your pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand
(lyrics from ivy, taylor swift)
pairing: Bella x Edythe (with slight rose/Bella angst)
disclaimer: all characters belong to Stephanie Meyer, I'm just making them gayer.
Chapter 1: I've been having a hard time adjusting...
Song: this is me trying - taylor swift
It was a cold crisp autumn day.
The sun was making your blonde hair golden.
I clutched my green tea in my left hand, nodding at your story.
"I mean come on, how do you not know how to cite in APA? You're in your second year of a Ph.D. program?" Rosalie griped about a fellow classmate in her cohort.
Chuckling softly I replied, "Well Ro, not everyone can be as amazing as you at citations."
That was an understatement she was a citations wiz. In undergrad, and still today I will have her check my bibliographies and footnotes.
"Obviously not." She laughed.
She focused her jewel-like blue eyes on me, "How have you been? I don't see you nearly enough anymore. What has NYU done with my best friend?"
I looked down, "I'm sorry Rose, you know how grad school gets."
That was a lie. I was avoiding my best friend of almost ten years for a very specific reason.
I was in love with her and she had no clue.
She was dating someone and I couldn't bear to be around them both.
Seeing them together at our other friend Tanya's engagement party last month was like ice in the veins.
"Oh, Bella! You gotta meet my girlfriend Kate!" Rosalie who was on her way to being more than tipsy grabbed my arm and brought me in front of a beautiful blonde woman.
My eyes widened, I didn't think Rose and Kate were serious they'd only been on three dates.
But then it struck me, they're women. Women move fast.
"Nice to meet you, Kate, I've heard so much about you!" I plastered on a fake smile.
The beautiful blonde assessed me and smiled, "It's good to meet you, Bella, I've heard so much about you as well."
I forced laughed at that, "Uh oh, anything bad don't believe it. Rose is a creative storyteller, she tends to exaggerate."
Rose elbowed me the wine she was drinking was clearly hitting, "Bitch, I do not. Baby, don't listen to Bella I'm a great storyteller."
Kate brought Rose in her arms and kissed her neck, "Aww don't worry babe, Bella is just teasing."
Rose melted at her girlfriends' words and turned around and began unceremoniously kissing her.
Rose was a touchy-feely drunk.
I knew this because every time we went out she would cuddle me, platonically.
However, there were nights where it went on more than that.
But Rose insisted it was the alcohol, and sober we were just best friends.
Because of course, two bisexuals could be just friends with occasional drunk benefits.
Not if the other is an emotional mess. That would be me.
Seeing her shower someone else with affection was difficult.
I drank the rest of my prosecco to help nurse the pain.
They continued kissing for another minute.
Alice saw me across the room and shot me a sympathetic look.
Rubbing my neck I chuckled, "Alright I'll leave you two lovebirds alone, Alice is flagging me down."
The flashback hurt just as much as the moment itself did.
After that party, I avoided Rose and group gatherings with her like the plague.
The only friends I didn't avoid were Alice and Tanya, they both knew of my crush on Rose and sympathized.
Tanya thought I was being stupid and thought I should just woman up and profess my feelings.
Alice wasn't the one to push that action. She didn't think Rose would return the feelings and didn't want to see me hurt.
Her solution was to get under someone else.
Jasper, Alice's boyfriend, was also Rose's brother. He knew about my feelings because after Tanya's engagement party I ended up at his and Alice's place with Tequilla and Ben and Jerrys to numb the pain.
He was sympathetic.
But I haven't seen Rose since that fateful night, and I've been playing the 'I'm busy working as a TA and taking too many classes' to avoid my best friend.
However, I couldn't go forever avoiding her.
The one saving grace was she lived uptown and I lived downtown. That bought me some distance.
Rose was a student at Columbia getting her Ph.D. in Biology.
I was getting mine at NYU in History.
However, New York wasn't as big as I hoped it would be because I ran into Rose walking out of Trader Joe's and she convinced me to grab coffee with her earlier.
Which is how I ended up here.
Rosalie Hale is a professional bullshit sniffer and caught me in my lies right away, "Bell, what's really going? I've heard you've been hanging out with Tanya and Alice and even my own brother Jasper sees you more than I do. What gives?"
I swallowed, "Nothing Rose, I'm just overworked and antisocial, and Alice works at NYU and Tanya lives in the same neighborhood as us so they're always interrupting whether I ask for it or not, you know this."
"You weren't always avoiding me though, you hung out with me and the gang weekly. The upper west side isn't that faraway. What happened?" She questioned.
Suddenly, I became fixated on my green tea, passing it between both of my hands.
I cleared my throat and tried to come up with a better lie, sprinkled with some truth so Rose would drop the subject.
"To tell you the truth I've just been burnt out, and also being the only single person in our group can be exhausting." I sighed.
I hated being around all couples. Especially Rose and Kate.
Her blue eyes widened, "Oh Bell, I'm sorry, I didn't even think about that. We'll have to have a girl's night without the partners."
I smiled but desperately needed to exit this conversation before I professed my undying love to Rose, "That sounds great, I look forward to it."
I grabbed my tote bag and began my exit, "But listen I actually have to go cause these perishables won't last all day and I have to review a case for work."
Rose's blue eyes filled with disappointment, "Oh ok, it was good to actually see your face in the flesh. Please don't be a stranger. I miss you."
I smiled and hugged my best friend, "It was good seeing you too, I'll see you soon. Text me about girls' night."
She hugged me back and I could feel her nodding. "Oh I definitely will, Bella Swan you will not escape from me."
Oh, Rose, I don't wanna escape you, I love you, I thought depressingly.
Instead, I just laughed, "Wouldn't dream of it, Rosie." Using the nickname she absolutely despised.
I walked away from my best friend with groceries in tow, and my heart cracking further.
Fuck I don't wanna live like this, so I did the next best thing and called Alice.
"Bella?" She replied on the first ring.
"Hey Pix, it's me, do you still wanna set me up with your twin?" I asked cautiously.
Less than two seconds later, I got my answer in the form of a squeal.
"Oh my god, Bella! Yes! This is so exciting! I think you guys are perfect for one another! Let's go to Cubbyhole tomorrow for drinks and I'll introduce you guys."
I laughed, "Sounds like a plan Ali, I'll see you then."
"Wait Bella, wear the blue corset top and black jeans and black booties!"
Rolling my eyes, "Yes Miss Fashion Sergeant, I will. I gotta go. Talk to you later."
I was moving on, this would be a good thing, I think...
Author Note: Hi everyone! I'm back after a few years. I haven't had the inspiration to write in a while but this came to me while I was listening to Taylor Swift. I'm loosely basing each chapter off of her songs/song lyrics. I wanna say this will be a short story? But you never know... I'm planning for it to be under 10 chapters. And I'm working with a pairing I've never written before and an old favorite. I'm excited to go down this journey. Let me know what you think!