For Dash - you gave me a bouquet of flowers, and I'm giving you one in return ;)

Hydrangea means I'm Grateful For You - Words cannot ever express how grateful I am for you. Your mere presence brightens up my day — hell, it's brightened up my life. I'm grateful for everything you've done for me, but the thing I am most grateful for? For being there for me. For being in my life. For putting up with me and my nonsense and for the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. I'm grateful for all the happiness you've given me. I'm grateful for you breaking down my walls and being my rock in the middle of a stormy ocean. Thank you for everything.

Stocks mean Bonds of Affection (and are the perfect flower for a best friend) - Affection. All the affection for you. I'm so, so lucky that you're in my life, and that I can call you my best friend. We've been through so many ups and downs and I'm so happy to say that we've survived it. Our bond has survived it, and I couldn't ask for anything more. Our bond is unbreakable, I'm convinced of it, and I'm sure that you'll agree ;)

White Camellia means You're Adorable - Oh my god, are you adorable. You are the most adorable person I've met. I won't get into the details, but you're just so...gah. You make my heart melt. You make me smile. You make me feel like hugging you all the damn time. And hey, that's a perfectly good feeling to have and I'm not going to complain ;)

Thank you so, so much for everything, and I hope, with this fic, I can give you even a fraction of the happiness you've given me.

Warning for violence, death, near death, blood, brief swearing, and implied adult themes.

Reincarnation!AU, sort of.

Angst with a happy ending.

Three missed opportunities...

1. Loving him is like trying to change your mind, once you're already flying through the free fall

Sword clashed against sword; the metallic scent of blood and steel tainted the air, and Sirius grinned. Grinned as he impaled an enemy soldier and rounded on the next man who dared to charge him. The soldier seemed to falter when he saw the black and silver armor, the trademark of the feared Black Knight, and Sirius took this opening. He stabbed the man in the chest, cutting through his loose, flimsy armor like butter, and the man screamed. He sunk to the ground, blood seeping between his fingers as he clutched the wound.

Satisfied, Sirius wheeled around to survey the battle — the army of the Black Knight was winning, and the White Knight's soldiers had been either decapitated, brutally mauled, or fleeing into the distance. The White Knight himself was absent.

That was fine by Sirius, as the White Knight was the only man who could take him on in combat.

Once, Sirius had longed to know the identity of the man who could match him step for step, blow for blow, moving in an almost hypnotic fashion but he'd long since given up. The White Knight intended to make sure no one unmasked him.

Sirius made his way through the throng, cutting his way through the soldiers, letting out a bark of laughter each time he felled an unlucky man.

He advanced on the last group of enemy soldiers, who bravely held up their swords. It was almost too easy; Sirius slashed and stabbed and within moments, he stood surrounded by bodies. He took particular pleasure in severing their extremities.

"Where is he?" he muttered, turning to face the carnage. Did the White Knight not know —

He strained his ears. Was that…?

A full brigade of fresh soldiers, racing from the forest on horseback, heavily armored. At their lead was a man wearing similar armor, but it wasn't gray. No, it was white. Pure white, and from up-and-close combat, Sirius knew that it was gold-trimmed.

It was almost like they complimented each other - black and silver, white and gold. Yin and yang, a fated match. It was ironic, truly.

The battle seemed to halt as the White Knight shouted something to his soldiers, and then — that was it. The battle stopped, and everyone stopped to watch with bated breath — the Black Knight and the White Knight, and their showdown. They stood at opposite ends of the battlefield, and between them lay the aftermath of a slaughter.

"This needs to end now, Black Knight!" White Knight called, his voice ringing across the bloody field. "You can't keep doing this!"

"Oh yes? I'll do what I like!" called back Sirius, smirking as he imagined the infuriated look on the other man's face under the helmet. Under the queen's orders.

The White Knight spurred his horse into a slow gait, soldiers from both sides parting to clear a path, and Sirius waited, motionless, as the White Knight halted before him. Dismounting, he signaled for one of his men to lead his steed away. He unsheathed his sword but did not lift it.

