brainstem just like the telepaths they'd rescued a few months back, so the horrifying truth was clear and there was no doubt.
Anna had found herself being put into a Shadow vessel, and she was used as a central processing unit for one of those ships. A living central processing unit. Anna had been plugged into one of the Shadow vessels, presumably like several other members of the Icarus crew who'd refused to serve the Shadows while slimy bastards like Morden were allowed to live.
Why so then they could ask the Shadow's question? So then they could find client races to recruit as they had with the Centauri and setting up wars and destroying planets and whole races?
And what about Anna, if she had been shoved into one of those ships, what had she done? Had she taken part in the Shadow attacks on the Narn bases as Quadrant 37 and Quadrant 14, the routing of the Narn fleet at Gorash VII? Had Sheridan himself engaged her, especially recently? He hoped not, but the biggest question on his mind was simple; had the contact with the Shadow vessels erased all of Anna's personality? Looking at the body of the woman he'd married, Sheridan sadly conceded there was nothing left of the woman he had married and loved with all of his heart, and not for the first time he wished he had been a better husband.
The old guilt had returned. Thanks to his commitments to Earthforce (he was left cringing by what he'd told Anna during their marriage, that their lives had to take second place to serve their world and its people; he had been through a lot since then, witnessing the way the Earth Alliance he had sworn to protect tear itself to pieces with Clark's fascistic regime taking hold), he had never been close to his wife. He had not even managed to say goodbye, and he had been angry Earthforce had interfered with their plans; it was just a relief to know Anna herself had been called away by Interplanetary Expeditions.
But it was the last expedition she would ever go on. John had always been worried about her going out onto the Rim, even for knowledge that would help Earth. The Rim was full of strange reports, hostile aliens who were more powerful and made the Minbari look like amateurs, strange phenomena. He had wanted himself and Anna to be closer to Earth so then they could start a family and live happily. But he knew it would never be. Anna had loved her career as a xenoarchaeologist, and he had seen the passion and drive she gave to lectures at universities whenever he'd had the time to even appreciate them.
She loved it. She loved examining the past, and he remembered the glazed look she had in her eyes whenever she spoke about her work.
But now… that passion and love were long gone. When she had spoken about her time on Z'ha'dum, this version of Anna had spoken blankly like the last five years had been a very long course. The Shadows had done a good job in transforming his wife into this… this copy of his Anna, but they had completely taken out her true personality.
As he looked at her now while she stood on the bridge and he sat in the command chair, Sheridan's heart broke as he thought about what he would need to do. He couldn't believe he was going to actually kill his own wife, but he knew Anna well. He knew she would not only have never worked with the Shadows as this facsimile wearing her body had hinted, but his wife would have wanted him to make sure she died since there was nothing left of her but her body, which the Shadows were using.
Oh, I will get them back for this, Anna, Sheridan thought to himself darkly, hoping that the Shadows were prepared to pay the price for everything they had done.
But as he stared at her, Sheridan could not help but think about Delenn. He had left her heartbroken and upset, but while he could understand it and he was angry, the image of her sweet face and the sound of her musical voice were the only things he had to reassure him on this suicide mission.
Please god, don't let me die.