Raven always wrestled with this obstacle called: being emotionally challenged.
The stumbling block was comprised of a number of components. Raven feeling too much, or feeling too little. Raven having control, or Raven having no control. Raven being confused between the state of healing, or numbing.
Her emotions was like juggling balls.
She had to constantly exert energy towards preventing some sort of fall.
Raven was like a book with a lock on it. Hard to decipher, and even harder to read. The girl was so complex that even when she tried to read the pages within herself, she found the content illegible.
It was about a month after Raven had defeated Malchior. None of the Titans really bothered to ask her how she felt on the event, mainly because they didn't want to come off as invasive.
Even so, on this very same day, someone's burning curiosity couldn't sit any longer.
Now, Beastboy was rather apprehensive about raising the question. He knew from his own life experiences how much it sucked to have a horrible part of you resurfaced by a simple question. All the same, the changeling knew that sometimes, that simple question can make a change.
Slipping on his maroon, Velcro shoes, the shapeshifter headed out of his room.
He arrived at Raven's room door.
"Raven?" the knocking on the door reminded him of it all.
Hanging his head low, and apologizing for Raven's heart being broken. He naturally felt remorseful, though he was not the one who did the deed.
"He was the only one that made me feel like... I wasn't... creepy. And don't try to tell me I'm not."
The dialogue rang in Beastboy's mind like a broken symphony.
Then, when Raven hugged him.
Beastboy could swear Raven hated hugs or any form of affection. But he realized in that very moment, maybe, that's all she needed.
A sigh left Beastboy, and he trotted to the Common Room.
Starfire was feeding Silkie, Robin was cleaning the windows, and Cyborg was looking through his collection of CD's.
"Has anyone seen Raven? She's not in her room." the pointy-eared teen quizzed.
"Really? She's usually in there." Robin replied.
"I have not seen Raven. She did come out for her regular serving of herbal tea, but I have not seen her since." Starfire commented.
"B, maybe check the roof. Sometimes she meditates up there." Cyborg stated wisely.
"Maybe, I'll go check. Thanks." Beastboy left to the roof.
Long behold, was the dark Titan.
The unrelenting glare of the Sun baked Raven's violet hair. Speaking of which, was rippling gracefully in the afternoon winds. Raven was floating in her regular meditation position above the ground.
"What are you doing here?"
Beastboy jumped, remembering Raven could sense things without relying on her sight.
"Uh... Breathing, standing... talking."
"Smart." Raven rasped in her monotone.
"That's stupid, I'm sorry. Well... I actually came here to ask you something." Beastboy walked to Raven's side.
"What, why's the sky blue?"
"Not necessarily."
"What, then?" she opened one eye.
Beastboy kept his gaze to the far distance ahead. He felt sweat bud under his gloves. The kid had no idea why he felt so anxious, it wasn't like he was asking Raven on a date.
That was another question for another time...
"Beastboy?"
Raven was now on her feet and out of her state of meditation. She felt the tension off of her radar, and knew the question was serious.
"Yeah? Um, I was going to ask how you felt about something."
"About what?"
"I'm not too sure you would want to talk about it."
"Beastboy, just ask me." Raven's voice was tender.
"It's been a while since... you know..."
Raven raised her eyebrow impatiently.
"Since the whole Malchior thing."
She exhaled and turned her face away.
"I know, I'm sorry. I know how much you hate talking about how you feel and stuff. But I know... that hurt."
Raven's lip quivered, as she tried to find words.
It turns out, she didn't have any.
Raven silently sat on the edge, and Beastboy followed suit.
"It did hurt. It does hurt. And maybe, it will always hurt." her voice was fragile, close to breaking.
"That's understandable."
"It isn't, Beastboy. It really isn't."
"What do you mean?"
"The pain... it's misunderstood. Like me."
"Well, that may be true. But even the hardest things to understand can eventually be understood."
"I guess."
Raven's opaque shell was difficult to pry through.
After a few seconds of silence she finally spoke, "I haven't been able to pick up a book since. Every time I see one, I just feel like crying. Because I remember that night so clearly. I opened that book and found a character so similar to me. Someone that I dreamed of for years."
Beastboy listened carefully.
"Anytime I reach for a book, I have to live with the false hope of finding someone like me. It's everywhere. In the books, in the potion bottles I used to help him. To my very bed, where I put my head to rest, assured that I wasn't alone. The tables turned like they always do." the dread in Raven's words made Beastboy's heart wrench.
"Woah, I had no idea you were going through all of this." his jaw set.
"You wouldn't."
Beastboy opened his mouth to say something, but Raven advanced with her vent.
"All of those things he said to me. He said I was beautiful. I believed that finally someone, just someone, didn't find my darkness unattractive," her hands curled to fists on top of her thighs, "But everything was a lie. What he did, what he said, he himself, was a lie. He treated me like a sponge. He absorbed what he could from me, rung me out, twisted me, and when he was done... he tossed me to the dirt," Raven paused.
"There's nothing worse than mourning the loss of someone that is still alive."
"He's such a jerk. Had I known what was really going on, I would have stopped it. Malchior's lucky I didn't get a chance to flush him down a toilet." Beastboy's teeth gritted.
"No need to. What is meant to be, is meant to be. Life gave me this pain, and I have to deal with it."
"I know the feeling, being betrayed when you gave someone your all." the changeling released a deep sigh.
"Yeah. I feel like I'm always being used to someone's advantage."
"Trust me, when I went what I went through with Terra, I felt the exact same way. I felt lied to, used, and stepped on. I felt like an idiot, Raven. I tried my best to be there for her, to make sure she was okay. All she did was treat me like tofu eggs." Beastboy's voice turned hard.
"I know, I'm sorry."
"It's fine, I guess."
"You still feel it too?"
"More than I'd like to."
"Well, I'm glad you do." Raven smiled dimly at her teammate.
"Dude, are you serious?"
Beastboy couldn't believe his ears.
His basil cheeks became layered in red, and his eyes darkened.
Raven was glad he was feeling the brunt of betrayal?
"Yes. I'm glad you feel this way, because if you didn't, I would feel alone."