"This ends now," the White Knight said, and in a swift movement, he brought his sword up — but Sirius was ready and steel met steel as the two enemies engaged in ruthless combat, and for the first time, Sirius's grin faltered.

Once again, he wondered who this man was — he was the only man in the world who could keep up with him. The only man who stood a chance of defeating him.

Sparks flew as they fought, and Sirius ground his teeth as he struggled to stay on his feet. The White Knight tried to sweep his feet out from under him and Sirius only just jumped over it; years of rigorous training and honing his reflexes kept saving him. It seemed as though his opponent had had similar training, for when Sirius moved to counterattack, he was blocked.

He did not realize how close they were to the river until the sound of bubbling water caught his hearing and he cursed — one dodge, and he stumbled backward, losing his balance as his foot met no solid ground, but —

Sirius cursed as his foot sank into the water. Icy water seeped through the cracks in his leg armor, his boot, and he had to split his attention between the White Knight and finding purchase on the slippery rocks below the surface. He swung his other leg into the water and cursed but it was easier to fight this way, with both feet in the water. The water came up to his mid-calf, which was fine — he'd fought in worse conditions.

His feet slipped on the wet rocks and suddenly, a surge of water knocked him off of his feet. Gasping, his arms pinwheeled and he grabbed at something wildly, but it was too late — the current took hold of him and swept him away.

…

Remus watched with growing surprise and horror as the Black Knight was carried away by the unforgiving current of the Rushing River — what on Earth had he been thinking, thinking it was a good idea to fight in water? Remus hadn't realized how close they were to the river until he'd driven the Black Knight into it and ultimately, caused him to be —

It suddenly occurred to Remus that he should probably chase after the Black Knight but reluctance halted him. Why should he rescue the Black Knight? After all, he was an enemy soldier, and it would be very convenient if his body was found smashed against some rocks.

But no. That wasn't fair to his kingdom. The Black Knight needed to be put on trial and publicly confess to his crimes, so the king and queen could persecute him as they saw fit. They'd probably hang him anyway, but it was only fair that the Black Knight needed to answer for his crimes, and for that, he needed to be alive.

Remus called for his steed and started running — the Black Knight had not been carried far from him, but the water was swift and he was almost beyond anyone's help. It was hard to run in the armor, though, but Remus didn't have time to take it off.

The sound of hooves joined his own and he saw his horse racing to intercept him. Remus skidded to a halt as his horse did too and without hesitating, he clambered onto his back. "Go!"

His steed did not understand the human language, but he understood the urgency and immediately took off. Remus clutched onto him desperately, searching for the Black Knight's body and not taking his eyes off of him for even a moment. The Black Knight was still miraculously afloat; his armor had not dragged him under yet.

The horse made up the distance in half the time Remus could have and pulled up next to the Black Knight, matching the pace of the river as he raced along the edge of the bank, as close to the river as possible. Keeping one arm wound around his horse's neck, Remus leaned to the side and stretched out his hand. "Grab on!"

The Black Knight was motionless — or as motionless as he could be while the current was tossing him around — for a moment, perhaps having the same dilemma as Remus, and Remus suppressed his irritation. Digging his knees into his horse's sides, he urged it to go faster and outstrip the river, and when they were far enough ahead, he yanked on the reins. The horse halted and he hastily dismounted, extending his hand. "Grab on!" he shouted as the Black Knight tumbled towards him.

One second, two, as his enemy came near and Remus leaned as far as he could, and —

The Black Knight reached for his hand. Remus securely grasped it and started pulling. His arm strained and he had to clasp both his hands around the Black Knight's. The current fought against both of them, trying to drag the knight back into its tumult, but with one strong heave, Remus was able to pull him out onto the dry land, armor and all — he was amazed by his sheer strength because, under ordinary circumstances, such a feat wouldn't have been possible.

His surprise ebbed and concern flooded him as he saw the Black Knight remain on the ground, unmoving. Was he okay?

Remus knelt next to him cautiously, keeping his guard up — like a fool, he'd dropped his sword on the bank the moment he'd seen the Black Knight fall into the water.

