REAL

Paul,

I know you're angry. I would be too. I'm sure that wherever I am, however far away it is, I can feel that anger as you're reading this letter. I hope you can feel the love I'm sending back to you, because I can't give you an apology. Guilt, maybe. I'm sorry? No, because I'm not.

You brought me into your world and I fell in love with it just as much as I did you. Every joke with the boys, every kiss from you, and every hug from Emily. That was my entire world and I was so happy to live in it. Can you forgive the fact that I'm trying to protect it now? Can you understand why I made the choice I made without thinking that I didn't care about the fact that I was leaving you, too? I don't know where I will be as you're reading this, but I know that I still feel the only thing that made it hard to make this decision: my love for you. But it would be selfish of me to stay and only think of me, when there are so many members of our family now and it's only building.

I'm not going to write for your forgiveness, because when all of this is over I'll be able to ask you for it face-to-face. Instead I'm going to give you the peace you need to find whenever you get angry, whenever you want to snap. I'm not there to hold on to anymore, but you don't need me to be.

Think about the truck. The stop sign we kissed at for the first time. It was the first time I ever felt that way, and it was the first time I said exactly what I felt. Before I knew we were tied together, I wanted to be burned up by that warmth you were made of. Remember when I told you that? I remember feeling your hand on the back of my neck and thinking how right I was, like nothing could possibly have been more true.

Think about the cliffs. When I told you everything, when you told me everything, and I felt like I had been seen for the first time. Remember when I told you that the universe and I were close? I was bullshitting then, but I know it's true now. I don't care about a life on the run, about what's following me, because knowing I have someone to come home to makes it all worth it. There is nothing in this world that makes me believe in something more out there than you do. Remember that.

Think about the first time you brought me home. Think about the first time you told me you love me, the night you made me your own. The mark feels like it might be on fire or iced over right now, but I'm seeing it as a reminder that you're out there and you're waiting for me.

I'm so fucking in love with you, Paul Lahote.

Think about those big firsts, and think about the little ones. Loud music. Soft touches. Naps on the couch. Winking across classrooms. Your mother's necklace, me talking in my sleep, how loud we would laugh together. You cannot let these moments stop existing just because you're angry, you cannot let me stop existing just because you're angry. Our family needs you now more than ever and you need to bring them this peace. Protect them. Protect yourself.

I won't lose any of you.

I'll see you soon, Lahote.

All yours and then some,

Price

It didn't matter the amount of times I read the words. They had engrained themselves into the back of my eyelids when I first looked at them, stared at me when I woke up, when I showered, when I ran, and still there when I fell asleep at night. Her ghost hung around me no matter what I did or where I went, and for the first few days her letter sat beneath the pillow she slept on in my bed. It didn't smell like her, neither did the note, but she must be possessing the ink that sat on the page because when I woke up in the middle of the night, silver light streaming in from a rain-spattered window, she was there. The comforter was pulled against her chest, her bare shoulders turned to me, looking exactly like she did the first time she slept in this bed. Only her eyes were open, green and brown staring at me like she was waiting for something. Sometimes I would reach out, sometimes I would go to turn the light on, sometimes I would talk. She was always gone after I blinked.

The note sat on the bedside table under emptied bottles and trash now, and I coudln't give a fuck less what got on it.

The anger came a week after she left. At first it was something close to grief, and I locked myself in the house, didn't answer calls, texts, or the howls outside. Emily left food for me that remained untouched just like her knock went unanswered. There was nothing inside of me for those days, like a darkness had eaten its way through me and left me a gaping, hollow wound that no one knew how to heal or help. I could feel her occasionally, a burst of fear here, a flash of anger there, but it was like the distance had strung the wire connecting us too thin. She came in flashes that never helped and I'd sink to the ground, wonder how she could feel what I felt and still stay away.

