So, here comes Spuffy fluff. Takes place after the Fall of Los Angeles and Spike returns to Buffy after that. Now, I was fine with Bangel the first two seasons, even though they only had the draw of basically being Romeo & Juliet but in Season 3 I was getting slowly fed up with it due to how much of a lovesick puppy Angel was and Angel 1x19/BTVS 4x20 was the last straw for me since they were both just bringing out the worst in each other and it was obvious they were only a bad influence on the other. While I liked some of the interactions between Buffy and Spike in Seasons 5-6, it was unhealthy as hell, in addition to the attempted rape (Screw you, Joss Whedon.), but Ensouled Spike was the man Buffy deserved and could actually love, but the fact that Whedon again did the love triangle thing with Angel/Buffy/Spike later is just tiring, especially given what he did to Cordelia.
Disclaimer: I do not own Buffyverse.
Spike tilted his head as Xander rubbed his fist after striking him in the jaw, while Spike had come to visit him in his apartment.
"You're an idiot." Xander said, glaring at Spike as if he was stupid.
"I wanted to do what I thought was best for her—" Spike started.
"What are you, Angel?" Xander pointed out and Spike winced. "Look, both of you love her, but with her and Angel it would never work, given the curse and as much as I hate to admit it, with a soul, you're a great guy for her. Satsu was good too but it was not gonna last and she wanted to reach out to you to break out of her pattern of dysfunction, but you slapped her down at her greatest moment of vulnerability, confirming her worst deep-seated fears about male abandonment."
Spike considered Xander's words for a long minute before groaning and facepalming himself. "Oh, bollocks, I am such a bloody wanker!"
"No. You're damaged. Not unlike her." Xander assured as he held Spike by his shoulder in a friendly manner, making Spike uncomfortable but he didn't pull away. "I've talked about this with my therapist. You both are pulled towards people who are incapable of having a healthy relationship with you, like Buffy with Spike or you with Dru. Or Harmony. Or… well… self-loathing Buffy."
"Don't give me any of your head-shrinking jibber-jabber, Harris." Spike glared as he shook Xander off, trying to deny having grown some affection towards him of all people.
"Look, I get it. Love means risk. Putting your heart in someone else's hands can get you hurt. Badly. But that's what love is. Whatever pain you might go through with Buffy… should be worth what you've got. You don't wanna regret missing it. Trust me." Xander said, remembering Cordelia and Anya as Spike considered before grabbing his jacket, begrudgingly admitting that Xander had a point.
"Thanks for the advice." Spike said as he left Xander's apartment as Xander smiled. As much as he didn't like to admit it, Ensouled Spike was good for her, better than the moronic Parker or Riley and as much as he had let go of his grudge towards Angel, he knew they had been through too much baggage together. And if Xander could let go of his grudge towards Angel and Spike, well, he was sure that Buffy would forgive Spike too.
Spike had rubbed his jaw as he chuckled, while Buffy glared with tears-filled eyes as they met in the woods.
"OK, I had that one coming." Spike admitted after explaining what he had been through in the past year in L.A. with Angel and Wolfram & Hart and the Senior Partners condemning L.A. to Hell.
Buffy breathed out before hugging Spike tightly and kissing him before pulling away. "Why didn't you tell me? I lost you. I mourned for you."
Spike took a breath and looked away in shame, not being able to meet her eyes. "You know why."
Buffy's eyes suddenly widened, recognizing the look he had, right after he had tried to rape her and she fended him off.
"I couldn't forgive myself for what I'd done. Angelus may have done terrible things to you and the Scoobies but never anything like this to you." Spike said.
Buffy took a breath, now more understanding as she held his hand, while he looked at her. "I don't hate Angel for anything Angelus did. So I am not going to hate you for what you did without a soul. I know you're trying to be better but you don't have to do it alone. Whatever happens, I'm here for you, if you let me. I understand why you did what you did, but I don't want us to throw away what we've got."
They stared at each other's eyes and smiled before they kissed under the moonlight as if there was only the two of them in the whole world.
In the bathroom, Buffy in a bathrobe screamed as Spike pinned her down on the floor.
"Please, please, Spike, please, don't!" Buffy begged.
"Can you feel it again, Buffy?" Spike asked.
"Please, don't!"
"I'm gonna make you feel it!" Spike growled, grabbing Buffy by the edge of her robe.
"Stop!" Buffy yelled before she kicked Spike off, sending him tumbling towards a stand of cosmetics that broke, while she got up on her feet with tears-filled eyes, while Spike got up to his feet and panted out, now mortified upon realizing what he was about to do as he met her eyes full of pain and utter hatred and disgust towards him. "Ask me again why I could never love you."
Spike panted out, horrified by how far he had fallen. Even though he and Angelus had done terrible things to Buffy, Angelus had never tried to rape her of all people. "Buffy, my God, I didn't—"
"Because I stopped you!" Buffy sneered. "Something I should've done a long time ago."
Spike panted out in horror, now realizing how far he had fallen and knowing what he had to do to make her genuinely love him and he had to make a drastic change.