Wait. His helmet. Was the visor still closed? Water could have gone through the holes, and that could mean —

Gathering his remaining strength, Remus slipped his hands underneath his enemy's body and pushed him over. One push pushed him on his side, and Remus, arms burning, pushed him on his back so the front of his helmet was facing the sky. Carefully, he removed the helmet.

And promptly scrambled back, shock coursing through him.

He knew this man. Hell, they'd spent many months conducting clandestine meetings, and Remus remembered quite a few moments when he'd woken up with a man, tangled in his sheets with him. He remembered warm lips and the scent of cologne and the texture of his fingers, once accustomed to all the curves and planes of his body. He remembered passionate nights under the covers, and sweeter, stolen moments in the nooks of the library, his back pressed against the bookshelves.

His former lover, now his enemy. He'd once cared deeply for this man, had been devastated when the enemy had captured him in battle. He was supposed to be dead. The enemy had taken him away. He was supposed to be dead.

But no he wasn't, and here he was, all hardened jaw and smooth cheeks and —

Sirius Black's eyes fluttered open and he fixed Remus with a confused look, who realized that while he'd taken off the Black Knight's — no, Sirius's helmet, he had yet to remove his, and he didn't intend to. Not now.

Not when Sirius was his enemy.

"I'm taking you back to the castle," Remus informed him with as much brusqueness as possible to cover up his uneasiness. "The royal family will punish you as they see fit."

Sirius did not protest, for it seemed that his struggle had sapped all of his energy and he was too fatigued to move, let alone fight.

As Remus called for his horse, avoiding Sirius's gaze, only one thought was on his mind.

What was he going to do now?

He couldn't let him go, but it was his duty to. He must.

2. I was just an only child of the universe

And then I found you, and then I found you

Remus hadn't meant to walk this way home — in hindsight, he should've gone the route with the busiest streets, so no one would notice him. If anything happened, there would be many witnesses.

But he was in a hurry. His mother needed him for something at home — they were having company over, some bigshot associates of his father's, and it was a very big deal. They needed to clean the house from top to bottom and make sure everything was nothing short of impeccable because they needed to impress these associates.

This was the shorter route, and it was the only hope that Remus had if he wanted to be home in time. He knew this route was dangerous, but he had to risk it.

He was not so lucky, though.

Remus cried out as something slammed into the back of his head with enough force to make him see stars, but not enough to knock him out. However, it was enough to rattle him, and before he knew what was happening, he was being dragged into an alley. A dark alley. The kind one could get murdered in. Remus squirmed, but he was no match for the strong hands shoving him and pulling him. His back slammed into a wall and he whimpered as pain shot through his back.

Then he felt some sharp, something that felt suspiciously like a razor blade pricking his throat, and his fear escalated.

It can't end like this. This thought was enough to make him writhe even more vehemently, but even then he was still too weak. Large hands closed around his throat and squeezed. It was too dark, he could only make out the shape of his assailant —

I knew I should've gone the long way, was his last thought, chest heaving, and hands clawing at the vice around his neck, black spots dancing in his vision —

And suddenly, the pressure vanished. Coughing, Remus sank to the ground, breathing shallowly and desperately. As his vision cleared and his hearing returned to normal, he picked up the distinctive sounds of struggle. Thumps. Smacks. Shouting. He made out two shapes in the mouth of the alley, looking as if they were a bundle of flailing limbs and tangled bodies.

Whatever was going on, whoever it was, it didn't matter; they'd saved Remus's life. He thought he could still feel the blade pressed into his skin, and he touched the raw spot. It didn't feel wet; the blade hadn't broken through the skin.

He wasn't hurt. He was alive.

The scuffle seemed to be dying down, and one figure stood up, towering over the huddled mass on the ground. Remus squinted — he couldn't tell who it was. If it was his attacker or his savior. His heartbeat rapidly increased and he started crawling backward, a fresh wave of fear coursing through him. His hands scrabbled along the cold cobblestones, searching for a weapon he could use.