"We need you," Jared had said one day, using his spare key to welcome himself into the house. He was standing in the doorway of the bedroom, looking down at where I sat on the bed with my head in my hands. "The redhead is back, Paul. We can't do this without you."

I would have stayed quiet until he left and went on with my little episode of angst, but then his hand had grabbed my shoulder. It wasn't an aggressive touch, but it was the first contact I had since she left and the fact that the skin wasn't hers had me roaring to life suddenly. I smashed my fist into his jaw as hard as I could, heard the crack, but when my eyes found his he just schooled his face and nodded.

"If this is what it takes," he said, before he was plowing a fist against my temple.

The anger came to the surface then. It wasn't the same feeling I had before when teachers pissed me off or drunks got too cocky at a bar. No, this was an all consuming rage, a viciousness so severe that I didn't know what to do with myself other than allow that instinct to take over. It wasn't the red that people claimed to see when they were angry; it was a vicious purple, the shade of suffocation or a bruise. Jared may have been the first one to fall victim to it, but he wasn't the last. With the anger came a taste for the hard stuff, and with that came the lowlives that didn't know when to walk away from a fight. I fought drunks, I fought cops, I fought anyone that had the courage to step up to me. Most of the time Sam was called to pull me out of trouble, to reason with the Forks PD and give them my sad story like I was a kid again. But after a month of this the news got around, and there wasn't anyone else to take the bait I put out.

That was when the drinking really started. Being the size I was, getting carded out at local liquor stores was the last thing I had to worry about. Sometimes they would even recognize me, know me as the little shit that used to stir up trouble, but they wouldn't bat an eye about the fact that I was supposed to be only eighteen. I would take my haul home and drink until there was nothing left, the burn tasting like a medicine that could temporarily heal me. But then I sobered up or woke up and that short relief was stuck in my throat and it only went away when I drank more. Trying and failing at drinking could only feel that need for violence that was plaguing me for so long, so I gave it up quickly.

I phased again then, not seeing what other option I had to let that aggression out. Jacob had his own anger to work out and it quickly became routine for us to spar, going at it until wounds bled and we were exhausted. No one else could put up with the two of us, like we were some dark cloud looming over everyone's heads. I couldn't give a damn, too locked in my own mental cell to be concerned about the worries of the people around me. Sam could be stressed, he had Emily to go home to. Jared could be worried, he had Kim to kiss away those fears. Who the fuck did I have anymore?

My anger was redirected when Dr. Fang phoned Paul about the redhead. Then it was anger towards them, towards the fucked up and dead family that had taken it upon themselves to give my imprint a way out of the state, a way to get away from me. Sam had asked me if I wanted to call our twisted little partnership with them to an end, let them keep Bella alive on their own, but even in my state of anger I couldn't do it. I knew that we would need them to take down Adrian and they would never put their family into a fight without knowing they had a favor to return.

The plan to work with the Cullens went silent until the redhead was sighted again. Then we chased her together, on our respective sides of the treaty line. They worked at night to keep Forks safe from the threat, but we worked around the clock. There was no rest for us, and it made me bitter as my paws dug into the earth and sprung me further forward. It was what we did now, trailing after her, Embry's laugh loud in my head as she tried to grapple for a tree branch single handedly. One of the Cullens saw and laughed, too.

We've got her, Embry jeered, because a win was something we could all use right now.

Except we didn't. We never did. Her feet were taking her towards the creek between us and the Cullens, and with it still being Quileute land I didn't hesitate to follow. I heard a scraping noise to my right, the sound of the Cullens screaming Emmett, no! before my body was being shoved to the side by the force of another.

The rogue leech was forgotten. I righted myself and snarled, eyes locking on the darkened eyes of the beefy Cullen that had ran into me. I knew from Brynn that he was Blondie's mate, and it seemed like the idiot had just as much trouble keeping track of what side he was supposed to stay on as he did his Vampiric Barbie. He was crouched low, poised for a fight but not daring to start one, and I could feel the eyes of both of our families on us now.

