A Timely Upgrade
Somewhere in the depths of Orthanc…
It was an ordinary day in the barracks. A tracker had gotten into a particularly nasty quarrel with the orc captain about the superior way of finding an enemy. Both orcs were adamant that their tracking method was the best, and neither were open to any other opinions on the matter.
"I'm telling you, nothing's keeping you from going nose-blind in a stinkin' marsh. At least eyes keep working when snotty noses stop," said the captain.
"Oh, shut yer trap! Since when do you captains know anything about tracking? You seem to forget that yer eyes water when ye're hit in the face with a powerful stench. Since the only thing that's working is yer nose when yer eyes are watering, you might as well use it! Not that you lot got any noses to speak of," the tracker retorted.
The captain growled and drew his notched sword. "You watch yer mouth, you filthy little tark, or I'll report you for yer insolence," he snapped.
"Nar, I'll stick you first!" the tracker shrieked, pulling out a knife and ducking as the larger orc swung the sword at him.
"That's quite enough, you two!" a powerful voice boomed. The orcs froze as a tall, white-robed figure entered the room.
"Nobody told us that he was coming down here," the tracker hissed.
"Now then, why do you fellows keep getting into fights? If I had heard about your row any later, I would have lost two more orcs, not that you aren't replaceable," Saruman chided.
"Well, er, there are some differences we have to sort out, begging yer pardon Sir," the captain said uneasily.
Saruman tsked. "By killing each other? This won't do at all, my lads. My master has found a better way for you to settle your disagreements and satisfy your lust for battle. Behold!" the wizard reached into his robe and pulled out two shiny, flat, rectangular objects.
The orcs stared at the objects in confusion. "Wot's that, and wot's it good for Sir?" the captain asked.
"These, my dear fellows, are electronic devices called iPads. Don't ask me what that means as I haven't the faintest idea myself. That's what my master said they are called," Saruman explained.
The tracker sniffed. "They look awful flimsy for throwing, if you take my meaning," he said.
"Good gracious heavens! They are not for throwing, you fool. You play games on them," the wizard exclaimed. The orcs gawked as he turned on one of the devices and opened a fighting game.
...o0oOo0o...
Many hours later, the citadel was filled with shouts and growls as the two orcs battled each other's virtual characters. "Got you, you little stinker!" the captain yelled triumphantly.
"No need to be so smug. My health bar's still halfway green!" the tracker shot back.
Saruman smirked. The gadgets would keep the orcs from killing each other, at least for another few more hours.
A/N: I don't know how iPads came into Middle Earth, but I suppose Sauron found a wormhole to present-day Earth and its technology or something, haha. – Dream Plane