"Relax," said the mysterious person, "I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to do anything."

The voice was calm, almost too calming, and Remus wasn't reassured. His voice was hoarse and harsh as he spoke. "Are you sure?"

"I just saved your life," said the stranger, his voice still absurdly serene. "Believe me when I say I have no intentions to hurt you." A beat. "Are you okay?"

Remus relaxed merely a fraction. "Y-Yeah, I'm okay." He didn't say anything more than that, too afraid of revealing something to this stranger, except for a cautious, "Are you okay?"

"Nothing that won't heal in a few days," said the stranger dismissively, and his blase attitude made Remus frown. How was he so unaffected by this?

Perhaps it would've been different if the stranger had been the one at the mercy of the thugs — but Remus wasn't quite sure that he'd be even half as cowardly.

"I —" Remus did not know what to say, but eventually he settled on, "Thank you."

"It was nothing," said the stranger. An awkward pause. "I should be on my way. I try not to linger in one place for too long." Without even a goodbye, the man's footsteps start up the alley, heading away from Remus.

Mysterious. Remus pursed his lips as something occurred to him, but he bit back his curiosity. Could he —?

The stranger reached the mouth of the alley, just a silhouette in the moonlight, and Remus made his choice. "Wait!" he called. The stranger paused. "What's your name?"

"I can't tell you that," said he, a note of regret in his voice. "If anyone knows I was here —"

Remus's heart sank but just as quickly, another idea sprang up. "You don't have to tell me your name," he said. "Give me — give me a nickname or something. Another moniker. I want to put a name to the face."

Strictly speaking, Remus had not seen the stranger's face, but as the man glanced over his shoulder, his steel-gray eyes glinted in the moonlight, sharper and more dangerous than a blade.

"Padfoot." And then he was gone.

3. I wonder if I'm being real

Do I speak my truth or do I filter how I feel?

I wonder, wouldn't it be nice

To live inside a world that isn't black and white?

Remus couldn't believe his eyes. Sirius Black, international superstar and singer, award-winning lyricist, music video director, as well as various other titles and accolades was standing before him in Remus's little corner of his world...holding what could only be described as a vibrator.

Not even one of the fancy, high-tech ones they just stocked. With Valentine's Day coming up, those are extremely popular, ranging from simple to complicated, and international popstar Sirius Black has gone for the simplest one possible. Simple, white in color, with only the basic functions...well, Remus wasn't one to judge a man for his tastes.

Sirius obviously didn't want to be noticed, if his clothes and demeanor were an indication. Sunglasses, ratty hoodie with the hood pulled over his face, shifting from foot to foot with eyes darting around warily for rabid fans.

"Listen, I'd appreciate your...silence about this," he muttered to Remus as the latter rang up his purchase. "I know I advertise my life for the world to see, but this is...this is one thing I don't want everyone to know."

Remus knew it was not his place to say anything, but he blurted out the words before he could stop himself. "It's not something embarrassing, you know. Lots of people do it."

Sirius was still and silent. Remus flinched, bracing himself for the inevitable whiplash for his unsolicited opinion but Sirius simply shook his head. "It's not, but I've a reputation to uphold," he explained. "If my fans knew…let's just say I value my privacy on this matter more compared to others. I don't typically have morals, but..."

Remus nodded. He wasn't famous himself (he worked at a sex shop, for fuck's sake) but he could understand Sirius's need to be discreet. He wouldn't want his own life on display for the rest of the world to see...especially the personal pleasure parts.

"My morals become questionable at the right price," he said, shrugging, and Sirius raised an eyebrow. "What? I work here. The pay's not so bad."

"I'd imagine." Sirius pursed his lips. He pulled out a wallet and pulled out a few banknotes, handing them over to Remus, who paused for a moment.

"But why did you go for the simple one, though? I'd imagine a man of your...well, reputation, would go for one of our pricier gadgets."

"Simple gets the job done." Sirius winked at Remus and the latter's stomach did something odd - it hatched butterflies, which fluttered about madly. He busied himself with tucking the money in his register, furiously resisting the urge to blush.

