bad things happen bingo : trying not to cry (also on my one-shot series)
tw: implied self-harm, burning maze spoilers
Piper walks down the dull, dimly lit hallway of the argo, dragging her hand along the wall, and not bothering to move it when it hits the nails and grooves in the wood. She's been wondering for hours, mindlessly walking in circles, thinking - about everything, about nothing, about something - she's not sure, anymore.
She turns down the corridor to the rooms, and when she walks past Leo's door and hears crying on the other side of it, her heart stops. It's muffled and quiet, but Piper knows it's him, and she probably would've even if it wasn't his room. She, unsure of what to do, reaches for the doorknob, panicking slightly when she finds it's locked.
"Leo?" She calls, "Leo, are you okay? What's wrong?"
She hears a sniffle as Leo curses quietly under his breath, "Nothing, Pipes, I - I'm fine,"
"That's bullshit, Leo, let me in," She desperately tries the doorknob again, and breathes heavily when it ends to no avail, "Please?"
"Piper, come on, seriously. Just go," His tone is harsh and cuts through her like glass, but it doesn't deter her. She knows he doesn't mean it - he just wants her to leave.
"No," She says, as determinedly as she can, trying to hide the fear in her voice, "I'm sitting right here until you open this door," She murmurs, resting her back against the cold wood, and sliding down until she's sitting on the floor, leaning on it. She hears moving around and can feel him lean his weight against it, too, a moment later.
"Seriously?" He asks, but his tone is resigned and soft, now.
"Yeah, seriously," She says, matching it.
Leo knows she's not bluffing; they've been in this situation countless times. It terrifies her every single time because she's scared there will be a day when she can't see him. When she won't be enough.
Like she couldn't save Jason. Like how she wasn't good enough then. Like a million nightmares, and sobs, and screams, and Jason's blood on her hands, dripping down her consciousness and staining everything red. She feels tears well up in her eyes and she swallows, trying not to cry.
She's already lost one soulmate; there's no way she can lose another.
"You don't have to do this, you know," Leo says, quietly, and Piper exhales shakily.
"Of course I do, Leo. You're my best friend and I love you. You know that, right?" She says, and she needs him to know that it's true. She's not sure if there's anything she can do at this point, but her throat is closing up, and her palms are sweaty, and her heart is pounding in her ears, so loud, she's pretty sure Leo can hear it, so she needs him to know, because if it's the thing that saves him, then the only way it'll work is if he believes her.
More rustling behind the door, ". . .Yeah. I know," She lets out a relieved breath but doesn't move, because she knows that he won't open the door - not yet.
She needs to know what he's thinking, because sitting here, with only a door separating them, but still worlds apart, she doesn't understand, and she knows the only way to get to him is if he tells her.
They're quiet for a minute before Piper sniffs, "Will you talk to me?"
He doesn't answer for a minute, and she thinks he's not going to when he inhales raggedly, "I don't know anymore, Piper, it's just so hard, and everything hurts, and he's not here, and I just -" He sobs, "I don't know what do anymore," He breaks off.
She closes her eyes, shoulders shaking as she tries to keep holding in her tears for him, "I know, Leo," she whispers, "I know. I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry, that I couldn't -" She hiccups, "That I couldn't save him,"
He's silent for a count of five before he sniffs, "And I'm sorry, too," He whispers, and her throat drops to her stomach. There's more movement on the other side of the door, and Piper can't see what he's doing, but she thinks she knows, and that means she's already failed, she couldn't save him and -
No. Leo needs her now, she can't do this. She just has to figure out what he needs. Even if she has to do it without her help.
She hiccups, pushing her palms to her eyes as her heart rate picks up, "For what, Leo? You haven't done anything," There's no answer, "Leo? Please,"
She hears him crying, and it sets her off as she feels tears slipping down her cheeks. She slips her fingers under the crack in the door, "I need you, Leo. Talk to me,"
He remains silent, but a second later he grabs her hand, "I'm sorry," He whispers again, his voice cracking.
"Leo," She cries, "I swear to Gods, Leo, please, I need you,"
She pulls her hand out from under the door and stands up, grabbing the doorknob, her heart-stopping when she sees the blood on her fingers from where Leo was holding onto her. It only makes her cry harder as she desperately yanks at the doorknob, shoving her shoulder against the wood, and letting out a sob every time she makes contact.
"Leo," She says, mustering as much charm speak as she can, "Open this door right now," There's no response, "Please," She pleads, leaning her weight against it again and sobbing, "I need you," She repeats, brokenly, squeezing her eyes shut as more tears fall, "You're the reason I'm still here, Leo, you can't leave me,"
The door opens, and Leo stands there eyes red-rimmed, holding a bloody wrist, and she falls against him, letting out a sob as she clings to his shaking body and he soaks her shirt, as she soaks his.
"Leo, I'm sorry," She sobs, "I'm sorry," and there are a million other things she wants to say, but between the broken whispers and the crying and the sorry's and the blood, she can't, so she holds onto him and holds onto him and holds onto him.