Paul, Sam said, and I had never heard that amount of edge to his voice before.

He's going to break the treaty, Seth whined, like this would be the worst thing in the world.

"This was our mistake," Carlisle said, looking regretful as his eyes met mine. "It won't happen again."
Which one? I wondered, hackles raised as spittle fell from my exposed teeth. Maybe the redhead has the right idea. Mate for a mate.

"She is safe with Rosalie, Paul," Edward said, his face looking the same sort of pained it usually did when he felt like he was saying something important. He never was. "We wouldn't have allowed them to leave if we thought Brynn's life would be at risk."

She's always at risk! My wolf roared a growl and stepped forward, forgetting all about Emmett and instead focusing on the Cullen we could actually speak to. My imprint had a reckless idea, and you gave her the fucking keys to do it.

"What were we meant to do?"

Stay the fuck out of it! I paced now, keeping my eyes trained on the mind reader like that alone could pin him to the ground. Perhaps it could. If you ever-

If you ever, Sam spoke over me, making my head turn to wear the black wolf was standing at the top of the creek bed. His head was lowered, ears back, a display of dominance that would have had me caving down to the water if it had been directed at me. But his eyes were on the Cullens, bouncing around from face to face but ultimately finding themselves on Edward once again. Involve yourselves in Pack business again, the treaty will be void. Brynn came to your family for protection, welcomed your friendship, but she is still Pack. We end Adrian and Victoria, but after that we are no longer partners.

Edward repeated the words to Carlisle, the other Cullens hanging their heads as if they were scolded children. It would have been funny if the topic had been something other than the love of my life and the fact that these undead corpses had taken part in her grand disappearing act.

Carlisle swallowed unnecessarily before speaking. "We understand your terms. We apologize greatly," his gaze flicked towards me. "We were only trying to help a friend."

I fucking hate this guy, Jacob growled. Taking them out now sounds a hell of a lot more fun.

At least he said sorry.

Shut up, Seth, came a chorus from the rest of the wolves, save Sam.

There was a tense silence as the wolves and vampires stared at one another, as if waiting to see if Sam was bluffing and we would charge now. I knew better than to think the alpha would ever risk stepping out of line, but it didn't stop me from making my distaste for the Cullens known in low growls as I turned around to return to the Pack. They were gone by the time I lifted myself up the creek bed, but their stench hung in the air like the promise of blood being spilled.

Go home, get some rest. Except for you, Jake. Why don't you run those legs like you run your mouth? Sam said, and a chorus of ooh's sounded as the russet wolf huffed before taking off.

I didn't join in the festivities of Sam making a good jab, that wound already having been peeled open the second I heard her name being spoken from someone else. Somehow the Pack had known to keep quiet about her, to only let memories of her slip through without her name ever being uttered. It was easier to look at her in the eyes of the Pack than hear her name; like the past had made sense and I had adjusted to the fact it was over, but her name was something I didn't understand anymore. Was it past, present, or future? I used to know once. I wasn't so sure anymore.

You don't have to be, Jared said, dark brown fur brushing my shoulder as I walked towards the house. We all know the answer to that. You do, too. You just don't remember right now.

I don't want a fucking pep-talk, Dr. Phil, I grumbled, my teeth flashing as a warning as I sidestepped a tree to put distance between my brother and myself. Do I need to walk back on two legs to have my head to myself now?

It used to be a silent understanding that when a wolf was going through it, you let them sort it themselves until they showed they needed your help. Maybe I had shown those signs, but it wasn't like I had ever shown anything different except for when I was with Brynn. But Brynn was gone, that cloud was back, and I liked the way it looked above my head, promising rain and thunder. I needed a promise to lean on right about now.

She promised to come home to you, Jared interrupted, like a burn that wouldn't stop stinging.

He was baiting me.

Like a starved mutt, I took it. When did she tell you that? You guys having FaceTime calls without me?