After all, it was not every day an international heartthrob winked at you.

Remus watched him go with something like exhilaration and disappointment.

...and the one time they got it right.

And there's a vision I've been holding in my mind

We're 65 and you ask

"When did I first know?"

I always knew

Sirius fingered the ring box in his pocket, feeling nauseous, which was unlike him. Across from him at the table, Remus sat, quietly eating and eying Sirius with a mixture of curiosity and concern.

Even after decades of (informally) dating, Remus never ceased to make him nervous. Well, maybe it was just this moment, the weight of the box heightening his anxiety.

"Are you okay?" asked Remus, peering at Sirius's plate. "You've hardly touched your food and you've barely said a word all evening."

Sodding ring box. Conversation was never this uncomfortable with Remus; it was the bloody ring that was impeding Sirius's ability to vocalize his thoughts, as he always did.

But this time, the words came to him quickly — one look at Remus's worried expression, and all of his thoughts were spilling out of his mouth.

"I've been thinking," he said, "about our future. About what we're going to do now that the war's over, now that I've been pardoned and you can come out of hiding."

Remus blinked slowly at him. "Yeah?"

"I was thinking…" Now the thoughts increased in pace. "I was thinking about everything we could do together. Explore London. Travel the world. And not just that either. Domestic, couple-y things. Taking walks on the beach in the moonlight — not on the full moon, of course, but on any other night, we could set up a small picnic and watch the sunrise and hold hands and —"

He paused and noticed that Remus was watching him, his expression unreadable, and Sirius wasn't sure if he should continue — but he did anyway. He was too far in to stop.

" — and we could sit on the roof and watch the sunset. I want to dance in the rain and write you poetry for just you to read, and I want to stroll along the streets of London and buy you whatever you wanted in the shops. On Christmas Eve, when they've hung up all the lights and put out all the decorations. We could drink hot cocoa and eat gingerbread cookies and watch the lights show."

He cut himself off there for fear that he'd scared Remus, but Remus's expression had softened. "I want all of those things," he said quietly, gazing at Sirius with love on his face. "I want to do all of those things with you. But there's something I want to do first, before we do any of that."

"Yeah?"

Swiftly, Remus rose from his chair and pulled something out of his pocket. Sirius's heart thudded painfully in his chest as Remus bent down on one knee and was that —?

"I want to do all of those things," said Remus, still gazing at Sirius with that same expression, the expression that never failed to make him weak at the knees and melted his heart (as cheesy as it sounded). "But first, I want to marry you in front of our friends, family, the whole world if I must. I want to tell the world that it's you and me together forever. I want to give you the world, just as you have given me."

You already have. Sirius couldn't speak the words around the lump in his throat.

"Sirius Black, will you marry me?"

Just like that, the lump vanished, and Sirius found his words again. But they were not the words he was expecting. "Well, that makes things awkward."

The moment the words left his lips, he wanted to take them back, as Remus's smile dimmed. "What do you mean?"

The rest of the words came out rushed, barely understandable. "I was going to propose to you."

"...What?"

As a way of explanation, Sirius pulled the damned box out of his pocket and Remus's expression cleared, to be replaced by disbelief and surprise. "I can't believe this," he said, chuckling, his eyes latched on the box. "You were going to too?"

"I was, but as with most things, you beat me to it," said Sirius, who had finally found his voice and collected his thoughts. "I'm happy that we were on the same...wavelength, though."

"That's one way of putting it." Remus laughed, standing up and enveloping Sirius in a hug. Sirius returned the hug — well, he did, and also whispered something that would make their mothers blush, regarding their evening plans, and causing Remus to chuckle — and kissed him, resting his forehead against his fiance's.

If happiness felt like this, well, Sirius was content to live like this for the rest of his life.

3968 words

Songs:

Red - Taylor Swift

The Last of the Real Ones - Fall Out Boy

Wonder - Shawn Mendes

Black and White - Niall Horan

Title from "willow" - Taylor Swift

Assignment 8 - Celtic Studies Task 12 - Write about a battle.