Rocko's Modern Life Presents: Ed's White Christmas Day with Filbert

by Scotty Dangerously

When I recently rewatched Black Mirror's "White Christmas," I suddenly imagined Filbert Shellbach, the turtle, taking the role of Matt Trent, and Ed Bighead, the grumpy toad, taking the role of Joe Potter. The following story is about Filbert trying to ease Ed into a conversation at a cabin, where they have lived for five years and barely spoken to each other.

1. Chapter 1

***WARNING***: The following story contains strong adult language, fear, violence, alcohol, drug use, smoking, and some nudity/sexual scenes.

Chapter 1 - Ed Awakens In a Cabin on Christmas Day

*Ed gets up and leaves his bedroom. Ed walks to the dining room table with a bottle of wine on top, and sits down on the chair in front of the table. Ed notices two empty wine glasses next to the bottle of wine. Ed also notices Filbert making some special meal in the kitchen, but does not say a word.*

Filbert: Do you know what day it is, Ed?

*Ed shrugs his shoulders.*

Filbert: How can you not remember? It's Christmas Day. That's why I am making this special meal for us today - roast turkey, potatoes, green beans, carrots, and gravy. Would you care for a glass of wine?

*Ed lifts up an empty wine glass, and Filbert uses the wine bottle to pour wine into Ed's glass. Ed suddenly sips his glass of wine.*

Ed: This cabin looks just like the one in a small town, where Bev and I took our last vacation.

Filbert: How long ago?

Ed: It has been a long time.

*Ed gulps down the rest of his wine, and Filbert pours a second helping of wine into Ed's glass.*

Filbert: It seems like we have barely spoken to each other for the past few years. Don't you even remember why you have ended up in this cabin?

*Ed shrugs his shoulders and shakes his head with an "I don't know" look on his face. Filbert takes a seat for himself, and sits down at the table in front of Ed. Then, Filbert turns his head around to stare at the potatoes boiling in the pot.*

Filbert: While we wait for our potatoes to be served at this table, maybe I would like to interest you with a story about how I have ended up in this cabin.

*Ed nods his head "yes," and takes another sip from his second cup of wine."

Filbert: It all started a few years ago, when I tried to help our friend, Heffer, get laid by a female at a Christmas singles party. I gave Heffer "Z-Eyes"...

The next chapter will be Filbert's story about how he used to run an online group who watch each other seduce female animals, through "Z-Eyes" which record vision and hearing.