An unamused snort hit my left flank. You weren't the only one she left a letter for, asshole. She wrote it down. Signed it. A binding contract if I've ever seen one.

It stopped short. I had known Brynn left letters for the guys because I had been the ones to find them to begin with, but I hadn't thought to ask just what everyone else's had said. The curiosity hummed through that haze for a fleeting moment, brighter than the purple fog that clouded me, and it was enough to make me look back at Jared.

Yeah, he must have seen something in my eyes, because he knocked his head into my flank this time. Told me to look after you, make sure you don't slip somewhere that she can't find you when she gets back. That she hopes I can forgive her for what this is going to do to you.

Why'd she do it, Jare? The words were in my head before I could hold them back, but the whine was swallowed before it got out. My eyes found a raindrop that was slowly descending down a sprout and I let my eyes stay locked on that.

I don't know, he sighed, frustrated too. I don't know why she did it, or why she had to do it this way, but I do know that B isn't a liar. She thought she was being helpful, she's hoping this saves Emily, and she said she's coming home. So, she's going to come home, Paul.

It's almost been two months, I said, the words coming out like a whisper even in my mind. Imagine Kim taking off to who-the-fuck-knows-where without her phone, not calling or contacting you in any way, completely dead to the world except for the occasional pull on your bond.

Jared growled and shifted his weight, for once seeing a slice of what I was going through. But this was a hypothetical situation in his mind, and he wouldn't ever fully understand just what was being done to me right now. The lack of sleep, the disgust that churned in me every time I put food in my mouth, the uncertainty in every move I made. It was a cycle that was never ending, and I could only see it ending in one way.

Don't talk like that, Jared whined, taking a bold move in sliding his head underneath mine for comfort. For once, my wolf didn't react aggressively towards the contact and instead basked in it. You're not in this alone, Paul. She was your imprint and you're right, I can't imagine what kind of shit this puts into your head, but we all lost Brynn, not just you. She was our sister, and we're all feeling her absence right now. Don't snort at me like a fucking idiot, Paul, I'm serious. Seth barely knew her, but he felt their connection already. Kid still hasn't stopped crying.

I knew what he was saying was true, but that part of my mind that wanted to bask in that self-pity was still rumbling loudly along with the dark cloud. Brynn had come into my life fast and had made everyone adore her even quicker, bonds be damned, and there was a hole in our entire family without her there. Maybe I was being selfish by letting her absence create two holes now without me to be amongst my brothers and sisters, by every single inch of Emily's home reminded me of what I didn't have anymore.

Every single inch of everything reminds you of her, at least let us be there for you, Jared reasoned, but this time I didn't get on to him for getting into my head. You love her, right? You might be pissed right now, but you love her and want to make her happy still, don't you?

The question was stupid enough that I jerked my head towards him, ears flattening. What kind of a stupid question is that? Don't put words into my mouth, Jared. I love her more than anything in this fucking wor-

Okay, Shakespeare, I was trying to prove a point. You love her? Make her happy. Do what she needs you to do. Come home and be with your family. Take these fucking bloodsuckers down. The faster you do that, the sooner she's going to be here again. Then we can take turns yelling at her.

Nah, I don't want that smoke, I chuckled, starting in the direction of my house. Price gets mean when she's mad.

Duh, I figured I'd get my point across by politely asking her not to do that again. Last time I tried to give B a good talking to, it didn't go too well for me.

The image of me pinning Jared to the wall flashed in my mind, and I was relieved that it was something we were able to laugh at now. In the moment it had been a tense thing, something that had everyone on alert on what my words could mean for the future of the Pack, but Jared had known better. We had been throwing fists and angry words at each other all our lives; we needed ten minutes to cool down, and then we were back to normal.

Braiding each other's hair and everything, Jared chuckled. Well, what I could grab of yours.

Oh, fuck you and your cheap shots.