Buffy followed Spike to the cemetery until she found the lights inside the church on as she entered, seeing the candles lighted on. Buffy looked around, until she heard Spike's voice behind her.
"It didn't work."
Buffy turned around, glaring at him. "What the hell are you—"
"It didn't work. Costume." Spike said, showing his shirt, while topless. "Didn't help. Couldn't hide." He tossed the shirt aside.
"No more mind games, Spike." Buffy said.
"No more mind games. No more mind." Spike rambled.
Buffy suddenly noticed the burns on his chest as she tried to touch them. "Tell me what happened to you—"
"Hey, hey, hey! No touching!" Spike snapped as he held himself by his shoulder. "Am I flesh? Am I flesh to you? Feed on flesh. My flesh. Nothing else, not a spark. Oh, fine. Flesh then. Solid through. Get it hard. Service the girl." He started to unbuckle the belt on his pants as it disgusted Buffy.
"Stop it!" Buffy snapped before Spike grabbed her by her throat and on reflex, Buffy threw him across the hall as Spike crashed on the benches.
"Right. Girl doesn't wanna be serviced. Because there's no spark." Spike said as he looked around. "Ain't we in a sodding engine?"
"Spike, have you completely lost your mind?" Buffy demanded.
Spike gave Buffy a condescending look. "Well, yes, where have you been all night?"
"You thought you would just come back here and… be with me?" Buffy asked, confused.
"First time for everything." Spike shrugged.
"This is all you get. I'm listening. Tell me what happened." Buffy said.
"I tried to find it, of course." Spike said.
"Find what?" Buffy inquired, not understanding.
"The spark… the missing… the piece that fit. Because you didn't want…" Spike grunted and looked away from her and scrambled on his feet, as he blended in with the shadows. "I can't… not with you looking… I dreamed of killing you…"
On instinct, Buffy picked a piece of wood from the floor, preparing for a fight as she listened to Spike's voice in the darkness.
"I think they were dreams… so weak… did you make me weak? Thinking of you… holding myself and spilling useless buckets of salt over your… ending? Angel, he should've warned me… makes a good show, but forget it, it's here, in me… all the time… the spark…"
Buffy stilled, the realization flooding her like cold water, as she started to understand what had happened to Spike.
"I wanted to give you… what you deserve… and I got it…" Spike said as he neared Buffy. "They put the spark in me… and now all it does… is burn…"
"Your soul." Buffy realized. Just like Angel… but with Spike… it clearly had more severe effect than when Angel got a soul.
Spike scoffed as Buffy turned to him. "Bit worse for a lack of use."
"You got your soul back. How?" Buffy wondered.
"It's what you wanted, right?" Spike said as he looked up. "It's what you wanted, right?" He then gestured to his head. "And now everybody's in here, talking… everything I did… everyone I… and him…" He neared the cross on the altar as Buffy realized that the guilt and memories of his past sins were haunting him. "And it… it's here too…" He turned to Buffy again. "They all just tell me to go… to Hell…"
"Why?" Buffy whispered, with her eyes getting wet. "Why would you—"
"Buffy, shame on you. Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man, who would nev—" Spike swallowed, turning away from her as he looked at the cross on the altar, nearing it. "To be a kind of man. And she shall look on him with forgiveness. And everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved."
Buffy felt tears flowing down her cheek, realizing how much Spike wanted to become a better person, up to the point that getting a soul was driving him insane.
"So everything's OK, right? Can we rest now? Buffy? Can we rest?" Spike asked as smoke was billowing from his chest as his skin touched the cross.
Buffy just stared at Spike in disbelief, pity and conflicted feelings. While she still remembered how he attempted to rape her, now that he had a soul and what he just said, she just couldn't bring herself to hate him anymore. But loving him… that was a different matter altogether.
Spike's eyes snapped open as he looked around wildly before noticing he was in Buffy's bedroom, with her snuggling towards him, with their clothes scattered around. Spike carefully moved away but he woke her up as she stirred.
"Hey. You OK?" Buffy asked. "Bad dreams?"
Spike held her down as she was about to get up as he kissed her. "Nothing. Don't worry about it. You being here… it means everything to me. I love you, Buffy."
Buffy smiled as she returned the kiss. "I love you too, Spike."
They laid down as they both fell asleep, and luckily for Spike, this time it was peaceful slumber without being haunted by what he had done.
Yeah, I know how Xander feels about Angel and Spike in general but fun fact, in comic books, while Xander still disliked them both to an extent, after getting some professional help from a therapist and of course Angel and Spike again saving Xander's ass, he let go of his grudge towards them both, while he was still hostile towards them both to a small extent, it was more of a friendly banter at that point. Look, I like Xander but his bigotry and prejudiced attitude towards demons and vampires, specifically Angel and Spike, infuriates me most of the time.
But, God, I hated adding in you-know-what, stupid Whedon, even James Marsters admitted in some interviews that doing it disturbed him so much that he has a clause in his contract NEVER TO DO another rape scene, ever again. But the scene where Spike is in the church after getting a soul and Buffy confronts him is one of the most touching things ever.
Please review and let me know if you have enjoyed this one-shot.
With regards
Bl4ckHunter