There was no malice in his words and it was probably the only reason I didn't pounce on him. Being in my wolf form had started to become easier and easier as my fur grew back, but there was a distinct difference in length from my brother's and I. The silver of my pelt had also lightened considerably, streaks of near-white bleeding through the grey to make it that much visible in moonlight. The scars that had remained from the too-deep cuts from the knife were easily hidden as the fur grew, though a few around the bonier parts of my body still shown angry pink or white. It was something that still caught me off guard whenever I saw my reflection, but it was slowly becoming a part of me that I recognized. Honestly, I was kinda digging the color change.

Yeah, yeah, we're all so jealous of your pretty hair, Jared cackled, splitting away from me and heading towards the direction of Kim's house. It makes me insecure, dude. Every day I wake up knowing I gotta stand next to your radiant ass.

Better quit, I said. I'd hate for Kim to find out about your crush on me.

Goodnight, asshole.

See you for lunch at Em's, dickhead.

Jared tried to phase out quickly, but I still caught on to the relief that went through him at the promise of me coming to the house tomorrow. It wasn't something that I was over the moon about, knowing that Brynn's chair would be haunting me the entire time that I sat at the table, but it wasn't like her absence didn't haunt me every second. With every passing minute I knew that I would have been spending it with my imprint, her curled around me on nights like this, her smiling up at me at the beach as the weather finally started to move towards warm. It wasn't something that I could stand to think about.

Getting to the house and phasing, I tried to push a wave of longing through the bond. I knew it probably wasn't the emotion she wanted to feel from me, but I just needed her to know that she was missed, that she was living in my mind without having to put forth an effort at all. I waited and waited, but there was no response on the other side of our electric line.

Realizing just how far from tired I really was, I took the time to clean up whatever empty bottles and containers laid around the house. Beating drunks was only so fun when you were sober, so I had taken heavy care of getting on the same level as the men that I got into spats with. The heat I gave off from being a wolf burned the alcohol away too quickly, so I usually was sober by the time one of my brothers came to carry me away. The glass clank together in the trash bag I carried, and when it came to my bedroom I nearly threw the letter away as I shoved everything into the bag.

Holding the crinkled, stained, and smudged paper in my hands, I let my eyes read over all of the words again. I knew that she would be disappointed in me if she had seen just how I spent the last two months since her departure, but I couldn't apologize for the way her actions made me feel. Instead, I pressed my lips to the folded note and let my eyes close, sending a mental promise into the bond between us that I had spoken to her on the cliffs all that time ago.

I'm going to be worthy of the way you look at me. Come home and I'll prove it to you.

The letter went back under Brynn's pillow where it should have sat all this time, and I finished cleaning up what mess was left to make better here. Still feeling antsy from the hunt and not being able to wind down, I turned my attention to the forgotten expansion that I had been working on for the house. I knew that Brynn had wanted to play her part in decoration and painting, but there was no harm in finishing the hard stuff without her. I tried to imagine her face if she came back to our home waiting for her to finish it and the image sent a pang so painful to my chest that I grabbed it to ensure my heart remained in my chest.

Later, when boards had been laid and walls had been lifted, I felt something like heat curl around my heart and whisper against the mark on my throat. Then came her emotions for me, like a promise and a kiss all in one, sending streak after streak of love through that supernatural bond the two of us shared.

I didn't ignore it this time, instead sending an answer of my own. I was pissed, I was lost, but for once I didn't keep myself from enjoying that she was still there for me. We could figure everything out when she was home, but for now feeling her was enough for me.

It had to be.

AN: Broken-hearted Paul, my beloved. This was a slow start, but I needed to hone in on Paul's adjusting as well as insert Victoria back into the story. Do you guys think Brynn will be back in time for our favorite redhead to be taken down? What do you think Rosalie and Brynn are getting up to on their little getaway? I couldn't tell you, but I can say that I hope this separation is over soon. Is it still separation anxiety if the separation is two different people that you're anxious about? Tell me all about it when you review, review, review!